I don't own SnK

"I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me 'I love you.' There is an African saying, which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt."
-Maya Angelou

~Chapter Nine: Tearing The Walls Down~

Wall Maria was famous for a college hangout because of its non-too-explicit theme. Eren could see young adults in his age or older and some were actually from Trost University. The pop music that was blaring at the center of the dance floor was dulled because the brunet and his friends picked an area where they could actually talk instead of shouting across the room. He appreciated that, because he was sure that someone in his group would make him drink alcohol and he didn't want the music to add to his incoming headache.

"Here, Eren," his blonde friend called out and to Eren's horror, there was a bottle of beer in Armin's hand. And he was handing it to him. What the actual fuck?

"Armin, you know I don't drink," he said, emphasizing on the 'don't' part to get his message right. His brown eyebrows shot up when his friend just put the bottle on the table right in front of Eren.

"You need to loosen up." As if that one sentence was enough to convince him.

"No."

"Yes," Armin insisted, blue eyes were narrowing in an attempt to challenge Eren to oppose him. The brunet already knew that his friend could be pretty adamant about a lot of things but surely, Armin wasn't gonna let him drink when it was beyond his control if he got drunk.

"Are you sure you want me to drink after I puked on you?" He asked, eyebrows were still raised, and he hoped that his friend would just cut it out. After what happened between him and Levi, all he wanted to do was just lay on his bed and run the events of the day in his head a hundred more times. It was hard to believe that after a couple of months of being together and all that non-too-subtle flirtations, he was finally dating the lawyer, who was stuck in his mind 24/7. The way he smiled at him after he told him that he would say those three words to him in time was truly a sight to behold.

"Eren!" Armin's voice snapped him out of his happy thoughts and he was greeted with many other stares at their table. Everyone he knew was there—Armin, Mikasa, Reiner, Marco, Annie, Ymir and his other friends that he hadn't seen since high school—and they surely took the time to reserve an area for a long table to be rearranged for them.

Oh, and Jean. He was sitting at the farthest chair from Eren, who was sitting between Mikasa and Annie. The green-eyed lad observed that his ex wasn't happy to be there and he could wonder why.

"Sorry, what was that?" he asked sheepishly. He really didn't mean to be lost in his thoughts, especially since his best friend was right next to him and she could easily read him, like Levi. It made him think if he was really like an open book, and he made a mental note to try harder at keeping his thoughts from surfacing on his face.

"You were smiling. And creepily, at that," Armin said, truly not holding anything back tonight.

"I'm not," the young man defended uselessly, because a faint blush crept up to his cheeks.

"Oh? Is it because of that shortie?" Ymir decided to interject at the wrong moment and before Armin or Eren could speak, Mikasa beat them to it.

"Shortie? Who?" she asked, tone was coldly suspicious, and she crossed her arms while waiting expectantly for the dark-skinned woman to answer.

"He was with—mmphh—" Her words were cut off when a hand clamped over her mouth, and she made retaliation by biting it. Jean yelped in pain, glancing up to Eren before turning away.

That was unexpected. He didn't think that Jean, his former boyfriend, would be the one to save his ass. Though, the man was still brooding next to Marco. The amount of dark vibes he was giving was enough for a stranger to think that he was depressed, but Eren knew better. He had known Jean since high school—seven years of beings friends with him—and he knew that the ash brown mop was troubled about something. He didn't get to think about it any further when Reiner spoke to Berthold, a huge guy who towered Eren by almost a foot.

"Here! You and Eren have to drink." He handed the black-haired guy a glass of what seemed to be vodka. The brunet grimaced; he'd rather drink the beer that Armin gave him than swallow something stronger than his own tolerance. He made a face before taking two huge gulps of the awful drink, thinking of how much it smelled like piss and why would anyone fucking drink this?!

At the corner of his eye, Mikasa had a stone cold facade on her face but her eyes were blazing with confusion and probably the need to have the answer to what Ymir had brought up. He knew that she would start asking questions, and he thought that if Levi had the courage to finally admit his fears and ask Eren to be his lover, then the least thing he could do was finally become honest to his best friend. To the woman who had been there for him since he was a child and who had given him support when he needed it the most.

"Hey," he softly called out and Mikasa averted her eyes off the spot next to Ymir's head to look at her friend. Eren didn't say anything at first, and he could see the light bouncing off the irises of his friend, thinking how beautiful her dark brown eyes were. It would surely hurt him to see those eyes reflect pain because of him, but to avoid any more damage, he had to let her know.

"Will you speak with me later on the way home?" His voice was almost a whisper, only for his friend to hear, and yet Armin had a knowing look in his baby blue eyes and he smiled encouragingly to Eren across from them.

"Yeah," Mikasa replied after a beat and as if she already had a conjecture in her mind what would they talk about, she displayed a smile on her beautiful face.

The night then went on and after a couple more beers, the group finally decided to go to the dance floor. Upon seeing the crowd of teenagers, the DJ started the crazy remix of songs that got everyone more pumped as a couple of college students nearby started breakdancing. Reiner pushed Jean playfully and the latter seemed to complain about it, but as the other guy beckoned him to dance, his eyebrows met together angrily and he threw his black jacket up in the air. Eren was reminded of the days that he watched Jean dance during their high school days, even teaching him some moves in order to participate to this event in their junior year. The days they spent sweating and laughing at each other had brought nostalgia to him, and now that he was watching him again do his thing, it was as if nothing had changed at all.

Because he stopped dancing right after the accident happened.

There was a lot of cheering and Reiner had joined Jean, spinning their bodies like they didn't weight more than ten pounds. The two other students were completely beat but they kept going for fun. The crowd was getting larger by the minute, creating a circle around the dancers, and the heat was almost suffocating if not or the entertainment provided for them. Eren couldn't help but grin because he had that sense of pride for his friends being the center of the attention, and the situation was a whole lot similar to that movie he watched with Levi. The thought of the grey-eyed man made him smile more.

Those intense light brown eyes met his teal ones out of the blue, and his smile froze on his face and slowly fell off because Jean continued to stare at him as he danced the night away. Maybe, he wasn't the only one reminiscing those old times; those moments he spent happily with his friends without the constant reminder that he had no home to come to—that he was already an orphan. In Jean's eyes, he saw himself foolishly creeping into the classroom with the hope that his teacher of his first class wouldn't notice him, but he ended up getting detention anyway. He also saw himself beaming happily at how Mikasa and Armin tutored him in his least favorite subjects. And he saw himself as that outgoing guy who could carelessly laugh and smile without a care in the worlds. It made him think, How could an accident take away all of those things away from me?

"Are you okay, Eren?" Annie, who was usually indifferent, asked him. She touched his shoulder with obvious concern and the brunet felt guilty that he made her worry like that. He met this girl in his second year of high school and she was mad good at fighting (though, she wasn't really a delinquent). She even gave him lessons and taught him how to defend himself, which he still appreciated up to that day.

He was about to say that it was nothing, but he remember that he told Levi how he would start to try and trust others. So he replied, "Just reminiscing." It was a simple response, but it brought the tiniest smile upon his friend's lips and he knew then that she understood. They continued to watch the showdown until the crowd dispersed and danced by themselves again, leaving the four dancers clapping each other's back to say "that was nice" and whatnot. Jean was still not openly friendly, but Eren saw him try to manage at least a friendly nod to the other two before Reiner and him went back to their own group of friends.

"That was really cool!" Sasha, his high school friend who got caught eating in class in more than one occasion, exclaimed. She could've had some sparkles in her eyes if possible because she seemed to be entrapped by what just took place.

"You really need to teach us those moves," Connie, Sasha's boyfriend who had this funny buzzcut, told Reiner.

"Eh, sure?" Reiner laughed, scratching the back of his blonde hair awkwardly. He might be a big guy but he really couldn't take compliments easily.

Jean, on the other hand, was about to go back to their table, and it might've been the alcohol but Eren's hand shot up and grabbed his forearm by surprise before he could step away from the group. There were curious stares from Reiner, Armin and Mikasa but he ignored them. It seemed like it wasn't fair that everyone was having a good time while there was one who was conspicuously brooding.

"What's been up in your ass lately?" the brunet asked bluntly, blinking because it seemed like the same question was asked to him by the same person he was now directing it to. He guided them to a spot where no gossipy ears could hear them, and by that, he meant Ymir and Reiner. The brown-eyed man scrunched his eyebrows, seemingly frustrated, and Eren wondered what would it take for Jean to finally blow up and spew whatever was on his mind.

"Are you really not gonna talk?" he asked, urging his ex. And as if the timing couldn't get any worse, some lame-ass slow music came on, and the next thing he knew, everyone was already partnering up with one or two or three people. His green eyes caught the sight of Ymir coaxing Krista, a sweet blonde girl, to her arms and the girl blushed before she agreed to dance with her. There was Connie and Sasha, goofing around and practically running everyone over nearby. Armin was beet red as he tremblingly put his hand on Annie's waist, and the woman didn't even bat an eyelash as she pulled him closer by putting her arms around his neck. Poor Armin; he was almost steaming. Berthold and Reiner were trying to make Marco and Mikasa dance with them and they seemed unfazed by the woman's murderous aura that said, "Touch me or I'll chop off your fingers."

"Eren." Jean softly called out to him that he almost didn't hear it, and he tore his eyes away from his friends before he looked at the man who had been his lover just few months ago. The defeated look in his face was enough to send a pang to Eren's heart, and he watched as his ex-lover lifted a hand towards him. He wanted to turn away because they weren't together anymore—because they had no reason to be this close to each other anymore.

And he belonged to someone else now.

The thought was enough to jostle him away from the touch and the flash of pain across Jean's face was unbearable, but the man smiled at him. It was a smile that was meant to match his defeated look, and Eren realized that no matter what his relationship with him was, he wouldn't be able to avoid the fact that he would still care about him.

"Are you happy with him?" he asked, and while everyone was dancing their hearts away, the two of them remained standing close to each other—close enough for them to touch, yet their hearts were thousand miles distant. The brunet knew what—or rather, whom—Jean was talking about, and the thought of that certain short-stack made him smile.

He looked at Jean and said with certainty in his voice, "Yes."

He received a genuine smile in return and his companion told him, "Then, I'm happy for you. I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass."

Jean was the type of person to protect his pride first as his first instinct, as evident with the way he broke up with the brunet. So when Eren heard his apology, he had to stare at the guy for a good thirty seconds before slowly replying, "Don't tell me you've been avoiding me like a plague for weeks because you were thinking about how to say sorry."

He was serious when he said get, yet his ex-boyfriend laughed, almost hesitantly though. Jean then said, "Close, but no. I was thinking of how to let you go."

How to let me go... Oh.

"Did you somehow hit your head when you were dancing?" No, Eren couldn't take it seriously. Just a while ago, he was seeing the Jean who loved to play around and do whatever he wanted. He was seeing the Jean who gave him his first kiss after he told him that he would take care of him—when he saw him pushing everyone away after his mom died. Jean was there for him when he needed him, and Mikasa had ever accepted him begrudgingly at first, but she vouched for him until recently.

So how come this Jean was different from who seemed to be? How come everything seemed to be changing around him?

"No, I did not." The brown-haired man rolled his eyes, a playful smile dangling on his face. It was that very smile that he grew very fond with.

"You do remember that you did hit your head before, right?"

"Haha. Very funny, Jaeger. Do you really have to bring that up? He said his last name. It was like in the past; the way he would get irritated by the green-eyed lad's nagging or by how he would make fun of him.

So maybe, something really hasn't changed.

"You were clumsy," Eren stated as a matter-of-fact.

Jean twitched and retorted back, "Says the guy who would've fell on the stairs if I wasn't there."

"But Connie was fooling around! Wasn't my fault!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Pfft. Connie got you that one time in the bathroom, though."

Jean gave out a long, dragged sigh before muttering, "I'll never forget that. I should get back at the son-of-a-bitch for experimenting with Mentos and soda in the toilet."

Eren let the bubble of laughter escape from his mouth, and soon enough, Jean joined him. He didn't care that the other people around them were staring at them weirdly, or if his friends were smiling gently at the sight of them. It was hard to contain the memories from resurfacing; all of them were from their high school days when they didn't have a buttload of worries to think about or complicated relationships to fix. The night made them feel carefree again, like they were teenagers who merely cared about pulling pranks to strangers or to each other, which was fun to do when you were with a group of crazy people.

"Jean." The brunet let his head fall on the taller one's shoulder, and the latter seemed startled at first before he finally relaxed.

"...Yeah?"

"Thank you." For letting me go.

He didn't touch him, but that familiar warmth was enough for Eren to know that everything was okay—that even if some things had changed around them, their memories would hold them together as friends.

"If that shortie hurts you, tell me. I'll beat him up. Though, I'm the one to talk..."

He pulled back and playfully glared at Jean. "Damn right. Though, I'll take you up with that offer."

His friend laughed, shaking his head, before saying, "I only have one request."

"Yeah?"

"Can I have my goodbye kiss?"

It sounded an innocent request, something typical that a couple breaking up would do, but it made Eren hesitate. It was true that there was only anger and frustration that occurred during his break-up; heck, no one could possible call that a break-up! No one got a closure or some sort, and there were only yelling and words of fury that they ended up regretting in the end. It was funny how that ending of their relationship had brought Eren to the love of his life now. If Jean didn't break up with him, he wouldn't have had thrown a tantrum or scream at the first stranger who bumped to him. He probably wouldn't have met Levi. And yet, it made him wonder if we didn't break up, if I didn't meet Levi, would I be any happier?

No. Something probably still wouldn't feel right. Because everything that happened to him in the past couple of months was just right—almost perfect even.

And he didn't want to lose Levi.

But the fact that Jean ended up the person who was still hanging on one last piece of a thread from their relationship was breaking his heart. No matter what happened, he was still important to him, even if they had hurt each other many times. Only that, this time, they would let go any of the romantic feelings that they had for each other. And with that in mind, he nodded to Jean.

It was only a peck on the lips, and yet it was enough to flood him with memories that sprung tears in his eyes. The warmth that lingered made him remember of the first time they kissed, and it was when no one had the courage to break down his door after being absent for a few days in his last year of high school. It was only Jean, who actually went and did it, and he kissed him as a comfort, something that wasn't meant to happen but it did. His friend confessed to him right there and even promised to take care of him even if he didn't return his feelings. Eren was grateful and the presence of Jean in his empty home made him calm down, and it was maybe that moment that Mikasa and Armin started to accept the goofy guy.

Jean really loved him. And the thought of that made his tears flow on his cheeks.

"H-Hey. Stop crying," the brown-eyed guy said, contemplating whether to touch the chestnut brown hair in front of him before he finally muttered a "fuck it" and tugged the slightly shorter man towards him.

"Thank you." For loving me. His voice was muffled but Jean heard it, and in return, Eren heard the sniffled above him.

"You're such a crybaby. Don't you dare revert back to that state again." The brunet knew what he was talking about, and when remembered about that, he further buried his face on the shirt of his caring friend.

"i'll keep that in mind. Thank you." For caring.

"Stop with the 'thank you's', it's more than enough." Jean's voice trembled the slightest and even if the green-eyed lad had the urge to look up and snap a picture, he knew that this quiet and calm side of his friend wouldn't last. He decided to tease him one last time that night anyway.

"Levi said that he'll dry your fingers if you touch me."

The grin that broke out on his face was accompanied with a groan from Jean as he felt him drop his head on his.

"Oh, god. That possessive shortie."

They called a taxi at eleven thirty.

Eren and Mikasa waited on the sidewalk outside of Wall Maria as they watched their friends leave; Sasha waved them goodbye with a chicken wing in her hand, Connie went with his girlfriend, Marco, Berthold and Jean cramped themselves in Reiner's car, and Ymimr took Krista home. Armin insisted that he would stay and wait for his best friends to get a taxi before he drove home, but Eren shooed him away with an appreciative smile on his face and told the blonde to go home because his grandpa was probably worrying about him. He didn't further argue and said goodbye to them, telling them to be careful. Eren nudged him to take Annie home too, and Armin stammered that he initially planned to do that. Needless to say, the blonde didn't get away from them without putting on the brightest face that Eren had seen on him.

"Come home with me," Mikasa said after minutes of silence. The hum of the music from the bar was still loud, but quiet enough for two people to have a conversation, and there were the ever-decreasing sounds coming from the cars passing by. The street looked empty since most of the shops were already closed; yet the place behind them was still lively.

"Mikasa, I—"

"Just for tonight. I know that you don't feel comfortable, and you might actually had never been in the past, but mom and dad really treat you as part of our family." Her voice was filled with concern, and Eren looked at her.

"I know." He sighed, turning his head up to gaze at the few stars that glittered the midnight blue sky. "I'm sorry. Even after so many years, I've had a hard time opening up to everyone, and I don't think I'll ever be completely ready."

"Eren..."

He closed his eyes and inhaled, liking the feeling of the slightly cool breeze passing by his warm neck. It was almost summer, the opposite season in where that accident took place.

"Mikasa, I still don't remember anything," he took a shaky breath and continued, "or at least something that could help me find clues about what happened. It's hard. It's hard to let anyone in when I can't even fill in the void inside me. It's like...like this hold in my memories is preventing me from moving on."

A hand pressed upon his own brought a little comfort, and he squeezed that hand that reassured him many times that everything was gonna be okay. She spoke, "And no one is forcing you to do anything that you don't want. If you want to trust anyone, then do it. If you don't want to remember anything, then don't. Eren, everything is in the past but if you're convinced that you need some closure, then I'm more than happy to help. Just tell me what to do."

There was a pause, and the next question had Mikasa's heart stop beating.

"Mikasa, why did I wake up in the hospital that night?"

She was about to pull her hand away, but Eren didn't let her and he grasped it more tightly. His green eyes were searching those brown ones, which were avoiding his gaze, for any some answers but there was only turmoil of unspoken emotions. He slowly let her hand go and he started staring up into space.

It wasn't the first time he questioned her about it. And it also wasn't the first time he didn't get any answers.

"Do you love me?" he asked softly. It almost seemed like retaliation for her not answering his question, and it was the cruel way to ask that. However, this was what he had been meaning to ask. What he didn't mean to happen was for her to bet he second person to have their heart broken by him.

"You know I do, Eren."

"I mean.. Do you love me as a man?" He turned his gaze back on her whose eyes widened a fraction, lips were tightened in a straight line.

"What do you mean?"

His eyes softened. He knew that it wasn't the best time to ask about it, but he promised himself that he would be honest with his feelings and to the people that he cared about. If he were wrong about her true feelings about him, then he wouldn't do anything about it. But if she really did have them, then he'd have to tell her everything.

"Mikasa, I'm forever thankful that your family found me and took me in after my mom died. I'll never forget that you were the one who first reached out to me when I didn't know how to stand up after that fall. Which is why I love you and I will always love you." He closed his lips, watching for some reaction but she concealed her true emotions by having her eyes turned away from him.

"You're like a sister to me—a family," he continued carefully, observing the little shaking of her shoulders. "Remember that red scarf that I gave you? You always wear that, and it's really a wonder why you don't have it tonight."

Her cheeks were now red, a first indication that she was finally letting her emotions roam on her face. "Shut up. Annie said that I'll die of suffocation if I have it wrapped around my neck all the time."

Eren laughed and agreed. "Aren't you gonna get rid of it and buy a new one? I gave that to you when we were toddlers, you know."

She tolled her eyes at him and bit back, "No, you dolt. We were six, okay. It was a year after we met each other. And as if I'll get rid of it; dream on."

"You still remember that?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Of course I do."

"Seems like my memory isn't as good as I expected it to be," he said grimly. Their smiles fell and his childhood friend was about to say something that would make him feel better, but he knew that he didn't want that. He wanted to be honest to her, even if she couldn't do that for him as of now.

"I'm sorry. I've always thought that I didn't want to hurt you, and I made you look like a helpless princess in my thoughts so I didn't tell you. I didn't want to see you get hurt, especially because of me." He stopped and he smiled sadly because he finally realized what it was like to be in Levi's shoes, telling these words to the person that held such importance in his heart. "I forgot that you're not weak."

Mikasa swallowed, getting rid of the lump in her throat that restricted her from saying anything. She then said weakly, "Damn right, I'm not."

"Mikasa (she looked up to him), I found the person that I truly love."

Traitor tears spilled from her eyes and she turned her eyes to look ahead, at a distance where Eren was facing a while ago. "Is she someone who can be by your side? Is she someone who won't hurt you? Is she... Is she someone you can let into your walls?"

"...He's someone who broke down my walls."

"Oh my god," she muttered before facing Eren again with an amused eyebrow raised. "Ymir said a 'shortie', and the last time when he came over to our house—"

"Yeah, I already knew him even before that. Remember the amusement park? My broken phone? He's the reason why I'm here right now and confessing everything. He taught me that being alone in that world that I created for myself isn't really the one that I've always wanted. He made me realize I've always wished for someone to break that lonely world so I can let myself out. Mikasa," he gave her a smile, "I'm in love with him."

His friend gave him a heartwarming smile in return and teasingly countered back, "I can't believe that fucking shortie was steps ahead of me all along."

Eren chuckled and said, "And to think that you guys are related."

She glared at him playfully and snorted. "We're hardly related. Don't go comparing me to him after you just broke my heart."

He scratched the nape of his neck sheepishly and offered, "Whoops...?"

"'Whoops' my ass," she grunted. "Jean also let you go, huh?"

"Mhm."

"Then...it's time to let go of my feelings for you, too. But Eren, you're always gonna be family to me, no matter what happens. And I might not be your number one anymore (really, damn that shortie...), but I'm just a phone call away. So if he tries anything, remind him that I'll fry his fingers off."

He blinked and laughed out loud, clutching his stomach and it might have been that infectious sound that got Mikasa also laughing. He was holding onto the concrete wall as he wheezed out, "He legit said the same thing about Jean just few hours ago. Please, don't deny that you guys are soooo alike!"

She stopped laughing, though there was still a grin plastered on her usual stoic face, and she slipped that high-heeled stiletto off her foot before she aimed it towards the brown-haired guy. He attempted to dodge it, laughing even more, but it ended up grazing his back.

"Serves you right!"

Anyone who saw them that night might have had waved them off as drunkards (they might have been under the influence but...) because two grown-ups wouldn't end up chasing each other around the block, like ten-year-olds, screaming and laughing carelessly.

It was one warm night that he would never forget. And he would not regret tearing the rest of his walls down, and finally joining all his friends in the outside world.

Finally letting the one he loved pull him into his world.

A/N: Yes, I know. No Ereri, but this chapter is needed :) Next chapter will be Eren x Levi :D Stay tuned! Thanks for reading and for all your reviews :) Sorry if there's mistakes though... I don't know what's wrong with the doc manager and I had to type this chapter all up again D: Don't have enough time to proofread :x
-CrimsonHazelEyes