Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I'm not Stephenie Meyer. Chapter Title comes from 'Lover Dearest' - Marianas Trench.

Thank you to my beta don'tcallmeLeeLee, I love you! She also made the graphics and banner for this story... she's just that wonderful!

*I Know You See Me*

*Bella's POV – The Bitter In You, And The Quitter In Me*

I went through the motions of my day, completely caught up in my own thoughts most of the time but I made it through none-the-less. Luckily, my students all had workbooks to work on and other little art projects to keep them busy while I was daydreaming. Usually, Fridays were my favorite day of the week but today was different. Angela was taking me to the reservation tonight for a bonfire, and I knew Jacob was going to be very upset that I was going to be there… or would be if he even bothered to show up. My biggest worry was for Angela and Quil, they would be in some serious hot water if Jacob ever found out it was them who planned this whole thing, not that I'd fought them about it all that much. I wanted to see him bad enough, and so, I was willing to go along with this crazy-ass plan.

I had arrived back at the apartment around 4pm and was about to start making something quick and easy for dinner when Angela burst through the door, her arms loaded down with bags of…

Oh, God, she was going to fucking torture me. Hair care and make-up weren't my strong points but it looked as if my roommate and friend had bought out the entire store and had brought it home with her. It was bad enough I was going to be walking First Beach in a black and white plaid mini skirt and a tight white tank-top. I was just thankful she didn't pull out a pair of heels for me to try and walk through the sand in.

"Hurry up and eat a little something, Bella." Angela smiled brightly at me as she tossed the bags down next to one of the kitchen chairs. "You're going to be mine for the next few hours."

She was so much like Alice - in a good way - it was crazy, but I had agreed to this and I did want to look good in case Jacob was there so I simply nodded and got to work on making myself and Angela a grilled chicken salad with spinach, mushrooms and feta cheese. Tonight was a light dinner night; my stomach couldn't handle anything too heavy. As it was, I was afraid of puking as soon as we hit La Push.

We ate quickly and rinsed all the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. She had me shower and change my clothes before she had me sit down for the rest. Before I knew it, it was torture time. I sat in the chair closest to the bathroom in case I had to get up and go, and I waited as Angela started setting everything out on the table in front of us. She tried explaining what it all was and what it was for, but I was hopeless unless it was chapstick and mascara - though I tended to poke myself in the eye a lot. I was a minimalist, the less time I needed to worry about all the girly stuff, the more time I had for work or reading or worrying myself to death.

"Okay, show time," she laughed lightly. I let my eyes close and I thought of everything I might say to Jacob tonight as she started applying different liquids, lotions and powders to my face. I sat as still as I possibly could, my thoughts drifting back to the way things had been before I'd left Jacob.

I'd been so ready to move on, start a new life and just be happy. Every day that I got to spend with Jake was better than the one before it, and every single day, I fell even more in love with him. It had scared me, thrown me completely off that I could forget Edward like that… but he had left me. I had every right to move forward with my life and enjoy the love and happiness that surrounded me when Jacob was around. The hole in my heart had only taken months to repair, after that; I noticed that I had barely even thought of Edward and the Cullens. Jacob was becoming the very thing, the very person I needed to have in my life. Nothing was ever that cut and dry in my life before, nor had it ever seemed so easy. But loving Jacob was exactly that… it was easy, natural and completely out of my control at that point. It was done... I was in love. I should have told him, I should have given in to my heart and held on to Jacob with everything I had in me. That would have been the right thing to do… but I'd always been one to make life harder on myself.

I'd planned to tell him eventually, but my fear had gotten the best of me. Surely he'd seen it, the signs that said everything I couldn't bring myself to say aloud. My love for him had been written all over my face, and I'd been so sure that he could just see it, that he'd somehow known without me saying the words. But I'd never given him a reason to believe that I'd even gotten over Edward and his abrupt departure from my life. I hadn't even thanked him for healing me. The night that changed my life had been the very night that I'd planned to lay everything out. I was going to bare my soul to Jacob and tell him everything. But I'd never gotten my chance.

I'd cooked, spent the day cleaning the house… I'd even made sure to wear something a bit sexier than my usual attire of jeans and a t-shirt and I'd scrubbed, exfoliated, shaved and moisturized every part of my body that I could think of. That was the night that it was all going to happen… I was going to officially give my heart to Jacob Black that night, and more if he asked it of me.

Jacob had shown up right as dinner was being put on the table. Charlie had been working the late-shift and so Jake and I had the house all to ourselves. It was supposed to be perfect, and it had started out that way. Everything had been going so well, including our almost kiss, until Alice decided to show up and inform me of Edward's stupidity and his half-cocked plan to commit suicide - always with the drama and theatrics.

My future had disappeared and so Alice had told the family… of course, Rosalie hadn't gotten the clarification about anything and told Edward. Edward had taken that to mean that I had died. He was going to kill himself because he thought I no longer existed, though he'd been the one that had left me. He had wanted me to live a human life, and so even if I had died, isn't that what he'd wanted for me anyway?

I'd later found out that not only had he left because he thought that 'he was protecting me', but he'd lied to me. He'd told me he didn't love me and that I'd forget all about him. How wrong he'd been, I'd been so hurt, so empty… but I'd learned to function again. I'd learned to live because I found Jacob, or really, he had found me.

Jake had healed me, he had made me more whole than I'd ever been… and I'd ruined it, and for what? To save Edward from a fate that he'd chosen for himself. Of course, I didn't want his death on my conscience; I did care for him after all. But why couldn't I have just told Alice to go by herself? She could have figured out how to save Edward, she could have taken the family and flown to Italy and saved him from being killed. They'd all had time to learn how to block Edward from their minds… they could have saved him without my help. So why had I been such a fool?

I gave up the best thing that had ever happened to me to fly around the world to save my ex who was hell-bent on getting himself killed. Wasn't it a well-deserved fate if that's what he chose to do? Of course I thought that now, but I'd been a fucking idiot at the time. I'd given up everything, all the progress I'd made with my new friends in La Push - including Paul, he'd been the hardest to get close to after all the times I'd hurt Jacob. I'd given up the new-found relationship I had with my dad, but most importantly, I'd given up Jacob Black, the only man that I'd ever truly, honestly with my whole heart and soul, loved.

And now that I thought about all of those things… I couldn't help but wonder if Alice and Edward had known all along what they were doing? Had they been out to sabotage my relationship with Jacob? Could they really be so cruel and conniving and… calculating?

When we'd returned home to Forks and Edward had come to my room that night, he'd asked me a question that a year ago would have had a different outcome. Things had changed since he'd left, and he was about to get a bit of a rude awakening, a side of Bella Swan that he'd never seen before. He asked me if I could forgive and love him again, if we could go back to the way things were before he'd left me. I knew my answer before he'd even finished asking… but I gave it to him anyway.

I wasn't going to hold back, I wasn't going to hide anymore… I wasn't the Bella he knew before. I wasn't his Bella, I was Jacob's Bella… and I didn't want to stay quiet about my own choices and what I wanted. I didn't have to…

"No, Edward, I can't," I'd said, not a bit of uncertainty in my voice. "I can't be with you or love you the way you want. I went and saved your life because it was what needed to be done, though I'm still unsure about why it had to be me. But you left me, you left me and you lied."

"I did that to protect you, my love," he sighed and came toward my bed where I was sitting, his hands reached out for me, asking my permission to hold me.

I backed away as far as I could and shook my head. "I don't want you to hold me; I don't want you to ever touch me again. I don't love you like I did before, Edward, I've changed. I love… my heart belongs to someone else and I'm asking you to please leave."

I didn't want to say those three words to Edward; Jacob deserved to hear them before anyone else. I loved, was in love with Jacob Black…

He glared down at me, his mouth pulled into a sneer as he inhaled a deep, unnecessary breath through his nose. His eyes were slowing turning black and for the first time since I'd met him, I was afraid of Edward Cullen.

"It's because of him, isn't it?" he spat. "You're going to leave me for that, that dog!"

"Edward, you asked my feelings and I'm telling you, this is how I feel. Should it matter who the man I'm in love with is?" I didn't like how he was talking about Jacob; it didn't sit right with me. My anger was rising and I couldn't understand what I thought I was doing… I was fighting a vampire…

"I don't care who he is, Isabella, it's about what he is. He's not good enough for you, and he never will be," Edward hissed loudly, his now black eyes finding mine. "He won't be able to provide for you and take care of you the way I can. He can never love you like I can, he's going to hurt you, mark my words."

"He'd never hurt me, but you already have!" I couldn't fight against the pure, unadulterated anger rising in my voice. Did he really think money mattered to me? And how dare he accuse Jacob of such things? Jacob had never given me a reason to fear him, nor had he ever asked for me to change who I was to be with him. He didn't expect me to be someone I wasn't, and that's what I loved most about being with him. Jacob only asked that I love him… and I did, I knew that now. I only wished that he was there with me in that moment instead of Edward.

"You hurt me, Edward, not Jacob. He saved me; he made me better after you left. How dare you say anything about Jacob? You don't even know him, now please, just leave. I did my part and I flew half way around the world to save your life, I left my father and friends behind to do this for you. Now I'm asking that you do this for me, just leave… take your family away again if you must, but I don't want you anymore, not like that."

He was silent for a moment and completely still. It was freaky to see this side of him. He rarely, if ever, showed his vampire side to me… but at that very moment, that's the only part of him I could see and for once my self-preservation was working, I was fucking terrified.

"I'll leave, but just remember what I told you," he said quietly as he walked to my open window. He didn't look back as he said the words I would hold with me for the rest of my life. I'd never known Edward to be heartless or evil, nor the soulless monster he'd always claimed he was, but his parting words would forever mark him that way in my mind.

"But when your pup imprints and leaves you, don't come crawling back to me because I won't take you back." And with that, he jumped from the window and I hadn't seen him again since. I'd never gotten even so much as a 'thank you' for helping him; I hadn't seen any of the Cullens either. It was like they'd never existed… again.

"All done, Bella," Angela's voice sounded in my ear and I realized I had let my memories drag me under a bit farther than I'd intended. I hadn't been asleep, but I'd apparently zoned out for the whole beautifying process. That was one secret that no one was privy to, my break up with Edward was still something only I knew the details about. I held the fear in my heart to this day that something or someone would be coming for me. The Volturi wanted me changed due to my knowledge of vampires; Victoria was still out there somewhere with her mind on vengeance, along with a very pissed off Edward Cullen. "Let me just get my coat and we can go, all right?"

I swallowed past the lump of fear that had formed in my throat as I turned in my seat and watched Angela walk down the hallway toward her room. I got up out of the chair and walked the short distance to the bathroom, my hand shaking as I reached out and flipped the light switch. I blinked a few times as the light flooded the room and waited as my eyes adjusted. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw in the mirror. My eyes grew wide and I could feel my bottom lip begin to tremble slightly. I had never seen myself look this beautiful and made up before… this was completely different from anything I'd ever done, and I loved it. Angela had made me look like a model… or at least more made up than I usually took the time to do. It was perfect.

My hair was left down; soft, loose waves were cascading around my shoulders and down my back. My eyes were highlighted just under my brows with a shimmery powder and the color of my eyes looked like melted pools of chocolate. Everything was brought together with the smoky black shadow and the winged black liner. My lashes looked thick and long and curled just right… and my cheeks were a subtle peach with a tint of something that made them glow and the final touch were my lips, they were colored with a matte pink, and they looked full and perfect and maybe even a tad kissable.

"So, you like?" Angela asked as she stepped into the bathroom behind me. My face flushed slightly and I nodded.

I loved the look, and I didn't feel overly made up, I still felt like me. Now if only Jacob would talk to me and give me the chance to explain everything to him…

"You did an amazing job, thank you!" I smiled up at her in the mirror and turned on my heel. I wrapped my arms around my friend and hoped beyond hope that this would be the day that Jacob and I finally put the past aside and could at least become friends again.

"You're welcome, Bella. Now, we've got to hit the road if we're going to get there in time. Quil said it's not too cold but you may want to at least bring a sweater or something just in case."

I tended to agree with Quil, I was always cold these days… without Jacob, my whole world was cold. I walked to my room, grabbed up my oversized black cardigan and threw it on over my outfit. I slipped on my black and white ballet flats and walked back into the hallway where Ang was waiting for me.

"Dressed to impress, Miss Bella." She smiled at me as she looped her arm through mine and grabbed her car keys from the hook by the door as we passed it. I didn't have time to think about anything else as she rushed me out the door and we were on our way. She was enjoying this way too much, but I had a feeling that things weren't going to go very well tonight. I just hoped that Quil and Angela didn't get reamed out or incur the wrath of my hot Alpha wolf for setting this up.

I fidgeted in the seat as Angela drove, occasionally humming or singing along to the songs on the radio. My palms were sweating, my head ached and my stomach felt like someone was playing a heavy hitting game of tennis in there. I was trying to stay calm, to keep my cool in the face of all that was happening or could happen, but I just didn't know what to expect. I wanted, more than anything, to believe that Jacob would see me and things would sort of be okay. But deep down, I knew…

The forty-five minute drive seemed to pass quickly, and before I knew it we were pulling up to a parking space right near First Beach.

This was where it had all started. Innocent Jacob Black seduced for information by one inquisitive and selfish Bella Swan. Of course at the time, things had been very different. Now all I wanted was to seduce him again… but for the right reasons. To get him to agree to be mine, and never let him go again - if I could even form words around him, that is.

"Snap out of it, Bella," Angela giggled softly as she shook my arm. I watched as she opened her door and got out of the car. Her eyes lit up as Quil came running up the beach toward her, his arms opened wide. She didn't hesitate, she ran into his arms, jumping slightly so they were more even in height and she kissed him. I tried to tamp down the jealous feeling of seeing Angela with Quil… it wasn't like I wasn't happy for them. I just wanted Jacob to react that way to me.

I got out of the car, moving slowly and avoiding all eye contact with the two lovebirds sharing a hot embrace just feet from me. This wasn't going to go over well, not with any of them… well, except maybe Seth and Quil. But I just knew, I could almost feel it, that this was all going to go to shit at any moment.

"Bella, it's been a long time," came Quil's deep voice. I smiled as brightly as I could and turned to look at him. He came toward me and wrapped me in a tight, warm hug. "You're even more beautiful than I remembered. It's really good to see you."

I knew what he meant… what he was really trying to say was it was good to see me alive. For all intents and purposes, I had been dead to most of the wolves of the La Push pack for the past five years. But now, they could all see me for themselves… heartbeat, blush and all.

"It's good to see you, too, Quil," I said softly as I pulled back from his embrace. "You make sure you take good care of her, or I'll have to hunt you down."

He laughed, a deep throaty sound that I could recall quite vividly. Quil had always been the happy joker of the group… I had missed him. I missed all of them.

"No worries there, Bella. She's got me trained already, isn't that right, baby?" he asked as he looked down sweetly at Angela.

"You're damn right, I can't have you running around thinking you can get away with whatever you want," she laughed as she grasped Quil's hand in hers. He reached back with his free hand, offering it to me. I hesitated for a moment before grasping it in my own and trudging along with them as we all made our way down onto the beach.

People stopped what they were doing and watched, looking first to Quil, then Angela… and then me. I could feel the stares as different eyes fell on me. But the thing that surprised me was that I didn't feel unwelcome. It didn't seem as if anyone was angry that I was there, and I tried my best to stay calm as some of the group started coming toward me.

"Wow, just… it's good to see you again," Sam said softly as he wrapped a protective arm around Emily. I felt as if I were a bit on display at the moment as everyone looked me over. I had changed, obviously, but they all still looked the same. Men before their time due to their phasing and rapid growth.

"Hi, Sam," I said, smiling at him, then turning to Emily, "Hi, Emily. It's so good to see you both again. You look great." Emily was obviously pregnant, and it suited her. She had a certain glow about her that anyone and everyone could see.

Paul and Embry came up to me next, and I actually got a hug from Embry. He was still as sweet and warm as he'd always been and I relished it. Jared and Kim greeted me, and then Leah and Seth came toward me.

Seth was happy, hugging me tightly to him and whispering how much he'd missed me. Leah was… Leah. She said hi, told me it was good to see that I'd stayed human, asked where 'Sparkleward' - her words, not mine, though I had to hold in my chuckles - was and then run back off somewhere on the beach. The other two, Collin and Brady, I'd never met before.

They were sweet, a bit rambunctious and loud… but they were also very young. Apparently the Cullens hadn't left soon enough, before triggering the gene in these two boys who were much too young to know of mythical creatures and death. They'd both started phasing at thirteen years old… the choking guilt began to bubble up once more and I had to excuse myself from the group for a moment.

After all the hugs and handshakes and introductions, I glanced around to see if I could find the one person I wanted to see more than anyone else. He didn't bother coming over to me like the rest of the group, instead I found him standing across the beach, his back to us. I knew he knew that I was here, he'd probably known as soon as I'd stepped out of Angela's car, but he didn't come to greet me. Everyone was somewhat happy to see me, except that lone figure that was standing a bit away from the rest of the group. His shoulders were stiff and his posture screamed animosity and he was clearly wound a bit too tight. I knew he wouldn't be happy about this, and I fought every instinct that was telling me to run away. I watched him closely as the rest of the group split up again and it seemed as if it were just him and I.

He turned toward the fire, his face highlighted by the glow of the flickering flames, and my breath caught. He was definitely all grown up. No trace of the boy I'd once known remained in his chiseled features. He was beautiful… beyond beautiful. There weren't really words for how gorgeous and sexy this man was, and I wanted him. This Jacob was all man and he was definitely a dominant Alpha now as well. I could see it, feel it, hell, I could almost taste it. The power coming off of him was amazing… and somewhat scary.

I watched him even closer as he took measured steps toward me, his body language was hostile and unwelcoming, but I didn't run. I would take every bit of anger he had for me if he would just come closer. I wanted to see him up close; I wanted to feel his body heat as he stood near me… I wanted to smell him. I just wanted him in whatever way I could get him…

He stopped in front of me, his arms folded tightly across his broad chest and he stared down at me. The pucker between his brows just begged to be smoothed out and the rigid stance he held was nothing short of intimidating, but still I stood and looked up at him. I soaked up every detail about him that I could see, and still I thirsted for more. I could feel the wetness of my arousal soak through my panties and I flushed as I watched him inhale through his nose and his dark eyes met mine. My heart was thundering, my palms were sweating profusely and my core was completely drenched. The things this man did to me, and he hadn't even said a word…

"What the hell are you doing here, Isabella?" he growled. His voice was deep and rough, clearly everything about him screamed anger and hatred, but still I stood. I was shocked slightly though. I had known he was upset, but he'd never, not since I'd known him, ever used my given first name.

"I-I was invited, Angela asked me t-to come along," I stuttered out as I instinctively backed up a step.

Apparently Jacob wasn't having that, because he followed me by taking another step toward me. The wind blew around us and I inhaled his scent deeply in through my nose. Everything in my world was set right at that moment as I inhaled the familiar scent of fresh pine, mint and cool spring rain… it was all I could think of and I inhaled again greedily and another flood of arousal soaked into my already drenched underwear. He probably thought I was an idiot, standing here getting turned on as he glared daggers at me.

"Jacob, I never meant to hurt you, I'm so sorry. I've tried to tell you a hundred times." I said quickly as he continued to stare down at me.

"Now isn't the time for this, I thought I made that quite clear when I hung up on you," he said bitterly. I'd never known Jacob to sound so detached, but right now there were no emotions behind his words. Well, except anger. His anger was palpable.

"You just have to let me explain," I said hoarsely. I was so close to tears now that I could feel the familiar burn behind my eyes.

"I don't have to do shit," he growled again, his arms becoming tighter around his chest and I had to fight the urge to walk a bit closer and run my fingers down the veins that were now bulging on his biceps. Instead I leaned back away from him, and again he followed.

"All I've ever done is listen to your excuses and give you chances, Isabella. I've given you chance after chance and never once did you give anything in return except hurt and heartache. You took from me until there was nothing left. You're the one that fucked this up, not me."

"But if you'll just listen, please," I sobbed, the tears now trailing hot and wet down my cheeks. "I broke things off with Edward as soon as we made it back here. I told him I didn't want him because my heart belonged to someone else. I know I made a mistake by leaving that night, but I couldn't let him kill himself over me."

"Same old Bella, trying to make it all about you." His voice was deep and angry, and it was sending chills down my spine. When it came to Jacob Black, my self-preservation was still non-existent. He was beyond angry with me and he was turning me on more than anything I'd ever felt in my life. "Well, guess what… my world doesn't revolve around you anymore. I'm not going to allow you to come back into my life and rip away the semblance of normalcy that I have now. I spent years pining for you, helping you when the leech broke your heart and I put you back together. I did everything for you… and you still left. Your apologies aren't enough, because even after everything you. Still. Left."

"I don't even know why I went. I didn't want to go; I didn't even want to be with Edward anymore. I'd already realized how completely in love with you I was. I'd wanted to stay with you but I felt guilty."

"Save your sob story, Bella. I don't want to hear it."

"Jacob, please," I cried louder as he spun on his heel and began to walk away down the beach. "I need you."

He didn't stop and he never turned around. I watched as he walked away from me and I dropped down onto my knees in the cold sand, my tears now soaking the front of my shirt and my nose was running as I sobbed openly. There was no point trying to hide it… I'd messed up and I'd truly lost Jacob. There really was no hope...

"Shh," a voice said softly as I was hefted into a set of warm arms. I knew, instinctively I knew that they were the wrong ones, but I wrapped my arms around the person's neck and I continued to sob loudly. "He's just angry, but he'll see how sorry you are. Don't give up on him."

I looked up to see Seth holding me against him tightly, his face holding so many emotions, but the clearest was pity.

"H-he hates m-me," I cried, my arms wrapping tighter around Seth's neck. "I h-hurt him too m-much."

"Trust me, Bella, he doesn't hate you," Seth said quietly, his breath fanning across my ear as he was so close. He was obviously trying to keep our conversation private. "Quite the opposite actually."

I shook my head, he was wrong. Jacob couldn't even stand to be on the same beach as me. There was no way he held any feelings for me anymore… not like he used to. Hate seemed like the closest thing to what I'd just seen.

"We're all in his head, remember." Seth's voice washed over me again, my body was becoming heavy with lethargy and I wanted to curl up into a ball and just forget that this night had even happened. But what did Seth mean? They'd seen something in Jacob's mind about me? Something that didn't include him being angry with me?

"It's okay, I'll take you to Charlie's for the night, you can sleep now," Seth said in a whisper, his voice fading slightly as my eyes drooped closed and my arms became slack around his neck. "Sleep, Bella, everything will work out."

Before I drifted off completely, I heard another whisper of sound invade my sleep-addled brain. The sound of a wolf off in the distance as it let loose a howl into the night… and it sounded so unbelievably sad, and I knew deep in my heart who it was.