Disclaimer: I own nothing present (Locations, Characters, etc.) in the following story, I intend to make no profit off of it. Please don't sue me, there is is nothing to get anyway.
Spoilers: Buffy the Vampire Slayer thru Season 7, Angel the Series thru Season 5
To Hell with the World
Chapter 6: Fred, Wesley and the Power of Illyria
Wesley and Fred were still locked in a cuddle that showed no signs of ending. He was holding her tightly to him, afraid that she would disappear if he released her.
She was cradling him, with his head bent forward and nestled on her shoulder. She remembered Illyria's words to him 'We are so weak'
And she heard again Wesley's hollow, defeated response 'Yes, we are' and he really was fragile.
She thought 'I could leave him and he would crumble, ever since I kissed him in his office, he's been different, and when Illyria told him her world was gone, he agreed with her 'Now you know how I feel' and that was about me.
She rocked him slightly, he didn't seem to notice 'if I reject him now, he will be less than he was before, he'll go back to who he was before we fought the Beast, useful and practical, but distant and closed off.
Fred felt Wesley shudder a little and she considered something else 'It shouldn't be this way, I'm not that special, and yet he would do anything for me. Wesley, my book man, he tried so hard to save me, and in the end he couldn't, he did give me the chance to save myself. That's gotta count for something.
Fred moved her hand to the back of his head, when she touched his skin, she found he was burning up, and he flinched slightly 'The pain he took from me, he's still dealing with it, and here I am with a painkiller from on high. If I simply forgave him, it would be like a chemical reaction, Wesley plus me, he would synthesize into something more, like when we were under Jasmine's control, we couldn't be hurt, or even feel like anything bad was going to happen. I could give that to him again, at least part of it. How he looked right before he died, like he was finally at peace, when Illyria took my form and voice, he looked that way because he believed I was with him.
Fred moved again, snuggling him and patting his back softly, he shook less, as if the pain was fading 'My Wesley, and he is mine. That is crazy, but true, and scary, he would die for me, and live for me. And if I asked for anything, if he could do it, he would. Just like with Dr. Seidel, I wanted revenge, I showed Wesley my darkness, and none of it mattered, he helped me condemn someone to death, the way it turned out. Wow, again with the scary. What am I supposed to do with this kind of power?
She was still mulling over these thoughts when Wesley's embrace slackened, he was coming out of his own thoughts, which consisted of various forms of immeasurable gratitude, it was as if he was the one who had almost died, he drew back from her and had a look on his face Fred couldn't recognize, the closest she got was the look he gave her after she had first really kissed him, mere days ago, like he had seen something of great value and beauty and was lost in it.
He asked her "How is this possible?"
"Wesley, Cordelia said she made a promise to you, she kept her promise." Fred moved so they were sitting side-by-side, no longer entwined.
Wesley felt a ripple of uncertainty "So the memories are there then, you know what I did?"
"I do, and we should talk about it." Fred looked away from him, considering her decision.
Wesley hung his head, the uncertainty was gone 'What did I expect, that her feelings would stay in spite of the memories, I am such a fool, I've lost her, though she is alive, that has to be enough.' He looked at her "What I did was unforgivable, and my actions led directly to the current situation, I might as well have almost killed you. I care about you, more than you know, but with my decision today, it makes more than sense to end things between us." He stood up and began to leave the room with the final thought 'How could she choose otherwise.'
"Stop right there, where do you think your going?" Wesley was brought up short by Fred's voice, she had a stern tone.
He didn't turn around, he couldn't look at her just yet, it would hurt too much "I was going back to the office, there are many things we have to deal with, I am beyond grateful that you're alive, but that miracle, however it happened, certainly cost a great deal, and I expect we have to contend with that."
"Wesley, you've made a bunch of assumptions about me, and you are so wrong, you said you wouldn't leave me, now turn around." Wesley turned and moved back to the bed, berating himself, that was right, he had made a commitment. And he had just tried to run away. Fred waited until he was settled "First, you made mistakes, but so did the rest of us. Nothing is unforgivable, there are those who won't forgive and those who can't accept it. I forgive you Wesley. Second, we all had a hand in what happened today, You, Me, Angel, Charles, Knox, all of us. If I blame you, I would have to blame myself. Third, I do know how much you care, Cordy showed me what happened to you if I had died. I realized, you don't love me Wesley."
He thought 'So, she thinks my feelings were not strictly my own, I'm forgiven my treachery and other myriad wrongs, but she still can't see what I feel for her...wait did she say Cordy showed her my future?' "Fred, I would be right in thinking you've desired things, longed for them. My whole life has been filled with longing, for purpose, acceptance, and love. You gave me all of those. What do I feel than if not love?"
"It's deeper than love, you treasure me Wes." For the first time since she came back Fred smiled at Wesley, and his expression shifted from morose acceptance to one of bewilderment "See if you can work this out, okay?" She leaned into him and kissed him, resulting in his eyes widening in shock and amazement and a subtle tug inside of her, as the part of Wesley that was within her reached for its proper place, it could never go back, nor would it want to, but it reached anyway. Fred sighed at the feeling. 'And that's why I didn't reject him. He's not Wesley anymore without me.' "I love you, I meant what I said earlier, you make me happy. Is that clear enough?"
Wesley pulled back, still wonderfully shocked, "I have a fair idea what that means. So Cordelia showed you what happened, Is there anything I should know?"
"Oh, I almost forgot, Cordy told me to give this to you, it's from her." She hugged him "She mentioned it shouldn't be a kiss, do you know what she meant?"
Wesley chuckled briefly, "Ah well, It was back when I was in Sunnydale, before I came to L.A., there was this big battle coming up, and Cordy and I were a bit of an item, I danced with her at her prom. We thought there might be something between us."
"You and her, huh, so what happened?" Fred was surprised by this, she knew Wesley had other relationships, but she never thought him and Cordelia had anything between them, they almost always seemed like just good friends.
Wesley was relieved, it felt good to be talking with her again "It's the old story, boy meets girl, boy saves girl from vampire, boy and girl dance, then they have the world's worst kiss. In all fairness, we both thought the town was going to be destroyed the next day."
"Okay, that's what she meant, so let's see, oh, we should probably talk about who was responsible for almost killing me." Fred had to tread carefully here, she didn't want Wesley to do what she had seen.
Wesley became serious "You mentioned that everyone had a hand in it, I thought it was sort of a collective failure."
"Well, not really, you see Cordy showed me that too, Charles made a deal with an evil doctor, so he could keep all that knowledge he was given by Wolfram & Hart, he signed a paper that let something out of customs, turns out it was Illyria's coffin, the doctor worshipped Illyria, he wanted to see the return of his god."
Wesley nodded, It made sense, Gunn was more confident earlier today, making jokes and everything, 'I can see why he would make the deal, to be given something as precious as that, only to have it snatched away, well I understand him in that. He couldn't know Fred was in danger.' "Why was it you though, was it just your curiosity?"
"Somewhat, I was curious, but at the end, it seemed like I couldn't pull away from opening the sarcophagus. You know Knox? Well, he wanted Illyria to return too, and he wanted me, he thought I was 'worthy' of being the shell for this thing." Fred recalled Knox's face as he was telling Wesley how great it was that Illyria had taken her.
Wesley had an image of Knox as well, only his was tinged with blood and pain, he felt a white-knuckled rage, unlike anything he ever felt before. He wanted to confirm the target of his wrath "Knox?" while thinking 'Maybe I should get some advice, I'm no expert on torture, but there are those who enjoy applying it, Maybe Wolfram & Hart has professionals under contract, they could be useful.'
"Wes, quit it, I know what you're thinking, You're not going to hurt him, at least not until I get done with him." Fred remembered Wesley walking in on Harmony and Gunn when they were getting ready to torture Knox and Wesley's unconcerned reply 'Good, Why?'
Wesley was a little glad, he loved it when she got serious about something, even if it involved in this kind of effort "Fred, what do you mean? I can appreciate the desire for vengeance, but why would you want to exact it directly?"
"If there is one thing I couldn't forgive, its personal betrayal, like with Seidel, I respected him, wanted to be just like him, and he sent me to hell. With Knox, he was a friend, someone I trusted, and he wanted to destroy everything I am, Knoxy won't like me so much anymore, I can promise you that." Fred was already running through scenario's involving the boyish scientist, in most he had an unpleasant time.
Wesley saw the other Fred now, the survivor, she would do what was necessary, what was just even. He would like to be involved, as Knox had not only tried to kill Fred, he threatened Wesley as well, he wouldn't have died, but he would have been crushed "Alright, but can I help? I know with Seidel you said I couldn't, but this is something that needs careful consideration, and the idea that he would consider your death as something that was desirable is sickening."
"No, you can't, and I'm sorry about that, you aren't the only one who made mistakes back then. Wes, I sorta used you." Fred thought back to when she had come to Wesley for help, how he regarded her with astonishment. Like she couldn't really be darkening his door.
Wesley was confused "I'm almost certain I'd have picked up on that, I helped you willingly, I tried to dissuade you, but once I knew I couldn't, I was not blind to what you wanted, and I gave as much help as I could."
"That's what I counted on, that you would help in the end, I knew you cared, Charles told me you were interested in me, and then when you helped him save my life from those thirsty slug demons, I found out, so I knew, I wanted help, and I knew you wouldn't turn me away." Fred was staring at him with unnerving force.
Wesley smiled at her admission "There's nothing you've told me that makes any difference, it actually helped me when you came to me, so I can't begrudge you that, that you would come to me, when you knew it would cause tension with the rest of the group, It pulled me out of the stagnation I was in. However I can help with our mutual problem, I will or will not, whatever you wish."
"Wes, thank you, and I expect the others won't really understand, not yet anyway. You do tend to wallow, don't you, that's what else Cordy showed me, what you fell into after I was gone." Fred proceeded to tell Wesley of his grief, and his alcohol-induced haze after she had died.
! #$%^&*()
Angel and Spike were sitting in the Jet that had taken them on their rescue mission, they were on their way back. They had been silent ever since they left the Deeper Well. The silence was eating at Spike, there hadn't been a call from Wesley, and because they had drawn Illyria back to the Well, Spike could only think 'I guess Percy is with his girl, and she must be fine, and Peaches here is having his typical guilt-trip. I'm not gonna sit here and let him mope over it. What's done is done. Besides, I'm bored out of my skull, and we still have a while before we get back.'
Spike regarded the other vampire, who was showing a remarkable interest in the carpet between his feet. "We saved the girl, right?"
"Spike, shut up." Angel gritted out quietly, not willing to indulge the former poet.
Spike held his hands up in mock surrender "Easy there, all I'm saying is, she should be gone, and I expect she's not. What's got me torn up, same as you, is why? We decided, yeah, to let her die, she wouldn't want us to save her, knowing the cost. Then you said again "hell with it" and we bring the pocket tomb back along with its passenger."
"Alright, you want to talk, here goes, we probably killed more people today than I ever did when I was evil. So spare me any of that positive thinking crap, 'look on the bright side' tell me other than Fred, what's good about what we did?" Angel glowered at his companion, daring him to try to defend this line of reasoning.
Spike snapped his fingers, having hit on another thing to get under his grandsire's skin "Hah, you said earlier how you lost the cheerleader, that didn't happen this time, seems to me, we were forced, I know we didn't want to do it, but it happened anyway, even that Drogyn character, odd that one, was telling us not to do it, yet he went right along."
"And that's supposed to fix everything 'It wasn't our fault' so we can just wash our hands of it. Spike, remember that prophecy we fought over, well, I don't think there's a killing thousands of people loophole in it, so it looks like we're out of luck. No living and dying for either of us. You're right though, about Cordy, the same thing didn't happen." Angel sighed, that was one of his most fervent wishes, that he could have that divine spark ignite again, he still remembered the day he spent as a human, and it was incredible, not because he got to go out in the sun, though he had to admit that was nice. It had more to do with the freedom, that he could experience those things he dared not get close to now.
Spike responded, with a certain appreciation for Angel, he didn't have the same kind of restrictions with his soul, it would be nice to be human, but it was more that Angel didn't receive the reward, Spike was ever in competition with Angel "Wow, you admitting I was right about something, weird day. So, it's about bein' a real boy, well, I don't think there was anything that said that we had to be good and proper, nothing we did would keep either one of us from getting it. Back to the point, why'd we do it?"
"I don't know, Drogyn seemed shocked afterwards, he didn't expect it, and there's few things that guy misses, if we were forced, it was by something very powerful, the three of us aren't exactly easy to control. We'll have to wait until we get back." Angel was going over who might be responsible 'It wasn't the Powers, they wouldn't save Fred, they didn't lift a finger for Doyle, and Cordy was just a plaything for one of them. It might be the Senior Partners, thousands dead seems like their game, but if they were that powerful they would have used it on me earlier, I'm important to their plans. So not either one of those, Maybe Wes got in contact with somebody like Willow, she could pull it off, but would she do it? Or the First Evil, but there's the power issue again, maybe another like Jasmine. I hate being a puppet!'
Angel kept thinking as the plane sped onwards.
! #$%^&*()
Fred had told Wesley what happened to him if she had chosen to die, he wasn't overly shocked, his actions while she was dying were evidence of his attachment. "I told you to call my parents, but you couldn't."
"I'm not like you Fred, I'm weak, I didn't hear you when you said that, I was wrapped up in my thoughts, I'm ashamed to say I couldn't handle listening to your voice after you told me you were sorry. I didn't want to add my sadness to your own. So I retreated. Why did you apologize?" Wesley hadn't moved from where he was sitting on Fred's bed. It was a spot now filled with some his most dreadful and joyful memories.
Fred frowned for a moment, but she couldn't be mad, he couldn't be expected to deal with her loss reasonably, he had said as much to Gunn "Wes, you just admitted how much you loved me and for how long, I was dying, I knew I was gonna leave, I said it because of all the time we missed and all that was never going to happen."
"Oh, but-" Wesley was interrupted by the phone ringing, he picked it up and Fred caught his half of the conversation "Hello...Yes, Gunn...she wanted to go home...she's okay...it's quite the story actually...so Angel and Spike are on their way back...By the way, where's Knox?...oh that's good...keep him there...Fred would like to speak to him...No, we haven't heard anything, you're the first to call... What!?...okay, we'll be right in...yes I'm relieved as well, thanks...we'll be careful."
He hung up and turned to Fred with worry "Remember that cost I mentioned, it seems we were wrong, all of us, even Cordelia, we have a rather large problem, we must leave right away. Get some clothes and other things you'll need together. And please hurry."
"What's going on, is it Illyria?" Fred was nervous, Wesley was moving around the room gathering up things he brought as well as possessions he knew were important to her. He was fidgeting and his expression was marked by a hint of panic. Fred joined him in gathering things.
Wesley stopped and tried to calm himself, they had to move quickly, the office should be safe "Yes it is."
! #$%^&*()
On the plane, the two vampires had fallen back into a less despondent silence, Angel was still pondering who had forced him to do the spell, he was grateful that Fred had been saved, it was just that Drogyn had made clear that doing it would be highly destructive. Spike was wondering as well. He had been controlled before, back in Sunnydale, after he had his soul.
In the cockpit of plane, the pilot and co-pilot received a message, on the screen in the console between them.
This is a FAA emergency directive, all civilian traffic is to immediately re-direct to nearest secure airfields, list to follow in later transmission
The pilot looked at her first officer, they had worked a lot together. She remembered the last time one of the firm's pilots had followed a government re-route order, last she heard, he was sent to be a slave in some other dimension.
The pilot asked "So, what do you think, will our new bosses back there be more forgiving if we divert?"
"I don't know, they are demons, and the blonde one was known as William the Bloody better safe than very sorry, let's just get'em back to L.A. Once we're at Manners field, then we can relax." The co-pilot glanced back towards their passengers, he knew they had a no human drinking policy, but today had been weird, and they were oddly subdued and angry. He didn't want to be a meal of any kind.
The pilot interrupted his thoughts "How far out are we?"
"Four hours at current speed, we could cut that to two hours if we added altitude and poured on the speed." The co-pilot was hoping they would, the two vampires made him quite nervous, he heard stories, especially about the big boss there, not to mention his companion, who he had heard far too much about during a one nighter he had with a bubbly girl who was now the top secretary at the firm. She was nice, and sweet, but the vampire thing really put him off, he hadn't been with one before, and he didn't think he would again, but you never knew, he wasn't that picky.
The pilot was right in line with her own thinking, she wanted to get on the ground as well, and she was thankful the firm had outfitted these planes with engines that could hit Mach two at need. "Let's do that, you handle the throttle, I'll handle control, once we level off, hit the afterburners, we'll use a lot of fuel, but I'm sure the bosses will appreciate a more timely arrival."
In the back Angel and Spike felt the plane tilt as it was climbing and the gradual increase in speed, they heard the sonic boom behind them and had something new to think about.
! #$%^&*()
Wesley and Fred walked quickly into the lobby of Wolfram & Hart. Wesley was still nervous, having driven recklessly on the way back. Fred was nervous as well, but only because Wesley had refused to elaborate on what was happening, he was still focused on getting them both back to the office.
Gunn and Lorne were there to meet them. Lorne broke into a mega-watt grin on seeing Fred alive and well, he had seen what was going to happen to her, he moved quickly towards her intending to show his gratitude with actions and words "My formerly under-the-weather little crumb cake, how? Who? Why?" He hugged her during this brief expression of incoherent joy.
Fred pulled herself away, Lorne was very happily almost crushing her, she looked over at Wesley and turned back to Lorne and she sang "Please, don't take my sunshine away."
Lorne stepped back, gaping at the couple, he saw the desperation that had plagued Wesley, the decision's that were made, the presence of Cordelia as a welcome friend, and what she showed Fred to convince her to live. He turned and moved over to Wesley, grasping and shaking his hand "Wesley, you're still beating yourself up over it, two words, stop it. Our Freddles here is more than your standard issue science gal. She has a very important part to play."
While Lorne was chastising Wesley, Gunn was doing his own reunion with the woman he had thought he helped kill. He didn't know how she survived, but he wasn't about to question it. "I'm so damned relieved Fred, it was all my fault, that thing should've never been in the lab."
Fred was still reeling from all the hugging "It's okay Charles, I know what you did, so does Wes, we both understand why. You didn't know I was Knox and the evil doctor's intended victim."
Gunn let out a loud sigh, as if he was waiting to punished for what he did, as he did this Wesley turned to him with all seriousness "So, that problem you called about earlier, what are we dealing with? I didn't see anything on the way in."
"It started in hospital's and nursing homes, the police are telling us they have things contained for now..." Gunn told Wesley in detail what the police were containing with a grim expression, the kind he reserved for when stuff was going really bad.
! #$%^&*()
Angel and Spike got a first hand look at what Gunn was talking about when their plane landed at the private Wolfram and Hart airfield. It was just after the sun had set. There was still light enough to see by. Out of the window of the plane they could see that a small group of people had breached the security of the place. They were concerned that the small security detail were actually firing their weapons at the group. What had both vampires really worried was that as the people were shot, they didn't seem to feel it. Except when they were hit in the legs, which caused them to stumble, or when they were hit in the head, this caused them fall and lie still for a while.
One of these once prone figures was just getting back up as the two champions exited the plane. The hole in her head was slowly knitting itself back together. She was an older woman, her nightgown and long hair equally white. What struck Angel were her eyes, they were spider-webbed with cobalt blue lines, like little rivers on a map, reaching towards her otherwise normal green and black center. Her arms and legs showed similar webbing, any veins or arteries that were near the skin had a bluish tinge that stood out on its ashen surface. Angel realized he was staring and was oblivious to the gunfire around him, and then he heard it. From the woman as well from other people in the group, an otherworldly and echoing moan came forth that sent chills up Angel's spine.
"Bloody hell, what in blazes are those things, they smell awful, like they're dead." Spike was equally startled by the moan.
Angel didn't like what Spike was implying, but he had to agree "I don't know, but they look hungry. We'll figure it out later, for now let's deal with them, I saw one take a bullet to the head, that seems to be the weak point."
"Right, then" Spike charged at the group with Angel close behind. They both hit the group and began to scatter it, Angel heard Spike yell during the fight "Hey, no biting." as one of the creatures lunged for him and he swatted the old man aside.
No matter what Angel did, none of them would stay down, broken necks, pierced hearts, nothing worked. And then Angel was hit with an often repressed memory. It was a murder Angelus had done back in Sunnydale, a woman he had killed in the high school, he had turned her head almost completely around. As the woman he had first noticed came at him, he used her head like it was the cap on a pickle jar, he twisted and pulled. And her body collapsed and moved no more. He looked at Spike, nodded to the body at his feet. Spike and the security detail understood, and soon the group of gray and blue creatures that were once human were no longer a threat.
Spike broke the silence "You don't suppose these came from what we did back in England, do you?"
"I don't know, but I am going to find out." Angel was worried, people dying was one thing, this was something that could cause the end of the world as he knew it.