A/N: this chapter changes perspective so I could better tell the story. I hope you like it the next chapter will be up wicked soon. Sorry it took so long for me to update

Edward started to talk, "There have obviously been parts of the story I left out," Edward said with a gulp, "this was, my old girlfriend," he said with a glance at Charlie.

I took the cue and closed my eyes and shook my head before standing up and turning my back on Edward saying nonchalantly, "Edward, I don't want to hear about your old girlfriends, I'm going to bed- you should probably go home."

When I glanced back Edward was ushering Jace and Emmett out the door. I hoped he knew I had been trying to get away from Charlie- not him. I took the stairs slowly to my room and sat on my bed. When I felt hands slide around my waist I knew he had come upstairs. I was happy to see him as he slowly appeared in my vision and I turned to him and gave him a bear hug, "Edward, this better be good."

Jace and Emmett looked solemn as they came into the room, their stony looks made my face fall, whatever this was it must be bad.

He started again, "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole story, but I just never wanted to remember that part of my past. That picture was from when I couldn't read minds well. I could hear the voices but couldn't focus in on one voice in particular. It was the same time that I abandoned Carlyle and went out on my own. I found that the vampire body suited me well; the girls who used to think I wasn't anything special thought I was amazing now and I milked it for all it was worth," I grimaced at the thought of him with other girls, but he stayed steadily in his story.

"There was one girl I had always admired and watched at my school, and when I was free I went back to my old town and would sit under the apple tree whose roots intertwined with the fence that surrounded our school. Her hair had grown long and was jet black and curled beautifully, not frizzing at all. It drew me to her like nothing else did. I didn't know her well, but I knew how she walked and the way she smiled when she was actually happy. I never met another girl as beautiful as her until last year at the beginning of the school year, but back then she was all I could think of . She noticed me and the new way I looked and soon we were together. I had never been well off before, but she didn't mind and I was just happy she liked me and I didn't care that she never talked to me around her other friends. I decided to start going to my old school again just so I could see her again, and actually see her, because all I saw of her were glimpses and occasionally a trip to market to help her pick up things her mother needed. While that was all well and good I wanted to see more of her. When I got to the school I found out that she hadn't told anyone about me and the moment she found out I was attending Toppham Fleet School with her she told me that our relationship should be secret. At first I didn't question her need to keep it secret, but five months later she still thought we shouldn't tell anyone. The school formal was approaching and I was set on her going with me because I was convinced we were in love. I never thought for a moment that she would think of going with anyone else. When I asked her if she would be taking me she looked scared and then whispered 'I thought that since we were keeping it a secret that I should go with someone else so no one knows.' And that made me very mad," Edward stopped and his eyes flickered with a memory I felt radiating from him, it was one of anger and disappointment and let down, one of feeling alone.

Edward gulped and with his first words was no longer radiating that same feeling of cold hurt, "I got so mad that I screamed at her and threatened her I remember saying, 'take me or ill kill myself.' She was worried and I was beside myself; scared of myself- that I would have ever said that, worried what she would do, and still angry at her for trying to use me like I was sure she was doing. In the end she took me to the dance and looked scared and on the verge of tears the whole time. That picture was taken then. After the dance I walked her home and felt bad so I hugged her close. My senses were strong because I hadn't hunted in a week and being close to her was overwhelming," But before Edward could say any more he started choking and tears rolled down his face.

Jace started in where Edward had stopped, "He bit her Bella. He couldn't help himself, it overwhelmed him and…"

Before he could finish Edward yelled, "NO. I'll tell her."

Tears still sliding down his pale cheeks he started again, "I sucked all her blood, I couldn't stop, I was so hungry and human blood was so different. I was left holding her body- dry as paper, knowing that I had killed her, KILLED HER! I couldn't believe it," He was now sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, but he kept going, "I never loved her I realized later, but I could never forget her, never."

With that he sat on the bed and shook with tears in Bella's arms as she sat mouth open, in shock. She had never imagined this could happen to Edward who was always so strong. That he could cry in front of, not only her, but his brothers too.

But when Edward spoke again, his voice had gained back its steady tone and the words that came out hurt Bella more than the thought of him loving another girl had.