Vimes was alone, he wan't sure where everyone had gone, but he didn't particularly care at this moment, the silence was bliss. He was staring out of the window and into the garden. Maybe he would go out and enjoy the fresh air for a little while. He wasn't sure what day it was, or for how long this contest had been going on for. He was only sure of one thing: He wanted to get out. Well, that was up to the viewers now, wasn't it? His fate was left in the hands of Ankh-Morpork. He considered this for a few moments.
"I'm thouroughly screwed," he concluded.
"Something wrong, Commander?" Vimes turned in shock. He hadn't heard Vetinari come into the room, but there he was.
"How long have you been standing there, sir?" he asked.
"Long enough, Vimes" The Patrician moved closer, his quiet voice filling the room. For some reason, Vimes felt that he should take a few steps back. He did so.
"You wouldn't happen to know where everyone has gotten to, would you, my lord?" said Vimes. Vetinari's voice got softer as he stepped forward a few more steps. Vimes stepped back, again.
"They do not matter, now, Vimes," he whispered, "All that matters right now is you."
"Excuse me, my lord?" Vimes's eyes widened as Vetinari was suddenly looming over him, despite the minimal difference in their heights.
"I said only you matter, Vimes," Vetirnari closed his eyes and leaned in.
...Vimes woke up and screamed.
"Something wrong, commander?" Vetinari's voice came from the top bunk. Vimes screamed again.
Vetinari was the first to walk into the living room, Vimes yawning and rubbing his head furiously as he followed behind, trying to avoid everyone's gaze. Everyone had heard him scream.
Vimes sat down on the couch, next to Carrot.
"Sir-"
"Captain"
"Yes, sir?"
"You're going to ask me what happened and why I was screaming, then no matter what I even say, you're going to suggest some home remedy that you read in a book somewhere, then you're going to start naming off some historical figures who discovered the remedy and how, aren't you?"
"Er..In a nutshell, yes, sir"
"I'd rather you didn't, if it's all the same to you, captain"
"Yes, sir"
"The commander has been having a rough night" Vimes shot a glare over to Vetinari, who was sitting calmly down in the armchair.
"You stay out of this, sir" Vimes, commanded, "Nobby?"
"Yes, Mister Vimes?"
"How long has this game been going on?"
"About a month, sir"
"Seems like a lot longer"
"The feeling's mutual, sir," said Angua. Everyone in the room nodded in confused agreement, though no one could tell why.
"Good Morning, Houseguests!!" Everyone groaned, as was the usual response to MiMi's little wake up call.
"I'm sure everyone's eager to hear the results of the first elimination!!" This caught the full attention of everyone in the room. There was hope.
"The first person to be elimiated from the Ankh-Morpork Survivor House is...Vimes!!--"
"YES!!"
"--Get out of the way, you're blocking the door for Granny Weatherwax!!" Vimes stood in the middle of the room, frozen in mid air punch, his face slowly turning red. Slowly, he sat down, and a silent vowe was taken on by everyone to never discuss this moment again. Granny grunted in acknowledgement, and calmly got up, and grabbed her bags,(had they always been sitting there like that?), and walked out of the front door, which automatically locked behind her
"Well, those were all of the announcements that I had for right now, so have a good day, houseguests!!" The line went blank
It was around lunchtime. Everyone was cough enjoying the attempt at a salad by Nanny Ogg, especially that convienently placed potted plant that just happened to be sitting by the kitchen table.
"The poor thing looks like it's not going to make it through the day," said Nanny, dropping the wilting leaves, "Couldn't imagine what happened to it."
"Oh, I think I might have a good clue," mummbled Rincewind, picking through the parts of the salad that he hadn't had the chance to "eat" yet, unfortuneately, Nanny's expertise had taken the word salad to be foregin for, "A plate of leaves that had slightly less muck and salt piled onto it"
"Oh, my gosh!!" shouted Carrot, dashing into the room.
"What's wrong, captain?" said Vimes, standing up.
"It's Angua, sir," panted Carrot, "She's gone missing!!"
"WHAT!!??" All eyes in the room were now resting on Ponder Stibbons, who had accidently knocked his plate off of the table at the speed at which he had stood up. He looked around the puzzled faces, blushing, before sitting down and clearing his throat.
"I mean, um, how dreadful," he toned.
"Indeed," said the Patrician, "I cannot imagine why she would have run off like this"
"Oh, I know," said Nobby, "It's just that it's nearly full moo- mph!"
"What was that?" said Rincewind.
"What was what?" said Vimes, innocently.
"That bit where you clamped your hand over his mouth," said Ridcully, accusingly, "See? You're still doing it!!" Vimes released his grip on Nobby.
"I have no idea what you are talking about, I'm certain," he said, and that was that.
"WILL ALL HOUSEGUESTS PLEASE REPORT TO THE LIVING ROOM!!" They eached groaned in turn as they filed out and into the living room, where they took their usual seats among the bare couches and chairs.
"What is it this time?" piped up Ridcully after a few momwnts of silence.
"I thought now would be a good time to announce your next task!!" MiMi sang out of the hidden speakers, "And this is a good one!!"
"Get on with it!!" yelled Nobby.
"Since I'm feeling that everyone is in an energetic mood, I thought this would be a good time for a game of Laser Tag!!" This was met by a loud wave of silent confusion among the houseguests, "I guess I should elaborate, ahem, Laser Tag is a game of elimination, you will each be given plastic armour and an imitation gonne, when fired, they will send out invisible signals to whosever armour it is aimed at and make loud beeping noises, if your armour emits these noises, you are out of the game"
"That's madness!!" yelled Vimes
"That's the point," MiMi explained, calmly, "But, not too worry, Vimesy, too avoid too much indsanity, you will each be given a private target, this person, and only this person, is who you will be looking for the entire game, whoever is left standing wins. Now will you each please line up outside of the diary room, and oyu be given your assignments" The line went blank, which was a usual sign that they should get started
Lord Vetinari was first, of course, and he vacated the diary room in moments, keeping the calm expression that he always wore, Vimes was up next. He walked inside and sat down in front of the television. MiMi's face was on the screen.
"Good afternoon, Mister Vimes," she said, cheerfully, "Are you ready to recieve your target?"
"No"
"Fantastic!!" She had mastered the art of being selectively deaf, "Next to you, you will find plastic armour and your weapon, good, now," here, her voice got considerably lower, "Your assignment is...Nobby Nobbs" Vimes breathed out, but, he wasn't relieved just yet
"Nobby?" he said, "Are you sure you don't want to stick me with anyone else to make your show a little more dramatic, say, Vetinari?"
"Um, no, not really," said MiMi, having the decency to look confused, "Just Nobby, the game will begin on my mark, until then, please wait in the living room, Have Fun!!"
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Woah, where did this come from? Well, I was bored and watching some anime, so I thought, why not? This does not mean that the story is officially back on, just that an occasionaly chapter may pop up every now and again