I don't own SnK
"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness."
— Julia Roberts
~Chapter Twenty-Three: What Love Is For The Two of Them~
Did you ever have that moment when all of a sudden, everything slowed down—like, not literally, but you knew that there was something different about how a situation played out right in front of you. Because Eren definitely had that moment.
Right when his teal eyes caught something silver, his nerves suddenly rattled in nervousness because there were two things that he was very familiar with that he associated with that hue: that certain Maserati and those eyes. And when he caught that familiar black hair with an undercut, he felt his heart stop. He wasn't even aware that his feet halted in their tracks too because all he saw was that face—that face that he didn't see for three days.
It seemed unbelievable because he had never been away from that person for that long—heck, they were always together that he could have sworn he saw him 24/7 the past few months. But what made it even more surreal was the fact that this person that appeared right in front of his eyes was the same one whose heart he had broken with lies and betrayal. He convinced himself that it was for the greater good—that he would be able to save the people he loved as long as kept them at an arm's length. But… that's not true at all, isn't it?
Not seeing Levi even for a second was painful, but thinking of the reason of why Eren couldn't see him was like a punch in the gut—it was his reality now. He broke up with him, turned away from him, because that was his decision. It was to protect Levi from the truth that could potentially break him, but would that be another lie on Eren's part because it wasn't the entire truth? Isn't it also because I wouldn't be able to look Levi in the eye knowing that his family—the one that carries the same blood as he does—is the one who killed my mother?
He had also avoided Mikasa these past few days and he wasn't even sure how did he manage to do that because if there was one thing that he was sure of, it was the fact that Mikasa would go to the other end of the ocean just for him. He couldn't believe that she agreed to give him his space when he told her that he was staying with a friend (Jean had begged him not to tell Mikasa that he was staying with him because he was afraid that she would murder him in his sleep) and was trying to sort out his problems. He knew that Mikasa also had some limits in her patience so he figured that she would crack in a couple more days before she could mow down his apartment and his neighborhood to look for him.
But he didn't expect for that person to find him first.
Those gray eyes were focused on him like they were only seeing him and him alone. It made his heart squeeze almost painfully. He missed him. He missed him so much that it took every ounce of his strength not to run to him right now and kiss the hell out of him. What took his breath away was that shine in those eyes as they remained staring at him—there was something familiar in them that almost made Eren want to cry.
Love.
Adoration.
Longing.
Levi was looking at him with the same fascination in his eyes the day when the older man had first taken him to the rollercoaster. He was looking at him with the same passion that he had whenever he talked about their future and their times together as shown on their wall of memories.
Levi was looking at him with so much love, which Eren believed he didn't deserve.
How could he look at him like that when Eren had done nothing but break his heart? How could he adore and love him when Eren hid everything from him and practically lied to his face? How could Levi be there right in front of him when there was so much pain that Eren had created for both of them?
He was snapped out of his trance when those lips opened and spoke, "Fucking duck, horseface."
And a bat came flying towards Jean.
Jean was able to duck and Eren's eyes followed the object thrown into the air until it grazed Jean's hair and was actually caught by someone else's face. And that someone happened to be the one who was wearing a bowler hat and the very same person who had been chasing the two of them before Eren entered his hypnotic state of mind. Now that he thought about it, what happened was really dangerous.
He gasped when the man audibly fell on his back and it was a good thing that there were only a few people around this area because he didn't think that it would be a good thing once someone started calling 911. Well, Mike could possibly get them out of this situation but he'd rather not deal with the question of why the hell is Levi here.
"What the fuck?! Were you trying to kill me?!" He heard the incredulous question, which was obviously directed to Levi even though Jean wasn't the one who was clutching his face in pain right now.
Eren stepped back from the man whose hat had fallen on the sidewalk and was trying to stand up but the brunet doubted that he would be able to do that when the person looked like he was writhing in pain. Where the fuck did Levi get that bat from? He wanted to ask that as the said object rolled away from them and towards the doorstep of a random store, but he wasn't sure he would be able to trust his own voice right now—not when it was constricting because he was having this urge to cry. He held it though.
He saw Jean scrambling back on his feet and holy shit, he's coming over here. Eren visibly swallowed and he could tell that his friend was trying to cover him with his back, practically shielding him away from Levi's sight. But he didn't know whether to be grateful to Jean or not. He wanted to see Levi but at the same time he also wanted him to leave. At the thought of leaving, he was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts again and he hurried to the side of the man who was contorting in his own physical suffering.
"Eren! Stay away from him1" Jean yelled out to him and Eren glanced at him and saw that he was about to go to his side; however, the sudden movement right behind Jean almost made his eyes widen and he jolted in surprise. Levi was definitely striding fast towards him and Eren knew that neither he nor Jean would be able to stop him.
Jean didn't manage to put a fight against the shorter man and he probably knew the moment they had a stare-down at the café that one fateful morning that Jean wasn't capable of challenging Levi. He already occupied too much of Eren's heart and there was no way of getting the two of them back together. But the brunet knew that getting back together with Levi was the only wish he had right now. He couldn't even think about the reason on why were they even separated in the first place, until the man lying on the pavement suddenly sat up straight and tried to take a swing at Eren. He managed to dodge the punch, thanks to his good reflexes, and he almost missed the look of raging fury that passed on Levi's face when he saw what the man had tried to do to Eren.
Levi was definitely coming to them with burst of anger radiating from a mile radius around him, and Eren was suddenly scared that he would totally beat up the man who was now trying to get away from them. The lawyer was having none of that though; he instantly put pressure on his designer shoe as he stepped on the man's chest, which was heaving in probable fear.
"Who the fuck are you?" Levi seethed, gray eyes were now flashing with violence and anger. Eren was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop Levi if he started bashing the man with his raw fists, which was what prompted him to stand up and stand as a barrier between the two men.
"Levi, don't," he pleaded, choking up on the name that he used to call out a thousand times. There was no way he would want a bloodshed right in front of him—he knew that he wouldn't be able to take seeing that same color again. He almost regretted stopping the lawyer because those eyes finally shifted back to him, and he could have sworn that Levi was ready to drag him out of there because of the desperation he saw in his eyes. He didn't know why Levi was there but he was almost certain that the raven had heard something about this whole business that Eren was involved into.
The man was getting back up on a stance but Jean, the one who was conscious of what was truly happening and wasn't having communication problems with an ex, was quick enough to put the stranger on his knees as he struggled futilely. Eren looked back and he almost choked on his own spit when he saw the man bleeding, red liquid was streaming from his hairline down to the side of his face. Levi seemed to move when the man started speaking.
"You're a Jaeger, aren't you? You're the Doctor's son," he said.
The brunet wasn't surprised that the man knew him for this was the reason why he and Jean were moving cautiously with the help of some FBI. He just didn't expect that he would be found this soon—after all, he did manage to remain hidden for five freaking years. A hope for a week's safety shouldn't hurt but apparently wasn't possible. Seems like Rod Reiss doesn't want to waste any more time.
Jean was gripping the man's shoulders so that he would remain on the ground and Eren was sure that the stranger wasn't one of Reiss's men for nothing. He would probably appear weak when they least expected him to and Eren might not be a strategist but he had been into a lot of fights to know that this man in front of him was trying to get information out of them before he could save himself—or possible hurt them. He hoped that he wasn't hiding his gun beneath his belt.
"Your father—he passed on information about that, didn't he?" the man tried again and Eren was weighing his options of maintaining his silence or playing along with this sick game. "Eren Jaeger," he smiled crookedly, "we know who you are."
"That's right, I'm Eren Jaeger. And I'm assuming that you're one his men?" he finally spoke and he could tell that Jean was about to protest by how his opened his mouth big to probably yell at him. But the man chuckled sinisterly and looked Eren right in the eye.
"I can't believe that a brat like you had managed to evade us for so long."
He narrowed his eyes and answered, "Maybe his men are just incompetent, couldn't even manage to finish off one brat, eh?" He smirked, knowing that provocation would be the best way to pull out the needed information out of the man. Jean seemed to close his mouth—Eren figured that he was smart to know the gist of the situation. Levi, whose presence seemed to be emanating heat to Eren (he didn't know how did he manage to avoid looking at him at the moment), was clenching his fists on his sides. He knew that the lawyer was probably mad and frustrated, because he had no clue what was going on—at least not the whole thing—and he was probably itching to punch the man who was clearly waving off signals that pretty much said he was a clear danger to Eren.
The man laughed loudly and obnoxiously and Eren almost burst in fury at the next words he uttered.
"Wouldn't say that if we got to finish off the Doctor's wife, your mother, right?"
He gritted his teeth. If there was one thing he couldn't do right now, it would be to let his anger win over his state of mind because he would fuck this whole thing up if he did. That was why he did something that he thought he wouldn't be able to do—to calm down. That was probably the wisest thing that he had managed to do because something clicked in his mind.
"But there's no victory for you if the one who can destroy everything is alive and talking right in front of you now, isn't that right, Nile Dawk?" He wasn't certian if it was the man's name, for all he knew this man could be a different hit-man under Rod Reiss, but there was that nagging feeling that he could only be the one directly going after Eren because he was one of the few that was mentioned in his father's video.
Needless to say, the widening of the man's eyes was the indication that he was right. Nile then bent his head downwards, facing the sidewalk, and Eren knew that that would be the moment the man would show his true colors. He was a second too late when Nile suddenly swept his leg under Jean's, who was right behind him, and his friend almost hit his head on the cemented ground if not for his arms catching his fall. Levi moved but Eren was faster and he couldn't believe that the day would come when he was thankful for the brawls in his high school days because they were really handy right now.
He lurched his leg to make a clean kick to Nile's jaw but it never collided to the target because the man rolled on his back and retreated to a safe distance from Eren. If he was about pull his gun out, he hesitated. Eren didn't know why but it was most likely because they weren't exactly in a secluded place. Levi was about to go and confront his opponent but Eren raised his arm in front of him without looking at him.
"This is my fight. Please, step back."
And he surged to the man like a bull seeing red. Nile attempted to duck but Eren raised his leg and twisted his body to gain momentum as he delivered a successful kick on Nile's side. The man almost crumpled in pain again, and Eren could almost hear his blood sing in exhilaration. It's been a while since I get to fight like this. He could almost hear the sounds of rods clashing with each other and bones cracking under the pressure of punches and kicks and he could almost hear the hollers and the cries as teens started to go down. He was almost drowned in his past and his clenched fist hit the Nile's jaw with a sickening crunch. He was oblivious to the shuffling behind him and before he could seriously damage Nile's physical well being, he felt a strong grip on his right shoulder and that made him stop in his movements.
"Eren, stop," Levi told him in a calm voice. And that was enough for him to put his hands down and glare at Nile who stumbled back on the sidewalk. He didn't even get to land a single hit on Eren, and the young man was almost proud of that. Almost.
"Eren." It was a different yet familiar voice this time and he immediately turned around to face Mike whose gaze was steady on him. "We took care of the rest of his friends. Let me take him to custody."
"They know," he muttered, eyes were falling on Mike's shoes. "They know I'm alive."
"So I've gathered."
Nile would probably not be able to move for a while but Eren wanted nothing else but to get what they needed from him. At the same time, he also wished that there was a way for this to be decently civil without unnecessary force to make Nile talk—he was sure that this man was loyal to Rod Reiss than anyone else.
"Levi," he heard Mike call out and it prompted him to look up. "Take Eren home. Jean, you can also go home or you can come with me back to the station."
Jean who was on the sideline gave Eren a look and he didn't want to know what the hell it meant but he was sure that it was somewhere along the lines of "are you sure you're going to be okay." But he knew that after witnessing all that, Levi would have questions and doubts about their previous encounter. Therefore, he nodded to Jean to tell him that he could go.
"I'll go with you," Jean told Mike who gave a slight nod to his direction. The agent hauled Nike to his feet with some assistance from Jean and the man was almost about to pass out. Eren couldn't bring himself to care because in the end, he would probably not going to be able to find out what would happen now since Levi was there. Right there, just a foot away from him.
Jean was still looking back at Eren as he dragged Nile back to the black vehicle that Mike had driven to get here, and before Eren could call the FBI agent back, he felt Levi shift next to him. He should've asked Mike why the hell Levi was there and if he could possible know anything about this. He didn't expect the raven to actually speak soon though.
"Let's go home."
Home. It ought to sound foreign to him now but that was not the case at all. It sent an influx of butterflies in his stomach and the warmth spreading in his chest was nothing but familiar and pleasant to him. He wasn't certain if it was merely a slipup on Levi's part but… he really missed it—their home. But he dreaded the moment Levi would tell him what he actually knew about any of this. It was bad enough for him to show up in such a situation but for Eren to hear him say those words that could possibly be "I know," it would destroy his resolve.
His resolve to not see Levi anymore.
Because there was only one thing that he wanted to do and that was for him to hold Levi in his arms and plant feathery kisses on his lips, like what he used to do. But not anymore.
He restrained himself and followed Levi who began walking back towards his car. There was really no use of protesting against it anymore—there was no longer a reason for him to continue fighting against this unthinkable fate. He opened his car for Eren and the younger went inside tentatively. There was a tense silence in the car after Levi's car door slammed shut and Eren forced his eyes to remain fixated on the sidewalk outside his window to prevent himself from looking at Levi. The stillness inside the car was broken when Levi started to fire the engine on and he drove in the quietness enveloping them.
The sight of the two-story white house had Eren on the edge. After all, this was supposedly his home before everything blew up. Levi parked his car and got out. Eren followed suit, not wanting for the raven to open the door for him because he didn't want to open up an early interaction between them. He wasn't ready yet. He was gestured to come inside the house and he suddenly felt more of a guest than a familiar member, not just because of the situation but because of the sight that greeted him too.
Clothes were haphazardly thrown away on the floor, a towel was hanging on the couch, broken pieces of minty green glass were scattered near the window, and oh the window was opened. A blurred figure caught his eye and he watched as Levi hurriedly snatched the button-up shirt from the floor. Eren's heart hammered in his chest. It's not my business if he actually brought someone here, but the throbbing that his heart was giving him was really hurting him. He wasn't aware that he was putting on a strange expression on his face, not until Levi finally broke the silence between them.
"It's not what it looks like."
He was reminded once again that he disliked being an open book, because Levi definitely saw right through him. He attempted to hide his face with his growing bangs but that didn't stop the lawyer from stepping closer to him. He noticed that Levi was clutching the clothes in his hand very tightly to the point that they could rip, and Eren didn't want to look up but he couldn't help it.
He met those silver eyes again and he could see pain reflected on them.
"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression of this," he sort of shook the clothes he was holding, "this…is actually my doing." Eren must have looked confused at that statement and Levi elaborated with a click of his tongue, "I threw them in the living room and didn't get to clean it."
Eren was so surprised that he couldn't stop his eyebrows from rising and Levi grunted, maybe from annoyance, before he trudged back to the couch and silently put the clothes back on the ground in a cleaner manner. Though, Levi would've probably already gone to the laundry room if Eren weren't there. The brunet didn't know what to do but he was beckoned to sit too and he purposely sat away from Levi because he didn't think that he would be able to bear being close to him yet. His self-restraint might snap and he might confess everything to him right here and there.
The sound of Levi shifting on his seat made Ear's perked up and he reluctantly moved his eyes towards him again.
"I heard from Erwin," he said. Eren sucked in his breath and nervously exhaled it out. Levi had a firm look in his eyes and he willed Eren's green eyes to remain on him. He leaned into his knees, propping his arms on his thighs casually, but there was nothing really casual about this conversation that they were about to have.
"…What exactly did you hear?" he asked, clasping his fingers between his spread-out knees. Levi silently put an arm on the sofa and crossed his leg over the other, as if this conversation didn't bother him a bit. Eren would've believed that if not for the twitch between his eyebrows and the slight tremble of his fingers.
"I heard about your mom. That she was…" Levi trailed off, and Eren knew then. Erwin hadn't heard about the recent discovery that Eren brought to Mike and he silently thanked his boss for not telling him. It was hard enough to hide that one piece of information from them, which was really the most important one, and he didn't need one more scary man to follow him with a sling around his arm.
"That she was murdered," Eren finished for him. He repeated the statement in his head a thousand times before until it was merely a numb pain in his brain. But saying it in front of Levi was a different kind of thing—because his uncle was…
"…Why didn't you tell me?"
Eren closed his eyes after he saw a brief flash of pain behind those gray eyes. He then said, "Because I didn't want you to know."
"Why?" Levi breathed out silently.
"Rod Reiss will go after the ones that I love and care about."
"Did you—," Levi shuddered out a breath, "did you really think that I'm that weak?"
Eren gripped his hands together to stop the pain from coming on so strongly, but it was unstoppable. He swallowed the bile down his throat and answered, "It's because I don't want to see someone I love die in front of my eyes ever again."
An audible gasp was what he heard and he strained his ears to hear the subtle movements that Levi was making adjacent to him. He was suddenly glad that he sat on a different couch—he didn't think he would be able to deal with the reaction that Levi was giving him now.
"What do you mean?" Levi asked, unsure of what he was really asking and Eren almost gave in. "You…Don't tell me…"
Silence. And Eren looked at him square in eye and told him the most devastating memory he could ever remember in his entire life.
"I saw my mom die right in front of my very eyes. I saw her lying there and bleeding her life away, Levi."
The air stilled and Eren exhaled out a shuddering air of breath. He was painfully aware that Levi was moving but he wasn't expecting him to wrap his arms around him. Those arms that were always so protective of him—they had provided him comfort and security, shielding him away from the cruel reality of the world before he finally opened his eyes to the truth. There was that warmth that only Levi could give him—it was the kind of heat that made him lean even closer to his body as much as possible.
Levi suddenly trembled and Eren was tempted to look at the raven if not for the strong arms preventing him from doing so. The lawyer's chest was lifting up and down forcibly and Eren went rigid at the thought of this beautiful man crying for him. It was enough for him to weep like the broken man he truly was and he didn't fight the strong desire to wound his own arms around Levi's waist. And both of them poured the tears that they kept from each other since that day they separated.
"I want…I want to tell you everything. I'm so sorry that I l-lied to you and I hid everything from you because I thought…I thought I could protect you," he sobbed out, trying his best to sound coherent despite his voice being muffled on Levi's shirt. "I don't want to expose you to any danger, Levi."
"Eren," the raven called out, pulling away slightly to gaze on those green eyes. "I'll never leave you. I won't leave your side even if you tell me that you don't care about me anymore. I'll continue to watch over you even if you tell me that you don't love me anymore. That's why, you don't need to be afraid." He stroke Eren's cheeks with tender love and full of sincerity. "Let me protect you, too."
His eyes watered at those words and he nodded. Levi pressed his forehead on his before he lifted it away and a pair of soft lips replaced it. It only made Eren cry harder. He believed that he didn't deserve to be treated this way—Levi was too forgiving and gentle for his own good. But Eren wanted this. He wanted to be together with Levi again. He wanted him to be his again and for Eren to be Levi's again.
And Eren finally told him. He told him when it all started, from the bakery incident to how Mike revealed what he knew about his mom, to the time he gave up on it then picked up where he left off as he collected more evidence. He didn't tell Levi what triggered his memories, but he told him that he regained what he had lost five years ago on the night he witnessed the death of his mother. He didn't want to tell him not because of the reasons he had before—but he wanted for Levi to unravel that truth himself. He explained his plan to expose Reiss's black market with his dad's flash drive and the material from his art professor, Pixis. Levi was attentively listening the entire time, not missing any detail that came from Eren's mouth. His brat was finally opening up to him and Eren felt that relief of a boulder being lifted off his shoulders as he finished his story.
"You really are an idiot," Levi suddenly said and Eren felt slight pain when the older man flicked his forehead with enough force to make it red. The brunet was about to protest but he was smothered with another hug, which was something he welcomed with both arms. Levi was now sitting on the armrest of the sofa that Eren was sitting on but it seemed like he couldn't care.
"But—" he started but was cut off.
"Doing all that to protect me wouldn't make me happy. Even Mikasa and Armin would probably fucking shove your ass out of the window for ever thinking that you could put your life in danger for our sake. But," Levi paused and squeezed him tight. "I'm glad you're still alive. No matter how tempting it is to pulverize your reckless ass for doing that."
The younger man chuckled and his eyes dropped closed. He inhaled that comforting scent of his lover—he certainly hoped that he could still call him that but he wasn't about to go there when there were more pressing matters in hand.
Nonetheless, it was good to be home.
It was good to be back in the arms of the person he loved with all his heart.
A/N: What's your reaction? My heart was totally fluttering when I was typing this - damn couple giving me the feels even though I'm the one writing the story *sniffs* But thank you for reading, clicking that favorite button and whatnot, and giving reviews :D Some of you had probably heard of the last part - but that's a secret part hahaha! The rating for this one will remain the same, but on my other site, rating had changed. And I just realized... We ARE approaching the end *looks away* whoops.
-CrimsonHazelEyes/Snowberry