The following chapter is Jake's POV. It picks up right where chapter 1 left off.

Please be wary of some anti-mixed ace/allo relationship sentiments, and also be wary of a transphobic comment, all expressed briefly by Jake and Ryder to each other at the end of the chapter. I'll address it all more in some later chapters, mainly chapters 7 and 10 for the trans stuff. Don't worry; I don't let the narrative treat it as okay.

Chapter 4: Girlfriends

Jake stepped carefully around a puddle as he headed away from the school, vaguely realizing it must've rained during the day and he just hadn't noticed it through any classroom window. His mind was too occupied to pay much attention to that, though, as Mr. Schue's words were still weighing on him.

Could his teacher possibly be right about his girlfriend? Could asexuality even really be a thing? He tried to wrap his brain around it, but he felt lost without more information. He'd research it when he got home.

He pulled out his mp3 player and deftly untangled the cord before placing the earbuds in his ears, the music drowning out all of the heavy thoughts. Except… the song switched to "Sexy Body" of all songs, and pretty much every lyric Verse Simmonds sung brought to the surface the issue of whether or not Marley experienced that kind of pull toward anyone's body. He quickly pulled the player back out of his pocket and looked at the menu, scrolling to Igor Stravinsky's name. He'd purchased a few concertos of his for the sake of practicing his ballet moves, but right now he needed to find a piece so that he had something safe to listen to. The intense instrumental music would surely distract him from those pesky thoughts.

A few minutes later, he walked in his front door and went straight to the only computer in his house, which his mom had set up to be in the living room in an attempt to limit her teenage son's porn viewing habits. That attempt had never worked, as she left him home alone far too often. For a couple of years now – since he'd turned thirteen years old – the boy had gotten away with spending a lot of his free time surfing 'NSFW' videos and photographs. Today though, the sexual things he'd be looking up would be much more academic in nature.

He headed to the kitchen to grab a snack while he waited for the machine to power on. Before long, he was sitting in front of the screen, crunching on a crisp Granny Smith apple, absorbing more information than he possibly could have imagined was out there. When he'd woken up this morning, he didn't even know there were more than three sexual orientations. But apparently, asexuality was not only real – it was complicated.

Apparently, some asexual people enjoyed sex, and some even watched porn for fun! He wondered what they got out of those things, and kept reading with intense curiosity. There were ridiculously complex terms like "autochorissexual" or "zedsexual", but he scrolled past them quickly, not feeling quite ready to try to learn what they were referring to. He gathered that there were different ways to be an asexual person though, and even though a lot of them didn't like sex – just like he would expect – some of those same people still wanted to date people, regardless. Jake started to feel a little comforted by the idea that maybe Marley really did want to be dating him. Some aces – what asexual people seemed to be called, on some of these websites – were even polyamorous, which meant they potentially were open to dating multiple people at the same time! Still others weren't 'amorous' at all and called themselves "aromantic". It was all so much to take in, but Jake found himself happy to be learning it, if also a bit confused.

He had barely scratched the surface, it seemed, but he also had homework, so he called it quits for the day after spending about an hour on the web that afternoon.

In their homeroom the next morning, Ryder approached him.

"So what did Mr. Schue want to talk to you about?" he eagerly inquired.

Jake took a look around the room, not wanting to be overheard the way they had been yesterday. Satisfied that the other students were far enough out of earshot, Jake answered. "He heard what we were saying about Marley."

Ryder gasped. "No way, dude!"

Jake resisted the urge to sarcastically reply 'Yes, way' and instead said, "He did. But it… maybe wasn't a bad thing. He told me about—" his volume went down to a whisper. "He told me about a sexual orientation I hadn't heard of. Asexuality."

Ryder's expression shifted to one of recognition. "You know what? I've actually heard of that."

"Really?" Jake asked in surprise.

"Yeah. But wait. Mr. Schue thinks Marley might be…?"

Jake nodded hard.

"Wow."

"I know."

The bell rang for school to begin and Ryder quickly returned to his seat on the other side of the room before Mr. Herrmann got annoyed.

Jake politely greeted Marley's mother and then asked the friendly woman, who was currently in her hairnet and apron, for a scoop of the applesauce to be added to his tray. It was the final side dish for his lunch. He paid at the register, and proceeded to look for his girlfriend. Just like pretty much every day, he found her sitting with her brown paper bag, not opening it yet. Watching her from afar, he was reminded of how worried he was about her. She didn't seem to want to eat unless she was proving to other people that she was recovering. He wished she'd just eat for the same reasons most of the kids at school did – a general I'm starving feeling which seemed to be caused by sitting in class for hours. But she had gotten into such a habit of ignoring her own hunger. When he'd brought it up to her last week, she'd informed him that her psychologist was aware of the issue. However, the solution was just to give it time. Soon she'd hopefully have gotten into enough of a habit that even if she was all alone, she'd still eat. The feelings that made her override her own survival instinct would also fade eventually. That irrational fear that cropped up when she even just thought about food? She wouldn't feel it forever. They were working on it at her sessions. Until then, Marley – and her loved ones – would need to practice patience. Marley's therapist was satisfied, for now, that she was eating a good amount every day, regardless of how or why. That was the doctor's number one concern. Her physical health was okay, for now.

Jake walked across the cafeteria and took a seat beside her. She smiled and sure enough, as if on cue, she opened her bag and began to eat her lunch. He scarfed down his, perhaps subconsciously making sure his mouth was full of food every second so that he wouldn't have a chance to talk. He wanted to wait as long as possible before bringing up the topic that was of course on his mind.

"Did you work up an appetite in French class?" she asked with amusement, the corners of her lips curling up into a delicate smile.

"Oh," he said, realizing what she was referring to as he finished up his meal with ten of the twenty-five minutes in the lunch period still to spare. That might've been a record time for consuming his meal. "Yeah, I guess so."

When his tone didn't echo her lightness, Marley furrowed her brow and asked more seriously, "Is there something you want to talk about?"

He sighed. "Well, actually, yeah." He reached across the table and scooped one of her small hands into his larger, darker one. "I… found out about something yesterday, something that I think might be relevant to… you," he said, quietly, trying not to upset her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, and she already sounded terrified.

"It's not a bad thing," he tried to assure her. He let out another slow breath and then decided he had to just say it. "Have you ever considered the possibility that… you're asexual?"

She seemed caught off guard. "What?"

"Asexual," he repeated. "It's a sexual orientation, like being gay, or bi, or straight. It'd… mean you weren't sexually attracted to guys. If you are asexual, it's okay."

"It'd mean I wasn't straight?" she asked, confused.

"Well, yeah, I guess," he replied.

"I'm not a lesbian," she whispered strongly.

"I know." He closed his eyes, and then opened them back up slowly. This was proving to be more difficult than he'd expected. Why was she getting so defensive? He made purposeful eye contact with her. "But… have you ever found me sexy?"

Her lip quivered. "I… I mean… you're obviously a very attractive guy—"

"But you don't find me attractive, do you?" he asked, point blank.

"What do you want me to say?!" Her voice seemed to be on the verge of breaking.

He broke their eye contact and took a look at the clock on the far wall of the room – only one minute had passed since the start of their conversation. It didn't look like he was going to be saved by the bell this time.

"I don't want you to say anything," he told her honestly. "I love you. I meant it when I told you last year, and I mean it now."

"But—"

"But you should do some… introspection," he said, cutting her off and feeling a little proud of himself for using such a fancy vocabulary word. "Look it up. Asexuality. Take your time. Tell me what you figure out."

He looked back at the clock, and returned his gaze to his girlfriend just in time to catch a glimpse of a tear which she was hastily wiping away with her free hand.

"Marley," he said softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd get so upset."

She didn't reply, instead just pulling her hand out of his grasp and staring intently down toward the table.

They sat in silence for the remainder of lunch. Jake didn't know what else to say. Marley didn't even touch the rest of her uneaten food.

Puck texted Jake that afternoon, wondering if he was free to Skype.

Jake thought it might be nice to get his older brother's perspective on what he should do, so he texted back, 'Yeah I'm free' and within minutes they were face-to-face, chatting. Jake let Puck explain all of what was going on with his Air Force enlistment – Puck sounded so excited by all of the tests he had managed to pass. He was currently spending his days bulking up and practicing waking up at the crack of dawn because basic training was going to start soon.

"But enough about me, dude," Puck said cheerfully, ready to change subjects. "What's new with you?"

Jake hesitated, knowing what he wanted to talk about, yet also knowing Puck might not have any relevant advice.

"Well, something kind of happened with Marley," Jake began. Puck's eyebrows perked up. "She… doesn't seem interested in having sex."

"Oh, like at Mr. Schue's wedding?" Puck asked, remembering a conversation they'd the day after Valentine's Day. That holiday had been one particular night when almost every single one of Puck's friends had gotten laid, including apparently two of his former girlfriends with each other, but he himself had not gotten lucky at all. Jake had admitted that he'd also gone home to his own bed that night, the money he'd spent on a hotel room to share with Marley wasted.

"Yeah, except I mean… it's been a long time since then, and she still isn't ready to lose her virginity."

Puck nodded understandingly. "That sucks."

"Yeah. I think there might be a possibility she's… not even straight," Jake told him.

"Well, my first long-term girlfriend was a lesbian and she had sex with me all the time, so I don't think I'm necessarily an expert on how these things work."

Jake let out a small chuckle. "Yeah, maybe not." He thought about Quinn, that other McKinley alum Jake had met just once, about a year prior, right before Thanksgiving. "Didn't the girl you knocked up seem less interested in sex, most of the time, though?"

"Well, there was that one time she wanted to have another baby with me," Puck answered.

Jake's jaw dropped open in shock. "What?"

"I know, bro! Yeah, though, I wasn't really dating her. Our relationship was complicated. More like friends with one-time-benefits, and a baby. I kind of miss her, though."

"What about before you had sex that one time? Did she seem… into you? Did she enjoy kissing you? Or…" he hesitated, knowing his next question might not only be awkward, but also might bring up memories his older brother wasn't quite ready for yet. "Did she seem… sexually attracted to anyone else, like Sam, or, you know… Finn?"

Puck froze a little at the mention of Finn's name. The grief was so fresh for all of them, although of course Jake hadn't known the guy nearly as well as Puck did. Puck did seem to be thinking over the question, though.

"Quinn certainly was into me. There were times she wanted to rip my clothes off. She seemed pretty into Finn and Sam too. Santana… I think she was into my body too. I just think she couldn't fall in love with me because I wasn't a girl."

Jake remembered some of what he'd been reading the day prior about romantic orientation, and how it can be different from someone's sexual orientation. "Do you think she might've been romantically a lesbian… but sexually bisexual?" Jake asked, curious.

Puck pursed his lips, considering the idea. "Yeah, you know what, that kind of makes sense. I do think that's a possibility. Quinn might be bisexual too," he added. "Santana told me Quinn liked the girl-on-girl action enough to want to do it twice."

Jake wondered if maybe there was a chance Quinn was a heteroromantic bisexual, if maybe it was common for some girls to fall in love only with guys, but to have a sexual orientation that didn't quite match. Maybe, just maybe, Marley was a heteroromantic asexual. The more Jake thought about it, the more he realized it would explain so much.

Jake's noticed the sound of a key jangling in the front door's lock. "My mom's home," he told Puck. "We'll talk again some other time?"

"Sure thing, bro. Good luck figuring out your girl sitch."

Jake nodded in appreciation and they ended the video call.

Three days later, on Sunday, Marley finally invited Jake over to her house. She told him over the phone she was ready to have a conversation about all of this, but she wanted to do it in person. Her mom had promised to give them privacy, and would read a book up in her own bedroom or something, leaving Marley and her boyfriend alone downstairs.

As soon as Jake seated himself besides Marley on the couch, Marley began to speak. "I'm sorry I freaked out at lunch on Thursday," she said. "I should have been thanking you, really."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I… looked into what you were talking about. Asexuality."

"You did?"

"Yeah, and I think… you might be right. I talked to Unique about it a bit, and she said she'd heard of it in some online forums for trans kids. Then she helped me research it a bit more."

Jake waited patiently, wanting to allow her space to talk, and really curious as to what Marley would figure out about herself.

"I've never even masturbated," she said softly, "and I'm pretty sure I don't have a sex drive at all."

Jake was a little surprised to learn that. "Do you think maybe it's just a hormone problem?" he asked. "Have you talked to a doctor about it?"

Marley's lips curled into a half-hearted smile. "I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I got my first period when I was twelve. I think I would've noticed some other symptoms by now if there was a problem."

"Oh," Jake said. "Then…" he trailed off, not sure what to ask next.

"There's even a word out there for people like me. Asexual people who can't and don't masturbate… we're called 'non-libidoists'."

"So you are asexual?" he asked cautiously.

"I… I don't know," she said slowly. "But the more I read, and the more I think about it… the more it makes sense. I really think I might be."

Jake took a moment to let that sink in. Wow. He'd managed to fall in love with an asexual girl. One that couldn't possibly like sex, because she didn't even get aroused, ever. What were the chances? He hated that this was how things were playing out. He wanted Marley to just be sexual like everyone else in the world.

Marley was looking at him intently, waiting for him to say something.

So Jake asked about the main thing he was still dying to know. "Did you… read about romantic orientations?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I did."

"And do you have one?" he pressed.

"Um… I don't know," she admitted. "I always thought I was straight, so my first thought was that maybe I was just romantically always into boys only, and that's what had me convinced of my heterosexuality."

Jake smiled, feeling relieved. But Marley wasn't finished yet.

"The thing is, I'm not sure about that, the more I think about it. Because… well… I always thought I couldn't be gay because I didn't want to see women naked, or have any desire to kiss them." She paused, seeming to be gathering her thoughts. "That was also why I ruled out being bi too. I was kind of… straight by default, I guess."

"I think I get it," Jake replied. He couldn't quite imagine a world where as soon as puberty hit him, he wasn't constantly struggling with the urge to fantasize about seeing his attractive female classmates sans their clothes. But he could try to pretend for a moment about a world where he hadn't had that urge. Maybe he too would've considered if he was gay, and ultimately brushed that thought aside, because he definitely had zero desire toward guys.

"But now… I'm not so sure. I don't have sexual feelings toward anyone, and maybe if I hadn't thought I was straight by default…" she trailed off.

"What?" Jake asked, still curious.

"I don't know. I might be biromantic. Or panromantic." She spotted Jake's confused facial expression. "It's kind of the same thing. Pan is more inclusive of people with non-binary genders."

"How can someone have a non-binary gender?" Jake asked.

Marley seemed tempted to answer, but then he cut her off.

"Never mind," he quickly amended. "So you are romantically attracted to me?" he asked hopefully. He'd worry about figuring out whatever the hell a non-binary gender was some other time.

Marley smiled. "Of course," she said. "I said I love you back, and I meant it. You're… amazing. I'm still not one-hundred percent sure about my romantic orientation… but I'll keep you updated as I figure it out, okay?"

"Okay." Jake said. He leaned in to kiss her cheek, lovingly. She beamed.

"Do you want to see what's on TV?" he asked, their serious conversation seeming to have come to an end.

"Sure," she replied, and she stood up in order to fetch the remote control.

In the gym locker room, Ryder approached Jake.

"So I'm thinking of dating Unique," he said.

"Are you serious?" Jake replied. "What? But-"

"I didn't want to admit it at first, but we had a real connection, before I found out about the catfish thing. I've had some time to get over the… betrayal, and honestly… I want to see if we can make it work."

"But won't it matter that she has a dick?"

Ryder scowled at him. "Marley told me she's asexual. Why the hell are you still dating her, then?" he shot back.

Jake noticed Coach Beiste standing behind Ryder, suddenly seeming very interested in their conversation. Jake shifted his volume down to a near-whisper.

"Dude, don't out her to the whole football team, please. Sexual orientations are private, I wasn't even allowed to tell you, remember? She wanted to tell you herself?"

Ryder looked apologetic. "You're right, sorry. But anyway, I am still curious how you are making that work. She said she is asexual, and for her that means sex is kind of off the table. I would've thought that'd be a deal breaker for you."

Jake was annoyed with the question, regardless of how valid it may have been. "Yeah, I would've thought that too. But… I'm in love with her, man. You know?"

Ryder didn't respond. Jake guessed maybe he didn't really know. Ryder had probably never been in love.

"It's just… not that easy to call it quits. I can't say I haven't been thinking about it. But for now, we're together, okay? I'll let you know if that changes."

"Okay, and I'll let you know how… dating Unique goes."

"Agreed."

Jake shot another look toward his coach, who hadn't moved from her position, likely within earshot of their whole conversation. Well, so what if she knew that Marley was asexual? Coach Beiste didn't even know Marley. Jake figured it'd be okay.

Also note that what Marley says about being pan vs. being bi isn't quite accurate in all cases. A lot of bisexual people use the "2" meaning of "bi" to mean "to their own and at least 1 other gender" or "to their own and to other genders", etc. It's a complicated discussion but I don't mean to imply that all bisexual people are not inclusive of non-binary genders. That's simply not true.