DAY ONE: 6:00 P.M.

The houseguests seemed to have sttled in nicely, as they were all going about their buiness as usual, or at least what would be considered usual for us. The wizards were sat in front of the Tea-Vee, surprisingly along with Granny Weatherwax, apparently watching a magic show. In the corner, Nobby was playing on the Com-pooter, Ponder hovering around him, impatiently waiting his turn. Angua and Carrot were sitting on beanbags at the other side of the room, playing one of the board games that had been found in the closet.

"Aye, that ain't no real magic," complained Granny Weatherwax.

"Looks real enough to me," said Rinewind, immensly fascinated with the show.

"Yeah," said Ridcully, "How else could he push the egg through the wall?"

"It's all in the lighting," said Granny, "Just watch" They all stared at the screen as the magician demonstrated how the trick worked.

"Wow," said Rincewind.

"Told ya," said Granny.

"Bet ya can't do that, again," RIdcully taunted.

"If yer sure yer up to it," said Granny, "Shall we say, ten dollars?"

"'Ay, you want in on this, Vetinari?" said Ridcully, giving a nudge towards the Patrician.

"I think that I shall have to pass, Archchancellor," said Vetinari, not even looking up from his book.

"Suit yerself,"

Half an hour later, half of Unseen University's funds had somehow been lost.

"Mr. Nobbs, can I please use the com-pooter, now?"

"'Old on, I'm playin' Solly-tare," Ponder moaned, impatiently to himself.

"'Ere, what's this?" said Nobby, "It won't let me peek at its cards. How am I supposed to win if I can't cheat?"

"I believe that's the point of the game, Nobby," said Angua, "What are they betting on now, Carrot?" she asked, rolling the dice. Carrot tried to peer over the beck of the couch from the other side of the room, to get a better look.

"It looks as if the magician's being tied up, thrown into a box, and at the end of the trick, the person doing the illusion removes their hood, is revealed to be the magician, then opens the box to show that he's been replaced by one of his assistants" Angua sighed, wizards were always so competitive. She moved her player ten spots and picked up a card.

"'Ere," said Granny Weatherwax, "First, he takes the fish, removes the lock, goes through a secret opening, tunnels under the stage, comes up backstage, ties up the assistant, puts him down the tunnel to the box, puts on 'is hood, and passes the assistant who was doing the trick at the start"

"There was no fish in that trick," complained Riduclly. They watched the demonstration, and after a few frustrated moments of complaining under his breath, Ridcully handed over another ten dollars.

"Amazing," said Rincewind, mistified. He scribbled a few hurried notes onto the pad of paper he had grabbed earlier.

"Indeed," said Vetinari, still not finding any need to look up from the book. After a few moments, rabid, high-pitched, beeping began to eminate from a little white disc on the ceiling, and a cloud of black smoke began streaming from the doorway leading to the kitchen.

"Dinner's ready!" came the voice of Nanny Ogg.

They all sat around the ktichen table, each playing the Guess-What-Animal-The-Mostrosity-On-Your-Plate-Used-To-Be game.

"Eat your hotdogs before they get cold," warned Nanny Ogg, apparently enjoying hers immensely. She scanned the gathered people and noticed something was missing. "'Ay, where's that commander man?"

"I think he's still in his room," said Angua, "I don't think he's come out since the show began"

"Your lordship," said Carrot, "You share a room with him, did he say anything?" Vetinari looked up from his plate, no one had seen him eating, but there was defineately much less of his hotdog than had been there previously.

"I believe his exact words were: 'I ain't comin' out until the viewers vote me off, or until the damn host is chased out of town'" he said.

"'Ere, I'll go talk to him," said Nobby, and after he had left the room, the other houseguests could hear him knocking on the door. After a few moments, they heard the creak of him opening the door, and then a loud CLANG!! A few moments later, Nobby walked in, viciously rubbing a huge bump on his head.

"'E threw 'is helmet at me!!" he said.

"I think I'll go and have a word with him," said Nanny cheerfully, rolling up her sleeves. She left the room, and after a few moments there was a loud BANG!! of a door breaking open, a brief, rather girlish scream, a small thud, and then Nanny reentered the room, dragging a rather stubborn looking Vimes by his shirt collar on the floor behind her.

"Now, eat yer dinner," said Nanny, propping him up in a chair, "A growing boy shouldn't be skipping meals"

DAY ONE: 10:00 P.M.

"Ah, Vimes, I see you are back from the bathroom," said Vetinari from the top bunk, as Vimes closed the bedroom door behind himself, "Feeling better?" Vimes merely scowled at him. Nanny's dinner had actually tasted better coming back up. He walked over to the desk and blew out the candle. He had refused to use the lamp that had been provided. He felt that it "was only encouraging them"

Vimes crawled onto the lower bunk and let himself fall onto the pillow. Trying to occupy his mind with something other than the fact that he was being forced to share a bedroom with the Patrician, he looked around the room and got his first good look at it. The walls were white and covered in multi-coloured polka-dots of all sizes. Even the bedsheets shared the same pattern, only they were pink instead of white.

"Sir?" said Vimes, after a while.

"Yes, commander?" came the Patrician's voice from above him.

"Why'd you pick such a gay room?" The few moments of silence that followed this question would have created an awkward environment for anyone else.

"Well, Vimes," said Vetinari, eventually, "Why did you?"

"What?"

"Why did you pick such a 'gay' room?" repeated the Patrician, unphazed.

"Well, I was stuck with it," said Vimes, "All of the other rooms were full"

"Ah, I see," answered Vetinari, "Good night, commander"

"Yeah, whatever," said Vimes, and he lay his head back down on his pillow and closed his eyes. After a few moments, they shot open, again. "Hey, wait a minute!!"

----------------------------------------------------------------

This chapter was actually pretty fun to write