Ars Amatoria Romance Challenge

#10: Green-eyed Monster

(Note: Takes place during Fight Against Fate)

As they go off to change back into their uniforms I sit down at the nearby table, move away a plate with a bitten apple on it, open an ancient looking book, close it again, and my attention falls on a small black box, from which some pictures can be seen.

I drag it towards me and open it, taking the pictures in my hand, feeling a surge of envy such as I hadn't felt in a long time. It was obvious from the pictures that Wesley Collins had integrated into the team in a way I had never been able to, not even as Jen's boyfriend.

I envy his charm, his happiness, the way the others seemed to care about him and admire him, but overall, I envy his capacity to be light-hearted and to smile and joke around, something that had been taken away from me during all those years of military training and service.

Jen comes back rather quickly, putting her jacket on. "Look, Alex, it's not like we're playing around here." I look at her briefly and then go back to the pictures. "We've been working really hard to capture Ransik." As she says that, my eyes fall on a rather interesting picture: Wes kissing her cheek as she smiled. The timing really couldn't have been better; I resist the urge to snort my disbelief and instead give her my most sarcastic face, saying the words in the hurtful manner commanded by the jealousy that consumed me suddenly.

"I can see that." I separated the picture from the others to throw it on top, to show her what I meant. "It looks like you've been working really hard." I don't stick around for a response, I throw the pictures on the table for her to see and get up, walking towards the window, taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. She follows me, I guess it wasn't hard for her to do the math.

"What's the matter with you?" she asks as she approaches me.

What's the matter with me? Well, my dear, the matter with me is I'm losing you in a totally unfair battle. He's charming, fun, caring, loving and pretty much everything I can't be, and it's obvious from miles away that you're falling in love with him and how I would like the chance to beat the crap out of him, to wipe that smile from his face permanently, just so he can't use it on you anymore.

You ask what's the matter with me, and I should tell you I'm a green-eyed monster now, I'm feeling things I haven't felt in a long time and I can't feel things I used to feel anymore, and I'm so ashamed of it I'd rather lose you than telling you.

I'm a green-eyed monster possessed by an even bigger green-eyed monster that raised its head when you went after him when he left to be with his father, when you paid more attention to him than to me, a monster that opened its eyes when I saw that picture of you smiling as he kissed you, that terrible green-eyed monster that I can't control and that is driving you even further away from me.

I don't want to hear you talk right now, so I look out the window, thinking it's so unfair you trust him in a way you never trusted me, and it's even worse that he can trust you in a way I never could. You keep nagging at me, your voice reproachful as it had never before been. Please, don't talk, love, be quiet before I snap at you, and say something I will regret later.

After giving you a few vague responses, I turn and take your hands in mine and look at your face, trying to sound dramatic as you make a bored, annoyed face. "Listen Jen, this mission is more important than you and me or anybody. Now, unless we put our emotions aside we don't stand a chance of saving the future." I'm not sure if I was telling you that, or if I was telling myself.

You look at me with your beautiful brown eyes for just a second, but I can tell you can't see me anymore. All you see is the green-eyed monster I have become, and as you take your hands away from mine I can tell you're gone. I've lost you to him, and that last thought makes the green-eyed monster inside me raise its ugly head and growl. The others approach us, and I feel anger, envy and jealousy all boil inside of me at once.

Oh, how I hate Wesley Collins. How I envy him and his goddamned smile.