CHAPTER FOUR
UNDER THE RAIN
The Aftermath of Orochimaru's attack….
It was a grey and dreary day when they buried their fallen comrades. A total of fifty Chuunins and twenty Jounins were cremated along with their beloved Hokage. It was a huge price to pay for Orochimaru's defeat, yet the remaining shinobis knew that they could not afford to falter now.
After the incident, Konohagure was left to its most vulnerable state and the slightest show of weakness would open the village to its waiting enemies.
Another attack was the last thing they wanted.
As the priest recited the burial prayers, the Copy-nin of Konoha silently surveyed the mourning shinobis around him. Letting out a weary sigh, Kakashi tilted his head towards the dark, gloomy sky. The rain seemed to be falling relentlessly as if all the Gods in heaven were crying on behalf of those who could not.
Like me….A hardened weapon to the core of my being as befitting of the title and responsibility I hold.
He smiled sadly.
Thinking back, Kakashi had somewhat anticipated the attack. Not of this magnitude of course, but still an attack nevertheless. There was something gnawing at the back of his mind, pestering him to reevaluate the turn of events for the past few months. He knew for a fact that there was bound to be trouble when that part of him started being paranoid.
First was the attack on Sasuke during the Chuunin exam…
Then there was Hayate's death….
Finally the information Iruka had managed to obtain from the renegade-nins which almost cost the Chuunin-sensei his life.
The Copy-nin frowned remembering the long hours he spent in the still, dark room waiting patiently for the Chuunin to regain consciousness. It was the single most heart wrenching thing he had ever done or felt in a long, long time. For the first time in his life, he, Hatake Kakashi, Copy-nin Extraordinaire felt utterly useless because even with all his so called abilities and all the jutsus he had memorized, he could not even protect Iruka.
His best friend…once, long ago.
His most precious person,.. still.
He could feel a sudden clench in his heart at the realization.
No matter how hard he had conditioned his mind throughout the years, he knew that he was only fooling himself where the young Umino was concerned. There was no way in heaven or earth that his heart would relent in its choice made long ago. The Chuunin was always there in the deepest recess of his being, stubbornly imbedding himself in his soul. The more he tried to let go, the tighter the hold became, suffocating him to the point of near desperation. This frustration of course, he turned to anger which contributed to his normally cold attitude towards the innocent young man.
If only things could be different…
Through the corner of his eyes he caught sight of Iruka holding Konohamaru in his arms. In spire of being a shinobi, there was unmistakable gentleness in the way he held the crying boy. Although his face remained impassive, Kakashi knew him too well to know that the Chuunin was suffering inside. There was something in Irukas' eyes that was so transparent for those who knew where to look.
And Kakashi knew Iruka more than anybody in the whole village.
xxFlashbackxx
The village was in ruin.
The buildings which once stood proud were engulfed by black smoke and fire.
Everything around them were in total chaos.
High above the Hokage Mountain, a lone figure stood in solitude. Dark cloak billowed to the steady rhythm of the wind, creating a wing like appearance against the slender form. Underneath the moonlight, mismatched eyes burned with a mixture of both grief and anger.
" WHY !! WHY !! " Kakashi shouted, lashing out his frustrations into the unsuspecting night again and again until his voice was hoarse and his throat sore. Once, his anger was spent, the young Chuunin crumpled into the ground exhausted and for once the expression on his unmasked face showed his true age.
For the second time in his short life, Kakashi felt so utterly and completely alone.
He knew that he was lost without his sensei's guidance because, in spite of his rank and acclaimed genius status , he was only nine years old, still a child at heart, with all of a child's uncertainties and fear.
Tears were falling relentlessly down his pale smooth skin. " Why, sense..i " he repeated in a forlorn tone, trying his best to fight the painful lump in his throat. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around his trembling body in hope to gain some form of control. "You promised.."he said in an accusing tone "You promised that you'll always be with me"
Pitiful sobs raked his slender young body making him look almost fragile.
Suddenly Kakashi felt a sudden caress of warm breeze and a gentle whisper of a familiar voice echoing in his ears
"Kashi-kun…"
The silver head snapped up, mismatched eyes wide with hope. " Sensei ?"
"Be strong for me…." whispered the winds again
" Sensei !"
" Be strong for little 'Ruka….. "
" He needs you…"
By then Kakashi was already on his feet, " Sensei ! Please don't leave me !"
But there was no reply to his plea.
The night was silent once more.
Kakashi buried his face once again in his trembling hands. He was very certain that he heard his sensei's gentle voice, whispered in the winds. He could have even sworn he felt his gentle fingers touching his face. Holding back nothing now, Kakashi let go of his self-control and circumvented to his grief, crying his heart out for what was lost to him.
He cried for his father….
For Obito and Rin
For his Sensei.
And lastly, he cried for himself.
Then at the brink of loosing himself in his dark despair, Kakashi felt a gentle brush of a familiar charka. The tremor in his body suddenly dissipated as he reached out his senses further, relishing on the calming effect of the other's presence.
"Ruka ? "
"I'm here Kashi.. " came a soft reply, almost as soft as the wind.
The young Chuunin raised his head slowly only to be greeted with the most breathtaking vision he had ever seen. Until this moment, he had never noticed just how beautiful the younger boy was.
Silhouetted against the full moon, Iruka looked like an angel, pure of heart and pure of soul, emanating warmth, comfort and unconditional love.
Their eyes met through the distance and it was then that Kakashi realized his fatal mistake.
Obito's Sharigan eye whirled like a rampaging vortex at this discovery. It was as if the eye was memorizing something important, something intimate that no one else was privileged to see.
Kakashi shuddered underneath the intensity and knew by instinct that he was given a precious gift.
A gift that will bind him to his friend for as long as they live.
With their gaze locked, the young Chuunin could clearly see the unbearable grief in the depth of those mesmerizing brown eye in spite of the other's calm facade. The emotions were so blatantly clear as if he was looking straight through the window of the other's grieving soul. And it was then that Kakashi understood what had happened.
"Ruka…" he said slowly, reaching out for his friend " Your parents…"
Iruka's lips quivered and nodded. " Your Sensei…."
It was Kakashi's turn to nod.
There was a long and painful silence as the two boys regarded each other.
" Kashi.." the younger boy said moving closer " Let's just hold each other ?"
To his surprise, Kakashi did not hesitate. He even welcomed the embrace, clinging tightly to the warmth and comfort the other was offering.
Maybe there was still hope somewhere for all of them. And wrapped in each others arms, the two boys knew that come what may, they'll always have each other.
xxEndOf Flashbackxx
From his favorite perch on a huge oak tree overlooking the memorial stone, Kakashi stared aimlessly into the night. It has not stopped raining since the funeral and seemed as if it never will. There was a sudden gush of wind and instinctively, he clutched his cloak tighter around him, burring himself deeper into its warmth.
The chilly, damp air was starting to get to him, chilling his body as well as his soul.
Through the pattering of the falling rain, he could still sense the lingering sadness in the surrounding atmosphere.
So much sadness...
So many unspoken grief.
Kakashi let out a sigh remembering the look on Iruka's face when they brought in Sandaime's lifeless body. There was pain clearly written on it and his body was trembling so much that he had to grab onto the railing to support himself from falling. Tears were glistering in his beautiful brown eyes, but he did not allow any to fall.
Even during the burial, the Chuunin-sensei put on a brave front. Not once did he faltered. His cool and calm mask was intact till the end. But Kakashi saw the magnitude of his grief through his eyes and it worried him.
I know you're hurting Ruka…
I wish I could be there for you…
Suddenly, he was brought out from his mussing when he heard a light rustle of leaves nearby and a slender figure emerged from within the shadows.
Kakashi stiffened, his well honed senses immediately recognized who the intruder was.
What the hell is Iruka doing out here at this ungodly hour ?
Kakashi stretched his senses carefully, trying to decipher what the other was doing. He saw that the Chuunin was standing in a slightly hunched posture and at first, thought nothing of it until he realized that the slumped shoulders were shaking.
He's crying !
His visible eye widened.
Then he heard the other 's voice, as if he was talking to someone.
" I can't do this alone father…mother. There's no one else for me " the Chuunin sobbed, barely audible " I'm so, so utterly and completely lonely. Please…"
The plea went straight to Kakashi's heart and before he could fully comprehend what he was doing, the Copy-nin found himself standing beside the man.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Why him ?
If the Gods were hungry for blood, then take mine !
Iruka sat on the floor, eyes staring blankly at the rain through the opened window. He knew that this day would come, but never once did it ever cross his mind that it would come so soon.
I will miss him forever.
The fact that he would never see the old man again was tearing his heart apart. Sandaime had help him through so much and indirectly Iruka has made him his anchor that kept him sane throughout his seemingly cursed life.
Everyone he ever cared about seemed to be leaving him one way or the other.
Kakashi….his treacherous heart whispered
During the funeral, The Copy-nin was carefully watching him from the distance. Iruka felt it; felt his stare burrowing deep into his soul.
Could he have felt his grief ?
If so, he would surely hate me now. Hate me for being weak.
Tears streamed down his face for the first time. He suddenly felt lost and alone.
I have to get away…he thought in despair. Snatching his cloak, Iruka carefully sneaked outside the Chuunin quarters and into the forest. The pouring rain camouflaged him from prying eyes. He needed time alone, to sort out his unruly emotions before the numbness takes over him.
Iruka walked aimlessly for what seemed to be for eternity until he came to a very familiar spot. Out of its own volition, his legs had carried him to the memorial stone. He stared at the names engraved onto the cold surface and ran his trembling fingers lovingly on the names he knew so well.
He was crying shamelessly now and he didn't care.
" I can't do this alone father…mother. There's no one else for me " he cried, forcing his voice through the painful lump in his throat " I'm so, so utterly and completely lonely. Please…"
" Iruka-sensei "
Iruka gave a started yelp and jumped backwards, eyes wide in disbelieve.
" Ka..Kashi-sensei. What are you doing here ? "
There was no reply from the Jounin.
Iruka could feel his face flushed with shame and he immediately wiped off his tears. He knew he was defeated and for once he did not care.
" Very well then Jounin-sama, you can mock me all you want. I know you despised emotional shinobis and I also know that in your eyes I am nothing but a worthless, weak academy sensei that could not even p…. "
Before Iruka could even finish his sentence, he felt strong arms wrapped around him, pulling his trembling body close, enveloping him in familiar and powerful aura that he sorely missed.
"Please Ruka…Don't " he heard the other whispered
Ruka ?
There were times where he would have given anything to hear Kakashi called him by that name again. And now in his grief, his one wish was granted.
His tears came back with a vengeance as he cling to Kakashi's warm body; to this one reality which he never wished to end.
" Ruka..? "
" Please Kashi.." he heard himself begged " Let's just hold each other for awhile longer "
He felt the other tightened his grip around him and smiled through his tears.
" As you wish, Ruka…"