Vimes couldn't believe it. Not that nearly half of Ankh-Mopork had signed up for this 'reality show', because it was Ankh-Morpork, afterall. What he couldn't believe was that he had been chosen. Sybil's intentions had been good, at least that's what she told him. Many of the officers in the Watch had happily agreed that it would be good for him to get out of the office for a while. Somehow, Vimes had the feeling that everyone was secretly trying to screw with him behind his back.
He hadn't gotten to see who else had been chosen, yet. The moment he arrived he'd been pushed 'backstage'. It wasn't as if it was even a proper stage. For one thing, it was just outside the mansion, as opposed to in a big theater, or something. Second, Vimes had always figured that a stage had dressing rooms behind it. Here, there were rooms, but they seemed more like very cramped stables. You waited here until one of the 'crew' opened the door and pullled you out and up onto the stage. He couldn't tell if he had come to the the proper place or had inadvertedly walked into the entrance of a horse show.
Vimes had been told that he was going tobe first. What was taking so long was beyond him, but it seemed to consist of making the crowd cheer louder at five minute intervals. Either they were keeping them in entertaining suspense, or a fight had broken out in the crowd. Vimes silently calculated the odds of either one, and settled comfortably for the latter.
Just as he was beginning to think that they had forgotten all about ihm, the door to his room opened, and the man who had earlier been introduced to him as Joe wordlessly grabbed his arm and led him out to the stage, where he was pushed back into a chair adjacent to another. In the other chair sat the young girl who seemed to be in charge of the whole thing. She was smiling, as if that was any surprise, and was holding a microphone. Her smile grew as she saw that Vimes had sat down in front of her.
"Welcome to the show, Mr. Vimes!!" she yelled, more to the crowd than himself. "My name is MiMi, and I will be your host for Ankh-Morpork Survivor!!"s There was an uproar from the crowd that could have deafened an elephant. MiMi uselessly attempted to wave them into silence before continuing on.
"So, tell us, Vimes," she said, "What made you sign up for o ur show?"
"My wife," Vimes said, shortly.
"Would you like to explain for us why?"
"No." MiMi rolled her eyes and continued on.
"Well, I hope you'll have a fabulous time in the mansion, I suppose you'll feel right at home." Vimes glared daggers at her. It seemed not to have any effect, whatsoever.
"If you'll kindly step inside the house, you'll see that your luggage has been brought in for you, please wait in the living room for the rest of the guests, who you'll get to spend the next five months with!!"
"Oh, joy," muttered Vimes. He stood up and took his arm away, before Joe got a hold of him, again. The man simply shrugged and led Vimes on stopping as the commander stepped inside the mansion.
"Allright!!" MiMi shouted to the crowd, "Our next contestant is all the way from Unseen University. You know him, you love him, you've probaly tried to mug him, let's give it up for Rincewind!!" The wizzard was guided on the stage, where he was also pushed into a chair.
"So, Rincewind," MiMi said, "What made you sign up for our gameshow?"
"Ridcully made me," said the wizzard, trying to cover his ear to lessen the damage of the cheering crowd.
"Why's that?"
"I believe his exact words were: 'Rincewind, all you do is hang around here, all day! If you don't get out of the University for a while, I'm sending you to a five year exhibition to Klatch!'"
"I see, well, RIncewind, we'd have moved your Luggage inside of the house for you, but it ate one of our crew members," said MiMi, staring cautiously at the manevolent chest that had been sitting at the wizzard's feet.
"Sorry about that. It happens." This seemed to pass enough for an answer.
"Well, hope you have a good five months in the mansion. Please follow Joe, here, and wait with Vimes in the living room." She watched as the wizzard followed Joe off of the stage and into the mansion.
"Our third contestant also comes from Unseen University!! Please welcome Archancellor RIdcully!!" The Archancellor was led up to the stage where he made himself quite comfortable in the chair before Joe could catch up with him.
"So, Ridcully, tell us why you decided to join our show," said MiMi.
"I couldn't get that bastard, Rincewind to leave the University for a while, so I decided that I would get away for a while, myself," he said. There was an uproar of laughter from the crowd. Ridcully even found that the hostess was trying to contain herself.
"What? What?" he said, urgently, "What did I say?"
"Nothing, nothing, Archancellor," said MiMi, getting a hold of herself. "Please, if you'll follow Joe, wait in the living room with the other two." As he was led off stage, MiMi turned to the crowd and gestured for them all to quiet down. They all watched as Ridcully entered the house, and closed the door behind himself. There were a few moments of silence. Then a yell broke out from inside the house, causing an even greater erruption of laughter from both the crowd and the crew. When things calmed down a little, MiMi announced the next guest.
"Our next contestant is our city's very own ruler, please give it up for Lord Vetinari!!" The was another uproar of cheers as Vetinari seemed to lead Joe onto the stage, where the man didn't dare push his lordship into the chair as Vetinari sat down completely of his own accord.
"Thank you for being here, your lordship," said MiMi, knowing exactly what her place was with this contestant. "Would you like to tell us why you signed up for our game?"
"I thought that it might be an intersting experience," Vetinari said. MiMi nodded.
"I'm sure it will be, your lordship," she said, "If you would, the first few contestants will be waiting in the living room," Vetinari nodded, and walked off of the stage.
"Well, let's bring out our next contestant!!"
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I'm not going to write all of the introductions, for that would take much too long, so I'm ending it at the first four. The rest of them will have already been introduced when the next chapter starts. I hope you all like it so far