Author's note: So I read a story on here called "Mission (Im)Possible: Annoying Charles Grey by Emmanuel Parker. The ideas are totally hers, I just wrote them out into a little chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: Me? Own Kuroshitsuji? When that happens, that will be the day pigs fly.

Parry...Parry…Lunge…Parry…Parry…Flick!

Grey smiled triumphantly as his opponent was knocked to the ground, holding their shoulder in agony. Phipps and John helped the man up, taking him to the medical wing while he relished in victory. This was the tenth man he'd fought today and needless to say, he'd won all ten matches. It kept him in shape and made his skills even sharper, so the Queen would never be in danger while he was around.

Yes, things in the Queen's palace were quite dandy. Until a hoarse whisper sounded in his ear. "Midget."

His eye involuntarily twitched. "Who said that?" he snapped, whirling around to see who it was. To his surprise, there was no one there. He immediately brought his sword out menacingly, eyes like a hawk as he looked around the room. "You better come out, or I'll skin you!"

"Who's he talking too?" one of the guards whispered to his friend.

"I have no idea. There's no one there."

"I always knew he was crazy."

His eye twitched again, but he ignored them. He huffed, leaving the practice room to go find polish for his sword. It was covered in blood now, and that would be unsightly for the Queen to see, so he went about to go fix it.

"Midget."

"I swear to God," he hissed; turning around, ready to stab whoever was there. "You better show yourself right now or-"

Suddenly, an imaginary girl was standing in front of him, wearing an "I love Cecily the chicken," t-shirt. This must be a punishment from God or something. She smiled sweetly. "I'm your imaginary friend," she greeted. "We're going to have an interesting day."

"Tch," he scoffed, making his way to grab the sword polish. "Go away. I'm busy."

She giggled and disappeared, the sound sending a small chill down his spine. It was only eight in the morning; the day had barely even started. If God was punishing him for killing Phipps' chicken, he might as well be buried now. He narrowed his eyes. No, he was Charles Grey. Charles fucking Grey. Nothing was going to scare him!

He gave his sword a quick polish, returning to the training room where Phipps was waiting. Besides Elizabeth Midford, the one other person who was on his skill level was Charles Phipps. Currently, the tall man was looking a robin that was now perched on the window, gazing at it with such adoration. He let out a smirk, hoping the cat would kill the bird too. "Êtes-vous prêts?" he asked, the French language rolling smoothly off his tongue.

Phipps just stared at him, face ranging from bewilderment to impassive. "Are you serious, Grey?" he asked in an unimpressed tone. "You're going to use that to fight? Is today April Fools?"

"What?" he looked down, jaw dropping in shock as he realized his sword had been replaced with….with… "A STICK?" he exclaimed, anger building onto his face. "Someone replaced my sword with a stick?"

Phipps sighed, leaving the arena. "Come back when you're done playing games. Then I'll fight you."

"Phipps!"

The imaginary girl appeared again, laughing her head off. He glared spitefully at her. "You did this!" he snarled. "I'm going to impale you!"

She stuck her tongue out. "No you won't!"

She disappeared, running out of the room. Actually, more like skipping, but he didn't care. He chased after her, ready to impale her on his sword and have that whole stick incident behind him. She ran into a darkened room and he smirked. There was no escape now.

He ran into it, stomach dropping when he heard the outside click. He grabbed the door knob, trying to open it. "PHIPPS!" he called out. "JOHN! LET ME OUT!"

"There's no escape!" the imaginary girl laughed. "Now, there's something I want to show you."

He narrowed his gray eyes suspiciously. "What?"

A TV had been set up, the opening credits rolling. "What is this?" he asked, sitting down. "Fifty shades of….Grey?"

The girl nodded dutifully. "Yup."

For about two hours and five minutes, he sat and watched the incredibly long, boring, sex driven movie. God, this was so bad he wanted to hurl. "This cannot be real!" he protested. "This movie is terrible! Whose idea was this?"

The girl just waved a book in his face. "Oh, it's real alright. It's an entire series."

His face paled. "An entire….series?"

"Oh yes. Isn't this fun?"

"No! Let me out!"

She sighed, popping the disk out of the player and putting a new film in. Intrigued, he watched the Credits appear. An hour into the film, he was half tempted to start biting his nails. Holy Father in Heaven, this was scary! It only made him hate dark places even more!

"This is based on a true story," the girl sighed, watching the movie unfazed. "Did you know that?"

"Really?" If Fifty shades were real, could this be true too. "Does the main character die?"

"Find out."

When it was finally done, he promised to never make fun of anyone scared of the dark again. He was inwardly shaking by the time he got out of there. The girl smile sympathetically. "I know what will make you feel better!" she started enthusiastically."

"Food?"

"The Zoo!"

In less than ten seconds, she teleported them to the zoo. What the hell was this girl? She could not be human! Last time he checked, he was pretty sure he grew out of his imaginary friend phase. Was he secretly in hell? Was this a punishment from up high?

Hisssssss

He immediately froze, backing straightening and the hairs on his arms, legs, and the rest of his body rising. More hissing surrounded him, yellow eyes glaring at him evilly in the dark. Since when did the Queen add a…snake pit to the royal zoo? Didn't she know how terrifying these things were? He shivered, trying to find his way around the darkened room, but there was only a dim light towards the far end.

He was so close to freedom! So close! When he finally found his way out, he fell on his knees, wanting nothing more than to curl up in a ball and hide. If there as anything that could take him down, it was snakes.

Then, it happened.

Millions of snakes came raining from the sky, ranging from bright purples to violent reds. He screamed, earning a few strange looks from passer buyers. The snakes were everywhere! In his clothes, on his shoulders! They would not stop! "HELP!" he called out. "They're going to bite me! AHHHHH!"

A few people snickered, though he didn't understand why until a squeak came from one of the snakes. He froze, immediate dread rising in his chest as he looked down. Plastic snakes. Fake, plastic snakes that a dog could chew up. Never before in his life had he been embarrassed. The imaginary girl snickered; a weird device in her hand that he knew could not be a good thing. "That was hilarious!" she laughed, falling to her knees. "And now everyone will be able to see when I upload it."

He paled. "Don't. You. Dare!" he ground out, marching towards her. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

He was half way towards her when he found himself teleported back into the palace. The kitchen was strangely empty, minus Phipps who was stirring something in a pot. "Oh, you're back. I was wondering where you went," the man pulled out a chocolate bars. And not just any chocolate bar, a Funtom chocolate bar. "Phipps," he snarled. "Where did you get that?"

The white haired man looked at the sweet. "Oh, someone raided the pantry and replaced all our food supplies with Funtom company foods. The Queen is very happy. You wouldn't have anything to do with this, would you?"

He was absolutely flabbergasted. "I HATE FUNTOM!" he screeched. "WHY WOULD I DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?"

Phipps just sighed. "Here, have some fondue. It will make you feel better."

He could just hear the imaginary girl snicker at him and he spotted her sitting on the counter, smiling evilly. He dipped a cookie into the chocolate, glaring at her. She was up to something. He just knew it!

Then, after twenty cookies, his stomach started to feel funny. He hurried to the lavatory, using the restroom quickly as his bowls emptied themselves. After washing his hands and leaving, he was about to go spar with Phipps when it happened again! His lower body made a funny noise and he pushed past several men to get to it.

Unfortunately, this happened two times again. That little bitch put something in his food! He just knew it.

When it was finally done, and he was quite sure he didn't have to use the lavatory again, he quietly stalked down the halls. When he got to his room, a weird device was sitting there. "This is a computer," the girl appeared, munching on a Funtom sucker. "It can be used to do all sorts of things, let me show you."

She didn't give him much of a choice and forced him to sit down. She showed him the basic ways of using it, showing him where to go when to find things. She then pulled up a site called " ."

"What's this fanfiction?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "It doesn't have snakes in it, does it?"

"No! Well, maybe. Depends on what you're looking up. Let me show you."

She then pulled up his name and then Phipps' name. "Read this," she clicked on a story title, and he peered towards it. "You'll enjoy it."

Five minutes later, a scream could be heard throughout the palace. He clicked the back button, face violently red after what he just red. "Phipps can never know about this!" he blanched at what the other man's reaction would be. "Who wrote this?"

"People who love you so much!" she chirped, before leaning forward to click off Phipps' name and replace it with Undertaker. "This is even better."

It took only one minute for him to read the story before slamming the computer screen down and making his way to the bathroom for the fifth time that day! He hurled into the toilet, remembering seeing the creepy man at the cemetery once. The girl sighed sadly. "You didn't like it?"

"Hell no!"

"Aw, that's too bad. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"What?" he began begrudgingly. "If it's about petting a snake or something forget it!"

"No," she giggled. "I just want to know why you're still single."

He stood up, washing his mouth out and exited out of the bathroom. "I'm not answering that!" he snapped. "Leave me alone!"

"I knew it!"

He paused, turning to face her sharply. "Knew what?"

"YOU'RE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH PHIPPS!"

By God, he wanted to strangle her so bad! "I am not!" he denied, face turning red. "I am not in love with Phipps!"

"Oh my gosh, I totally knew it! That is like so cute! When will you ask him out? You should totally ask him out. Get him some pretty flowers! And a kitten too! Who doesn't like kittens? Phipps loves cute things! Ohhh! I just can't believe this!"

She continued on, stalking him down the hall as he went to his room. Phipps was helping a maid carry something and suddenly, he looked confused. "Grey, who is this girl following you?"

"Oh, now you see her!" he placed his hands on his hips angrily. "She's been following me all day; torturing me with bad movies, snakes, and laxatives."

"Oh, so you're the one who made the lavatory smell."

He flushed pink. "Just kill her already."

The girl just marched over to Phipps. "Hey, I have a question for you two," the two of them looked at her oddly. She just smiled a smile that made him want to cut her throat. "Who's the man in your relationship?"

Phipps stared at her before deadpanning and walking away. Grey snarled, reaching out to strangle her when she suddenly frowned. "No, it can't be."

"What now?"

"I see it now. Everything is so clear. You look like a girl for this very reason."

"I do not!"

"It's just so plain to see…"

"WHAT?"

"You're in love with Sebastian!"

He promptly fainted after that.

"Grey…wakey wakey!"

He firmly kept his eyes closed, refusing to get up. Two seconds later, a finger poked his cheek. "Come on, wake up!"

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke!

He finally opened his eyes, glaring up at her with the utmost hatred when he suddenly felt different. His clothes didn't rustle this much and they certainly didn't feel heavy. Looking down, he shrieked when he realized his clothes were complete gone! In their place, was a large pink and frilly dress! Looking around, he realized all the clothes in his closet were replaced by copies of the bright pink frilly dressed.

The girl leaned forward, snapping a picture of him. "You're a very pretty lady," she giggled. "Don't you feel flattered now?"

He suddenly felt it! His head felt a lot lighter than it had before and he instantly touched, only to find his long white blonde hair was gone! NO! This could not be happening. "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!" he screamed, running around his room. "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY HAIR?"

"Oh, I figured it was too long, so I cut it."

The door flew open and Phipps rushed in, sword ready to attack. "I heard screaming," he stated, as if this weren't obvious enough. He froze, staring at him with a shocked expression. "Grey…what happened to you?"

He pointed a shaky finger towards her. "She did it!" he hissed. "Kill her! Kill her now, Phipps!"

"Wait!" she pleaded. "I just sent that photo to Viscount Druitt! There's a love note and everything!"

Phipps just looked around the room, eyeing the walls with a quirked eyebrow. "Grey, I did not know you thought Ciel and Sebastian would be a couple."

"Huh?"

He then looked to where Phipps was staring at, eyes widening at the site of Sebastian and Ciel posters all around his room. Seeing the young Earl's bratty face made him want to draw blood. Preferably from the terrorist standing near him. Phipps, as if reading his mind stepped towards her. Holding her arms in place, she looked at him curiously. "What are you doing?" she asked in confusion.

Those were her last words before Grey's sword went through her chest.

Well, my mind has been completely lost in the gutter. Please excuse me while I go find it. In the meant time, review!