Chapter Three

Now

Elena was distracted and nervous all day at work, making stupid mistakes where normally she was flawless. She was terrified of going back to her house, where Reno was, knowing the inevitable questions and accusations that would fly. They would have to talk about everything that had happened, all the little details that Elena had tried her hardest to forget. The screams of pain, the begging faces... and at the centre of it, herself and Reno, turning away, pretending it wasn't happening...

'No!' she snapped at herself, digging her nails into her skin. She may not be able to go back and change what had happened, but she could stop others from being sick, from being in pain. That was why she was working here, wasn't it?

One of her colleagues, a sad looking older woman named Ina, came and sat beside her as she took a break in the staff room.

'Is everything okay, dear?' she asked, concern showing on her face.

Elena nodded, biting her lip. 'Yeah... I... I have an old friend visiting,' she explained, sighing.

Ina examined her face. 'Not someone you wanted to see again?'

Elena laughed humorlessly. 'No, someone I've been wanting to see for years. But... He's making me remember,' she said, almost to herself. She sighed. 'Oh, I don't know. I don't know what to do.'

The older woman shrugged. 'You can't avoid the past, Elena.'

She felt like screaming at the old bitch for that. Do you have any idea what I have done? The atrocities I have committed? The lives I have taken? Instead, she just nodded. 'Yeah... I guess you're right.'

That afternoon, when she finished her shift, she sat in the car for a long time, staring at the steering wheel, but not really seeing anything. How long did she sit there, just gazing? When she shook her head and tried to focus, she saw that the sun was on its way down, dusk settling over the town. A glance at the clock showed that she had been staring sightlessly for nearly two hours. God... she laughed at herself. The little rookie, who had used to babble incessantly, had just sat there, doing nothing, saying nothing, barely even aware of where she was. I've changed...

When she opened the door, she saw that Reno was sitting on the couch, stiff backed.

'Hi,' she called out, softly.

He jumped, nervously. 'Lena, god...' He frowned, looking at the clock. 'I was worried. You said you be back at three...'

She shrugged. 'I can look after myself. I've been doing it for all this time.' She went into the kitchen, poured a glass of wine, drank it almost in one gulp. She saw Reno raise an eyebrow, and rolled her eyes. God, like he'd never had a drink after work.

'Reeve called me,' Reno told her. 'I've been suspended for a week, for skipping out of Edge.'

Elena smiled, faintly. 'Great punishment. That's like a vacation.'

He grinned. 'I know. Reeve doesn't quite have the hang of the whole 'leadership' thing yet. At Shinra, I'd have got a month of desk duty, or working with Heidegger or something.'

Elena hesitated. As much as she hated to admit it, her curiosity about the lives of those she'd left behind was growing. She had a feeling Reno could see this, because he said 'Heidegger, Scarlett and Palmer all got jobs at Neo-Shinra.'

Elena raised an eyebrow. 'Really? I woulda thought Reeve would have wanted to keep them as far away as is humanly possible.'

Reno shrugged. 'He felt bad for them, I think.'

Elena came and sat on the sofa, leaving a space between herself and Reno. They sat in awkward silence for a moment, the only noise being Reno nervously scratching his neck. Finally, Elena spoke.

'I can't forgive you, Reno, if that's what you've come here for...'

He laughed, softly. 'Heh. Yeah, I kinda figured. I wouldn't ask it of you, though.'

Elena looked away. 'Reno, please... why are you here?' She stared at him, the pain evident in her eyes.

He flinched, looking away from her. 'You really don't wanna see me, huh.'

She shook her head. 'That's not it. I've missed you so much, Reno.'

He smiled, a genuine, sad smile. 'I've missed you, Lena.'

She bit her lip, so hard it drew blood. 'When I see you, I see-'

He cut her off. 'The Purges?' He swallowed hard. 'Yeah, I know.' He frowned, reaching out and touching her lip, gently pressing his fingertip to the drop of blood. Elena's eyes drifted shut. Your touch... God... With difficulty, she opened her eyes, and jerked her head back, out of his reach. His hand hovered for a moment, then he clumsily withdrew it. Elena forced herself to harden her heart.

'You seem to like having blood on your hands,' she remarked curtly, barely glancing at his long slim fingers. She left the room, without another word.

xoxoxoxo

When she returned to the sitting room, sometime later, Reno was gone. There wasn't even a trace of him left. Do I like it better like this? she wondered bitterly. When I can pretend he never existed?

She figured she should cook something, but she couldn't summon the energy. She tried to remember the last time she'd had a full meal, the last time she'd actually been hungry. Vaguely, she told herself that she needed to eat, that she was going to get ill if she didn't, but she just couldn't be bothered. She grabbed her purse, and headed to the nearest bar.

She wasn't surprised at all to find Reno inside, head in his hands, surrounded by empty glasses. Wordlessly, she sat down beside him. She thought of the last time they'd been in a bar together...

xoxoxox

'Are you okay?'

'Stupid question.'

'... Sorry.'

'Why are you here, Lena?'

'I just... wanted to make sure you don't do anything stupid.'

'I'm not you, Elena.'

'You know what? Fuck you, Reno. I came here to be nice. You think I like sitting in some stinking bar, watching you get hammered?'

'...Thank you, Elena.'

Blink. 'Reno?'

His lips were warm, and softer than she'd though they would be.

'Oh, god... Reno... Oh, god...'

'Lena,' breath. 'Lena, I... god, Lena... god...'

The sun was coming up, and she was smoking a cigarette.

'That's a dirty habit.'

She shrugged.

'Not talking to me, huh? Fine. Be like that. I'm going to work. There's coffee and stuff, if you want it, and you can take a shower if you want. And I love you.'

Then he was gone.

Blink.

Did he say...? Elena shook her head, trying to clear it. When she went to the kitchen, she found he had no coffee. Had he lied to her twice? Had he even spoken at all? Exhausted, and over emotional, Elena sat on his couch and wept.

xoxoxox

She ordered a drink. Wutain Sake. Reno snorted. 'Onto the hard shit, huh Lena?'

She rolled her eyes. 'You know what that's like, I guess.'

He shrugged. 'We all do, right?'

Elena didn't reply, finishing her drink quickly. It mixed unpleasantly with the wine she'd already drunk, making her feel tipsy already. 'What are your plans then, Reno, for your week of freedom? Before you go right back to sticking your head up the ass of every Shinra exec. that's available, that is.'

'Fuck yourself, Elena,' he said, shortly.

She winced at the anger and hurt in his tone. How cold must I be if I can get that voice out of Reno? she wondered. 'I'm sorry,' she said, quietly.

'It's okay,' he said, a little more amiably. They sat in silence for a moment.

'I... you know that I don't...' she trailed off, uselessly. 'What I'm trying to say is... Sector 7, I don't... I don't blame you for that. I shouldn't have said-'

He cut her off. 'I know. It's okay. I'm weak, Lena. I know that. You think I haven't tried to change?'

It was a genuine question. She shrugged, uncomfortably. 'I don't know.'

'Well I have. Not very successfully, clearly. I still...' he swallowed hard. 'I still helped out in the Purges.'

Silence fell again. Elena ordered them both another drink. She felt her gag reflexes working as she swallowed the sour liquid. Reno's face was similarly contorted.

'Man, how can Tseng drink this crap like it's water?' he remarked, coughing a bit.

Elena almost smiled. 'Remember in Wutai, when Rude had nearly a bottle full, and passed out outside that ninja's house?'

Reno grinned. 'When he woke up all those cats were asleep on him,' he recalled, laughing.

The blonde ex-Turk smiled, gazing at her friend. 'Reno,' she said, a sudden surge of emotion in her voice. For a moment, she was able to block out all the bad memories, and just remember the good ones. Maybe it was the drink. Probably it was just the drink. But you do miss him, she reminded herself. 'Where are you staying tonight?' she asked him, in a soft voice.

A/N- the next chapter should be up in the next couple of days, in which our heroine meets her colleagues for the first time... PLEASE review makes little begging face XD