I don't own SnK
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."
-Neil Gaiman
~Chapter Eighteen: The Beginning and the End~
Post-France was a mix of both content and disappointment; Eren was happy that he got to see the Eiffel Tower with Levi the last day and when they got to Paris, he had the urge to actually explore the rich city but he wasn't able to. He was right, weeks didn't cut it; he needed months to stay there. Levi was looking fresh after that vacation and Eren would always turn red whenever he thought of the possibilities as to what could bring the grumpy lawyer into a good mood.
"Oooohh~ Something happened in France~" Hanji all but sang to them. It never failed to make Eren go red.
It didn't help that his overprotective sister/best friend/child hood friend that went by the name Mikasa Ackerman had practically grilled him the very next day after he came back.
"That Shortie didn't cross the line, did he, Eren?" she asked him very sinisterly and the brunet went a bit pale because he knew what the dark-haired woman was capable of. After all, Mikasa was sort of the feminine hero who rose back in high school after she sent one guy (who was picking a fight with Eren) to the nurse's office with a bloody nose. No one dared to mess with her or with Eren (at least when she wasn't there) anymore after that. Even Jean would piss his pants if she were to send one glare to his direction back then.
"Mikasa! You know Levi, and you know that he's decently rational," he told her fervently. Though, his own request to the said man the night before they left France couldn't be really "decently rational" in the eyes of many people, but he was happy and he didn't regret anything. And that was all that mattered, really.
Mikasa merely sighed as if she was fed up with her futile warnings to Eren because they seemed to just bounce off his head. She then muttered, "France is the place for lovesick fools like you two. Just use protection, okay?"
Oh, my God. He thought he couldn't get any redder when Hanji had already taken up the job of the constant suggestive teasing, but when the subject was brought up by Mikasa, Eren was sure that he was going to explode in embarrassment and mortification. She was like his sister for Pete's sake! Discussing his sexual matters with her or anyone he deemed a family member was awkward as hell, and was now making him wish that a black hole could just magically open up and swallow him whole.
Eren averted his eyes from her, hiding his flushed face behind his cup of caramel Frappuccino and grumbling, "Please, spare me the lecture."
Mikasa complied anyway but not before sending him a smirk and saying, "About time you got laid."
That just made Eren want to actually jump to the next car that was passing by on the road. He sunk on his seat, cringing at how his sweat was sticking on his body because it was hot—like what the hell, it's so freaking hot—and the shade that the small umbrella attached to their table looming over their heads was definitely not working. The busy people walking by or rushing out of the little café weren't helping either; instead, the business suits that some of them had were only making Eren feel hotter than necessary.
"You're making it sound as if I haven't done anything before!"
Mikasa snorted. "You were a virgin before France."
Eren spluttered, "W-What?! How do you even know that?!"
"Jean runs his mouth, you know him. Even though you two were together for like what, seven months? He said that you've never breached the third base. Wow, platonic much?" Mikasa stated, bemused.
"Ugh. Can we stop talking about my sex life here?" Eren rolled his eyes, slumping in a heap on the table. His forehead touched the cool surface of the glass table and he sighed blissfully.
"Last time I checked, you never had one until Levi Ackerman," she retorted.
"Oh, God. Stop," Eren whined, facing the road so that his left cheek was on the table.
"Surprisingly, my parents approve of him."
He lifted his face slightly to narrow his eyes on her and dumbly uttered, "They know?"
"Uh huh."
The brunet knocked his forehead on the hard surface again and whined, "Whyyyy? Oh, my God. Does everyone know?"
Mikasa had a playful smile on her face, as she said, "Not everyone, but probably all the people that know you."
"Thanks (he rolled his eyes), that really makes me feel a lot better," he said. His best friend across from him might have had noticed his voice dripping sarcasm but she simply shrugged it off and sipped her own Frap.
"By the way, are you serious about stopping college?" she asked him, now concerned with a whole different topic that Eren didn't really want to go to.
"Well, I've been planning to work as an illustrator or a designer for some time now and I think this is a perfect opportunity for me, you know. And Levi has a friend who can land me on a job in the future; I'll be working with architectural designs," he said to her, now grinning. It made Mikasa smile too and she gazed on the street across from them, the sun beating down on the pavement and it made her wonder if it was possible to catch something on fire with this a hundred-degree weather.
"That's good."
Eren straightened up and finished his drink, taking in the sight of Mikasa turning away from him and seemingly far away. He was glad that things between them were okay now, as if there was really nothing to worry about—like tense atmosphere or awkward avoidance of a certain subject—in the first place. He knew that she was a very understanding person and that she could come by when he needed help. She had helped him in many ways possible, and Eren couldn't be any more grateful to have a friend like her. Moments like this made him appreciate more of what he had, and what he could have in the future. And he didn't regret his decision of letting go of the past…
…Not yet.
Eren didn't know how the hell did time just pass by in a blink of an eye, and he could now testify to the saying "time flies when you're having fun."
This summer had been exceptional for him because he had done almost everything that a normal guy like him would do over this kind of vacation. He went to this huge park with Armin and some of his friends to go biking and have a small picnic, and then the whole gang went to a water theme amusement park, which somehow ended up with Connie sporting a bruised face because Sasha had miraculously flipped them upside down while sliding down this tube—that was funny as hell and Reiner and Jean wouldn't stop laughing even in the car ride heading back home. What was astonishingly frightening about that certain hangout was the fact that Levi and his own friends, Hanji, Erwin and some other people he was introduced to, had actually came with them. Like, uh what is a group of grownup adults doing in this kind of place? Nonetheless, the two big groups colliding together was definitely a sight to see. Many children and teenagers had stopped and stare at them but they completely went along with it when they found out just how crazy and fun (two descriptions that shouldn't really go together, but they always did) the bunch of them was.
He never knew that he would describe Erwin Smith as fun until that day; and he still could remember how his level of respect kinda crumbled into pieces the second he saw the blonde in a freaking rainbow speedo. Levi had turned into a devil and slapped some black short trunks on him before the once-intimidating-man jumped into the water tube.
And Eren couldn't—and wouldn't—forget how cheesy Levi became. He even took him on a date at the same amusement park they had first met. The brunet was grinning the whole day and it was goddamned idiotic-looking but the infectious smile didn't stop from infecting Levi. Oh, the two of them were truly a sight to behold. Just one season ago, people were staring at Eren who was crying because of a stranger (which was really just partially true, but still…) but on that one date, they were staring at the couple because they really did look like lovesick fools. Oh, what a turn of events that was.
The young man didn't stop taking pictures either and he couldn't stop laughing at this one certain picture when Levi looked scared as hell when both of them went down on this waterslide. There was another one that he bought at their date at the park and he was thankful that he did because the looks on their faces as the roller coaster dropped down from above were priceless. Never had he ever imagined Levi's eyes go wide like he just saw his house flipped a hundred eighty degrees, or the fact that Eren himself had opened his mouth so big he could fit the head of the person in front of him in the ride. Uh, totally priceless. The raven threatened to burn those pictures but Eren was quick to save it in his flash-drive. It was also his idea to turn Levi's house similar to that one in Lyon; he literally renovated his room by moving stuff across from the other ends so that he had space to maneuver around as he clipped pictures encircling the room.
"Mmm, not bad," Levi had said one evening when Eren was completely done with his work. That might not sound like a huge compliment but it was Levi, and that was a lot coming from that short-stack.
It was weird how Eren got used to Levi's house to the point that he could see his own belongings in parts of the place, like his toothbrush in the bathroom had unceremoniously popped out next to Levi's (well, he might have ended up placing it there because the older male had complained about his morning breath once or twice…). Some of his shirts were also put inside the drawer in the bedroom, which was a good thing, really, because he got to see his boyfriend in his paint-smudged shirts in several mornings. The downside (he really couldn't decide if it was a downside or not) of it was the fact that Levi's cuteness level would overload and would sometimes leave Eren's mind fried. Those blushes and small smiles should be illegal.
"Levi seems more…light? Refreshed? Like, what the hell did you do, Eren Jaeger?" Erwin asked incredulously one night when he and Hanji dropped by Levi's house without announcement. It pissed off the raven to no end and Eren could tell because he was slightly feeling the same at that moment…not like they were doing anything before they arrived. Nope, not at all.
"Duh, Eren captured Levi's heart in one go," Hanji answered for them. It made the certain lawyer twitch and the poor brunet blush, something that he was afraid would actually be permanent because turning red shouldn't be this frequent. However, he also knew that there was really no end to this if Hanji wouldn't stop teasing them, which probably would never happen in this lifetime.
And the fact that Levi actually replied to that comment made him swivel towards the raven. He said, "It was the other way 'round, dumbass."
The brunet wondered if the three adults were there to make him implode because, they were just too much!
But there was also the fact that he didn't deny it—that his heart was truly captured by Levi. And Eren didn't need for him to say that he had also captured Levi's heart out loud. After all, for Levi, telling Hanji that she was right was like selling his soul to hell.
Ah, such good friends.
"Wha—Ow!" Eren yelped as he felt the shock of pain on the skin of his wrist. The coffee dripped down his hand and he mentally slapped himself because wow, great going, Jaeger.
"What the hell are you doing, brat?" He heard Levi grumble and he felt cool fingertips on his wrists before a hand started wiping the liquid off his skin with a napkin.
"Sorry, sorry," he apologized sheepishly. He helped his boyfriend by taking the napkins from him and wiping himself off the coffee and oh god, he would stink like caffeine-booze now.
Petra happened to pass by and asked if Levi needed a custodian to clean up the mess and he told her that they could just do it later. Eren, nonetheless, settled with mopping the floor with a makeshift rag produced by piles of napkins that were conveniently on the table in front of him. He was glad that he didn't get any on his shirt or on the couch because the workers in the law firm would probably not appreciate that.
"See you later, Eren!" Petra waved goodbye and the brunet sent one of his own before turning his body completely to Levi.
"What the heck did you just say earlier?" he asked, voice rising a pitch higher.
"My uncle wants to see me, some bonding bullshit, and I'm wondering if you're comfortable coming with me before we go to our dinner," Levi calmly explained to him once more. But none of that registered to Eren because his brain was too busy replaying the words "I'll get to see Levi's uncle. Oh God." He wasn't a fan of meet-the-parents—or meet-the-uncle in his lover's case—because he knew how passive-aggressively Mikasa had reacted at first when she officially met Levi as his lover; the woman had claimed that the wine Levi brought one evening at their house was poisoned by feigning to faint. Eren could still remember how Levi's already-pale face became paler (if that was even possible) as if he just witnessed a grandma have a heart attack—but Mikasa was neither a grandma nor having a heart attack. When she saw the shorter man's reaction though, she almost died laughing and Eren almost choked her because that wasn't funny. Okay, maybe he did laugh a bit afterwards. But the point was, he didn't like confrontations! It took a couple of attempts before he could find closures and get Levi to ask him out and tell him about himself and about the incident that should be forgotten now, and meeting Levi's only family member (that Levi actually knew and hadn't met accidentally somewhere) was more than nerve-wracking.
"—Are you listening, brat?" Levi sounded a bit impatient but more curious as to where Eren's soul had gone off to this time.
"Err… What's your uncle's name again?" he asked, dodging the question completely and he was glad that Levi didn't notice.
"Kenny. Kenny Ackerman," he said.
There was something strangely familiar about the name and he wondered what could it be because he knew that it would bother him later on. But there was a more significant question: Was he ready to do this meet-the-uncle thing? Sure, he had met Levi's parents but Kenny Ackerman (ugh, he could have sworn he'd seen the name on an article somewhere), based on Levi's stories, wasn't really the perfect guardian. He was just…there. But Levi seemed to regard him with some degree of respect so maybe the man wasn't that bad.
"And you want me to go with you and meet him?" he asked unsurely. He earned an eye roll from the raven and he would've have countered back if not for the fact that he was genuinely nervous.
"You don't have to. It was just a suggestion. He just wants to see me for like half an hour then we'll go. It's probably just the usual casual talk, don't worry," Levi reassured him.
Eren felt like he was obligated to go but for the most part, he wanted to. He wanted to see the person who had raised Levi during the absence of his parents. He wanted to know what kind of a person this man was to actually give more attention to his job than to the teenager that was wrecking his life back in that ivory house. He wanted to get to know that piece of Levi's life. He wanted to know who Kenny Ackerman was.
"No, I'll go. I met your parents, you met mine—my second family, that is—so I want to meet your uncle then," he told him with a smile.
Levi's eyebrows scrunched a bit. "Are you sure?"
He nodded and he said, "By the way, are you free tomorrow?"
"Mmm, yeah. Why?"
His green eyes softly gazed at those silver pools before he told him, "I want to formally introduce you to my parents." Eren knew that that would be a big step for him. He visited their grave every chance he got and he hadn't taken Levi there yet because he wanted to make sure that they were both ready—that Eren was ready to show him the last and important part of his life and that Levi would not turn away from him, something that he deemed to be royally ridiculous. But when you loved someone that deeply, all fears would show themselves and would threaten to conquer that love. But Eren would not let that happen, not even until his last breath.
"So what? Like you're having a mental meltdown because you're meeting his uncle? Big shit, Eren. Calm down."
Wow, leave to Jean to become a dick when he needed it the most.
"Thanks a lot, horseface."
"You're welcome, Jaegerbombastic. But seriously, dude, you met my parents before and did they eat you? No."
"Why did I even call you again?"
"Because you thought of calling Armin but he's currently unavailable because he's preoccupied with Annie, and Mikasa is hanging out with her college friends at the moment. Which leaves me to entertain and give you some insight, your royal highness."
"Then how about doing your job properly while you're on it?" he hissed on the phone.
He truly hated how Jean Kirstein seemed to know everything about him, which was actually not a lie considering that they were friends since high school before becoming lovers and then becoming friends again. An asshole friend he is.
"I'm starting to think that this has less something to do with the meet-the-uncle than it has relation to how painfully obvious it was that you were hiding something months ago."
Well, that definitely caught Eren off-guard. He stared at the high ceiling of the lobby and frowned. He was right; Jean could somehow read him too. Or maybe Armin or Mikasa had talked to him about this because those two were as good as Levi.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't even try to hide it. As much as it makes me want to cringe, I'm studying law like that Shortie and I know you, Eren. Remember the time when you cut class back in high school? You avoided Mikasa for three days because you knew that you were a bad liar—and you still are—and that she would find out. I'm not prying, but I'm just laying off my shitty persona and just decided to become your concerned friend just this one moment."
Okay, maybe Jean wasn't exactly the asshole friend he thought he was. The guy had a pride as big as the Mt. Everest but he would cast that aside if needed, which still made him wonder if that was all it took for him to break up with Eren but he would not linger on that thought because he was perfectly content with what he had right now.
"Do you know Rod Reiss?" The question was out of his mouth before he could even stop it and he snapped it shut before his mind worked a hundred miles per second, opening his mouth again to take it all back. No. Didn't he already let go of this? Why was he asking this to Jean, of all people?
"Are you talking about Good Samaritan?" The epithet almost made him puke.
He didn't answer that but he voiced out another question, something that had been bothering him for a while now ever since he had heard the name. "How about Kenny… Ackerman?"
"What is this? Celebrity quiz? But fine. I'm not sure about the surname but I believe that Kenny is the vice president of the Reiss Corporation, if we're thinking about the same Kenny. Rod Reiss mentioned something about the reliable right-hand man of his in one of his interviews—"
Eren felt like his throat suddenly snapped in half because he couldn't find the ability to talk. No, it can't be. That's just purely incidental. Levi would've mentioned something…unless he also doesn't know about it. No. No. No. Jean said that he's not sure about the last name, either. Calm down, there are many Kenny's out there.
He wasn't sure for how long had he been trapped in his own thoughts until he heard that voice from the other end of the line.
"Eren? Eren, are you still there? Answer me, dumbass."
"Y-Yeah. Uh, I gotta go. Thanks for the time, horseface."
"I shouldn't be saying this, but sure, anytime, Jaegerbombastic. Ugh, that nickname is goddamn long. Connie should've thought of something else."
"Pfft. Bye, Jean."
"Mmm. Later, Eren."
He put his phone down on his lap and stared at the people filtering in and out of the building. He shouldn't have asked, because he wouldn't be looking at his lap right now, wondering if he could fake some stomachache when Levi finally gets off work. No, that wouldn't be right. It was his own choice to ask and he did get an answer. An answer that he truly disliked.
An answer that could potentially be as dangerous as a timed-bomb.
"You can just stay in the car," Levi told him for the umpteenth time.
Eren shifted in his seat to remove the seatbelt as Levi killed the engine of the car. The brunet turned to him and leaned forward to give him a kiss on the corner of the raven's lips.
"He's still your family, isn't he? That's why I want to meet him, unless you don't want to…"
Levi sighed and ruffled his chestnut brown hair, which he pouted at because he spent almost an hour taming it. He told Eren, "You have no idea how much I want to show you off to the fucking world. So let's go. Though, if anything weird happens, I'll haul you out of the restaurant and fucking punch Kenny in the face, even if he's my uncle."
"Don't say that! He's still older than you!" Eren chided him as if he was a child and Levi simply rolled his eyes.
"I don't even know how he's been doing after I left France. I just know that he's working for a company and he looks damn successful," Levi told him. It made Eren's heart rate quicken a bit but he soothed himself off his worries by intertwining his fingers with his lover's.
"Then, maybe, you should get to know him?" he suggested, sounding not entirely certain.
Levi crinkled his nose as if he just smelled something horrendous before replying, "We'll see, brat. We'll see."
Both of them got out of the silver car and Levi guided him to this French restaurant (oh, who would've guessed). The dimmed lights inside reminded him of the first dinner he had with Levi and that was last April, and now they were approaching September. Two seasons would already go by since the day that the two of them had first met each other.
The host smiled kindly to them and his lithe stature was in front of them as he led them to a certain table at the back of the restaurant next to the windows. There was something nice about the area as the lights from outside illuminated the inside, only slightly, really. They approached the table and Eren suddenly became painfully aware of the hammering inside his ribcage. His palms were starting to get clammy cold, even though he was absolutely sure that the restaurant was air-conditioned and the air wasn't humid.
"Uncle," Levi called out monotonously.
The man who was at the table with his back turned twitched ever so slightly that Eren wouldn't have noticed it if not for the fact that his eyes were engaged into willing the mysterious uncle to turn around. He was wearing a black bowler hat with a matching black suit, Eren could tell from where he was, and his hands that were holding the menu were adorned with rings that looked expensive with the first look. There was also a watch…
A silver watch.
Eren's mind went reeling at the familiar sight. No, wait. Why is this familiar?
Then, the said man turned around.
Kenny Ackerman faced them—and Eren's eyes widened.
No…
No.
"My job here is done."
Those words echoed in his head like a broken answering machine. He felt like the ground beneath his feet suddenly opened up and now he was falling into an unknown abyss helplessly. And before he could claw his way back to the surface, his body was pulled down with the shadows that had instead clawed him from inside out.
Levi was nowhere in sight.
But there was someone within his field of vision.
"MOM!"
Red. Red. Red.
That was the only thing he saw as his head lolled back to the side on the dashboard as if he was in no control of his own body and the color red had blinded him, filling the space in his eyelids and around his eyes. He lifted his hand and he only saw red.
Blood. Blood. Blood.
It was everywhere. On his hand, on the dashboard, on her.
On his mom.
"Please, mom," he sobbed out, reaching a hand towards the woman whose head was lying on the steering wheel. The warm liquid was oozing out somewhere from her head and it was sticking to her hair, on her skin, and on her face—Oh, that face. It was the same face that he would see everyday and he could point it out in the midst of a crowd. It was the same loving face that would smile up at him, saying those words that belonged to that language of parental love. It was the same face that faced him head-on and never failed to encourage him ever since his father passed away and left the two of them. But now, the same face was erased of any emotions; there was only blood plastered on it and Eren thought of how much it marred the image of his mother without truly disfiguring it.
His eyes glided to the side of the car and tears ran down the side of his face, and he still couldn't damn move. He looked incredulously at the crumpled metal, the door of the car was forced to twist, and that was the first sign that his mom had taken all the damage. He was oblivious to the fact that he was bleeding but the second indication of his own injuries was the blurriness of his own eyes, then his vision started to darken around the edges. Fear gripped his heart at the thought that the darkness would swallow him whole and he wouldn't be able to see his mom again.
His arm in the air suddenly dropped and clanked against the gear stick. He felt like there was something heavy pressing down on his lungs and all the air around him turned into nothingness because he could not breathe. A painful throbbing was left inside of him and his tears continued to roll down the dashboard. The image of his mom seemed so far away now and he lost his voice to scream and pull her to him and hug her—
He must have had passed out and somewhere at the back of his head, he knew that he should be hearing the wailing and dreading sounds of the sirens by now. But he heard none. Except from a shuffle and the hiss of something smoking—of something simmering. His head was still pressed down on something hard and there was something sticky and utterly horrifying about it. He ignored the thought that maybe he shouldn't be feeling anything—least, be having all his senses back to him—and he realized that he had to open his eyes.
There were footsteps and a hope bloomed in his chest. He knew that he had to say something to the person who miraculously manifested himself at a time where he needed him the most, but it was hard to peel his eyelids off his skin—the feeling of his eyelashes being plucked one by one almost made him cringe. Then, when he managed to crack one eye open, he saw a shadow looming over the figure lying next to him from the shattered windshield.
His chest tightened when he realized that it was really his mom.
He opened his lips to call for help, but it was utterly useless because his voice box must have been damaged if it could only make croaking sounds. But that was a lie. The fear was paralyzing him, deeming him useless and helpless.
Then he saw him. He saw a dark-haired man in his late 30's or early 40's but he didn't want to bother with the details. Though, the sight of a silver watch latched on his wrist had caught Eren's eye because the light from outside bounced off the material. The fact that there was someone there, right there, by his mom's side meant that they could get help.
Please help my mom.
He wanted to shout and plead, but his body wasn't cooperating. His left eye was even threatening to close but he willed it to remain open. But what he saw wasn't what he wanted to see. What he heard wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"My job here is done."
And Eren saw the man abruptly turn, muttering strings of curses, and he realized that the said man had never looked over to his side. He only checked on Carla Jaeger, as if making sure that she was dead—that she would be left lying on her own pool of blood and that she would never open those eyes that showed him the world and the love that he could received in this lifetime.
But the stillness, the lack of movement to delineate that she was breathing, was right there presented in front of his very eyes.
He felt cold to the point that he wondered if he was already paralyzed by the pain, by the incoming grief, by the loneliness, by the fear. And he came to the revelation that there was something stronger that was instilled inside him—Anger. Fury. Rage.
It blinded him and right before his eyes closed by themselves, tears streaming down the side of his face, the last thing that he saw was that image—of his mom tainted with red and her face was facing Eren.
And he wanted to forget that image. He wanted to erase the fact that this tragedy had ever happened. He wanted to pretend that he would wake up from this nightmare and his mom would be there and smile at him. He wanted to pretend that this was not real.
That his mom was still alive.
That she didn't die because of some sick job.
His hand that he unconsciously raised to touch his mom's cheek once last time had dropped from the air, and all he saw was black afterwards.
The never-ending darkness that surrounded him consumed him from inside out.
And that was the beginning and the ending of everything for Eren Jaeger. The beginning that started with a lie as he woke up at the hospital with no memories of that certain night, and the ending that shoved his face down to the glaring fact that both of his parents were taken away from him.
And Kenny Ackerman was behind it.
He was the one who caused the car crash.
Kenny Ackerman was the man who left his mother to die in cold blood.
And he was Levi's uncle, his only family left behind.
A/N: "Is this real?" Yes, it is. I'm sorry for the sudden drop-of-the-bomb moment (but really, it's all part of the story whoops). Thank you for reading and for your reviews and find out more about this next chapter!
-CrimsonHazelEyes/Snowberry