I don't own SnK

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."

― Chuck Palahniuk

~Chapter Twenty-Seven: Happiness~

It was two weeks ago when Eren had almost met his tragic end in the hands of Rod Reiss. It was two weeks ago when he found out the truth behind his father's death. It was two weeks ago when he saw Levi, blasting the doors open to save his ass from the richest man in the city—oh wait, that wasn't true now, was it? The Reiss Corporation was now the number one controversial topic on all newspapers and magazines because a special FBI team had successfully unraveled what had smelled like rotten pig from the underground of the company. The new heir, Historia Reiss/Krista Lenz, was to step up on the throne soon and she had been working hard in her own way, because on the top of her list was to get back the mass's trust once again. And Eren believed that she could do it—start anew and build a name that wasn't tainted in the hands of her father.

Everything was going well, too well, when it came to the good side of this situation because the corrupt man was captured and was going to go through his trial soon, and the people were happy that he was finally caught. But the truth was, it was only one less criminal out there and they probably wouldn't even expect half of the people they knew to be one of those "filthy, villainous beings" they called. Eren thought that everything would get resolved if he were to carry out the will of his parents, which was unexpected on his part because he had been kidnapped by the people that they were trying to expose, but he was wrong.

It had been two weeks already when he heard the truth behind Kenny Ackerman's actions, and Eren felt hollow. His head became a jumbled mess once he heard those words from Rod Reiss—just how ironic is that? The man who had created this whole dilemma and had buried lies in many people's graves was the one who said the truth about Levi's uncle.

That Kenny did what he could in order to protect his only family.

But in return, the retribution fell on Levi's shoulders, because he was the one who completely lost his last family left.

It had been two weeks since Eren had seen Levi. And he felt even emptier. His heart burst when he saw the lights from Kenny go out, like a firefly that had been stuck on the bark for too long to the point that its last shine was stolen away from the living thing by its terrible fate. Yeah, it was a real terrible fate. His tears had broken like a dam and before he knew it, he was crying over his enemy's death, the one that he promised to get his revenge at.

And Levi didn't—couldn't—shed a tear. It was as if he was a doll who had programmed movements after what happened and Eren knew how must he have felt like. His memories were wiped clean but when Eren had once again remembered the death of his mother, his heart never stopped crying. That was probably what Levi was feeling and Eren couldn't comfort him, because he didn't know how.

All this time, he'd only ran away from everything—from the people he cared about and loved—and he let the fear of losing these people paralyze him, immobilizing him from taking the right actions and he ended up leaving them. That was why he couldn't think right now. He had no confidence in telling Levi that everything would be all right because he knew—he knew that it would never be all right. Five years later and he still felt the pain of losing both of his parents, and he never considered that Levi must be hurting too this entire time and he had no idea.

He was selfish.

He didn't stop and think what effects his actions could produce; he let his emotions run wild and cloud his judgments many times. He had been kidnapped, for Pete's sake! How worried must Levi be during that time that Eren was absent by his side, and Eren wanted him to be out of the trouble that he was involved with. But he didn't know that Levi was directly involved in the mess, something that he hadn't expected.

When he turned away from Levi, the raven shouldn't have forgiven him. He didn't tell him the truth because he doubted Levi—he thought he wasn't as strong as he actually was. And the regret that he was feeling threatened to rip his heart apart, but Levi accepted him once again. He let Eren feel what it felt like to be loved, and Eren failed to show how he loved him just the same, if not more than what Levi felt for him.

Eren didn't know how to show that to him.

He wanted to run after Levi, pound on his door and demand for his appearance, because two weeks of being away from each other had honestly exceeded the most time they had been separated before. And it was internally killing Eren.

The last time he was at Levi's house, the mess that he arrived at was something jaw-dropping and eye-bulging because Levi was…just Levi. Eren was afraid that it would be like that, or just worse—he really didn't want to think about this but it could be true. He didn't know what state Levi was in because he had been told to give him space by one of his friends, the eccentric Hanji who turned all solemn on him when he called her phone because Levi wasn't answering his. That was the best indication Eren could get.

Levi didn't want to see him.

The pencil that he was twirling in his fingers went flying to the floor next to his desk. The white drawing paper in front him was…blank. Eren wondered if it was a good idea to even attempt bringing out an art piece from his mind when it was full of nothing but Levi. He wished that he didn't have to go visit Pixis but he couldn't possibly refuse the man who had helped their case by providing the needed witness and evidence against Rod. Pixis had asked him to draw him a sketch out of the blue, just something, anything, and Eren was left to his own devices in his old classroom. There was no one around and he realized that he missed the chattering people who talked about their lives as their brushes stroke their canvas and their eyes followed every move of their hands.

Was he left behind?

Probably. But Eren didn't regret it. He went to college because it was his parents' wish for him and he had accomplished that, even though not completely. He was absolutely fine with getting a job for his daily expenses and for one of his goal, to get a house for himself. A home. But that was unnecessary, because there was no home like Levi. He was Eren's home and he wanted to be next to him at this time, the next year to come, and even the ten or twenty or fifty years to come. He wanted to be there for him. He wanted to lend his shoulder to him and let him cry, pour his heart out to Eren like he had done when he expressed how much Eren meant to him. Maybe it was retaliation. He had left Levi after all, and that must have wounded him the most.

Eren bent down to grab the pencil that had fallen but stopped halfway.

How could he have been so stupid?

Levi was probably crying right now, having nightmares of his own, and constantly thinking it's my fault that that person died.

Eren bolted out of the classroom. He'd apologize later to Pixis for neglecting his work but he had to be there right now—right where his home was. It wasn't his dingy apartment with small space that he could barely fit a sofa and with his empty refrigerator that was causing his health to deteriorate. It wasn't here in this classroom where he did nothing all day but draw and paint.

It was in that white house that contained that special room where Eren and Levi had hanged their memories together on the wall. It was their personal haven, where they could be together.

Why did he acquiesce to that stupid request anyway? Levi needed him. Just like how Eren did when he thought he had no one. And he would see Levi no matter what—even if he shut the door to his face. Because Eren loved him, and there was no other reason he would hold onto but that.

Hanji was nowhere in sight. Eren had been expecting the redhead to be guarding the gate with an apron around her waist, accessorized with cleaning products and kitchen knives, but she was really not there. All along, Eren had thought that she would gun him if he were to step one foot in front of the big house because of how she sounded over the phone, explaining how he needed to stay away. But apparently, he had been wrong all this time. And he felt even stupider that it took him two weeks to muster up the courage to finally go here.

Right in front of the place he considered his home.

He rang the doorbell but stayed out of the sight of the intercom because he couldn't afford for Levi to be scared away by his appearance.

"Who's there?"

He thought of not answering but that would've been dumb. Why was he there to begin with anyway? He really had no choice but to let the lawyer know that he was there.

"I-It's Eren," he croaked out, mildly turning red because he didn't see that crack coming. He had never felt this nervous around Levi in a long time, not because there was that one massive secret that he was hiding behind his back, but because he didn't know what would Levi's reaction be. He just hoped that he really wouldn't slam the door to his face.

"…"

Eren was almost afraid that Levi left, leaving him there in the almost-chilly night with the few stars clattered in the sky as his company. That would be a disaster, because he planned to stay out there to wait for Levi no matter what, even if his balls were to fall off because of the autumn winds.

There was a familiar click and the gates opened, almost like welcoming him but he thought otherwise because the dark surrounding that greeted him reminded him of a scary movie where the character was about to get delivered to his own doom. He couldn't help but feel colder and he trudged his way to the front door and rang the doorbell. He waited for a minute before he decided to click the button again, thinking that maybe the machine had broken now of all times, but the door opened just when his index finger hovered over the device.

Levi didn't wait for him and Eren was frozen on his spot for several moments before he finally snapped out of it and came in. He wasn't really supposed to see Levi, right? He wondered if Hanji was going to make him pay for this; Levi's friends were defensive when it came to their Shortstack. But Eren decided that he didn't care the moment his eyes landed on the mess that he had been dreading during his train ride coming here.

…It was clean.

There was no speck of dirt on the table or the sofas or on the floor. No dirty shirts or smashed vases. It was impeccably clean, and it brought a different foreboding feeling on Eren's stomach.

This wasn't what he was expecting at all.

"Levi," he called out. The man's back was turned on him and Levi was merely standing in front of the staircase like he was planning to leave Eren in his living room without uttering any word to him. Eren felt a sting in his chest, almost bringing his eyes to tears, but he knew that he had to get to the man before he could get kicked out of the house.

"Levi," he called again, and this time, he saw the raven shift on his feet and he slowly turned to Eren.

He almost gasped the change in the man's appearance—disheveled, exhausted, and unshaven. This wasn't the man that had saved him—strong, determined, and loving—and Eren wanted nothing but to put his arms around him. There was something that was stopping him though, and it was that cold look in Levi's eyes.

Like he wasn't seeing Eren.

He cautiously approached the broken man, and it reminded him of himself when his memories had returned from him. He knew what Levi had been feeling because Eren was a mess back then too, and he couldn't help but regret his decision of leaving the man that he loved. He wanted nothing but to protect the person that he cared about with all his heart. He just wanted them to be together.

"Levi," he said softly, like he was approaching a small, cornered animal that could possibly dart away if Eren were to make the wrong move. And the similarity was almost scary because Eren didn't want Levi to flinch away from him. But he did.

It brought some light in those silver eyes that Eren had loved so much, but there was pain in it. It was almost like Levi had seen Eren for the first time and the emotions that Eren was causing were coursing strongly to him. Eren feared that he would break.

"What do you want? You're not supposed to be here," Levi said to him coarsely. Eren stepped forward. Levi stepped back. He saw this so he completely stopped on his track.

"I wanna know how have you been. Levi, please," he pleaded. There was nothing that he could do right now but to let his feelings out in the open, to leave him bare and raw from all that had happened to them. It was almost too much and Eren almost let his tears escape from his eyes, but he couldn't do that. Not when Levi was the one who was most likely tearing from the inside.

"I'm fine, Eren. Just please, leave." Levi's voice was leveled, almost mechanically like he had rehearsed that line over and over. I'm fine; Eren knew that this was the biggest lie that they had ever said to each other.

He couldn't help it. Eren had to get Levi out of that shell right now before he could totally lose him.

"How can anything be fine when you witness your family die?! Levi, tell me! You're hurt and in pain and you blame yourself! Your uncle didn't die—"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! How you understand when you're one of the people who had kept me in the dark, Eren?! How can you possible tell what I'm feeling right now when you successfully carried out your parents' wishes?"

Surprised, Eren stepped back. Levi's eyes widened, probably shocked at his own words, but Eren couldn't bother with that because his heart felt heavy. He regretted that he didn't tell Levi the whole truth, but he was most regretful that it was one of the reasons why Levi was suffering right now. Because Eren couldn't completely trust him. Because Eren fucked up the trust that Levi had given him.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," Eren sobbed out; his knees were collapsing on the floor and he couldn't find the strength to face Levi. His tears finally ran down his face—he couldn't hold them back any longer and he felt useless because he could only cry and beg. He was at Levi's mercy, and now he knew what Levi felt the day he pleaded for Eren to stay at the beach. And it hurt. It fucking hurt like hell, and Eren couldn't believe that he put Levi through this kind of pain.

"Eren, leave."

No…

"We can't see each other anymore."

Those words completely halted his world—it completely stopped spinning and he wondered if he could still breathe, because he couldn't feel his lungs functioning anymore. They were punctured by pain and Eren's heart just broke into pieces once again.

Levi wanted him to leave. He wanted him out of his life.

And Eren had never felt lost like this in a really long time.

He thought of it; how would it be like when Levi was out of his life, without his driving his Maserati around with Eren enjoying every scenery they would pass by, without his cooking that Eren had grown used to having every morning, without his warmth that he had fallen asleep to so many times because he knew that he would be safe in his arms, without his kisses that provided the reassurance of his love. How would it be like if Levi were not there anymore to tell him how much he loved Eren?

"No… Please, don't. Anything but that…" Eren begged, hands were limp on his lap and eyes were downcast. He didn't notice the footsteps that were going to his direction but Levi stopped just a foot away from him.

"Eren. I don't want us to hurt each other anymore, so please. Please, just leave." Levi's voice cracked in the end and Eren looked up. There were tears falling from those silver eyes and one of them landed on Eren's cheek. He wasn't the only one hurting, he knew that—but he wanted to take away that pain from Levi. He wanted him to stop hurting to.

"If I leave," he inhaled, feeling a bit dizzy, "will it make you stop blaming yourself? Will that make you happy?" He wanted to touch his hand, hanging lifelessly on his side but Eren didn't know if he would be able to let go if he did. This was the end.

He had to accept that now.

Levi was silent and Eren took that chance to let his eyes memorize that face, because if this was really happening, then this would probably be the last time that he would get to see Levi. He searched those gray eyes that he fell in love with—even if they were lacking their luster right now, Eren wished that it would come back to them once he left—and he found nothing. He wished he could read Levi well like how the raven could when it came to Eren, but there was no way of that happening now, was there?

"We can't stop the past from coming to get us. We'll never be happy."

Eren followed the way his lips move and he wished that he could kiss those tears away, but he had no ability to do that.

Why did he come here anyway? Was this what he wanted to happen?

He opened his mouth to speak and had to swallow back that big lump that was hindering his voice.

"Levi, did you regret meeting me?"

Eren remembered. He remembered the day he had broken up with Jean at the amusement park and he had cursed and felt bad for himself for having been stood up. Now he knew the reason why Jean had done that. He remembered the day he bumped to that short stranger and his phone came flying away from his hand. He remembered looking at the man, ready to curse the living daylights out of him, but he was stopped by his piercing glare. He remembered crying embarrassingly loud and the stranger took him to the rides and they filled their hearts with content and happiness despite their day starting out as a shitty one. He remembered meeting Levi. He remembered how his kiss felt like and how taken he was by him.

Now he knew why.

Because Fate was terrible.

She made the two of them fall in love with each other, them not knowing anything about their pasts and what had led them to that point of their lives.

They were in love.

And Eren wanted nothing but to go back on that day and remain stuck there, because that was where he belonged—the moment where they didn't care about the whole goddamn world because they were busy loving each other.

"You're the best thing that happened to me, Eren."

There were no lies. There were only truths. So why was his heart breaking?

"But I want you to live a life where you won't ever remember this. All of this that happened because of me."

Ah. So Levi was blaming himself. Why?

"If he didn't protect me… If—If he just left me alone, you would still be with your parents and he… he would still be alive."

Eren stared. Levi's face was contorting in pain and his bangs were sticking on his forehead. This was the man who had been feeling guilty because he believed that he was the cause of this whole mess.

Was it too much to ask for this person to be happy? Why was he doing this for him when he was obviously hurting the most?

"Eren, go."

"Levi," he finally spoke, eyes falling on the floor once again. "Why do you believe that it's your fault?"

He was met with silence and it almost prompted him to look up again, but Eren didn't. Not until he heard his answer.

"Because I don't understand why am I worth fighting for, when you're worth so much more."

There was a new flood of tears that followed that, and Eren had nothing in mind but a cloud of unfathomable things and emotions that were threatening to burst down from his chest. He couldn't take this anymore. How could he make Levi believe otherwise? That what he was saying was completely wrong because Eren knew. He knew that everyone was given a chance to prove themselves and they were all worthy.

Did Levi know how much he meant to Eren?

He found the strength to stand up, steadying one leg at a time, and this had made Levi stand back from him. Eren didn't look at him until he was balanced on his own two feet. His eyes never left Levi's afterwards even though those gray eyes were not focused on him, as if he was distracted by other things. And Eren knew that it was too early.

Or probably already too late.

He let the stillness stretch before them and then he took the opportunity to save one last look around his haven—their haven. He didn't think that this would be the last time that he would be able to set foot here. He didn't even know if the decision that he was about to make would make a difference, but he hoped that he would give Levi what he wanted.

"Levi."

Those gray eyes met his and he forced himself to smile, even though his lips had caught one of his tears.

"I'll fight for you everyday if I have to. I'll make you smile no matter how many times I do it, just so I can see it everyday. Because there's no reason for me to stop loving you."

He stopped himself at the thought of touching him one last time. Levi's eyes were glistening with fresh tears and he wanted to kiss them away. And so he did.

He leaned closer to the shorter man, smiling fondly at their height difference that the raven couldn't get over with. He then pressed closer until there was only one breath away between his lips and his eyelashes before he closed that distance. He kissed that wet drop away, wanting to bring his fingers to his cheeks so he could wipe them away but stopped himself from doing so. He just continued to do that but his tears were endless. He tasted the salty tang of Levi's guilt, the sweetness of his wishes for Eren, the bitterness of the hatred that he felt for himself—Eren kissed them away, but they didn't halt. It was as if it was Levi's way of telling him to stay. But he had said it earlier—Levi had told him what he wanted.

He brought his lips close to his temple and he closed his eyes, feeling his tears roll down his cheek.

"Be happy, Levi."

It was the most sincere wish he had. And Eren left Levi that night, standing near the door that had shut loudly in the empty house.

Eren felt like he just left half of his heart in that house, and he couldn't get it back unless his wish were to come true.

Levi's happiness…that was all he was asking for.

A/N: ...My tears didn't stop flowing while typing this chapter and I blame all the heartbreaking fanart I've seen on my dash... We're approaching the end, guys (and I'm legit approaching the end of my high school career-prom and graduation and that's it for me TvT) But there will be a beginning-a new story and a new school for me XD This is an early update since I'm not gonna be at home at all tomorrow -v-
-CrimsonHazelEyes