An Okashira's Honor

by Alis Volat Propris

COMPLETE March 8th 2008: Misao gets into a street brawl ending up in the hands of the Mibu Wolf. There's something fishy going on in the crime underworld, something sinister and itou and his newest parolee want to know why. Saitou/Misao

29. Chapter 29

AN: The final chapter of OH. Glad you could join me on this long expedition of Misao really finding herself and the interesting plot developments running through out this. It's been fun. 34 fricken pages…frig.

Kenshin trudged his way back home, heart conflicted. Misao was in love with Saitou…but she had left with Aoshi! Something wasn't adding up. He had thought that she'd left because of Saitou's rejection. However, the reaction he'd received from Saitou at the office had painted another picture entirely. Did Saitou love her? Was he even capable of such a feeling? Kenshin's eyes darkened, purple clouds before a storm, as he thought of his former enemy. Kenshin wanted to say no…but found that he couldn't deny what he, himself, had witnessed. He had felt it within the edges of the Mibu's ki. Even the wolf's actions betrayed his words. Kenshin recalled the twitch Saitou tried to hide from him and the edge to his ki. Perhaps the days of the revolution were jading his view of the wolf. Kenshin didn't want to believe the wolf was capable of love in this day and age simply because the wolf wasn't afraid to shed blood. But wouldn't that simply mean Kenshin was applying his own convictions upon the wolf? The thought disturbed Kenshin.

As much as his thoughts sent his mind into a whirlwind of retreating self reflection he had to do this. If he set aside his preconceived bias of Saitou being incapable of love then what would happen? The rurouni, perplexed, sifted carefully through the words exchanged between them at Saitou's office. He reasoned, wrestled, and weighed them. Saitou hadn't made any good arguments against loving her when the issue had been brought up. He'd simply thrown up statements to take Kenshin off the subject or provoke Kenshin from the issue. He was protecting himself, trying to veer the conversation, trying to keep Kenshin from discovering something. But the question was what? Could that something be love?

He mused on what he knew of Aoshi and his look darkened. Aoshi still had darkness within him as Kenshin had seen at the train station through that flicker of ki. In his past the Okashira had done several terrible things without the blink of an eyelash. He had allied himself with Kanryuu willingly, placed his entire team in jeopardy, by his arrogance, to prove their might in combat, even if the combat was for one as soiled as Kanryuu. When that operation had failed and the cost of his men's lives been too high a price to pay the ex Okashira had lapsed into a crazed frenzy, needing to prove his strength, looking for revenge upon Kenshin himself by training and throwing away any moral restrains he had left. He had nearly killed Okina without batting an eyelash as well all for the strength of honor. His view of honor was tainted through and through. Though the ex Okashira meditated he needed to change his entire philosophy, not just his actions.

While Aoshi's loyalty to Misao was strong, his loyalty to his idea of what Misao should become was stronger. He had refused any notion of Misao staying or refusing to return back to Kyoto. Did he only love the idea of what he wanted Misao to be? He was both Father figure and lover to her, concerned for her future enough to shape it himself. Aoshi wanted to shape who she was becoming and at the same time wanted her heart. He was willing to walk a slippery slope in each and every one of his actions in order to make ends meet, and achieve his ideals whether or not they conflicted with other peoples ideals.

Perhaps Kenshin should have brought up Aoshi and the subject of betrayal, but that might have provoked the wolf into a battle, something Kenshin had done by simply challenging his love for Misao. That stood out within the conversation. Saitou had been willing to fight Kenshin for being called out on loving Misao. Or was he willing to fight because of being called a coward? Which weighed more? Saitou could claim insult on the issue of cowardess but was that enough to provoke him to the extent he was at? By following his thoughts as he had before, Kenshin added to his list of presuppositions. Love would have caused the outrage he had seen on Saitou's face, on the look of one who had betrayed their love. The look of a guilty lover could have been Saitou's painted expression in that moment. Kenshin shook the chill that crept up his spine as he continued with his thoughts, walking along the dusty paths of Tokyo.

But if all of this was true, what part did Aoshi have to play in all of this? The only sense made through this gray area Kenshin was supposing, was that Aoshi had done something to keep Saitou and Misao apart. Everything made sense when that piece of the puzzle fell into place. Worse, it connected all of his thoughts thus far. All of Saitou's actions, all of Misao's actions, and those of Aoshi's actions as well. Not for the first time in his life did Kenshin curse his abilities, given to him by his master. The Hiten mitsurugi gave him insight into people's ki, but also unlocked several mysteries and emotions about people. Kenshin figured that this was part of the reason for Hiko's reclusive nature, not only hating the idea of disrupting the delicate balance in war or peace, but also because of his heightened sense of emotion and his powers of seeing beyond a persons barriers.

Kenshin sighed. The hiten mitsurugi was given to him to save people as his master had once said. Kenshin would use it here and now to try and make sense of the situation. Kenshin could safely establish this fact based on what he himself knew. Saitou certainly cared deeply for Misao, perhaps not to the extent he or Kaoru cared for one another, or to the extent Kenshin would want shown for his friend, but the feeling was there. Certainly it was buried beneath his ki, under the surface, but there nonetheless. Now…if Aoshi was the only connecting link in this mess of problem something had to have happened.

Kenshin stopped, wondering if he should even continue these thoughts. He was basing all of this on a lot of assumptions and a lot of things that weren't necessarily certain. And to continue these thoughts would mean to directly question the honor of Aoshi and the implications there of. Which meant, one way or another, there would be a fight, of some sort, in the future. But would the consequences be higher if he didn't do this? What would happen if he didn't ask these questions? With that sobering thought Kenshin decided to let the thoughts play out in his mind as he pondered them. The future wasn't certain and he didn't have to act on these thoughts it he remained un convinced. If Aoshi had interfered, then something had to have happened. Something had to have happened to keep Saitou from Misao. Something Aoshi had said, a deal being made…something speaking of betrayal and guilt…that was how his ki felt that day.

He mused further. If Saitou was in love with Misao and if Aoshi had interfered, he needed to weigh what he knew of Saitou against what he was presuming about Aoshi. Saitou wasn't a fool. He wouldn't allow himself to be manipulated so easily. The only thing that kept him from acting on his passions and convictions would be his metaphorical hands being tied. The question was what would tie his hand so to speak? Honor? Justice? Or maybe…. The pain of a loved one? Sano had told Kenshin the expression of Misao's face as she ran off and had told him of Saitou's reaction to the street fighters presence. Kenshin had been sorely tempted to teach the wolf a lesson himself for that but had ignored the feeling and began piecing together the bits of the story he'd known. If Saitou's response in the office just a while ago was the same he'd thrown at Misao previously, then of course he would strike her hard with sharp words. It logically added up, and she would be as devastated as she was. He would force her to leave to avoid her being injured or harmed further. Which was consistent with Saitou's actions, thus far.

The only thing keeping Saitou in check would have to be physical pain. Aoshi had threatened to harm Misao in some way to force the wolf to reject her. Aoshi could hold that bluff with what he'd done in his past and would force the wolf to reject her, crushing Misao and making it perfect for himself to slip in and comfort her in her time of need and hurt. If Aoshi had done this, he would have one both a blow to Saitou and a very fruitful situation with Misao's heart. Kenshin's mind reeled. He couldn't believe it. He was actually willing to place more faith in Saitou at the moment than in Aoshi. If Saitou loved her, the only thing strong enough to make him do that would be harm to her from Aoshi.

Kenshin's eyes widened. He had been such a fool. This was the only way Saitou would have left the situation at bay and the reason why Aoshi had won so much. He had let Misao go with him. Saitou had willingly let her go to protect her. Looking up Kenshin realized he was at his home. The tofu sloshed in the bucket, and Kenshin sighed. He made his way into the dojo knowing he would need to explain this all to his dearly beloved wife before taking any action. He also had to explain that he'd visited Saitou without her knowing. Talk about slippery slopes…

Misao's eyes fluttered open, eyelashes barely touching her cheeks as she looked around. Her head was nestled on Aoshi's arm and she stiffened visibly as she sat up, looking straight into those jagged Azure eyes framed by black bangs, even as she backed away.

"Did you sleep well?" He questioned her. The intensity of his eyes frightened her and she looked away with a nod as she felt the muscles in her face tense. Her stomach was doing summersaults conflicting with the emotions running through her head and heart. Her cheeks were probably bright red by now she thought with a grimace, avoiding clenching her jaw but just barely. She had waited years for him to look at her like that…somehow it was all so bittersweet. So surreal.

"How long was I asleep?" She murmured as she looked around her, taking into account the situation at hand. The train's clickety clacking sound and the quiet murmurings of others around them were the only sounds. Everything seemed perfectly normal.

"We have almost arrived." He replied simply.

Misao felt her stomach do back flips as his words struck her. Almost there? Oh gods….she would have to face them. She would have to face him….She felt her heart race as she sat and folded her hands in her lap, looking down on them. Her breath hitched as she fought the tremble she felt coursing through her. She would have to face Jiya. Jiya, who had always only loved and cared for her….She had been banished. What would Jiya say to her? What would he do? She had very rarely seen him angry and so the thought of him being angry, particularly aimed at her terrified her, the way that no scary monster or nightmare from her childhood ever could.

The train began to stop and Misao's fears doubled as she felt her stomach clench in protest. She clutched her hands in her lap, to keep from shaking.

Aoshi watched her carefully and felt her ki spike. She was intensely nervous…frightened even. He ignored and buffered his initial reaction of concern. He couldn't interfere. Whatever Okina decided for her fate he would have to accept. He had a mission to complete which was to make sure she arrived at the Aoiya. He scoffed at his compartmentalization of emotion. If only he could convince his heart of that. Even he couldn't predict what the old man would do, for Okina was fiercely protective of his adopted granddaughter as well as fiercely loyal to the code of the Oniwabanshuu. To betray one would be to betray the other.

The old man had tried to kill him, back during the shishio incident for his rebuke of the Oniwaban, which proved his love of honor and tradition set forth by the code. Aoshi sat, muddled in his thoughts. However, Okina had ordered him to bring her back home alive. Wouldn't that imply that he probably wasn't intending to kick her out onto the streets? Aoshi weighed the odds and figured it would be safer to bet on her staying as opposed to being kicked out. So what would her punishment be then? Would he refuse to allow her to participate in her heritage? But denying her the only birth rights she'd ever known would slowly destroy her anyways. Could he stand back and allow Okina to do that to her? Was there anything he could do to help her? The code was the code but were there any loop holes? Any portion he could use to help?

Aoshi sat, lost in contemplation, as he pondered these thoughts. He was jolted out of them by the train came to a complete halt.

He stood up, as the officers helping through out the train ushered them towards the exits. In all of his knowledge of the codes of the Oniwabanshuu he could not see anyway he himself could help or influence. The interpretation of the code was left to the leader for good reason to make the final call. Resigned to his fate he sighed, azure eyes clear with purpose. Complete the mission. He reached above them, gathering her bags from the overhead storage and taking his own pack. He turned to Misao, who sat, head bowed, eyes hidden from his view.

"Misao. The train has stopped." He told her gently.

She stood, eyes hazy and distant as she stumbled from her seat.

"Misao?" Aoshi questioned, gently grabbing her arm to keep her from falling.

Sea foam green orbs were filled with tears and he felt his heart clench in agony.

"Aoshi…I don't think I can do this" She murmured, words of desperation and defeat ringing clear through her tone.

Aoshi brought her into his arms and held her close. He kissed her hair, hating that he was absolutely powerless in this moment…that there was nothing that he could do to help her. Duty forced his hands free of her, as he looked at her with the eyes of an Okashira.

"You must return Misao." He said, taking her hand.

And suddenly those eyes turned to liquid jade, bursting in green fire as they glared upon him.

"You have no right to say that!" Misao cried.

"Don't I?" Aoshi returned coldly, hating that now she was choosing to act like a brat and cause a scene. "I traveled all the way from Kyoto to find you"

"I remember making that trip myself Aoshi. Technically that makes us even. Does that truly stand between us?" She murmured, rising to her feet and glaring at him.

"I have my orders to return you to the Aoiya, Misao. You have no where left to go in any case. Saitou won't have you and Battousai can't afford another mouth to feed. Now come." He said taking her hand, his tone cold and factual.

The words hit her like a physical blow as she flinched. His grip on her hand seemed to stir the life in her. She tried to fight his grip, but he pulled her out into the aisle anyways.

Misao bit her lip as she looked around at the glaring people watching her. You're being childish again, she chided, rebuking herself harshly And you're making a scene!

She bit her lip and stepped forward, head down to hide the tear of shame trickling down her face.

She quelmed her emotions, refusing to act like a child, in front of him. She allowed him to lead her outside of the train, but felt her stomach churn again as he released her arm to gather his pack and hers.

It was then that she realized that just about the only reason she was following him and doing as he told was because she was being an obedient child. It was exactly like her childhood all over again. She wasn't objecting to him as a spoiled brat anymore who simply wanted her way. She was exerting her own will on the situation, as a grown women who should be allowed to make her own choices instead on being allowed the freedom of choosing. Aoshi would force his way on her whether she wanted this or not, still spouting her to be a child because he could not see her as any more than that. Well Misao would be damned if she was going to do everything on his terms.

Aoshi took her hand in his and began walking forward.

"Ah" Misao cried as his hand tightened on her wrist. "You're hurting me!"

"This is for your own good Misao" Aoshi told her.

"No!" She cried, trying to fight against his grip. Not like this, not the way he was hurting her and grabbing her; Childishness be damned. He could think whatever he wanted, but she would do this her way. She had sacrificed too much in the past to simply roll over and submit to his will.

Aoshi ignored her cries. His other hand grabbed her waist, pulling her close so she wouldn't cause so much of a scene. Yet again she was being a spoiled brat. This would change when he married her, he would see to it.

"Aoshi stop it!" Misao begged, pleaded pulling against his arm, trying to stop him from hurting her with persuasion as opposed to tears and whining.

"Misao, you must face him" Aoshi said simply

"Please! Not like this! Not this way" Misao cried, desperate as she panicked. She was afraid, most deathly afraid of walking back to the Aoiya, of facing them. More afraid of anything than she'd ever been in her life.

"Misao are you afraid of him? Of them?" Aoshi challenged, practically reading her mind as his eyes burned looking upon her. Those stone cold eyes of ice blazing at her shook her from her stupor.

That ignited something in her. She released his arm, and her jade eyes hardened. She took a deep breath and composed her features. When she looked up again her eyes were the ones that left with him at the train, the eyes he hadn't seen before then, the eyes of a woman.

"Let go of me" She replied stiffly. It was something in those jade eyes that caused him to let go of her hand. She was a walking contradiction and he smirked at her. Her eyes widened and narrowed, not missing his mocking smile. He tried to grab for her hand again but she snapped her arm from him violently, striding with determination from the train deck back to the Aoiya. Aoshi jogged to keep up with her as he grabbed her bag and his own things, and once again tried for her hand. Misao said nothing but dodged his maneuver striding forward even faster.

"Misao!" He said, irritated by her rejection and childish behavior and followed after her.

She arrived at the gate and paused, standing frigid as she looked upon the house that she had known and loved so well. The house that she could potentially be removed from forever. What a nightmare to forever know every nook and cranny in these walls but be removed from it. The repercussions of what she'd done hit her full force. She had disobeyed him. She had directly overlooked his commandment. She had soiled her honor by refusing to comply to the will of the clan, which meant the will of the leader. But Jiya had been wrong this time! Wasn't it worth defending the Oniwaban honor even if misinterpreted by your fellow members? Why couldn't they have understood? A small voice repliedShe'd hurt her family though.Her little boondoggle as Saitou had deemed it was still costing her more than she could bargain for. Her knees trembled and she took a deep breath, clenching her fists for courage, hoping she had something left within to draw from. Her parents…if they were here… would they condemn her or commend her? By the gods she wished she knew the answer as she felt her lip tremble. Everything in her in that moment told her to flee….how easy ….

She clenched her fist. She wouldn't run away, despite every muscle in her body bidding her to do so. She bit down on the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw a bit of blood, the salt and pain waking her up from her paralyzed stupor. She would face her punishment and whatever else he had to say with honor and dignity. She'd come this far, she would finish it. That's what her parents would have done regardless of their mistake. That's what she would do. Brave words…brave thoughts, but even now she felt her legs tremble and buckle threatening to give way. Courage was doing the right thing in spite of fear, the code had taught her. She may have shamed herself and her clan but she would face up to those consequences and redeem herself if only in her own eyes. She crossed the threshold of the gate entering into the yard feeling her heart sink, but refusing to give in.

The others walked out, after Jiya of course who had been sitting on the porch waiting for them. His black eyes betrayed nothing of his thoughts his face somber his movements controlled. Misao felt the tears in her eyes, but stood, frozen in place, waiting for him to make the first move. She clamped down on her emotions, freezing the tears in her eyes with the force of her will. He walked with the pride and honor of an Okashira as he made his way towards them, his age bearing the regal and tradition their clan had adhered to. He stopped just a few yards from the gate and stood. The other rustled behind him, forming ranks as they watched. Their expressions betrayed nothing of their thoughts. Misao felt her heart clench as she waited. Still, they stood, silent as an open grave. Birds launched themselves in the air, messenger pigeons as Misao recognized and she felt her throat go tight with emotion. Misao was forced to release the breath she was holding and swallow as she watched them. Free… did those birds want freedom? Or were they too being forced out as she would.

She bit the inside of her cheek again to stifle the sob that tried to escape through her entrenched and placid demeanor. She could taste the salt from the blood from her teeth in her mouth but she ignored it, waiting for him, the only one who would decide the fate of her. Everything around them seemed to fade as she stood unblinking from his cold gaze. She couldn't flinch, she had to stand and take her punishment whatever it would be. Seconds felt like hours under that intense gaze, black rounding on green. She bit her lip this time unable to hide her emotions as she fought the tears and the trembling she felt in her soul. Would he caste her away? Would he abandon her, as Aoshi and the others had….as Saitou had?

A shiver ran up her spine that she couldn't hide and she saw his eyes widen and his heart broke in front of her.

"Misao!" He cried out with a sob, running towards her. The fragile moment broke and shattered and she felt the water trickle in her eyes even as her body was free from it's paralyzed state. She returned his sob with a cry of her own, the tears flying from her face as her feet took off ahead of her heart, body launching forward almost of it's own accord. Her braid flew behind her as she burst into his arms.

"Jiya!" She sobbed crying into his hakama as she held him with a death grip. He smelled of sandalwood and tobacco pipe, the same smell he'd always had and she buried herself deep into his hakama to soak up the smell as she sobbed and shook.

"My Misao Mine! How I have missed you!" He murmured, shedding tears of his own, as the black eyes looked upon her with such kindness and love.

"I'm so sorry Jiya! I'm sorrier than you could ever know. Please I beg for your forgiveness" She cried as she fell to her knees, sobbing as she hugged him.

"I know child, I know. All is forgiven" He told her, stroking her hair, as he felt the tears course down his face with a smile.

"I am so glad you are home" He whispered to her, pulling her up into a hug.

"I missed you so much!" She sobbed. The others had come around her and Jiya released her as Okon and Omasu gave her their own tearful reunion. The only dry eye in the place was held by one Shinomori Aoshi, who still stood by the gate watching all that progressed with a passive expression. Jiya glanced into his eyes however and in them held a warmth he had only seen from the boys childhood. Had his Misao changed the man? Had their Okashira's honor returned? Jiya felt his throat tighten as more tears fell with joy.

"Come! We shall have the biggest feast seen on this side of Japan!" He cried, waving his cane and cackling manically.

Misao's laughter rang into the air and the other joined in their cheers. Aoshi still stood outside the threshold. He smiled grimly. She was accepted. That saved him quite a few complications. There was now nothing standing between him and Misao. Saitou had been taken care of and any thought of her leaving home had vanished with in this meeting. All he needed to do was talk to Okina and everything would go according to his plans. Soon and very soon she would get everything she ever wanted. Aoshi crossed the threshold into the Aoiya and joined in the celebrating.

Saitou sat at his desk, sipping the remnants left of the sake jug with only a candle to light his long since darkened office. He had never realized how dark and dreary it was in here in at night. He had finished the scattered paperwork and fixed the file cabinet and filed said finished paperwork. The wall would forever bear the mark of his sword and the desk was worse for wear and would have to be replaced…probably by his salary.. Oh well. The Meiji government owed him for saving their ass several times anyways…they could return the many favors he'd done for them by compensating for his angry outburst. He'd finally bandaged up his hand and gotten control of himself…sort of. The sake certainly had a part to play in that.

He couldn't believe he'd reacted the way he had to Battousai. He had let the stupid miniscule laundry bearing idiot get him riled into a fight. More importantly by his outburst he'd revealed his secrets to the Battousai. Worse still, he'd been insulted by Battousai who'd left the fight. If he had even stayed atleast Saitou could have killed him and kept his dignity. But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst was that no matter how much he drank, no matter what he tried to do to concentrate on others things, she still came clearly to his mind. Her cerulean eyes were stuck, fixated firmly in his thoughts, as he remembered his words to her that day. Those words haunted him…her cries as she beat those tiny fists on his door. But hadn't he done the right thing? Battousai's words also rang through out his mind. Love her or face this world alone…Damn her. Damn him. Damn them all. The sake jug was within reach.

He took another swig. He would have to return to Kyoto eventually…he would more than likely run into her there. He grimaced, more than likely he would run into both her and Shinomori. The thought of her in Shinomori's arms laughing and smiling made him thoroughly ill. Or perhaps that was the amount of sake he'd consumed making his stomach churn. He groaned, hand raking through his mussed bangs as he silently bid the weasel out of his life for the umpteenth time. As if he could bid her leave by simple words. No she would have to be burned out from his memory and thoughts, leaving scars of their own in the process so he wouldn't…couldnt forget.

Green eyes still haunted him and the remembered sound of her sobs as she pounded upon his door caused him to shudder involuntarily. He took another swig of the sake hoping the alcohol would ease the tension. He really needed to stop this. The alcohol certainly wasn't helping..in fact might have been making things worse. He still had time to pack. Could he submit his resignation? Perhaps transfer some where as far from Kyoto as physically possible? Ah but that would be admitting defeat and running with his tail between his legs. And in spite of the pain he was no coward. Pain was no stranger to his doorstep.

Saitou couldn't and wouldn't do that. He gave her up willingly. He wasn't the one who needed to run when he had freely given her away. It would imply his wrong doing in the situation and damn it he'd done it to protect her and give her the life she'd always wanted. Then why had she fought so hard to stay? He stumbled from his desk, grabbing his sword, and his things and heading to his abandoned house. The house he and Tokio shared when he was married. He trudged his way down the streets.

Why was he not mourning her fate? His wife had died, and here he was still fixated on Itachi. Saitou wanted to feel bad, he wanted to feel guilty, yet all he could feel was a sense or relief, and easing of a burden long since beared about his departed wife. And he wanted to hate himself for it, but his apathy won out. Perhaps tearing into himself was easier than admitting he felt nothing. Saitou glanced around his surroundings. It was later than he thought. There wasn't much left of the night. He made his way up to the house. It was quiet. He reached the shouji door opening it. He winced as he made his way through the door as old memories opened up like closed wounds. It had been 10 months since she'd left here. Cynically, he wondered if her ghost would be back here to haunt him. Then he remembered he was supposed to be feeling guilty, and felt bad for not feeling bad.

He snorted and took another swig. She had been unfaithful to him. It had been her choice to leave, and while a part of him loved her and was grieved that she was gone, the other major part of him hated her for sullying her own honor and his name. That was it! Perhaps it wasn't simply just apathy, he was angry at her, still angry at her for all she'd done. He was surprised at the ferocity of his anger at her. It wasn't nice to disrespect the dead, but she had gone far beyond disrespecting him in life, by doing what she did. His grief had died the moment she did, and now all that was left was anger. He was furious at what she'd done, at the way she'd given herself openly to another man and let herself fall captive to Kanryuu through that very man. It was all rather ironic really. Kanryuu had inavertedly tied up all the loose ends in his life. His jaw clenched as he thought of Misao and Aoshi again.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't focusing on that. He returned to the situation at hand, his late wife Tokio. He was supposed to be feeling guilty. But he still couldn't manage it. Perhaps that was why their relationship had failed. He couldn't summon the energy to care. Surprisingly though, as he thought of the situation in light of his anger, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, to be in this place. He had mourned for comrades more than what he felt for his dead wife at the moment. Perhaps he wasn't as screwed up as he thought? Or was he worse because he wasn't stricken by his wife's death he was eternally damned? He knew from the grief he had felt before in the times of the revolution that his anger would simply fade into a dull ache and from there to acceptance. What was Tokio to him? A nuisance…The thought struck him as odd. She was like an old war wound; it was a nuisance because it ached from previous wounds but he knew, would eventually be forgotten in the bustle of his activity.

Saitou passed out on the floor from his philosophical thoughts and woke with a groan as the sunlight entered in through the slightly open shouji door. Muttering and cursing the sunlight he got up shakily and closed the door. He raked a hand through his mussed bangs as he looked around. The entire house was dirty and desperately needed cleaning….He needed to be preparing to leave soon. He would have to return to Kyoto within the week. Work had to be done and Saitou fell comfortably into routine, using it's consistency to soothe his pain.

Kenshin entered into the shouji door, unsurprised to find Yahiko and Sano dithering and bickering over something. With an exchanged look from Kenshin to Sano, Sano grabbed Yahiko by the collar and dragged him outside.

"Oyyeee…" Yahiko cried struggling fists flailing at being treated like a child.

"Weren't you telling me about this new move you learned?" Sano asked, distracting the boy as he closed the shouji door behind him.

Kenshin could hear Kaoru murmuring a song on her lips as she was cleaning the kitchen.

"Anata!" She cried happily, as she saw him, hugging and kissing him.

"Koishii…"Kenshin murmured holding her close. "I must talk to you. It's very important, that it is." He said.

Kaoru frowned, and then saw his look. "H-hai.." She faltered, leading the way back into their bedroom. Kaoru's stomach sank at the look he'd given her, and Kenshin winced knowing she wouldn't like this…

"What is it, anata?" Kaoru asked, turquoise eyes crystallized in their ferver, her brow creased in worry.

"When I said I was going to get tofu that wasn't all I had done…" Kenshin faltered.

"….I knew you'd been gone long…" She murmured.

"I went to see Saitou." Kenshin blurted.

"You- WHAT? MOU Kenshin you scared me half to death!" She cried jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly kissing him everywhere.

"Oro…" Kenshin melted in the arms of his wife.

Then he saw the turquoise harden and braced himself.

" THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO SEE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE! I WAS WORRIED DAMN IT!" She roared, the wafting rurouni flapping in the breeze.

Kenshin had quite a bit of explaining to do and so he proceeded with the tale of what had occurred between him and Saitou and then his particular musings and thoughts on the situation.

Kaoru gave him a speculative glance. "That's an awful lot to swallow Kenshin, after all we know that a man like Saitou isn't capable of love. I mean he cold heartedly tossed her out."

'But you saw Misao's reaction to all of this, and if you place Aoshi into the picture it all adds up"

"I must admit it really does seem to make sense…but what if we're forgetting something or missing some key element? Or what if we're completely wrong altogether on this Kenshin? A lot's at stake." Kaoru said, pondering over what he'd told her.

"Koishii, can we really afford to take that chance? If we don't act what happens? If my theory is correct then Misao is walking into a very dangerous trap laid carefully for her. Even if I'm wrong I would feel more comfortable, with Misao asking Aoshi and confirming it herself, that I would."

She frowned. Kenshin didn't normally ask for much, and he wasn't the type to throw himself into everyone's business as he was doing now. Perhaps the gods were guiding him. Perhaps he really was turning into a bumble headed rurouni. Perhaps he was just now starting to enjoy the gossip between their friends because he had no life. Perhaps she was becoming crazy and senile along with him. But Kaoru believed in Kenshin, for all his faults and features. She would place her trust in him whether or not she fully believed his reasonings, after all he'd never led them wrong thus far. She owed him that much.

"Alright. I choose to believe you Anata. I know you're looking out for Misao's best interests. But how are we going to tell her?…she left today and will be in Kyoto home and safe with Aoshi before we could ever reach her." Kaoru said.

"I could go and find her and talk to her" Kenshin suggested getting to his feet as he grabbed his sakabatou.

"And leave ME here alone with Sano and Yahiko, while all this Kanryuu nonsense is still being wrapped up?" Kaoru asked with a glare of doom.

Kenshin paused, and turned, smiling meekly and admitted defeat sitting back down.

"Besides Kenshin, Aoshi would catch on to you and stop you before you got the chance to talk to her. I love you Anata, but you are rather obvious." She said with a giggle as she brought him close.

Kenshin laughed as well. "I like being honest, that I do"

"And I love you for it Anata." Kaoru replied evenly, eyes glimmering at her husband warmly.

Kenshin sat, pondering. How else could they tell her?

"I know! Write her a letter! Aoshi would never suspect a letter from us. We would after all be writing to see if she was alright and everything. If we address it to her she'll be fine and be able to read it with privacy!" Kaoru replied.

Kenshin beamed proudly at his goddess of a wife. "A letter it is then, Anata" He said, trailing kisses up her arm.

"Mmmm…I know I have the greatest ideas" She said with a laugh.

Misao sat idly in her kimono, trying to concentrate as she knelt, the incense making her nose itch. It was jasmine, and she had always sneezed from the scent of jasmine. Aoshi had asked her to join him for tea and meditation each night these 2 weeks. Her ankles hurt from sitting, her feet were starting to go numb and she could feel the sweat trickling down her neck. She avoided the urge to fiddle and move her position for the umpteenth time, knowing it would distract Aoshi from his own meditation.

Biting her lip, closing her eyes again, she took a deep soothing breath. Why she had ever agreed to meditate and have tea with him she would never know. Since returning Aoshi had spent a vast majority of his time with her, walking with her in silence down to the markets, or simply sitting in the same room as her. He'd even socialized some with the others, simply because Misao was in the same room. That had shocked the others to the core. Okon was asking when the wedding was, and Omasu was wondering about children. Misao rolled her eyes. They meant well…but they could never know the pain it caused her.

Truthfully, Misao felt uncomfortable with his added attention. Having sought it for a majority of her life, then having walked away from the Oniwabanshuu only to return, the added attention was extremely awkward. It was uncomfortable to simply be in this house again, much less to have him as her constant shadow. It wasn't that she hadn't missed the others, quite far from it. But something about her journey from home, had made this place less homelike. There was something missing. And the added attention he was giving her was doing little to soothe her nerves. Not to mention the added attention from the others. She was being smothered, slowly but surely.

Was this how he had felt when she'd stalked him? No, that wasn't fair. She still swooned when those azure eyes looked upon her with warmth…. A chilled warmth but Aoshi was a man of few words and even less emotion. His chilled look was the closest to affection he could get. Amber eyes never with held their warmth for you a treacherous thought whispered with poison. Yes, but they also burnt me with their gaze. She thought glancing at Aoshi. A chilled warmth was better than being burned…She bit her lip, ignoring the memories of Saitou and his nearness, trying to clear her mind and press beyond the issues in her life. She was supposed to be meditating, loosing herself in the process, but all she found herself doing was sitting in the midst of her problems. She focused on her breathing trying to clear her befuddled mind as she resisted the urge to scratch her nose again. She breathed deep, and got a mouthful of incense.

"Ah..ah…ACHOO!" She sneezed, falling from her posture perfect position with a thud on the tatami mats. She moaned, frustrated, as she tried to move her legs which tingled from staying still so long and fell over again.

She heard his sigh, and watched as his long black lashes touched his cheek only to open to reveal those azure turquoise eyes. Feeling chastised without words, she bowed her head and rose shakily to her feet. She was such a clutz in his eyes. He must think less of her for not being able to concentrate and simply be silent with him. It was like her childhood all over, her lack of grace still the problem. She could never be a woman in his eyes. The thought nearly brought her to tears and she knew she had to get away.

"I'll just go…umm….prepare the tea" She said wearily, stumbling out the shouji door as she gritted her teeth against her slumbering wobbly legs.

Murmuring as she walked out to the Aoiya she looked at the sunset and smiled. It was so beautiful…Then she remembered the sunrise on the way from Kyoto to Nagoya and the smile faded and she felt the tears prickle in her eyes. No, damn it! He wasn't worth her tears. Why was she being haunted by these memories? She dreamed about amber eyes and those thin lips each night no matter how she tried to banish them from her thoughts. No matter how she tried to banish him from her heart he stuck there. She couldn't control or fight her dreams much to her frustration. This only served to further her feelings of restlessness as whether home or asleep she couldn't escape him.

She could practically hear his scathing sarcasm and that mocking chuckle. She could nearly smell the scent of Tobacco and an interesting earthy smell that had always wafted from him. Yellow eyes were always in her mind whether she bid them to leave or not. She shook her head. She was being fickle, she thought with a snort. Her heart didn't know what it was doing. She had everything she could have ever wanted here and now. Aoshi had confessed his love to her and was cautiously pursuing her. She was allowed to be and live with her family again. She was back in Kyoto where she belonged. Why wasn't this enough? She wondered, angry at her hearts betrayal.

Because you tasted adventure. The voice whispered cunningly. Is it really your heart's betrayal or your mind?

I've had more than enough adventures to last a lifetime she murmured sullenly.

You're playing it safe because you're afraid, you have everything you ever wanted…and nothing that you want now…

Childhood dreams…. that are long gone. I was a naive little girl to think that I could have everything.

And so you'll settle for anything now.

No…she shook her head

Very convincing…

She shook off the treacherous thoughts again with a shake of her head. It wasn't a question of dreams. It was a question of happiness. She would be happy, even if it meant relearning how to be happy in what she'd loved. Her old life was good. All she wanted to do was settle back into her way of life and be done with it. It was best for everyone involved that she did so. She made her way into the Aoiya and closed the shouji door behind her.

"Misao chan." Okina greeted.

"Hi Jiya" Misao said, with a small smile…a smile that faded as she turned.

"Misao? Something wrong my pet?" He asked.

"Iie Jiya, you know me…my heads in the clouds again" She said with a brighter smile, closing her eyes.

"I see." He said unconvinced.

"I have to prepare Aoshi's tea now, if you'll excuse me" She said simply, turning.

Okina watched her with a frown as she made her way to the kitchen. Aoshi and he weren't blind. They could see the anxiety and restlessness in her as clear as day though she'd die before admitting her unhappiness to any of them. She'd never felt the need for such a charade before she'd left. Then of course there was the factor of her dreams at night. He would wake to hear that name spoken on her lips, the girl not realizing that she was verbalizing her dreams out loud. Worse still, he knew Aoshi could hear them and that only seemed to make the cold man more persistent in trying to gain Misao's heart. What he couldn't understand was why she didn't see any of it? Why was she so unsatisfied?

Misao waited for the water to boil, sitting on a stool with her chin resting on her arm. She drummed her fingers idly, her arm resting on the counter that she'd pulled her barstool up to. She sighed, ocean blue eyes unfocused and distracted as she shifted through her thoughts again. She couldn't seem to escape her thoughts, becoming more quiet than usual to the others around her, but Misao never noticed. Once again lost in those thoughts she focused on her task, her mind running away with itself. She always made Aoshi tea when she was younger…younger, she snorted. She wasn't that much older now than she was when she left the Aoiya and she was acting as if she'd been gone for years. You grew in the time you were away though. You've changed… the treacherous voice whispered.

She chuckled at herself. People didn't change. They became more fully themselves over the years. Then why is Aoshi trying to court you? if he's more fully himself than he would be pushing you away . Why did Saitou throw you out? Her philosophical drabble came short as she thought of the two. What did Saitou have that Aoshi couldn't offer anyways? Any girl in Kyoto would be so pleased as to have his affections. Then why aren't you that girl? The treacherous voice had struck home, and Misao's eyes narrowed as her anger rose.

Ridiculous! She still was that girl. A part of her still loved Aoshi very much. But can you ever forget what he did to you? He willingly lied to you…. He betrayed you.

So did Saitou. She thought with a sneer.

The water boiled bringing her out of her thoughts and into something more practical. She appreciated the relief of focusing on the task at hand, instead of her conflicted thoughts. She brought out the green tea and the whisk, mixing the ingredients all together and arranging the tray and the tea cups.

It could be worse. She should be grateful in the position she was in. She was loved and welcomed back into her family and she had the prospects of a decent marriage in her future. The Oniwabanshuu was still around even in the Meiji era and their greatest enemy was dead and the Oniwaban's honor restored. She had much to be thankful for. Then why is your heart so restless? Why are your dreams still plaguing you?

Because I am a woman, now. I know better. I can no longer live like a child thinking that I can achieve every dream and wish I had in my youth. I can't be selfish and just think about myself anymore. Life just isn't like that..

Misao took the tray, and walked out back to the temple.

Aoshi sat, long black eyelashes resting against his cheek as he meditated. The shouji door opened and he could smell the green tea.

"Gomen nasai for interrupting your meditation, but the tea is ready." She said simply.

"Arigatou, Misao" Aoshi said, azure eyes fixing their complete gaze upon her.

She smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. The look didn't escape Aoshi. He was perplexed. She had nightmares at night, nightmares she didn't want him to know about. Nightmares where she screamed that name in the middle of the night. Obviously she was worried and anxious…that was normal for a situation like this. However her aloof treatment of him wasn't. He was doing everything he could possibly think of to make her forget about that to forget about him. He was pursuing her, and she was surrounded by her family. She couldn't possibly be thinking about Saitou still? She had everything she could possibly want here…now…

She passed him his cup and he accepted the cup, placing it to the side and taking her hands in his.

"Is everything alright?" He asked her, azure eyes holding her gaze as his thumb gently caressed her fingers.

She flushed, physically flinching from his touch, taking her hands back "Everything's fine" She replied, pouring herself tea and avoiding his gaze as she distanced herself out of arms reach.

Aoshi took a sip of his tea. "The tea is wonderful" He told her.

"I'm glad you enjoy it" She said earnestly…still the smile didn't reach her eyes.

She sat down and looked out the shouji door, eyes distant as she gazed out beyond the temple. Aoshi sat and studied her. Her hands were folded in her lap, moving it seemed beyond her knowledge. She couldn't sit still for long, her legs wiggling every now and then trying to find a comfortable position. Her back hunched over time but she noticed this, it seemed, returning back to her good posture. Her back moved with her wiggling, starting the process over again. She was restless and yet tranquil as she looked upon the setting sun. Aoshi couldn't understand and sat perplexed as he asked the gods who had changed and why. He felt further from her than he had while working under Kanryuu. Though feet seperated them, her heart was miles from him. He could only hope that it wasn't with Saitou. That somewhere in her heart he still held his place.

"Dinner" they both heard the voice call. Misao rose to her feet, and headed to the tray. Aoshi assisted her in the task their fingers meeting. She blushed at their proximity, and took the tray.

"I can carry that" he offered.

"I'm alright" she replied, as distant as ever.

They walked in silence with the sun making its way beyond the horizon. The sky was brilliantly orange and purple, the clouds making way for the night. Misao eyed the sunset longingly, and then turned back on the path, making her way into the Aoiya. Aoshi followed behind her, shutting the door against the setting sun.

"Dinner's ready" Okon said, as she set the last dish on the table.

"Alright, I'll just go set this in the kitchen then" Misao said simply, retreating to the kitchen.

The Oniwabanshuu exchanged looks.

"Has she said anything to any of you?" Aoshi asked.

Numerous heads shook. Aoshi sighed, sitting down as he was handed the newspaper.

Misao glanced at the fading sun, and finished cleaning the tea kettle, returning the things to their rightful place. She opened the door and made her way to the table only to discover that her usual spot was taken…she would be sitting next to Aoshi tonight. Again. She ignored the twitch of irritation she felt and made her way to her spot, sitting down. She placed her hands at her sides, waiting as Okon dished out food for everyone. Startled she felt something brush her hands. No one around the table had noticed because shiro and kuro were fighting over the fish portions. She glanced next to her. Aoshi's eyes were focused on his newspaper as he turned the page, single handedly. His other hand brushed hers again. He wanted to hold hands with her? Misao frowned.

"I'll be right back" She said, excusing herself and escaping before anyone could stop her. She slid out the back, sliding the geta on, as she made sure her kimono was straight and proper.

She could feel the tears in her eyes and she fought them ardently, forcing them back. It was too surreal. Aoshi pursuing her, spending so much time with her, wanting to hold hands with her. It was all too much to take in. Especially after the kanryuu incident and everything that happened with Saitou. And then to be welcomed back into the home she'd never thought to step foot in again. Misao wasn't ready for all of this. She pushed the tears back again, choking, as she did so. She walked to the mailbox, wondering if anyone had checked it recently. Then she heard the door slide.

"Misao?"

Misao tensed, and turned. "Jiya" She greeted.

Jiya, walked out off the porch and towards her. Misao sighed, quelming her feelings.

"Precious, are you alright?" He asked her, black eyes looking intently into her green ones.

"I-" Misao faltered.

"Misao?"

"Jiya it's just so much….all at once…I can't…I don't…" The tears streamed down her cheeks against her will.

Jiya pulled her into a tight hug, as Misao cried into his haori, hands wrapping themselves in the fabric, her nose filled with the comforting scent on sandalwood and Jiya's tobacco he smoked from his pipe.

"Shhh…Misao chan, you're alright" Jiya soothed, stroking her hair.

She pushed away wiping her tears. "I didn't mean to do this…" She said sniffling and pulling herself together.

Okina frowned. "Misao?"

"I'm alright, and I'm sorry. I think I'm going to go draw a bath for myself and then go to sleep. Goodnight." She said, walking past him, and into the house.

Okina frowned, but there was nothing to be done about the situation. Shaking his head, he made his way back inside.

Night came and went. Aoshi dressed quickly as he made his way downstairs. He had to come up with a way to woo Misao. He started with his morning exercise training with twin bladed kodachi to work off some of the frustration he felt at the situation. He worked up a decent sweat and sheathed the kodachi making his way to retrieve the mail. He grabbed the stack of letters and made his way into the kitchen, wishing briefly that Misao were awake so that she could make him his green tea.

His eyes scanned the letters briefly noting that Battousai had actually written something to Misao. Perhaps it would lull her out of her dazed and distant depression. It certainly couldn't hurt to try. He set the stack down where Jiya would find it, knowing it would be more comfortable for Misao. Aoshi clenched his jaw in frustration. The more attention he showed her the more she rejected his advances. She flinched when he touched her now, and usually found ways of avoiding him. This was NOT the way it was supposed to be. Perhaps he could surprise her with a trip, just the two of them. Anything to keep this…this awkwardness from coming between them and his goals. He wouldn't give her up this time. He refused to.

Aoshi made his way to the training grounds, in his black gi and pulled out his twin kodachi, taking his frustrations out on invisible enemies and honing himself.

Misao's eyes flared open jade sprung to life. She gasped as she took in breaths wiping the sweat from her forehead. She eyed her pillow longingly. There was no way she could go back to sleep. She hung her head in shame. Dreams of him still haunted her. But she was making progress. It hadn't led her to tears this time, or the time before that. Did that mean it was getting easier? If it's getting easier than why does my heart feel so weighed down? She thought with a curse. Sighing she angrily shoved off the covers and got up from her futon. Making her way to the closet she changed quickly, fixing her leg and arm bindings placing her ninja gear on.

She made her way down the stairs.

"Good morning my precious Misao chan! There is a letter for you sitting on the table" Jiya informed her.

Misao waved it off. "I'll get to it later." She murmured heading into the kitchen.

Black eyes frowned at her response, but he grabbed the letter determined to see her response. She stood glancing at the bowl of peaches.

"Misao mine you should open the letter. I'm sure you'll feel better." He said with a great smile.

Misao looked up at him. "Who's it from?"

"Why the Kenshin Family" He replied with a bright smile.

Her eyes lit briefly but flickered. "I'll take a look at it" She said eyeing the peaches with determination. She grabbed one taking a bite out of it as she took the letter from him.

"I'll read it in the garden beneath the tree. Thanks Jiya!" She said flashing him a small but genuine smile as she appeared even if only for a moment like her old self.

Okina beamed and followed outside, to smoke his tobacco from his pipe.

Misao sat beneath the tree, enjoying the cool breeze. Aoshi practiced in the training area, twin kodachi moving gracefully. She had been so enraptured with him in her youth, every move of his seeming so flawless and smooth. Aoshi strived for perfection not just deadly ability. It was as much art to him, a science to not only be skilled, but deadly and graceful doing it. She would never have that. Her skills weren't advanced enough and he'd made it clear that she wasn't going to receive further training from him.

Ocean green blue glazed over in defeat as she looked down at the handwriting. It wasn't Kaoru's and the idea that Kenshin had written her a letter sparked her curiosity. Her fingers pressed against the seal, pulling beneath it. The letter unfolded and lazily Misao's eyes scanned the contents. Her eyes lit Jade as she turned pale reading through Kenshin's writings. She stood suddenly, eyes frenzied as they turned the next page.

Okina eyed her oddly but gave no comment as he smoked his pipe.

Misao's fingers trembled as she finished the last line. Nearly crumpling the paper in her fury her eyes turned towards Aoshi. Her ki flared and raged as she bit her lip in anger. She stopped what she was doing. Taking a deep cleansing breath she exhaled it, deeply closing her eyes as she felt the wind again. It was a pleasant breeze sweeping her bangs. Green eyes opened, clear, determined. She had to know. He deserved that much from her, and she deserved that much from him.

She made her way from the garden bee-lining straight for Aoshi.

"Misao?" Okina asked puzzled by the emotions that had just crossed her.

Misao opened the shouji door, making her presence known to Aoshi. He sheathed his kodachi picking up a towel and wiping himself off.

"Yes?" He responded to Misao as she stood there.

"I need to ask you something." Misao said.

"Certainly?" Aoshi replied with a bit of confusion.

"Can you step outside for a moment with me?" She said calmly.

"Aa." He replied, her behavior strange in light of the past few weeks. Perhaps she was coming around to him and his advances? Aoshi couldn't tell, so he followed after her as she stepped out of the training area. She stood by the tree, brow furrowed, anxious because of the way her hands were clenched, one hand on the paper.

"Misao are you alright?"

'If I asked you for the truth would you be honest with me Aoshi?" Misao replied.

Her use of his name struck him, startled him as he listened to her.

"Of course" He replied.

Misao nearly trembled, and closed her eyes. She took another deep cleansing breath, steadying herself, bracing herself preparing herself for this crucial moment. Misao wasn't blessed at having the right timing. From her birth she had been born in bad times having to make the most of the inoppurtune times she was plunged into. But something within her, something deep called to her, from the very core of her being. No one would want to do this she thought. No one would want to confront him with this sort of evidence. But that same core told her inadvertedly that this was the moment. This was it. If she didn't do this now, she would never be able to summon up the courage. She would never been able to deal with the doubt in her heart. Her heart and her wishes would be divided, doubt plunging the kunai deep within her, cleaving her soul and destroying her in the end. She had to do this. Her hands were sweaty and clenched. She forced her trembling to stop. She had to do this. Her life her future depended on this. She took one more deep calming breathe nearly choking as she fought to control herself. Her eyes opened and her lips moved.

"Is this true?" She asked him jade eyes alight, though her voice was calm, tone clipped if anything.

"Is what true?" He asked, eyeing her.

"This" She said handing him the letter.

Azure eyes frowned as he looked upon the handwriting reading quickly. Those eyes widened and narrowed as well as he nearly ripped the page, turning it furiously.

"…."

Aoshi stood there looking like a child whose hand had been caught in stealing tea biscuits. His face spoke of guilt, and anger.

"Surely you don't believe any of this-"

"I asked you a question" She repeated, more forcefully.

Azure eyes examined her. Jade stared back at him, calm and collected. He had never seen her more mature, never seen her more serious and serene as he looked at her. She was frozen jade.

"Do you believe it?" Aoshi asked her.

"You promised me." Misao replied, taking a staggering breath. "You promised me you would answer me truthfully. Stop dodging the question. If ever you loved me Aoshi, if you ever had any affection for me as a child, if our moments together through out my life have meant anything at all to you Aoshi, tell me now if this is true or not" Misao said.

Aoshi looked at her. Aoshi weighed his options. Regardless if he lied to her, her trust would be broken, the doubt always there. Lies had caught up to him. Once again his Okashira honor was sullied. He could feel the deception rolling off of him in waves. He had been silent. She would know. She already knew. His resolve to lie started but crumbled at her resolute look. If he lied to those eyes, those jade eyes she had that reflected the woman he had never seen before, didn't even recognize; they would know. She stood, waiting for him.

"Hai." Aoshi replied, azure eyes defiant as they looked upon her.

He should've been groveling, coming up with some excuse but those defiant, but resolute jade eyes kept his tongue from moving. Her very stance, the very confidence she held, the maturity challenged him, struck him and wounded his pride as he had never felt before. He wouldn't grovel before her, even if it meant he would face the consequences. His honor, though sullied was still honor. His pride held his tongue in place as he stared back at her, ki rising.

Silence greeted them as she stood there. The pregnant pause stretched and grew between them as she waited. She wasn't looking at him, apparently lost in thought. Aoshi waited. There was nothing else he could say until she said something, there was nothing else he would say until she broke the silence, until she caved first. She would break. He was waiting for the tears the eruption of her very being. She would reveal the childishness to him. In that childishness she would never be able to release him. She didn't have the strength in her to end this he thought with confidence. She had just gotten everything she had ever wanted in her lifetime. Even if he had lied she wouldn't have the courage to stand after this. It would be a matter of time before she was his. She would succumb to his advances and he would make her his forever, never allowing her to leave from him again. She would break and he waited patiently for it, azure eyes alight as he scanned her ki.

She licked her lips, pausing and he waited.

"Have you nothing to say for yourself?" She asked, eyes meeting his gaze without breaking or wavering.

The letter fell from his hand. And suddenly Aoshi's confidence was wiped away in the gaze he didn't know or recognize. He felt the cold chill of despair clutch at him, his stomach knotted, eyes widening as he realized the seriousness of the situation. Suddenly the words poured out of him as he realized that he had ruined his chance at explaining, at trying to tell her his reasoning because of his perceptions of her.

"I love you-" he began.

He felt the pain of her fist connecting with his face in startled shock.

"Don't you DARE sully that word by using it on me Shinomori" Misao said, trembling with rage. But her voice, the very tone and inflection she used; and those eyes, those eyes he would remember, those eyes that would haunt him.

"I cannot trust you anymore than you could be trusted after betraying the Oniwabanshuu." She said with finality.

"Don't go…I love you-" He replied, making a grab for her wrist as she turned her back on him. Her hand launched out, slapping his grip, eyes alight again. He stepped back, startled by the ferocity of the look she was giving him.

"You don't know what love is, or what that means. How dare you use that term to describe what you've done." She said tone dark and harsh.

And suddenly the smoldering jade eyes snuffed out to be replaced with ocean green.

"We can never be. I have outgrown you…this…" She whispered sadly.

Aoshi's heart constricted painfully. "Wait…" He murmured.

Her deep sigh answered him as she paused at the gate.

She felt her core tremble the very foundations shake and writhe. Could she do this? Could she walk away with regret? She stopped.

"Why?" She didn't turn but her voice carried clearly.

"What?" He asked startled.

"Why should I stay Aoshi? What is there left for me here?" Misao repeated. If she looked at him, if she turned back to face him she would cave and crumble. But she needed to know. His words in this moment would make her decision. He still had a chance in this moment. He still could tell her, could try to find some way of explaining or clarifying, or even admitting to her. She needed to hear it in his voice. She needed to hear it in his words that he wanted her. That he needed her. That his pride effectively broken would no longer hold sway over him, would no longer blind him to make the mistakes he had made. If he could admit that, or convince her of that with his words, she would accept it, and him as she always had. She stood trembling, terrified of what he would say, heart in anguish as she waited for his words.

"Your family needs you, you owe obligations to the Oniwabanshuu Misao-" Aoshi began.

Her heart snapped shut. It was over.

"Sayonara, Aoshi." She said, eyes clear and tone soft but firm even as it was distant. Aoshi stood shocked at what had just occurred. His azure eyes narrowed then widened as a blood curdling cry erupted from his lips.

"Aoshi?" Okina asked, unsure of what had just happened.

Saitou sat, filing his paperwork. He'd submitted paperwork for his transfer, and all that was left to do was to wait and see what his verdict would be. The waiting was what was killing him though. He clenched the pen in his hand, blood vessel blaring. Already he had started packing up his office…really there was so very little to pack as he looked around. He'd had a much bigger office, and most of his personal belonging were still packed away from his previous move from Tokyo. Saitou would be glad for a fresh start. He could use it. He could hear booted footsteps, and his eyes narrowed as he felt the erradic ki. But it couldn't be him? What purpose would he have coming in here?

Saitou's office door opened, and one Shinomori Aoshi, closed the door behind him.

"I thought we agreed to stop running into each other like this" He said, sardonic smile glued to his face as he mocked him.

Aoshi unsheathed his kodachi and Saitou's eyes widened as he made grab for his sword, to block the oncoming kodachi. Saitou refused to unsheathe the entirety of his sword. First off there wasn't enough room in his miniscule excuse for an office, for a proper fight. While it was true that he could always use Gatotsu zero stance, he preferred not to have to resort to that in his office as it would ruin what little furniture could fit in the cramped space. Second off, he'd done nothing to provoke the iceblock into a fight. Shinomori obviously had sought him out with this intent. Saitou would know what the hell he'd done if a fight was going to take place. The finicky ki of the man whose kodachi pressed against his sheathed katana made the wolf cautious. Aoshi's strikes were clumsy and weak, his ki filled with anger, causing his form to be shaky and trembled as he raged. Azure eyes were jagged, crazed even, filled with a hatred and rage that provoked Saitou's curiosity, enough to overlook the deliberate attack, weak as it was.

Saitou forced him back.

"Enough. This is a terrible place for a battle. If you insist on fighting me, then I demand to know why before I slay you." Saitou said, attaching his sheath to his belt. Yellow orbs eyed the ex okashira.

Knowing the iceblock, he wouldn't attack him without Saitou's sword out, but Saitou didn't trust the icy bastard, his gloved hand stayed near the hilt of his Japanese sword eyes daring him to try it.

"How…dare…..you" He snarled as Azure eyes took on a deep green gray slate in his anger.

"What?" Saitou said puzzled by his fury. What the hell was going on here? He'd done nothing.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Aoshi's voice boomed.

Saitou winced slightly from his furious yell.

"You've said that. Twice now. Care explaining why I apparently dare?" Saitou replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice, as he crossed his arms, eyes narrowed. He was half tempted to light up a cigarette. He could certainly use the nicotine after the stress this imbecile was causing him.

"You arrogant, selfish, manipulative SNAKE! How DARE YOU! You've stolen her from ME!" He said, sheathing his kodachi, eyes narrowed in such hatred that Saitou was surprised.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Saitou asked still not understanding or believing what he was hearing. Aoshi had won in any sense of the word. Misao was back at home with him and her family. What the HELL was he talking about? Saitou's ki rose.

"She takes a walk….. daily …..not just one in a while, or every other day, but EVERY day…and do you know where she goes? The graveyard!" Aoshi snarled.

Saitou's eyes widened.

"She walks everyday to the graveyard for you" He cried, movements quick as the ex Okashira lashed out. Saitou barely had enough time to bring up his fists to block the kick heading towards him. He winced from the pain in his arms. Damn the man could kick. God damn kenpo, he thought with a wince. He was able to block another blow, but not the one following that had been hidden from his sights from his previous parry.

Fucking ninjas he thought with a sneer as his arm burned. That would bruise tomorrow. Inspite of Aoshi's skill, he was furious and that fury made him careless, though his hits carried more power. The wolf of Mibu however, was aware of the fight and now ready to defend and attack his thoughts recentered on what he'd been told while ducking, dodging and weaving the furious iceblock's attacks. His thoughts were registered on what the icicle has said. Misao was at the graveyard? For him? Saitou's thoughts didn't have long to sink in though. He quickly brought up his hands en guarde as the icicle launched into a series of complicated kenpo moves on him.

"She cries out your name at night, in her feverish nightmares! She doesn't speak anymore! She wears a fake smile because of YOU!" He cried.

The broody icicle's got speed Saitou had to give him that as he blocked another punch. Strength too, he marveled, fighting another flinch he felt at the power behind the blow. Damn that stung. Hopefully he hadn't broken or fractured anything yet.

"The bumble headed rurouni wrote her a letter. He knew about everything. You betrayed our agreement!" Aoshi roared.

"Look, just because she's not in love with you doesn't mean you can barge in here and start a fight." Saitou couldn't avoid the punch, though he tried, the knuckles splitting his lip. Saitou retreated a safe distance, staggering, wiping the blood from his lips as he stared at it. Yellow eyes looked upon the ex okashira incredulously, as Saitou trembled in rage. This was going too damn far.

"I didn't tell Battousai a damned thing so I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but if it's a fight you want, then I'll sure as hell give you one." Saitou said, landing a swift uppercut right under Aoshi's chin using his shinsengumi speed.

Saitou had allowed him to explain but Shinomori was obviously an idiot looking for someone to blame for his own failure with Misao. He had fucked himself over and was trying to let Saitou take the rap for it, making himself feel better in the process of being righteous. The pompous bastard. Couldn't even handle his own failures and shortcomings. Simply for that Saitou would pummel him, for the insult of lacking humility in his defeat and the fucking common sense to know when the blame fell on his own head.

The younger man went flying with an additional kick from Saitou's leg, his ki rising in his rage. Aoshi managed to block the knee coming into his ribs, and punch aimed for his right cheek, but in dodging right he fell right into the sweet left punch waiting for him. Aoshi flew, feeling the powerful connection of the wolf's fist and hit the floor hard. His cheek bone was probably broken, but that didn't stop the wolf from landing a swift kick to Aoshi's face, with his black boots, Aoshi rolling on his back, blood spurting from his broken nose and spitting out a tooth. Saitou's sword was at his neck, the wolf panting as he stared at him with dark amber eyes that meant to kill.

"I don't believe you" Aoshi gasped, his face a bloody mess, but his tone weak and pathetic as he wheezed it out.

"Then you're a bigger fool than I thought" Saitou retorted, spitting in his waste basket trying to calm every muscle twitching and burning in his body for the kill. By all accounts he should die simply for accusing, but Saitou wouldn't gain from that at all. It was a far worse punishment to let the man wallow in his shame and utter wretchedness than to spare him the pleasant escape of death. This man wasn't evil, simply weak and pathetic.

"I'm telling you the truth Ahou, whether you believe it or not is up to you, but if you think I'm going to overlook you starting a fight in my precinct over your own stupidity then think again" Saitou said. He may not have killed the bastard, but he had left him broken and hurting.

"Then how did Battousai know?" Aoshi snapped, voice cracking in his frustrations as he choked on a sob.

"I swear on my honor as a Shinsengumi that I told him nothing about our deal. If you want to know, then maybe you should've gone to Edo and attacked him" Saitou said being gracious enough to offer him the truth.

Aoshi tried to move and Saitou left his sword where it was, the okashira shallowly slicing his neck on the honed blade. Aoshi froze, feeling the blood drip down his throat as he glared balefully up at the ex captain.

"Enough!" A familiar voice brought both of them out of their battle focus as only one with experience of the revolution could.

"Aoshi, How dare you come here to attack our ally" Okina said, black eyes narrowed.

Aoshi's head hung in shame and he crumbled to the floor. To Saitou's surprise the man began to weep. Saitou's frown increased as he sheathed his sword and backed away while Okina stepped forward.

"Sumanai, Saitou kun. I didn't notice he'd left until a few moments ago." Okina said.

"But you knew Battousai had sent the letter and didn't think to tell me" Saitou accused, glaring at the shorter man.

"I was not aware of the letters existence until this morning after he had left." Okina retorted meeting the man's gaze openly and defiantly.

"And this is the worth of the Oniwabanshuu information?" Saitou challenged.

Okina's eyes narrowed. "Be careful Saitou kun. Words can draw blood easily" He said shifting.

"In the future I demand that our relationship be more specific in regards to information received. Be careful with how you address me, old man. I make grievances for your family because of our relations and the context of the situation, otherwise I'd kill him, and disband you in a heartbeat." Saitou said.

"Your allowance is appreciated, albeit the cynicism that goes along with it" Okina retorted submissive, but angry and defiant. Saitou half grinned. The old man had spirit, he'd give him that.

"I expect you'll clean up the mess. I've somewhere to be" Saitou said, grabbing his hat and opening his door.

Okina watched him like a hawk as he left. Chee, let him watch me Saitou thought with a sneer much good it will do him. Saitou's mind whirled with the thought of her. Jade green eyes still stuck in his mind, had never left actually. He had some information to confirm as he made his way out of the office and to the graveyard. Shaking his head, the older man attended to the weeping ex okashira.

Misao walked, the sound of her footsteps echoing in her mind, the hollow void that had contained her person was gone. She stood outside the graveyard trembling as she clutched her fist and her gift. She felt so empty. Himura and Kaoru wouldn't lie to her. Aoshi had been the one to lie to her. She had much to atone for. She had walked these graves these past few weeks, appreciating the tranquility and solitude they provided. She entered the grave, feelings her sins bearing down upon her as she walked on the ground of spirits. She made her way before Tokio's grave and knelt humbly down at it.

"Tokio san, I'm not even sure if you can hear me." She murmured, placing the flowers she'd brought upon the headstone. "But if you can hear me… I want to apologize.."

The wind blew lightly, rustling the trees. Misao's green eyes stared around, startled, feeling the goosebumps on her arms. She quieted her soul looking at the sky, quelming her fear, stopping her trembling and continued.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry for judging you. I'm sorry for thinking less of you because of what you did to Saitou. I'm sorry that I treated you as if you were guilty. I'm sorry I couldn't save you…."she trembled, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over.

" I'm here now because of that Tokio san, and for him" Misao said simply, feeling the tears burning her cheeks as she placed the flowers down.

"I'm here to confess. Tokio san I need your forgiveness, even from beyond the grave to move on." She sobbed trembling.

"I am sorry for judging you…because I have done the very same thing." She murmured, choking on her sob.

" I have betrayed Saitou as well… with my silence. I proclaimed my love for him, and then turned from him when the opportunity presented itself. I left him when he needed me most. I didn't…no couldn't believe in him"

"and for that I must beg your forgiveness Tokio san. And forgiveness for him as well. Please Tokio san. Release your hold on him. Allow him to move on and love again. Tokio san please I beg you out of love to release him from your hold".

Saitou made his way towards the grave, in disbelief. There was no way she'd be here. None. He was still doubting the legitimacy in Aoshi's words, when he froze. He saw her laying near the grave, kneeling with her head bowed respectively by her headstone. Her eyes were closed, long black lashes falling gracefully upon her face. He could see her lips, those sweet cherry blossom lips murmuring and her hands put together as she murmured her fervent prayers. She was so chaste...so pure...so holy other as he stared at her in that moment. She was praying for one who didn't deserve to hear those fervent words as he heard the name Tokio. Then he heard her words.

" I have betrayed Saitou as well… with my silence. I proclaimed my love for him, and then turned from him when the opportunity presented itself. I left him when he needed me most. I didn't…no couldn't believe in him"

He swallowed the lump he felt caught in his throat. They had saved his wife's body and burnt her as accustomed and kept her ashes for a burial. He couldn't believe what Misao had gone through to do that. What she was doing now to admit her faults, even to a dead person. She had confessed her sins and repented of them. He was humbled by her humility, overwhelmed by the strength of her heart and the honor she held.

Then he realized he was staring and gawking at her. If anyone saw them they might think him a pervert or a street lecher. But no one was around. He had to talk to her, he had to see her, he had to interact with her. But what on earth could he say to her? What could he possibly do to alleviate the situation when he owed her so much? What words of his could ever take back the grief, the pain he'd caused her? What would he say to show the depth of his feelings running rampant through him at her confession? He had come all the way here from his office simply to prove she wasn't here...but she was…now what?

Saitou grimaced. It was well past time that he was honest...honest with her and honest with himself. He remembered Aoshi, and the rage he'd felt in his office at Tokyo, the rage he'd felt at his hand being forced, the rage he'd felt at having to lie to his truest desire. His anger flared, his ki bursting forth and rising. He had his courage now. Motivated, he strode with purpose towards the lithe girl who kneeled at the grave. His strides were long and lengthy, as he came up a few yards behind her.

"I am sick of this" The disgust in his voice was hard and jagged. Misao whirled around as she looked up at him, jade eyes widening. Her mouth was ajar as she stared at him, her stomach doing summersaults. What was he doing here? Her mind panicked as her heart raced. Had he heard her words? Did he know? Then she realized with dismay why he was here and her entire demeanor sank. He's visiting his dead wife baka!

Misao felt her heart drop into her stomach with sickening force. He wasn't here for her. The thought nearly brought tears to her eyes. Pull yourself together Makimachi! She forced her mouth closed to lick her lips and then opened them again to say something…anything, but he interrupted her.

"I am sick of denying what I have wanted since we left for Kyoto. I am sick of sparing Shinomori his hurt pride." He snarled as he made his way towards her, fists clenched.

"I am sick of sulking and waiting and mourning over her!!! I'm tired of being hurt over something that was never really true in the first place and quite frankly, I'm angry at her for what she did." He said.

Misao couldn't say anything, couldn't force anything from her lips as she stared at him in shock.

" I am tired of my hand being forced and I will bear these politics no further. I have been in agony since you left my office and I am tired of it! I am sick of thinking about others above my own wants and desires and I won't stand for it any longer. I am SICK" He snarled, as he walked closer to her, amber eyes alighting with their own inner flame.

Misao trembled and backed up, barely managing to avoid stepping on the grave.

"Saitou I don't-" She trembled.

"I'm not finished" He snapped, as he came to stand towering over her, shouting his words to her face.

"I am tired of denying myself and belittling myself and trying to blame you for that. I have wanted you since the day your lips touched mine and I'm tired of pining for you. I am tired of…This!" He cried arms waving with his frustration.

"This?" She murmured eyes wide as she stared at him.

"Either take me or let us be done with whatever it is that has me so hypnotized by you, because I need to live again!" He cried, amber eyes shattering with the fervor of his passionate speech. The words were flowing and he couldn't stop the rawness of his honesty escaping.

Misao caught her hitched breath. Her eyes filled with tears and a small smile tugged at her lips.

"I-"

"I'm not done!" amber eyes pleaded this time, begging her softly as they silenced her.

"I am sorry that it has taken me this long to see what I really truly want. I am sorry for ignoring you and writing you off and putting you down and making you feel like nothing. The truth was I wanted to push you away to spare myself. I selfishly thought I could ignore these feelings. That they would fade away. That you were better off with him. I am sorry that I was so blind…. I am sorry for hurting you" He said, amber eyes breaking away from her in his shame.

Misao was stunned, awed and amazed at the man who stood before her.

"Saitou" Misao said endearingly. "You can't apologize for something you didn't mean." Her eyes glowed sea foam green as she stared up at him through those thick black lashes. It was these eyes that he had grown so fond of, that had haunted him in his office when he tried to summon the familiar burn't sienna that had tormented him till she'd walked into his life.

"Saitou I knew when I left the office that day that you hadn't meant a word of what you'd said to me. And I need to apologize to you. I betrayed your trust at the turn of a hat. I gave up and allowed Aoshi to take me back to Kyoto without even trying again.' She said, cheeks flushed in shame. Then her eyes hardened.

"However you did hurt me, more than anyone ever has. I gave you my heart and you broke it, ripping it to pieces, and tossed it back to me" He flinched hearing the raw pain in her voice.

"I was in a very dark place for a very long time…I don't even know where I am anymore…" She replied, tears spilling down her cheeks as she admitted her pain.

"Is there anyway I can make up for what I've done?" Saitou murmured as he brushed the tears away delicately with a gloved thumb drawing nearer to her.

Jade eyes narrowed and her entire body went stiff and rigid. Saitou withdrew his hand, sensing the radiating ki rolling off her in waves.

"I spent a lifetime chasing after a man who tried to make up for lost time Saitou" She snapped. Crystallized jade orbs narrowed as they lit with anger. He was trying to earn it, as Aoshi had, as everyone she had met had. She couldn't and wouldn't accept that.

He paused, eyes filled with pain. She wouldn't have him. He bowed his head, throat tightening. He had wasted his time. She was probably inwardly laughing at him as he made his confession. But her confession to Tokio?! Was that a joke? Or perhaps she was purging herself before she gave her heart to another…Was she already engaged to Aoshi? Had the bastard tricked him? He turned from her, staring at the sky. It was such a beautiful day….but she was rejecting him. It was too late. And suddenly Saitou felt his heart clench. He wouldn't accept this! He couldn't! Pride be damned, he would not give in this easily just because the icicle wanted her. He would make her see his love.

"Misao." He told her, turning.

"I am not the greatest of men. I'm sure that there are several other suitors who have attracted your attention and taste. I'm sure that Aoshi desperately wants and needs you…but he will never need you, nor love you as I have, and can." Saitou replied, amber eyes alight with determination as they narrowed.

Misao frowned. His voice was so proud and haughty. He was so high and mighty and so factual about it all. It should've made Misao melt, but all it did was stir her anger further. He was ruining this. He had come confessing his undying love for her and now he wanted to compare himself with Aoshi and show her how good he was. Her eyes narrowed.

"Was it simply my imagination or do you, too, remember how good it was to have you in my arms, against my lips?" Saitou asked.

Misao frowned. "And how could you love me better?" She asked scathingly, irritated by his tone and demeanor. Damn him! Damn HIM!

"I do not suffer from obcession with you Misao. I also do not want to control you. He would never make you laugh, nor consider you an equal and a partner." Saitou said, the moment the words rolling off his tongue instantly regretting them. Nothing he was saying was turning out right, his words were all jumbled and warped, and only succeeded in irritating her further.

Misao choked "And why is obsession such a bad thing Saitou? I would want my lover to be enraptured. I should be the very apple of his eye. And in regards to laughing and treating me well, to be honest Saitou, neither did you when I gave you the chance" Misao replied.

Why was he trying to earn this? Misao's hope sank as she realized his words. She was beginning to think that he would never see what he was doing. He was loosing her. Loosing her, by his kami damned pride, the same way Aoshi had lost her.

"I am capable of it though….Would he make you laugh Misao? Would he cherish you? Would he allow you to continue your training? Would he put the jade in your eyes that I've grown to love?"

"Yes" She replied simply, lying. Her heart tore and bleed. She didn't want Aoshi and yet Saitou was ruining it, ruining it by the way he was approaching it. She didn't need to be convinced. She didn't want him to earn her, or to persuade her of his greatness in comparison with Aoshi. This was ridiculous. But unless he saw that, then she would loose him. She fought the wave of tears, threatening to spill. She had to be strong. To the very core of her being she knew that this was a crucial moment.

Saitou bowed his head again. None of this conversation was going anywhere he wanted. Damn it. The words in his head weren't coming out. He was only making her angrier. You're a fool he thought cynically. Maybe it was time to call it quits. He was making an idiot of himself by simply being here and talking to her. It was obvious that she wanted nothing to do with him. Shinomori had gotten her and had tricked him in the office. Perhaps the poor fool had misinterpreted her earlier. It was obvious she wanted nothing to do with him. If only he had done something sooner. If only he hadn't pushed her away. Regret weighed heavily upon him as the myriad of expressions passed through his face. He took a deep breath. He still had honor to repay, and she needed to accept it. He couldn't have the karma of this situation on him. Saitou wouldn't have considered himself a religious man, but he needed this for his own personal honor. He needed to ask her forgiveness for what he'd done to her. He'd cheapened her, as a warrior and a person and that stain on his honor he would not allow to go un purged. He had lost her. Saitou closed his eyes and let the waves of despair wash over him. Saitou paused, clearing his thoughts and then looked up with anguished golden eyes.

"I realize that there seems to be nothing between us anymore, and that fault is probably mine to bear. However, I need to ask this of you before we part ways. Is there any way I can be forgiven for what I've done against you?" Saitou turned and asked, voice as thin as a whisper. If she didn't want him at least he could clear his conscience.

The crystal shattered revealing warmth such as he, had never seen before. That warmth, that green sunshine was directed straight at him. He wondered briefly if Shinomori was behind him or something, for he had never seen such intensity in her eyes. She was more beautiful in that moment then he had ever remembered in any of their encounters. It gave him cause to smile. Her beautiful Jade eyes glowed with a brilliance the finest emeralds couldn't match. Her entire face was alight…with love…for him. His soul soared to highest of heights and he marveled at his feelings for he hadn't known such rapture could seize him. And then he heard a sob escape her lips. His eyes widened in alarm. Her bottom lip trembled. Jade eyes closed and tears trailed down her cheek. Saitou paused awkwardly unsure of what to do next and then he felt her move and he braced himself.

She burst into his arms, crying as she held him close. He twirled her once, like a lovesick teenager but in that moment he simply didn't care. Was her sobbing for happiness or from unrequited love? She wanted him, didn't she? Panic struck him, but he felt the way she was holding him and reassured him self. He looked around the graveyard. This place that should've held so much anger and so much hurt was now replaced by her radiant smile. He set her down again and held onto her just as tightly and let her cry into his jacket, kissing her hair, and wiping her tears away.

"Shall I take that as a yes?" He replied with a very smug smirk as he stared down at the beautiful woman in his arms.

And then she laughed, despite the tears, and nodded. Her laughter filled the graveyard, and was the most beautiful sound he could ever hope to hear. Taking her arm in his he felt himself smile. The sun was out and shinning with a light breeze, shaking the leaves from the trees that danced in that wind. The clouds were soft and white as they painted the sky. It would be a good day.