I don't own SnK

"The truth is that airports saw more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of the churches."
-Anonymous

~Chapter Twelve: Turbulence~

Numbness. That was the only thing he could feel. Really, how ironic was that? The water behind his eyelids that slid down his cheeks, the warm, slick blood on his hands, his heart that seemed to stop with the time and his stomach that flipped with bitter nausea—they were the things that he should feel, but his senses were dulled. He couldn't even hear the deafening sounds of the sirens, which couldn't be far from him but they seemed like a hundred miles away. He just saw and heard Mike, his boss with a hole on his stomach, uttering that statement.

"Your mom's death is not an accident, Eren."

Five years of his life—and he was forced to give up on looking for the coward who caused the car crash that took his mom's life away. It was five years ago when he had to stand there near the case where the cold body of his mother was put into, obligated to accept everyone's condolences even though he wanted nothing more than to dash away from that place and find the source of all the grief and sorrow hallowing his heart. The most important person in his life was stolen away from him because of an accident. And now he found out that it was not like that at all?

He felt the ground beneath his feet caved away, like his entire being was falling and falling and falling, because everything that he had believed on at that point had turned out to be a lie. He believed that the man who caused the accident might have been scared because he had a family to feed and he couldn't afford to get behind the bars. He believed that even though he didn't remember anything that night it happened, he would still be able to find peace for himself and he would be able to let go of the past.

So how come everything seemed to be crumbling into pieces?

He barely registered the door of the back room being pushed from the outside; they could've had crashed it open and he wouldn't even notice it. Mike had moved away, calling out something to the people on the other side of the door, but Eren didn't hear any of it. Three men and a woman held their guns and all of them were dressed with that dark material of clothing. He recognized one of them, a tall guy with a meticulously combed blonde hair, and he was shaking the brunet away out of his stupor. He was still kneeling on the ground while the others were taking Mike away; a stretcher was ready for him to be placed on. The blonde agent knelt in front of him; his mouth was opening and closing like he was saying something to him. And he really was.

"Eren, can you hear me? Are you alright?" he asked frantically, thick eyebrows were furrowing in deep worry. He placed a hand on the young man's shoulder and attempted to shake him out of his trance, but he didn't—couldn't—respond. He then placed both of those big hands of his on Eren's and shook him a little harder, but not hard enough that his head would roll back and forth. The last thing that both of them needed was for the brunet to worsen his mental and emotional state.

When he regained a bit of his bearings, Eren first noticed the feeling of the dampness on his cheeks, which was slowly turning crusty. He then recognized the man in front of him. Erwin, Levi's friend.

Levi.

At the thought of that name, it was like an ice cold bucket of water was dumped on him and he convulsed out of his unconsciousness. He whipped his head everywhere, trying to piece everything together, from the gunshots in the bakery that seemed to echo in his ears even now, to the moment Mike slid on his shoulder, a wound threatening to spill his life out of him. There were traces of that crimson liquid on the once white tiled floors, and the revulsion that he kept down inside had hit him with its full force. His green eyes widened in panic and he found the garbage can near the lockers. Erwin seemed to get the gist of it and he immediately ran to the wastebasket and placed it in front of Eren with a loud thud. The brunet let the vomit come out; head almost halfway into the bin and his fringes was stuck to his sweat. It could've been just several seconds of keeling on the bloody floor, guts seemed to be clogged in his throat, or maybe a few minutes or even an hour had passed.

However, nothing came.

It insistently remained stuck somewhere in him and he could only cry because it was painful.

It was goddamned painful.

He didn't know when Erwin walked away from him; barely even felt that he was rubbing his back soothingly when he was trying to puke all his nerves out. It was when that familiar warm hand touched his cheek that he knew.

He knew that he was there.

Levi was giving him an atypical look and Eren's own teal eyes stared back at the reflection presented on those gray ones. He saw a terrified and disheveled man, looking lost with no instrument to find his way back. Then he realized with a jolt that the same fear he felt was mirrored in those beautiful eyes. He wasn't the one who felt that frightening feeling clawing at his chest.

Levi had also been scared.

And Eren felt guilty because he was the one who put that expression on his beloved's face. He could see by how those eyes followed the traces of the blood on the floor to the brunet's hands, that he was shaken by what happened. It wasn't only Eren who was affected, he realized, and that deep tug in his heart made him want to hit himself. He almost lost Mike and yet he yelled at him after he saved his life. Erwin was trying to help him but he ignored his presence and focused on himself alone. He wasn't the one who got injured and yet Levi was showing that face like he had lost him. How many people were going to get hurt because of him?

He wondered if maybe he also had something to do with his mom's death.

No.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts that were threatening to kill him in the inside. He willed himself to focus on that familiar face inches away from him, and he tried to regain a hold of his five senses again, wanting nothing more than to reassure his lover that everything was fine. That it was all going to be okay.

But he knew that it was not, and would not be by a long shot.

"Eren?" He called out to him, anxiety laced with his voice, and he touched both of his cheeks. The sound of his name rolling off his tongue was more than reassuring enough and it reminded him of how loving he was—how he felt at home when his presence was around. The younger man closed his eyes and the thought of shutting everything down, giving into the darkness, was suddenly too tempting to pass up. At that moment, he desired nothing but to fall asleep in the arms of the man that he loved. He just wanted to pretend that none of these had happened and he could go on to his normal life as that lousy college art student. It was so much better that way.

Because right now his tears were traitorously running down his face again.

"Shh. I'm here, I'm here." Levi pulled him into those awaiting, comforting arms and he rocked them on his heels, as they remained crouched on the ground.

"Levi…Levi…Levi…" Eren repeatedly whispered his name as a mantra, trying to soothe his aching and most likely breaking heart. He didn't know if anything—or anyone—could actually fix this one, because he knew that this incident was just the beginning of everything. If this had happened when Levi was around, he would never be able to forgive himself. The last thing he wanted was to drag one of the most important people in his life to this dangerous mess he was involved in. It was right there when he made a vow. A vow to protect the people that mattered to him.

And with that promise resounding in his head, he let himself be consumed in the darkness.

There were muffled noises.

He felt himself twitch and he realized that a black hole was blocking his eyesight, but by the time he regained his consciousness, he knew that he had to open his eyes to see the light again.

It was hard to peel his eyelids open when they felt like they were super-glued on his skin, and it was damn painful. He had to suppress the shudder that went through his body at the thought of his eyelashes being plucked out one by one because they were stuck on his skin. However, when he finally opened his teal eyes with an excruciating effort, he merely saw the opposite of what he had originally seen: white. He blinked slowly and first managed to recognize those faint noises as actual human voices, and the understanding that he was staring at a white, spotless ceiling came in second.

"Eren?"

It was Levi, and he knew that it was the certain grey-eyed man because the way he had said his name was different from how everyone else had said it. But as much as he loved hearing his name from the older man, his confusion was too strong to be ignored and it very much needed some attention.

"W-Where am I?" He croaked out, disliking that dry feeling on his tongue like he just swallowed a mouthful of cotton balls. Ew. Gross. His question was answered when he moved his gaze off the ceiling and to his surroundings. Tubes were linked, like lines impossible to distinguish from one another, between his body and an IV stand. He tried to bend his head down to confirm his suspicion but it was hard when a loopy feeling got the better of him, making his eyes see a tilted world for a moment and scaring the living crap out of him. He should've probably taken it easy first. After readjusting his vision though, he looked at what he was wearing and he cringed when he saw that white hospital gown.

Fuck.

This was probably the worse place to be at when his mind was clouded with utter disorientation. He didn't even see the certain short man next to his bed because his heart was hammering hard in his chest, forgetting that his vitals were in check with the stupid machines connected to him.

"Eren, are you alright?"

He would've had enjoyed the sound of his name again because he was not being called a "kid" or a "brat"; a moment like this was very rare. However, it was a hard hurdle to overcome the panic that gripped his chest, making him gasp unevenly and rapidly like he was drowning and he was far below to make it to the surface and get air. He immediately sat up, ignoring the silent protest of his numb limbs, making him wonder for a second of how long had he been knocked out.

"Should I call the nurse or the doctor?"

There was a slight panic in that voice and he finally lifted his gaze from the despicable white hospital sheets to the man standing beside him. Levi was looking at him worriedly; his impassive face was long forgotten as he tried to check for any signs of what was wrong with Eren. The brunet's heart stopped its erratic beating and started to go back to its normal pace, feeling a bit calm now that he got to see the face of the person he wanted to see the most. It was like Levi had given him the air that he needed, enabling him to breathe again and relief settled in his body.

"You're here," he muttered softly and he slowly lifted his hand towards Levi's that was laid on the sheets next to him. He tried to suppress a look of grimace from surfacing on his face as he caught a glimpse of a tube taped on his arm, yet it still made him falter and the older male had no doubt caught his reaction. He was startled when pale hands reached for his and he was set ablaze with one simple touch; he'd never get tired of these stimulations that were caused by his lover. The warmth in those hands was transferred to his as Levi slowly intertwined their fingers together. The sight was enough for Eren to settle in that bliss of ignorance he was in, completely forgetting his agitation and his worries.

"Are you feeling alright?" the grey-eyed man asked him cautiously. Eren couldn't blame him for asking that because he had probably looked like a deer caught in headlights the first time he awoke.

"Yeah. My mouth feels really dry, though," Eren replied to him with a broken voice.

A cup of water was handed to him and he took it gratefully before gulping it down to the last drop. The thirst he had felt was mostly quenched and he was confident that he would be able to talk with less difficulty now. He gave the cup back to Levi who placed it on top of the table some feet away from the hospital bed.

Right. He was in the hospital.

The brunet squeezed his eyes closed for a bit, focusing on the bits of memories coming back to him. He exhaled shakily and snapped his green eyes open when he remembered what took place at the bakery, where he had witnessed a shower of gunshots that should've had injured him, and Mike bleeding to death.

"Where's Mike?" he asked, eyes seeking the door of his room, and he was quite ready to bolt out of there if not for the squeeze that Levi had provided him.

"He's alright. He lost a lot of blood, but he's gonna be fine. Erwin is with him right now," he reassured the brunet.

It made him sigh in relief like a weight was taken away from his shoulders and he could move again. He could still see that crimson liquid behind his eyelids, but he was extremely thankful that the man who saved his life was alive and breathing.

"Your mom's death is not an accident, Eren."

Those words came back to him; a painful throb on his left temple left him wincing in pain. Levi had seen it and he pulled one hand away from their entangled fingers, using it to caress Eren's cheek. He unconsciously leaned to that touch, affectionate and comforting, and it prompted him to shove away all his thoughts away. It would remain in his mind no matter what he did, but he would get nowhere worrying about it and finding answers when they could only be heard from his protector. And he was determined to get out whatever he needed to hear from him, and if Mike still wouldn't budge then he would look for the answers himself.

His gaze landed on Levi who was staring back at him. This precious man that changed his view about love the minute he bumped to him in that amusement park had been one of the greatest blessings he had received in his life. He recalled the gunshots, the wound on Mike's body, and it made him think that if Levi were the one bleeding his life away, Eren would've probably lost it. Mikasa, Armin and Jean had been the few people he trusted and he would be more than ready to shield them away from any bullets, and Levi was not any different. He would've given his life for him and it still wouldn't be enough because he had given him much more. He had given him his trust, his heart, his love—and though, he still hadn't heard those awaited three words from his mouth, he knew—and yet Eren couldn't give him all his heart yet. Not when he still feared something.

He feared that he would lose the connection that they built together. He feared that Levi, being the older one between them, would be more likely to be disappointed if Eren made a mistake in their relationship. He feared that the man he cared about would leave him if he realized the flaws he hid behind those silly smiles of his. He feared that if he were to love him more deeply than he already had, then he would become an empty shell once again if he were to lose him. They were holding hands right now, warmth shared between them, but he didn't know when would this last; it could be the next minute, the next hour, or the next day. And he was terrified of that.

"Stop it," Levi suddenly spoke, his thin eyebrows meeting together at the center of his forehead.

Eren looked at him confusedly and the grey-eyed man gave out a sigh.

"You look… so far away. I feel like I can't reach you." There was a hint of desperation and helplessness in that voice and the green-eyed lad attempted to smile to him.

"Sorry. It's hard not to space out when I just went through all…that."

"I know." The shorter man gave him a sympathetic smile and sat on the chair next to the bed, holding Eren's hand all the while like he was afraid that he really would lose the young man if he were to take his hand away from him or even his eyes off him.

Eren wondered if Levi was ever gonna ask him about what happened, interrogate him because his boyfriend was without a doubt worried like hell. However, he remained silent and by the brunet's side. It allowed him to gaze upon those long eyelashes touching his pale cheekbones, those thin lips that perfectly fitted upon his own, those eyes that held that silver molten liquid that never failed to make him feel exhilarated and those jet-black strands that Levi somehow maintained neat and trimmed. Eren recalled that those features were what he saw in the middle of a struggle with his life.

He'd never be able to make it through if he were not able to see that face again, that voice again.

"Levi."

His voice quivered slightly and before he knew it, he already grasped the older man towards him, closing the distance between them in one pull. He saw Levi's eyes widened the slightest, clearly surprised at the bold action that Eren was about to take, before his eyelids shut closed. And he felt that warm sensation again.

This time they weren't under any stars and the situation that they were in right now should be nothing romantic at all. But the moment their lips touched, the spark that they first avoided then embraced together was back, electrifying their nerves and lighting up something inside them that made them push to each other's heat even more closer. Their lips were firm as they pressed together and Levi moved, urging Eren to do the same. Their kiss became more heated as the older male sighed and the younger took that opportunity to swipe his tongue on his bottom lip before nipping it lightly. A light growl was heard before tongues tangled with each other, exploring the caverns that they hadn't yet felt before. It was like a fire—blazing, hot, bright—shooting up his nerves and behind his eyelids. Chest was pressed against his, a hand tugged onto his chestnut brown hair and another hand grasped the fabric he was wearing; these stimulations were enough for him to imitate the sigh he had received a moment ago, and it was one of satisfaction. He felt like he was taken up to the heights, breathing in the scent that was so familiar to him. The bed creaked slightly, clothes rustled and noses bumped once or twice and yet none of these bothered them as evident with the little moans that escaped from their lips. Eren knew that he was running out of oxygen when he felt that burning feeling in his lungs and even though every fiber of his seemed to protest, he had to pull away.

His eyes were half-lidded and he stared at Levi whose cheeks were tinted pink, which was a feat, really, and his eyes were dilated to the point that there was only a thin ring of silver around his pupil. The wetness on his lips unconsciously made Eren lick his own, catching the taste of the older man's—a sweet yet bitter taste, like a hint of coffee. Typical Levi. The thought caused a smile to grace his face and he was aware that there was less than an inch between the two of them; they were practically sharing the same breath. The intimacy that they were engaged in hadn't ended when their lips weren't locked on each other anymore; in fact, the proximity that they had right now while observing each other could still send a tingle to their bodies. Eren's mind was successfully wiped out of any thoughts that he didn't want to intrude in his time with his lover, and he couldn't get any happier to disregard them at the moment.

"Warn me next time, brat," Levi said breathlessly. It made the young man grin; all his pain was forgotten.

"Then, I'll kiss you again," he said cheekily before diving in the second time. And while his lips were upon Levi's, he felt the older male shake a bit with silent laughter.

It was one moment that Eren wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

Eren woke up and he judged that it was in the middle of the night because the only thing that he could hear was the hum of some machine near him and he could only see a silver of light filtering through the blinds. He blinked the bleariness away and remembered that he was supposed to stay in the hospital for one more night because his doctor doubted his ability to walk straight after fainting unceremoniously like that. It was just a precaution, he said and he denied the brunet's claim that he was perfectly fine. His doctor was without a doubt a little more than worried about the impact on his mental state than his physical being. So there he was, lying on his back and staring at that white ceiling again, wide awake because he had practically slept the whole afternoon. He was out for more than ten hours after the incident happened and he mused how that seemed to be the first time since he entered college that he was able to get that much sleep.

He recalled the bits of what happened that afternoon, chuckling at the memory. Mikasa and his friends rushed to his room fifteen minutes after he told them about what happened, thanks to Levi who had forced him to call them. It wasn't an easy task because when Mikasa picked up her phone, she frantically asked him where he was because she had already heard from Ymir about what happened to their poor bakery—that same bakery that gave him a job and a source of living when he was currently being "independent" individual. At the thought of the bakery, he recalled his boss and the fact that he shouldn't be too far away from his room. He had the resolve to talk to the man about what he revealed to him, and his questions that he pushed at the back of his mind were now flowing like a dam. He needed answers fast.

Like now.

Eren was freed from the lines of tubes that brought upon a wave of hatred in him when he first saw them, and he remembered the reason why. He didn't like the idea of being in the hospital because there were lives on the verge of falling into that darkness, there were patients crying because of an incurable disease and there those who had simply given up hope after some news being delivered to them. But what made him loathe the place was because it reminded him of that dreamless night where he had woken up completely clueless about everything. That was when he first had his episode—right after he found out that his mom was dead.

He slipped out of the thin blankets swept over him and slowly placed his toes on the cold hard ground. The brunet hesitated a bit. What if Mike was asleep? Wouldn't his effort become wasted then? But what if he wasn't ready to hear the truth yet? What if the answer that he was seeking for could potentially end this life that he was currently living? Would he still be the same afterwards? His hesitance made him swallow hard; he couldn't possibly back out now.

He willed himself to walk to the door of his room and open it quietly so it wouldn't alert any staff of the hospital. The last thing he wanted was a cheeky nurse who would cause a racket in the middle of the night, reprimanding him about rules and sneaking out. He closed his door just as quietly as he opened it, and he started his search. According to what he heard from Levi earlier, Mike should only be a couple of rooms away from him but Eren didn't know which way to go. He chose left and headed towards the door that would lead him to his wounded boss.

When he reached the room his hand hovered on the doorknob, and he contemplated whether he was really going to do this or not. He'd wondered where did all the anger and frustration he felt a little more than ten hours ago had gone to because he could really use of those right now. His nerves were wired and after a couple of minutes battling an inner conflict in his mind, he finally closed his eyes and just wished himself luck. The door swung open slowly and he thanked the heavens that the object didn't creak; he didn't want the FBI agent pointing a gun to him right now.

The first thing he noticed was the pair of eyes trained on him, and he knew that Mike was probably expecting him. The blonde was sitting up, a blue cast was around his arm and Eren vaguely remembered that he saw one like that just a little over a week ago.

"Eren."

"Mike," he called back, clearing his voice when it didn't sound right to his ears. "Are you alright?"

His boss nodded and let out a smile to him—a smile that he knew he didn't deserve because he couldn't repay him enough for protecting him. "I'm fine," he said.

"Look, I…" Eren trailed off, eyes catching Mike motioning for him to come closer. He did just that and he sat on the chair available next to his hospital bed, breathing unevenly because the atmosphere around them was heavy with tension—a totally different one compared to the one he shared with Levi.

"I know that you're seeking for answers right now," the FBI agent told him sympathetically. He continued, "Eren, do you remember what I told you about your mother?"

He let a beat passed before nodding.

"I'm serious when I told you that your life is danger, and I'm seriously not doing a great job if I get injured every time it happens," he let out a dry laugh, "But I can assure you that you're not going to be in any danger if I'm right here."

The young man let that sink in, before he replied carefully, "How long have you been under the cover of a bakery boss?"

"Ah." Mike fell back on the pillows, trying to get in a comfortable position but the tension on his shoulders hadn't left yet. "It's true that I've taken up that job."

"Huh?" Confusion filled the green-eyed lad's voice. "What do you mean? If you've been protecting me then—"

"It's true that I've been keeping you out of any harm but also I'm taking a break from the FBI business for real."

"But you said…"

"The responsibility of protecting you does not fall under any assignment given to me. I'm doing this out of my own will," Mike said genuinely.

The response was not what Eren had expected, far from it actually. He had ran over the things that happened to him in his brain and he only grasped the idea that Mike had been there for him as his protector since two years ago when he found him wandering the streets looking for a job. He was the one who took him in and supported his goal, which he was grateful for. He really thought that all of those were just part of his job. But it looked like that it wasn't the case, after all.

So why?

He wasn't aware that he had said his thought out loud, and he was a bit startled when Mike had responded to him.

"Because I was there when the car crash happened."

Green eyes widened upon hearing that statement and his mouth dropped a little. He felt his stomach dropped more, hearting drumming against his chest, when the blonde continued talking.

"It was on an empty intersection at a local town when I drove home after work. I stopped at the red light at the same time I saw a car that was flipped over. But that's not all that I saw."

He could feel the prickling of his tears and the lump in his throat grew, making him unable to speak. But he had to. He had to know this. He had to clear all the deception that those five years had blinded him with.

"I saw a man near your mom's car and I immediately ran after I left my car in the middle of the street. He probably saw me because he started running too, and I was about to chase after him when he tried to get back to a truck on the street but I knew that there's someone who needed my help more. I found your mom and I called the ambulance and they went to get you and your mom."

Eren's mind was like a puzzle now, fitting in pieces that seemed likely to fit with all the others that were already intact. It was giving him a massive headache, yet he managed to say, "Are you saying that someone intentionally crashed his truck to my mom's to create that accident?" The sound of his questions was incredulous even to his ears, but Mike gave him the confirmation that he needed.

"He was in disguised, Eren. His truck was badly dented on the front and he somehow managed to take all the damage to your mom. He was skilled, like he knew what exactly he was doing. His plate number was faked and I checked it several times, trying to find him because he was our initial suspect. But it's been years and nothing came up. His truck was crumpled in the junkyard and there are still no leads."

"Wait…" Eren's gulped down, mouth opening to gasp some air into his fluctuating lungs. "You…You said that…" He looked at Mike and the blonde's eyes were a fraction bigger and they were suddenly filled with dread and fear.

"You said 'they went to get you and your mom.' Why are you telling me that I was there that night, Mike?"

A/N: Oooooohhhh okay well some of the mysteries are being solved now :P Bits and bits of them will be revealed and I hope you stay tuned when the big picture is finally displayed for all to see ;) I hope you like this chapter haha I have no comment about that make-out scene; I hope it's not that bad. well uhm thank you for reading and hope that you'll drop a review XD Thanks for the reviews for the past chapters :) They make me entertained and happy hahaha
-CrimsonHazelEyes