Part IV

I thought I'd already posted this a while ago, but apparently I hadn't, sorry. This is the final chapter, unless I get around to an epilogue which is doubtful at this point. :)

Samantha stared at him in bewilderment, his words causing her heart to pound in her eardrums and her chest began to ache at the tenderness and adoration she saw in his eyes.

Taking a deep breath to try and calm her nerves, she said the only thing she could think of in that moment.

"I miss you."

Martin nodded, his words catching in his throat as he saw the vulnerability in her eyes, "I miss you too. But I don't know what to do anymore Sam."

Samantha wiped her tears from her cheek with the back of her hand, surprised when she felt Martin grasp her other hand in his and squeeze it tightly.

He removed the pillow gently from her lap and pulled her gradually closer toward him, their eyes remaining locked intently on the other.

"It's too late isn't it?" she asked quietly, looking down and watching as he grasped both her hands in his.

"I don't know," he answered honestly; there was so much he stood to lose if things ended badly between them once again.

Yet if they didn't even try, he would always live with that regret and there was nothing he wanted more than to spend his life with Samantha, no matter the issues they might have to overcome.

Martin stared down at their joined hands, torn between wanting to follow his heart and give their relationship another chance or grasp any chance he had for self preservation and break both their hearts again.

He slowly raised his gaze to her face, knowing there wasn't a doubt in his mind as to what he wanted to do, but before he could speak, she slipped her hand from his and placed her fingers gently against his lips.

Sam took a deep breath and tried to compose herself, taking his pensive silence as rejection.

"I did love you Martin. I know it didn't seem that way sometimes," she blinked as tear drops clung to her lower lashes and she lowered her gaze once more, "but I do…"

Martin smiled as he caught the error in her words, 'I do' instead of 'I did', but Samantha carried on oblivious to her mistake.

"I was scared and that's not an excuse… I know I was wrong to push you away, but…it's the truth."

"Shhh, Sam," he began softly, reaching up and brushing her hair behind her ear, hoping to interrupt her tirade.

"So…we'll just be friends," she swallowed hard, managing to look him in the eye as she added, "good friends…"

Martin watched as tears began to stream down her cheeks, hating that he was the cause of her pain but also strangely relieved to see some humanity and vulnerability finally appear in her. Her defenses seemed to be down, she was finally reaching out to him and he knew he could never reject her.

"No," he shook his head firmly, letting his fingertips linger across her cheekbone, "I could never just be your friend Sam. I'm still in love with you…"

"You are?" her voice was fragile and childlike and all he wanted to do was take her in his arms.

He blinked back the tears he felt pricking at his eyes and held her hand tightly against his chest, "I never stopped loving you."

Sam paused and stared at him with wide eyes, sniffing back further tears as she swiped self consciously at the tears on her cheeks.

"You couldn't have told me that before?? Before I started…rambling?" a small smile appeared on her face as she grasped his hand tightly in her own.

"You didn't give me a chance to!" he replied, not quite the reaction from her he had been expecting, but then with Samantha you learnt to anticipate the unexpected.

She looked up at him uncertainly and skirted a little closer, watching his eyes carefully for approval as she moved toward him and tried to gauge if he was comfortable with having her that close.

Martin caught her gaze and smiled reassuringly, gently easing her against his side and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Sam leant her head against him and closed her eyes momentarily, finally giving in to surrender and allowing herself to hope for the first time that the future she had been afraid to admit to wanting was now within reach.Her fingertips swirled intricate patterns on his chest as she pressed her face into the crook of his neck, her stomach fluttering madly at the warmth of his skin and that wonderful scent.

"I promise I'll try harder this time," she vowed, his hands swirling gentle circles across her back in a soothing gesture.

"Just let me love you Sam… that's all I ever wanted from you."

Samantha nodded, finding herself once again fighting back tears, "What about…" she began, referring to his date from the previous evening.

"I told her I couldn't see her anymore," he replied honestly, "it wouldn't have been fair to lead her on, you're the only one I want."

Sam reached up with a shaking hand and pressed her palm gently to his cheek, smiling softly as he closed his eyes and leant into her touch, his lips brushing a kiss to her palm."I still have fears Martin… my issues aren't going to go away over night," she needed to know he wanted all of her, that he would give her the time she needed.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last time Sam. I want to help you, I want to be there for you. I know this isn't going to be easy, but I want to work through it with you. I just need to know you want that too."

"I do," she nodded, closing her eyes and inhaling slowly as she asked fearfully, "but what if I'm not worth the effort?"

Martin stared at her, finding himself stunned to silence that she could think that of herself.
He had no idea what others had said or done to this amazing woman to make her apparently think so little of herself, but if it took the rest of his life he would make sure she knew just how much she meant to him.

He knew her past was filled with unspoken tragedy and heartache, things she still refused to voice to anybody. She didn't believe in the concept of 'happily ever after', because in her experience, things had a nasty habit of crumbling down around her.
He vowed her future would be different. Samantha flinched slightly as he lifted her chin to meet his gaze, leaning in toward his gentle touch as he brushed his lips against her cheek and caressed her damp skin.

"I don't ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again Sam. One day I hope you'll realize just how amazing you are…and how much I love you."

Sam took a deep breath against the anxiety she felt building up within her and tried to summon the courage to say the words currently trapped on the tip of her tongue.

Martin saw her trepidation and tried to allay her fears, "Its ok… you don't need to say anything Sam."

She nodded in defeat, once again letting her fears control her. But then anger inexplicably bubbled up within her at her own inability to express how she truly felt and so after a few moments of quiet introspection, she suddenly leant up and finally said those three words she had held back for so long.

The brilliant smile she saw illuminate his face was more than worth those few moments of abject terror and within moments he had pulled her gently toward him and brushed his lips against her in a tentative kiss.

Sam pressed herself further into his arms, their soft explorative kiss slowly deepening to become something much more intense and powerful. They clung to each other fiercely, eagerly drinking in the taste of each other until the need for air began to burn their lungs and they were finally forced apart. Martin nuzzled her cheek affectionately and pressed his lips to her once again in a succession of kisses, smiling sympathetically as she slid her hand from his neck and pressed it to her aching head.

"Maybe you should lie down for a while," he suggested, brushing his lips in a feather light kiss across her forehead.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, easing herself out of his arms and crawling across the bed to lie back against the pillows, "will you stay with me?"

Martin reached out to take the hand she offered him and moved to lie behind her, wrapping his arms around her as if afraid to let her go.

Sam sighed contentedly, barely able to believe the events of the last few hours, yet she still had a few remaining questions she was sure Martin would be able to answer,"Martin?"

"Hmm?" he replied, smiling as he felt her hair tickle his nostrils.

"How did you get me home last night? I mean, what did you say?" she asked curiously, wondering how he had managed to change her mind.

"You don't remember?"

"No," she smiled wryly, "things are a little…fuzzy right now."

Martin remained momentarily silent, feeling a little self conscious as he remembered what he had said to her outside the bar. It had been the only thing he could think of to say and before his brain had had a chance to process his words, he'd suddenly found himself blurting out the first thing that came to mind.Not that it mattered; it had been the truth anyway.

"I said… 'I love you, please don't do this.'"

Samantha appeared to think this over for a moment before she pulled his arms tighter around herself, "What did I say?"

Martin smiled and cocked an eyebrow, "You er… you looked at me, you looked at him and then you said, 'I think I'm gonna throw up'."

Sam groaned in embarrassment and hid her face in the pillow, "Oh my God, Martin!"

He chuckled and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, "Well, it got rid of Brian."

Sam smiled at the caustic tone to his voice as he mentioned the bartender's name.

"So I brought you home and put you to bed. You asked me to stay with you, so I did."

She rolled her eyes and turned to face him, genuinely ashamed of her actions the night before, "Thank you."

"That guy didn't deserve you Sam. Guys like that…they're…" he struggled to find words, "I couldn't let you do it, no matter how mad you were at me."

Sam sighed and shook her head, "I was mad at myself. I thought I'd really lost you… and it was all my fault, I just…I just wanted to forget."

Martin pressed his cheek to her head as she lay back in his arms, curving her body to fit into his, finding so much comfort and reassurance in his embrace.

"Martin… we can make this work this time, right?" she held on to him tighter, knowing if she lost him again it would irrevocably break her heart.

"If we really want to," he nodded, his breath hot on her cheek as he stared down at her intently.

Sam thought about this momentarily and then looked up into his blue eyes, relieved to see the same hope in his eyes that she felt in her heart, "I really do."

Bringing his hand up to her cheek he brushed away the tracks of her tears and nodded resolutely, "Then we will."