Chapter Five
It had all been for naught. Amy had received the clues; Sheldon had received confirmation texts from each of the strangers he had paid to help him and from Jim at the model train store, who refused to take any money. Although his general faith in humanity was fortified that these people had not just taken his money without completing their assigned task, it seemed that even the most romantic thing he could think to do to win Amy back had not worked. It finally was over - really and truly this time.
The last haiku was supposed to lead her here, to the monkey enclosure at the zoo. He was waiting for her, the ring firmly in his pocket, his heart firmly pounding in his chest. He had calculated exactly when she should arrive, how long the drive would take. But, as each minute ticked by, and he looked up the traffic app on his phone to confirm there were no infamous L.A. traffic jams, his shoulders fell further. Amy wasn't coming. He waited longer, sitting on the bench in the middle of the enclosure, not even worried about flying feces as he normally was when he agreed to visit here with her.
Amy wasn't coming. Ever. His intelligent, beautiful Amy. She was gone. And it was all his own fault. He had done too little, too late. Sighing deeply after waiting over an hour, Sheldon got up and plodded toward the swinging door. Even the sky was sad; dark clouds had moved in, reflecting his mood. He reached in his pocket for the ring box and his hand hovered over the trash can for a moment. Maybe he should throw it away here, now. But he didn't have the heart, not just yet. He put the ring back in his pocket.
The zoo was much quieter than when he arrived. He looked up at the sky. Maybe it was the ominous looking clouds driving people away. Without even realizing it, his feet carried him not directly to the exit, as he planned, but he veered toward the koala enclosure. He only noticed where he was when he felt a drop of water on his wrist. He stopped and looked down at the offending portent of rain, and then up to the the beautiful eucalyptus filled space. Although he doubted anything would ever help, it couldn't hurt to watch the koalas, could it? Since he was here anyway. About to reach out and open the door, it suddenly thrust open, swinging toward him. He jumped back, just outside the building's overhang.
And his heart stopped.
It was Amy. Amy, his intelligent, beautiful Amy. They stood and stared at each other, Amy letting the door fall with a loud whack behind her.
"You were supposed to be at the monkey enclosure an hour ago," Sheldon finally said. He realized, too late, that it sounded like an accusation.
"Your clue said the place that makes you happy," Amy shot back, her voice equally harsh.
"Yes, you - as in the reader. It was in second person. You ought to know that. You scored a perfect 800 on the language portion of your SATs."
"Oh, right, you've never made a rash decision in an emotionally charged moment that resulted in a mistake," Amy said.
"Well, at least my rash decision didn't leave you hanging for eight and half weeks!"
"At least I had the decency to tell you I was taking a break and not just leave for weeks without saying good-bye!"
Sheldon wasn't sure, exactly, how they had gotten from a misread haiku - however atypical it was for Amy - to their greatest missteps. At least his; maybe Amy didn't think her actions were a misstep. He wanted to ask, he needed to know, if she regretted the past two months or if the silence, the unbearable silence, was what she had wanted all along. But he seemed unable to form the words. Perhaps he was too afraid of her response.
Before he could work up the courage to ask, Amy crossed her arms. "So you send me running around the city all day just to berate me for my reading comprehension skills?"
"Yes. No! It was scavenger hunt," he voice had faded as he spoke. "It was supposed to be romantic. Because you want romance -"
"Because I deserve romance!"
"But you don't listen! This is just like you, to interrupt me, to jump conclusions without letting me explain -"
"I let you explain things all the time! I ask you questions and you answer them. Your problem is that you talk too much, you just talk and talk and don't think about if your words hurt -"
"When did my words ever hurt you?"
"Oh, well, just to mention the most recent example, when you said you were wrestling with a commitment issue and you never thought about how it sounded to me! That all I've wanted from you for years is for you to just think about stepping into the gym to consider wrestling with the idea of committing to me, but -"
Sheldon snapped backwards. "Amy, why would I need to think about that now, when I'm so obviously already committed to you?"
Amy glared at him a minute, and he couldn't tell if she was still angry. At least when she spoke, she wasn't yelling any more. "You're obviously already committed to me? When? How? I'm sorry, but it's not obvious to me."
He sighed, and lifted up his hands to tick the points off on his fingers. "I love you. I have declared that to your and our friends. I trust you and I have kept the secrets you entrusted to me. You're more like me than anyone else I've ever met. I enjoy your company and miss you when you're gone. I find we're very compatible. I told my mother you're the one. I enjoy being physical with you, and I have discovered that I want more. And I love you . . . if that's not commitment, I don't know what is. So why would I question my commitment to you at all, let alone while I'm kissing you, while I'm enjoying kissing you! If that's not your definition of commitment, then maybe you're right and we should break up."
At that exact moment, it started to rain. Not just the occasional sprinkle that had been coming down, but a steady patter. Of course it would rain today, right now; after months and months of drought, even the skies over California were releasing their pent-up emotions. Sheldon stood his ground, though, just beyond the protection of the overhang that Amy enjoyed. He had not planned on what he had just said, but he knew with certainly it was true. He could not be more committed to Amy; after all, he had told his mother that he had decided to marry her. It would break his heart if the past few weeks had just been a prelude to the loneliness he would feel the rest of his life without her. But he couldn't fix this relationship by himself. She had to meet him halfway - they were either both outside in the rain together or they were both under the overhang together. As much as it pained him, if his type of commitment was not what she wanted out of her life, then it wasn't the loving thing to do to ask her to stay with him, unsatisfied, getting wet.
"Why didn't you tell me this weeks ago? When I told you I needed a break," Amy asked softly.
"Because you said you needed a break. To think. You told me to leave you alone, not to follow you. I respect you enough to let you have that. I understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed and need to go away alone," he said equally softly. Then he looked up at the sky. The rain was getting heavier. But he wouldn't leave her until she asked him to. He looked back at her. "And you interrupted me."
"You're always interrupting me," Amy said.
"Well, you're not perfect either. You're stubborn and sarcastic when you know I struggle with that and you always want more -"
"It's not a crime to want more with the man you love; it's natural. And you're egotistical and childish."
"I probably am. Just because I'm the closest to perfection that genetics has yet to create, does not mean I've achieved it. Just give me time."
"You always need more time! More time before you'll be my boyfriend, more time before you'll hold my hand, more time before you'll kiss me, more time before you'll move in with me -" Amy's voice was rising again.
"What's wrong with that? At least I want all of that time with you!" Sheldon yelled.
Amy opened her mouth and shut it. She still had her arms crossed, but he noticed she was toying with the side seam of her cardigan. He needed to calm down, he was being too harsh.
"Is that why you wanted a break? Because of time?" Sheldon asked softly. "I thought things were good between us these past few months. I thought you were happy."
Amy shrugged softly, looking deflated. "They were. I was. I just - I -" She took a deep breath. "It was about time. I had a five year plan, okay? Mock me if you want, but it's true. And it's been five years. It was our anniversary, and I thought it was going so well, but then all you could think about was The Flash. I thought maybe five years meant nothing to you, I thought I was being stupid and blinded by love. I realized how silly and immature a five year plan was. I went home angry and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. Five years. Gone. With nothing to show for it."
Sheldon closed his eyes. "Am I really nothing to you? You have me to show for it." He stabbed his chest with a finger to make his point as he opened his eyes again. He stared at Amy through the rain, but she just looked back at him. Not angry, he thought, but he wasn't sure. "And as for The Flash . . . sometimes when we're kissing, I have to think about other things, otherwise . . . And I don't want it to happen that way, unplanned and rushed. You deserve better."
She uncrossed her arms and he thought he heard her make a sound. A sound of surprise or something else he could not be certain, not in the rain.
"Sheldon, you'll never be nothing to me. I love you. I won't interrupt you now. Tell me what you want to say. All we have is time."
"I have a lot to say. Most of it brilliant, as you might expect."
"Come on, we should go somewhere else to talk." Amy started to turn.
"No."
"No?" she turned back around, her eyebrows raised.
"I'm not moving until I've said it." He didn't really understand his own determination, especially as he was getting quite uncomfortable standing in the rain like this. But he had a plan! He had things to say! And here was Amy, being all 'let's do it my way' again!
"But you're standing in the rain, getting wet," Amy said. "And, as I've already pointed out, you like to hear yourself talk."
"Of course it's raining. Of course I'm getting wet. Everything else has gone wrong, so why not the weather? The flowers, the chocolate, the song dedication, the personal advertisement during your French movie, everything -"
"Sheldon, what are you talking about? What flowers? What song?" Amy furrowed her brow.
"See! you say you won't interrupt me, but you just can't help yourself! Well, I'm just going to keep talking. Where was I?" He was yelling again, and he didn't care anymore. "Oh, right. Apparently I don't deserve you, because I just can't do anything correctly, not the way you want it -"
"Don't say that! That's not helpful or constructive right now!"
But he continued, as though he had never heard her speak. He didn't care how uncomfortable and cold he was, he didn't care how dry she looked under the overhang, he didn't care how much her soft pink lips trembled or her beautiful green eyes flared at him, he had things to say! He had been waiting eight and half weeks to say them! "- I mean, I planned this elaborate scavenger hunt of all our happy memories and I can't even make a simple haiku clear. And now it's raining. How am I supposed to propose to you in the monkey enclosure now? -"
"What?" Amy gasped.
He ran his hand through his hair, trying to throw water off his face, but it was useless. Rain was obscuring his view of Amy, but he thought he heard her voice tremble. He quieted his own voice, all the anger gone. "It's all my fault. I love you so much, and I wanted it to be perfect. I've had the ring for weeks, ever since my mother came. But I kept waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect way. I waited too long. Even now, it's not perfect. My last clue wasn't good enough. I don't know why I ever thought I could write hippy-dippy love poetry. I wanted to ask you to marry me in your favorite place -"
"What?" Amy whimpered.
"What?" Amy whimpered, her chest feeling tight, her head feeling light. Sheldon was going to propose to her? And not as a last resort; he said he'd had the ring since his mother came to visit. And here he was, so determined to see his plan through - always with his schedules and his plans! - that he would probably catch his death standing in the rain just to propose to her at the zoo. To propose to her.
"- and, because you'd certainly want all the details, I thought we could sit down on the bench there and have a conversation to plan them together. The wedding, the lengthy honeymoon -"
"The lengthy honeymoon?"
"You think I don't want to make love to you, but that's not true. Sometimes, when I kiss you, it's all I can think about. What you take for inhibition of physical displays of affections is really fear. Not of you, but for me. I'm frightened I won't do it correctly, and you won't enjoy it. Quite frankly, it all sounds athletic and we both know I'm not -"
"Make love?" Amy mouthed, her voice lost in a crack of thunder. Rain was pouring off the roof of the koala enclosure now, practically forming a sheet between her and Sheldon.
"- good at any sporting activity. So I thought we could do it slowly, lock ourselves in our hotel room for at least two weeks, only opening the door for room service to keep up our strength. And get clean sheets. Really a honeymoon is the only socially acceptable time to do that. Not to mention what our mothers would say. We could practice foreplay together, a little more everyday, until we finally enjoy ourselves in the carnal fashion. We could experiment and I could learn all your responses to various sexual stimuli including various coital positions -"
"Yes."
"I knew you'd like it as an experiment. What is your opinion on the time frame? Two weeks seems a minimum, but if we decide on a six week honeymoon, I'll have to ask for a leave. But I have enough hours for four weeks right now -"
"Yes."
"Four weeks. Yes, the mean amount of the time is probably best. I don't know if we should go back to the bed and breakfast in Napa Valley or if we should try somewhere bigger, with thicker walls. Since everything will be so new to us and we'll need the afore mentioned 24-hour room service —"
"Yes."
"Somewhere new? We'll have to research the options, the most romantic cities with an Amtrak station; I know we won't leave the room, but a good view would be nice. When should we get started? How long does it take to plan a wedding? Let's not use Leonard and Penny's example. There's a episode of Star Trek, season 3, episode 3, 'The Paradise Syndrome,' in which Miramanee tells Kirk 'The sooner our happiness together begins, the longer it will last,' which always sounded like an unfortunate overly emotional side effect of his amnesia to me before, but now I understand -"
"Yes."
"Well, of course you understand it, you're all about girly emotions. And where will we live? If only Leonard would finally move out. I could move in with you, but my apartment is bigger. I know you want a house someday but perhaps we should arrange a joint savings account and each of us should contribute the same percentage of our paychecks -"
"Yes."
The rain was pouring down Sheldon's face now, dripping off of his nose. He didn't really seem to mind, and he fluttered his hand occasionally. Amy had never seen him quite like this, this almost stream of conscious dialogue, this jumping from one point to another. "I knew you'd agree to that immediately, as it's the most logical solution. But we'd have to consider all the costs associated with a house. Like a landscaping service. You may want to do some flowers yourself, but I thought, given our busy careers, a lawn mowing -"
"Yes."
Sheldon nodded, and that sent a few drops of rain flying toward Amy. "A gardner it is. And we have to talk about children and the most effective birth control options. Do we want multiple children or just one? Of course, our ages are an issue. If we had just one -"
"Yes."
"Yes, one. I think so, too. Our perfect homo novus to mold and perfect. But first I need to get my drivers license. It is completely unsafe for a woman in the throes of labor to be driving herself to the hospital -"
"Yes."
"I know, I know, you've been telling me to get my license forever. I was also thinking -"
As he had been saying the last sentence, Amy stepped forward, out from under the overhang, and the chill of the waterfall of rain struck her. She didn't notice; she just knew she had to make the next move, she had to meet him half-way, even if it meant they were both in the rain together. She reached up and took Sheldon's face in her hands, one palm on each cheek. "Sheldon, shut up."
"But I told you I have a lot to say. And you're interrupting again!"
"Yes."
"Well, if you know that, then why -"
"Yes, I'll marry you."
He finally stopped then, his eyes widening with realization. "You will? Even though you thought this was all wrong? Even though I didn't ask you properly? Even though it wasn't perfect?"
"Yes."
"Wait." He dropped away from her, down on one knee into a deep puddle that splashed rain upwards onto her tights. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small black box. Amy let out a squeak as he opened it, displaying the ring. "Amy Farrah Fowler, will you do me the honor and the pleasure of agreeing to marry me?"
"Yes, yes, yes," she whispered, tears running down her face now, indistinguishable from the rain that was already soaking though her cardigan. Not that she noticed or cared. Her hand trembled as Sheldon slipped the ring down her wet finger. It fit perfectly. Of course it would, she realized. He had been silently measuring her fingers every time he held her hand for years.
Then he was standing again, taking her face in his hands this time, his lips on hers, his mouth over hers, all the hunger she had known for five years reflected in this kiss. She raised her eyebrows in surprise when his tongue found its way to hers, but she welcomed it. He was kissing her as though he was never going to let her go again. She returned it, knowing she would never want to.
It was unreal. It was a cliché. It was over-the-top, fluffy, flowery romance. Like some ridiculous scene out of a romance novel. They were even kissing in the rain. It was perfect.
To be continued . . .
Thank you in advance for your reviews!