A/N: Thank you all so much for your fantastic feedback! You make me so happy! :-) Thank you also my wonderful betas Hazelra7 and ShAmy4eva!
Amy's Apt., Glendale, May 26th 2015, 01:53 a.m.
Ten minutes after Amy had texted Sheldon, she heard his signature knock on the door.
Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."
Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."
Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."
Amy opened the door and let him in. "That was fast," she said, looking up at him through her eyelashes.
"You mean like the Flash? Well, I was in the area," he answered evasively as he removed his windbreaker. His hair was disheveled and he had dark rings under his eyes. He certainly wasn't in the best of shapes, but then she knew, neither was she.
"Have you walked all the way from Pasadena?" Amy asked as she closed the door and motioned him to sit at the kitchen counter.
"That's what legs are naturally designed for. I needed some fresh air and I couldn't sleep anyway… I wanted to make sure you got my letter tonight, and couldn't just click on an e-mail to delete it," he explained, shrugging his shoulders as he sat down.
"Would you like some tea? I made some, but it has gone cold by now," she stalled, suddenly unsure how to get the conversation going.
"Chamomile please. Thank you," he replied, and she kept herself busy with the kettle, feeling his eyes on her back.
Sheldon was shifting around on his chair, but he had made his move and now needed to await her reaction. Just what was taking her so long, he thought, still fidgeting on his seat.
Amy finally turned towards him with the tea mugs and sat down facing him. "Sheldon. Am I correct in assuming that everything in this letter is true?" She finally asked.
"Of course," he nodded.
"And… am I further right in thinking that it's not just my mind… but that you might also be… physically attracted to me?" she nearly whispered the last part of her question now, still afraid to hear the answer.
"Yes. Very much so," Sheldon nodded again, biting his lip.
The hint of a smile started to blossom on her face, but Amy got it back under control. "And that means… whenever you touch me… do you do it only to make me happy… or because it makes you happy, too?"
"The latter. Although 'happy' is neither an adequate nor a sufficient description," he said. "Look at the second paragraph of the letter where I explained my body's responses to you. And as indicated in the letter, I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it. I thought that was obvious," he explained, looking slightly annoyed at her lack of understanding of something so clear to him.
"Hoo…" Amy was thrilled. He had used the word 'foreplay' in his letter. So he really did desire her in that way! And he thought she knew all along? They definitely needed to talk more about these things. "Nothing is obvious to me when it comes to you or your feelings," she explained patiently. "I was under the impression that I was just one of the many things in your life that you have become accustomed to. For goodness sake Sheldon, most of the time I don't dare to touch you at all in fear of you running to the hills. Do you know how hard it is to date a flight risk?"
"But I'm a delight," Sheldon said bewildered, raising his eyebrows and reaching out for her hand. "Yes, of course I've grown accustomed to you. But it's so much more than that. Yes I fought against it at first, but then I realized I felt better when you were around. And then you became such an integral part of my life that I couldn't imagine ever being without you again. That's when I realized I loved you. Haven't you noticed how comfortable I am with hugging you and even holding your hand?" He moved his thumb softly in small circles around the back of her hand. "I don't even think about sanitizing everything afterwards."
"Then why have you never told me any of the things that were written in your letter?" Amy asked, her bottom lip quivering now. Her eyes flickered down to his ministrations on her hand that were sending goosebumps up her whole arm.
His gaze wandered to her lips and then back to her eyes again. "I thought you'd just take it the wrong way," he said in a low voice.
"Sheldon, that letter was so beautiful," Amy started, grabbing her tea mug with her other hand for support. "Just how… how could you think anyone could take it the wrong way? After five years I finally get to know how you felt about me."
Sheldon sighed. "Amy, you know I do not like to talk about my feelings. Yet despite that, I have proclaimed my love to you – repeatedly. I thought that would suffice. I have changed so much, and just for you, but it never seems to be enough. So I was afraid that if I profess my feelings every time they occur, you'd expect even more – and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet," he finished meekly. Letting go of her hand he grabbed his tea mug with both hands now and stared down into it.
"Look Sheldon, I promise not to pressure you; it's all up to you. I told you at prom that I understand and that hasn't changed. If I just wanted you in that way, I would have gladly kept on kissing you even after your Flash comment. But I simply need the reassurance that we're on equal grounds in this relationship. Until I read your letter I never even realized that you had thoughts like that about me, and believe me, after five years it really is nice to know."
She thought for a moment as she took a sip of her tea. "I would like to propose an addendum to our relationship agreement." Sheldon looked up at her attentively and nodded, so she continued. "You once said when you've got a feeling you know it, but you hide them so well. So since talking is one of the things you're best at… from now on, I want you to tell me whenever you have an Amy-related feeling. And in return, I promise not to jump your bones. You alone set the pace you're comfortable with. Can you do that for me?"
"Oh boy," Sheldon gulped, then looked straight into her eyes. "You don't know what you're asking for, little lady," he said, his voice dropping an octave.
"I think I can handle it," Amy said earnestly, but her flushed cheeks at the tone of his voice betrayed her bold statement.
"We'll see," Sheldon said, his eyes still boring into hers intently making Amy avert her eyes in confusion at the intensity of his gaze, wondering what had gotten into him.
He continued in a serious voice, "Amy, believe it or not, but we are like two subatomic particles connected by quantum entanglement. I tried to fight it for a long time, but we are linked together. Measuring one particle's quantum state also determines the state of the other. When you hurt, I hurt. When you're happy, I'm happy as well. I'm done fighting, I've accepted it now, and I truly want you to be happy."
Sheldon sipped his tea gathering courage to ask the crucial question that had been on his mind ever since she had texted him to come over. "So to define the state we're in now, I need to know: Do you still need more time to reevaluate our situation?"
Amy thought for a moment. She liked the idea of being irrevocably entangled with Sheldon, it was kind of romantic – and it definitely was binding. It also seemed obvious that Sheldon must think about her more often then she had originally thought if he was willing to tell her about it. And really that was all she wanted, a little more communication from her emotionally reticent boyfriend. A smile finally started to spread at the corner of her mouth. She had made up her mind. "Sheldon, I love you and I want to be with you. If you can give it an honest try to be… more emotionally forthcoming, the reevaluation ends now."
Sheldon exhaled, only now realizing that he had been holding his breath. "I can do that," he answered earnestly. "Can I assume that this hippie-dippy addendum starts now?"
"I guess so… yes," Amy replied haltingly, chiding herself for not sounding more secure.
"Alright," Sheldon nodded. "When you talked about the kiss earlier, I got a warm tingly feeling all over. And this is definitely Amy-related, because it never has occurred with anyone else," he explained, looking at her lips. "So… can we finally finish our previous kiss now?" he asked, referring to yesterday evening when she had stopped him as he leant in for more.
Amy's jaw dropped, and he took it as an invitation to lean over. As her eyes fluttered shut, she felt his hot chamomile breath on her mouth until his lips closed on hers.
Sheldon edged closer to her until their legs touched. His hand skimmed her knee and slowly moved up her thigh, his thumb gently caressing her like he had done last time, only now finding its resting place a bit higher at the juncture where her thigh met her hip. Amy leaned into his touch and didn't hesitate to reciprocate the kiss. Her hands moved up to his biceps, gently stroking up and down his arms. Getting ever bolder she started to nibble his beckoning lower lip. All this was new territory. In the past when they kissed, though their lips had been moving, their mouths had always been closed.
Suddenly, as if it had a life of its own, Sheldon's tongue came up and flickered against her upper lip, retreating as fast as it had appeared. Just as Amy was starting to wonder if she had imagined it, it was back – this time however she was better prepared and her own tongue welcomed him. As soon as their tips met, they both felt bolts of lightning running through their veins. Sheldon retreated again, but Amy boldly followed him where no woman had gone before, her tongue stroking tentatively against his own. Then she heard it – very low, but unmistakably a soft moan emanating from his lips sending shivers down her spine.
Sheldon broke the kiss first, breathing heavily. He still had to process what made him kiss her like that just now. It was exhilarating… and frightening. He slowly opened his darkened eyes and looked at her with flushed cheeks. As if to retrieve her taste, he licked his lips before speaking. "In line with the new addendum, I need to inform you that I am just experiencing Amy-related elevated heart rate, oxygen deprivation and incipient localized vascular throbbing."
"You and me both, brother," Amy mumbled, touching her lips in wonder while her other arm was still resting on his biceps. Then she exhaled. "And following my promise, I won't pressure you about it. What do you want to do now?" she asked.
Sheldon blinked and didn't say anything for a moment, entranced he watched her lips move while she spoke. "Uhm… I'm a bit at a loss now. If you hadn't asked me to tell you about feelings related to you, I would never have told you how kissing you made me feel, we wouldn't have continued and I wouldn't be fighting for control now."
"Is that a bad thing?" Amy asked tentatively.
"Oh, not at all, I love feeling out of control," Sheldon huffed.
"Hey, you used sarcasm correctly," she soothed him.
"Yes. I told you I was improving on that. Uhm… I'd better be going now. Thank you for the tea," he said, suddenly jumping up.
"But it's two a.m., don't you want to stay? You must be exhausted. Or at least let me drive you home," Amy proposed, unwilling to break their connection so soon, and a bit confused as to the urgent need for his departure.
"No, that would be counterproductive. Walking home would give me enough time to practice Kolinahr," he said, taking his windbreaker to shield his pants and heading towards the door.
Amy smiled as she thought she knew what he was getting at, not registering his tense demeanor with his jacket. They had made great progress tonight with him practically admitting being aroused by her, so of course he'd need to process and analyze it now. Then she remembered something else. "Sheldon, wait… what did you mean in your letter about a thing you would only tell me in person?"
Sheldon stopped, his hand on the door handle. "Oh, that's just between Gollum and me at the moment," he said evasively.
"I thought Gollum was one of your pet names for me?" Amy winked.
"I prefer little lady, lump of wool and vixen if you don't mind. Uhm… I will add the new addendum to the relationship agreement. Will I see you tomorrow… I mean later today… so that we can discuss it?" He was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, wanting to get out quickly now because of his 'problem'.
"Alright, I will be looking forward to it," Amy said smiling at him.
And then, after a quick peck on her lips, he was gone.
A minute later, Amy realized she was still smiling at the door. She shook her head to awake from her stupor, closed the door and returned to her tea, realizing that it had grown cold again.