Disclaimer: Don't own, as usual, and I hereby dub this chapter "the chapter in which a lot of angsting takes place and revelations occur".

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Chapter 11

"Suddenly I become part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and it's effortless."

-The Fray

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There was a battle waging silently in Himeko's head.

The war had stirred sometime during the morning after waking beside Chikane, and it showed no signs of abetting in the near future. She groaned softly and massaged her temples, hoping to soothe the ache beginning to build.

It was simple. She was suffering a crisis of conscious (or identity, she could easily take her pick), and her wolf side was at odds with her human side. Her wolf side reminded her—fiercely and insistently—that she was not human, she could never make Chikane understand her way of things, and she was better off just giving up and letting the hunter drown. Her human side, on the other hand, was feeling especially sympathetic for the young hunter.

"Ah, damn…" Himeko closed her eyes, wincing.

As much as she hated to think of it, her time as a human was running out. She had to learn whatever else she had left to learn, and leave.

She was a wolf. Nothing could change that.

"A place you can't follow."

"Still…" Himeko laughed softly. "It would be nice if Chikane-chan could follow… even if I know… she never will be able to…"

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"He can take on a human form, right?"

Tsuki glanced up from Rakuen to look at Orihime, and for a moment her eyes were blank; then she blinked and nodded, understanding. "Yeah. Yeah, he can, but it might be harder because of his wounds." She ran a hand through Rakeun's fur, the golden wolf's head resting on her lap.

"I know, but if he's human it's easier for me to tend to his wounds."

"Got it. Hold on…"

Tsuki leaned down, whispering softly into Rakuen's ear; Orihime couldn't hear what she said, but a brief shudder ran through the large male's body and he flicked his ear as though in acknowledgement. And slowly, whimpering softly in pain but still doing it, he shifted from wolf to human.

"That's my boy," Tsuki whispered.

For a moment Orihime paused and swept her eyes over Rakuen, absorbing what she saw. His hair was long and fell down his back, the same gold as his fur and tangled with sweat and blood. His skin, in sharp contrast, was a rich, chocolate color and muscles rippled faintly beneath his skin as he drew breath. His eyes were barely slits, and she could just make out twin flashes of dark gray.

"Okay." She leaned forward, gently rubbing the healing ointment into one of the many wounds slashing along Rakuen's body. "That makes my job easier. Thank you, Rakuen-kun."

For a long moment Tsuki watched Orihime, and felt her eyes soften; Rakuen coughed softly in gentle amusement, and she whacked him lightly over the head before leaning down, so they were eye-to-eye. "What happened?" she asked mentally, making sure to create a mental block so Orihime couldn't hear them; this wasn't something she wanted the light-haired hunter to worry about.

"We were attacked. By Tsume and his pack." Rakuen knew what she was doing and respected it, also keeping sure to block the conversation from Orihime. "They took advantage of your absence and sneak attacked a hunting party, chased them back to the pack home."

A chill ran down Tsuki's spine. "How many? How many dead?"

"I'm not sure yet; I fled in the hope that I could lead some of our pursuers away, after me. I am the First Head and close to you, after all." Rakuen's dark gray eyes gleamed briefly. "I figured Tsume hates me just as much as he hates you, and it worked. He gave up the attack to chase after me with his wolves."

"You idiotic, golden-furred moron." Tears welled in Tsuki's eyes, and she pressed her forehead to his, ignoring the warmth of his blood. "Did it ever occur to you that he could have killed you? What would have happened if I found your dead body, huh?"

"You would have survived. Grieved, but survived."

"You don't know that." Tsuki blew out a long, ragged breath. "You don't fucking know that. Dammit, Rakuen, you're my everything. I wouldn't have anything left if I lost you."

"What about…?"

"I don't want Orihime involved in this." Her voice was soft, but sharp. "She's human, and I won't have another human's blood staining my hands. Not another. Not her blood."

"She'd do it for you in a heartbeat, you know." Rakuen curved his lips in a smile, grimacing as Orihime applied more healing ointment.

"I know. And that's why I'm not letting her hear any of this."

"Ah…"

They sat in silence for a moment, Tsuki lifting her head again to track Orihime with her eyes; she couldn't help it, and if Orihime asked, she'd just blame a wolf's instinct of being overprotective of their mate. Such a thing would probably make Orihime turn bright red, and Tsuki always found it hopelessly cute. Even now the light-haired hunter was flushing lightly, perfectly aware of Tsuki's eyes.

"What did my brother want?" she asked after a moment, tearing her eyes away from Orihime and pretending not to notice the teasing smirk on Rakuen's face. "He wouldn't just attack my pack without a good reason."

"You're right, I'm afraid. I'm a bearer of a message." Rakuen narrowed his eyes. "Tsume told me that if I survived, by some miracle, I was to tell you that your time was running out. He wants to end it in the clearing, where he burned down 'your pitiful excuse for a human pack'. His words, not mine," he added hastily, seeing the pain and fury flash anew in Tsuki's eyes.

"So he wants a battle to the death." Her eyes hardened. "It's not enough for him that he's attacked me at that clearing whenever I try to pay respects, but he thinks he can spill my blood there, as well."

"Afraid so. He didn't say when, though, so you have a little time."

"A little time, huh?"

Tsuki frowned and slowly closed her eyes.

A little time. She knew what to do with it.

"Rakuen, I need to speak to you later tonight. When Orihime and Sakura are both asleep."

"Very well."

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"A place you can't follow."

The arrow whistled through the air, missing its intended target by a mile and burying its head into a nearby tree with a soft thunk; Chikane narrowed her eyes and growled in frustration, relaxing her grip and lowering her bow as she ran a hand through her hair. Muttering under her breath, she crossed the training area in long strides and pulled the arrow out of the tree.

Her aim was off today.

What the hell did she mean, anyway? Chikane frowned, heading back to set up and try again. I mean… I know it wasn't exactly the best question to ask her and it probably made no sense, but what did she mean by that? She drew the arrow, narrowing her eyes and trying to push Himeko out of her mind.

Where is she going, and why can't I follow?

She stood for a moment, focusing on the target with narrow eyes; she took a deep breath.

… Why… can't she just stay here with me?

She released the arrow sharply, and a high whistling sound pierced her ears as the arrow head slashed through the air, moving fast and hard, urged on by the strength of her anger and hurt and confusion.

Thunk.

It landed—once more—in the tree, and not the target beside it.

Her aim was way, way off today.

Cursing under her breath now, Chikane stalked to the tree and once more pulled the arrow free, ignoring her aching muscles. Target hit or no target hit, this was an excellent way of relieving stress.

From the window, Himemiya Kazumi watched her daughter take her frustration out with her bow and arrow, her blue eyes dark and her mouth turned down in a frown; after a moment, she turned and walked away, leaving Chikane to her whirling emotions.

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The moon had risen into the center of the sky when Tsuki dared to stir; moving slowly she rose from her usual resting place, stretching for a moment and letting the night air breeze through her fur; only at night, when it was time to sleep, did she ever take on her wolf form again. It was the perfect way to snuggle as close to Orihime as she liked at the moment, nestling her head onto Orihime's arm while the hunter's other arm went around her neck.

Tsuki placed her paws carefully, not wanting to wake Orihime, and to her relief the other woman never even stirred as the black half wolf slowly left her grasp and headed for the tree they had taken shelter under for the night, where Rakuen was. Her heart ached with the knowledge of what she was about to ask of her old friend, and guilt gnawed at her belly.

But she had to do it.

The large golden male had obviously been expecting her, for his nose twitched at her scent and he slowly sat up, his eyes gleaming in the moonlight; he was bandaged now thanks to Orihime and moved a bit slower than he would have liked, but he was still alive. Tsuki took a moment to gently brush muzzles with him, closing her eyes and breathing in his scent.

He would do this for her; she was confident of that. Their bond was too powerful for him not to.

"What did you need to talk to me about?" he asked softly, pulling away and gazing at her.

"Tsume intends to kill me, but he's made a mistake." She sat down, wrapping her tail around her paws and keeping her ears perked to listen for Orihime or Sakura. "He's given me time; I don't know how much, but he's still given me time. I might not survive our battle, but I will kill him, even if it costs me my life." She waved her tail to silence Rakuen before he could protest. "And you know, as well as I do, that this can only end with both of us dead."

"Tsuki…"

"Do you remember, Rakuen, that long ago night after Orihime first healed me? When you told me about the worries of our fellow Heads?" Her eyes were calm, almost black in the moonlight.

"Yes." He understood; she could see it in his gaze. "About continuing your bloodline."

"At the time, I didn't want it." Tsuki looked away, gazing at her paws now. "And to be honest with you… I love Orihime. I want her as my mate. I want a life with her, Rakuen."

"I know."

"But we… we could never have pups." Her voice shook now as the weight of what she was about to do fully hit her. "No one even knows I've been with her. The Heads would never accept her as my mate, even if she was a wolf. And I know that for peace to be established, wolves of my blood must still be in the world. Even if they don't know they are of my blood… they still need to exist."

"Tsuki." Rakuen's voice was soft, and he brushed his muzzle along her neck, trying to soothe her even as he knew her next words.

"Back then, I said I would choose the father if I ever had pups." Her voice was just above a whisper now. "Rakuen… you've been my everything since the beginning. My father, my brother, my best friend. If I ever had to be with a male… it would be you. I know what I'm asking you, though I'm not in love with you."

"If it's any consolation, I'm not in love with you either."

"Good to know." She laughed softly even as tremors began to course through her. "I know what I'm asking of you… and I understand if you don't want to give it to me. I only ask you this… because…"

What she planned to say next was abruptly cut off as, in the blink of an eye and ignoring the pain that flashed through his body, Rakuen became human and pulled her into his arms; she tumbled into his embrace, making the change just as quickly as he had, and buried her face into the crook of his neck, sobbing brokenly as he soothingly ran his fingers through her hair, down her back. Her arms came around his neck and she curled into his arms like a child seeking comfort, letting her tears fall.

"I can never say no to you," he murmured, keeping their mental link strong as she wept. "You know that as well as I do."

"I'm sorry, Rakuen." Her voice was thick with tears. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Don't apologize for being in love."

"One more day. I just need one more day."

"Yeah." He rested his cheek against her hair and closed his eyes, letting her pain pour into him, letting her tears warm his skin. And he wished he could take it all away, like he'd always been able to in the past. "I know."

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Little men were pounding away merrily at her skull with picks, and Himeko was ready to run into the forest and become wolf again, if only to remember where her loyalties were supposed to lay. But memories of waking in Chikane's arms kept her at bay, and she settled instead for prowling around her room like a restless, caged animal.

Not that it helped much, but whatever.

Knowing that Chikane was practicing some form of wolf hunting at the moment, Himeko wandered back to her bed and sat down before reaching under it, grabbing the large book she'd snatched from the library and pulling it out. She'd kept the book close by in case she ever needed to read it or just wanted to leaf through something out of pure boredom, and now seemed to be a good time to look through it again.

Surprisingly, Himeko had scanned much of the hunters section of the book but had never touched on the wolves section. The wolves section, she knew, wouldn't be nearly as detailed as the hunters—at the most it would probably contain pictures of wolves caught on film and whatever nickname a hunter had slapped onto them, nothing more.

Still, she had nothing better to do.

The first wolf she turned to was a large, white male, slim and muscular and appearing quite young; Himeko blinked several times for a moment, scanning her memory, before figuring that the wolf she looked at now was Tsubasa, minus a few years. He even had his other eye, she noted, and quickly checked the name he'd been given: White Terror.

Miyako disappeared at about the same time as the White Terror… yep, it's Tsubasa.

Smiling a little, Himeko continued to read. Most sightings were a few years old and contained none of her friends or herself, though she figured it was only a matter of time before they were added to the book merely for existing and not being human—she felt a quick flash of anger and brushed it aside, gritting her teeth.

The next wolf that caught Himeko's eye did so because he was staring directly at the camera, almost as though he was daring the human to take his picture. He was a large, muscular male, his eyes calm, with thick, bright gold fur. He sat calmly at ease, not seeming to mind the human's presence; checking his name, Himeko saw someone had seen fit to label him Gentle Giant.

Looks like it suits him, she mused, studying the picture a moment longer. Her hair reflected the color of her fur, something between this male's bright gold fur and light brown, and she mused that given a few generations she could easily be related to this mysterious Gentle Giant that didn't seem to fear humans. Shrugging, she flipped to the next page.

And froze.

Someone had glimpsed Tsuki during her time in the woods and caught a quick snapshot of her; a slim black female, her head turned to the side as she surveyed her territory, the eye Himeko could see dark blue and focused. Beneath her picture someone had scribbled Blue Moon, though Himeko paid no mind to the ridiculous name.

No, what caught her eye was the pink shell pendant hanging around Tsuki's neck, and the fact that in this picture the Gentle Giant from before was also beside her, gazing in the same direction that she was, his head slightly higher than before. The same hunter had also jotted down his name before circling them both and drawing arrows to a common point.

Mates?

Slowly, trembling, Himeko's hand rose and closed over the pink shell pendant that hung around her neck—the same pendant, her father had told her, that had been passed down through her family for generations.

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"Tsuki-chan? Is something wrong?"

The dark-haired woman smiled weakly, looking up from the stream. "What makes you say that, Orihime?"

Orihime frowned, sitting next to her. "I don't appreciate being lied to, you know," she murmured, looking at Tsuki with concerned eyes. "You were just looking at your reflection a moment ago like you'd just committed a crime or something." She lowered her voice. "Is it Rakuen?"

"No. He's fine. I just checked on him… he's a little slower than he'd like to be and sore, but he'll live." Tsuki forced the smile. "I'm just thinking about my pack, I suppose."

"Your pack?"

"Yeah. You know. I probably should go back soon… make sure they're in one piece. Take steps to ensure that this never happens again. The responsibilities of a Head."

"You're… thinking of leaving?" Orihime's voice had softened.

"I have no choice… I'll have to, eventually." Tsuki bit her lip. "But… I'll try to come back. I won't just leave you like that." God, forgive me for lying to her. "So you don't have to worry about anything, you know I can't stay away from you—"

Tsuki's words trailed off into silence as Orihime lowered her head, gently resting her forehead against the dark-haired woman's shoulder and closing her eyes. Tsuki sat there for a moment before her eyes softened, and she turned slightly so her cheek was nestled against Orihime's hair.

"I love you, you know," the golden-haired hunter murmured after a moment.

"Yeah." Something inside Tsuki shattered into a thousand bleeding pieces. "I love you, too."

I'm sorry, Orihime. Please… find it in your heart to forgive me someday…

That night, once again, Tsuki waited until the moon rose before standing; for a moment she just gazed at Orihime, sleeping soundly, before lowering her head and gently touching her muzzle to the other woman's cheek, hoping to soothe the ache in her heart. "Tsuki-chan," Orihime murmured sleepily, and tearing herself away Tsuki fled the camp, heading for the trees.

Rakuen had already headed there, and he slowly stood as Tsuki came to him, wincing and moving slowly due to his just closed wounds but still willing. For a moment, Tsuki buried her muzzle into his shoulder as her body shook with the tears her wolf form could not shed. "I'm doing the right thing," she whispered hoarsely, "aren't I, Rakuen?"

"Yes, you are."

"It hurts."

"I know."

"It really, really hurts."

"I know." He turned his head, nuzzling her neck. "I know, Tsuki."

"I need to stay away from the pack during my pregnancy. It's the only way to ensure the safety of the pups."

"I'll stay with you. And I'll tell my brother… Kiba. He'll be willing to help. He and his mate were together just last night, so…"

"Yes." She closed her eyes. "Rakuen… thank you. Thank you so much."

They stood that way for a moment; Rakuen was the first to break contact, stepping back. "We need to go," he murmured, "before they wake up."

"Yes…"

For a moment, Tsuki hesitated, gazing longingly at the camp, where she knew Orihime was; she closed her eyes, steeled herself, and forced herself to turn away, walking to the trees, knowing Rakuen was still too badly injured to run.

After a moment, the golden wolf followed her.

They both knew it was the beginning of the end.

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I'll just, uh... go burn in my little corner of Hell now. Yeah.

Read and review, please!