This chapter is Rachel's point of view.

It obviously is not completely canon compliant, but the chapter takes place at the end of an AU version of season 5, with Blaine, Kurt, Santana, and Rachel all living in New York together post-high school.

Chapter 5: Pondering Polyamory

Being cast as the lead in Funny Girl was everything Rachel could've ever hoped for, especially considering how the timing coincided with her otherwise fairly devastating year. Nothing could've ever fully distracted her from the pain of losing Finn, but investing her heart and soul into Fanny Brice had helped her to feel alive again. The majority of the role came so naturally to her; perfecting the nuances of her performance was a challenge she welcomed with open arms.

She felt guilty sometimes for thinking it, but she truly was happy. It was hard to believe that such a thing was possible less than a year after her soulmate's death, but it was true. She was heartbroken every time she remembered she didn't have a soulmate anymore, but the rest of her life was proving to be genuinely satisfying.

Her career was taking off. She didn't need NYADA anymore, and while she wished she could both attend school and pursue her career, she really couldn't complain. If her career being too successful was the worst of her problems, she should count herself lucky, right? Of course she still felt pangs of grief every single day, but overall, her life was moving in the right direction. And for that, she couldn't be more pleased.

In addition, her closest friends in the world were her roommates, and other close friends of hers were living nearby in the same city. Not too many young adults were fortunate enough to be able to hold onto their high school friends at all! She felt so blessed. Santana had been a needed confidant during her pregnancy scare the year prior, and seeing a happily engaged couple every day only helped to lift up her mood, most of the time.

Rachel hadn't imagined it was possible to be more of an ally to the LGBT community, what with her dads and all three of her roommates being queer. Recently, however, Kurt and Blaine had been throwing some surprises her way. One of the biggest surprises had been Kurt's sexual orientation. As it turned out, all along when she'd thought Kurt was gay, she'd been wrong. She'd always known that her ex-boyfriend Blaine was bisexual, but Kurt had been secretive about his gray-asexual identity until recently. So she quickly became an even bigger ally to all people in the queer community, taking an interest in what asexuality was and then working as hard as she could to spread awareness around the Funny Girl set. Kurt was a big help to her, answering any and all questions she had about his own personal experience, and also directing her to places with a lot more general information.

Apparently, the reason she'd never really had to worry about the fact that she only had a measly curtain as a wall between their bedroom and hers – the reason she never walked into the apartment to the sounds of passionate love-making – was that the couple was practically celibate. No wonder Kurt had seemed so hesitant when Blaine had dragged him to the city's annual Pride parade in June! Those celebrations could be particularly hyper-sexualized. Kurt being particularly eager to change the subject whenever Santana brought up her own sex life? It all started to make a bit more sense. Rachel was finally beginning to understand the bigger picture.

The fact that Blaine and Kurt had managed to stay together, even when they had to be long-distance for Kurt's entire freshman year at NYADA, also was easier to understand now, because although Rachel couldn't maintain her relationship with Finn, and although Santana also struggled with Brittany, Kurt and Blaine hadn't been sacrificing all that much. Most of their relationship had never been all that physical anyway! Blaine had already gotten a lot of practice, even when he lived in the same state as his boyfriend, at having to live without a lot of that physical intimacy he craved.

The next surprise they'd thrown at her was when, on Blaine's eighteenth birthday, a couple of months before he even graduated from McKinley, Kurt had proposed, and Blaine had accepted. The funny twist was that Blaine had already picked out a ring, and had asked Burt's permission, but Kurt had beaten him to the punch! The two of them were both so completely ready to get married. She couldn't be more thrilled for them. It was clear they were meant to be.

She'd also, however, thought it was clear that they were both meant to be performers on the stage, but it had turned out she'd been wrong. Kurt was only about a quarter through the four years he was set to spend at NYADA, yet he was already realizing that the stage wasn't the goal he wanted to pursue for his life. Rachel couldn't necessarily blame him – she'd never realized how excited she'd feel about the prospect of pursuing television until the opportunity presented itself. All of a sudden she had all of these high hopes for That's So Rachel. Kurt, on the other hand, had never considered pursuing a career in fashion design till he got that internship at Vogue, but now… it had seemed to become his passion, something he spent all of his free time on. He kept working there while Santana and Rachel took jobs at a diner to help pay the rent. Burt and Carole sent checks in the mail to help Kurt with his share.

In fact, as she rifled through the mail just now, she noticed an envelope addressed from Ohio.

"Kurt!" she called out across the loft. "Your parents sent you something!"

Kurt got up from his desk where he seemed to be working hard on some kind of assignment. The New York Academy for the Dramatic Arts made him take some drama-related classes, and Kurt had chosen to sign up for an intense play-writing class. From what Rachel had gathered, it was basically a typical creative writing curriculum – except the only type of writing to which the students would ever apply what they learned would be plays.

Kurt took the envelope from Rachel with a small smile.

"Did they write you a letter again?" she asked earnestly, loving that Kurt's parents were old-fashioned in this way. Her dads just texted or emailed her if they had something to say, or for more personal topics, there were always phone calls. She had never gotten a handwritten letter.

"They always do," Kurt said in an appreciative tone as he carefully peeled open the envelope, revealing the check as well as the letter. "It's Carole's handwriting this time," he added.

"That's so sweet," Rachel replied softly.

"Well I better get back to my homework. I'll read this later," he said, clearly curious and tempted to find out what they said this time, but not wanting to allow himself to get too distracted from his train of thought.

Hoping it'd help him keep his focus where it should be, Rachel decided to ask, "What are you writing?"

Kurt smiled sheepishly. "It's stupid," he said with a small forced chuckle, and Rachel could've sworn his cheeks were gaining a reddish tinge.

Rachel was waited for him to elaborate.

"Okay, well, it's a 'write something deeply personal' type of assignment, basically autobiographical plays, with the added caveat that it must be as unique as possible. Professor Wong said if it's something he's never seen on the stage before, but he also doesn't predict the ending when he's reading it, we'll not only get an automatic A – we'll also get the chance to see our play performed."

Rachel nodded. "Wow, that sounds amazing. Who would be performing it?"

"Just the acting class next door," Kurt answered.

"So what is yours about?" she asked.

Kurt's eyes flitted toward his desk where his laptop was, the contents of his unfinished play still up on the screen. He seemed hesitant to reveal his secrets but Rachel was desperate to know, so she kept her eyes fixed on him, forcing him to come up with some kind of a response. She was so curious about what aspect of his autobiography he'd try to translate into play form.

When he took a few moments too long to answer, a thought dawned on her. "It's not… it's not about Finn, is it?" she commented somberly.

He looked at her meaningfully. "No," he promised. "I… wouldn't feel comfortable… well…"

She looked down at the ground. "It's probably too soon for you to write something like that," she muttered.

"I just don't think I'd be able to do it justice," Kurt explained.

"Yeah, I get it," she said.

"My dad said to me, after I didn't get cast as Tony in West Side Story, that if I wanted there to be leading roles for men like me, I should write them myself," Kurt finally told her. "So…" he trailed off a bit.

"So you're writing a play with a gay ace guy as the lead?" she said excitedly, pushing the grief as far away as she could muster, pretending it wasn't still lingering.

He smiled, still embarrassed, but now seeming to be catching some of her contagious excitement. "Yeah."

"Well get back to it then," she said, still holding onto the mail in one hand but beginning to push him toward his desk with her free one. "That's a play that needs to be written. Asexuality! I bet your professor hasn't even heard of that sexual orientation."

"I know, right?" Kurt said.

"You're so going to get that A," she told him. "Good luck."

She went back to the mail and noticed another envelope that had come from her home state, a much larger one this time. Curious, she looked more closely at the return address. At the same moment, Blaine walked in the door, his own freshman NYADA classes finally over for the day.

"Blaine," Rachel began. "Why are you getting sent a large, thick envelope from Ohio State University in Columbus?"

Blaine's eyes went wide. "What?" He rushed over and grabbed it, pulling it out of her hands and staring at it. Rachel's attention was transfixed on him. What in the world was going on?

"Oh my God," he muttered, his stare frozen on the envelope. Then, a few moments later, he broke out of his trance and quickly ripped the paper, trying to get inside to the contents.

"Oh my God," he repeated. "Oh my God. I got in," he whispered.

"What?" Rachel asked.

Blaine didn't seem to notice her. "Kurt!" he cried out. "I got in!"

"What did you get into?" Rachel asked more forcefully, trying to catch his attention.

He turned to look at her briefly. He pursed his lips, waiting for his fiancé. Blaine had no idea that Kurt had literally just sat back down over at his desk.

Kurt was beaming as he approached Blaine. "You got in?"

"Yes," he breathed. Both young men turned toward Rachel. "I got accepted into Ohio State University," Blaine finally explained. "I'm going to transfer and start attending next semester!"

"But… why?" Rachel asked, perplexed.

Blaine chuckled. "I decided I wanted to be pre-med."

"But… NYADA! We all worked so hard to get in there and none of us are happy there?"

"Hey," Kurt interrupted. "I'm planning to complete my degree!"

"Didn't you change your major to undeclared, though?" she asked.

"Yeah. So what?" Kurt countered. "I… have actually been thinking of declaring… as a Creative Writing major."

"Really?" Rachel was surprised. This playwriting class was only his second ever writing class at the school.

"Yeah, well I can still perform a lot in all of my electives. I… I just feel I have so much I could learn in this subject, and NYADA is kind of the perfect place to do it." He smiled. Clearly he'd thought about this a lot, and from the look on his face, this decision was sounding even better to him once he said it aloud.

"Wow," Rachel replied. She needed some time to wrap her mind around that. Kurt wanted to write? What about fashion design? She sighed, and figured she could ask him later. She turned to Blaine. "So what were you thinking of majoring in?" she asked.

"Well… I want to be pre-med, like my mom and dad," Blaine said.

Rachel was surprised. She knew both of his parents were doctors, but he never seemed very close to them, so following in their footsteps was not a path she had seen coming, at all.

He continued, "I still love performing, but… it wasn't until I got here that I realized it's… a lot more fun if it's not your full-time job. You know?"

Rachel looked blankly at him.

He laughed. "Of course you don't know. But that's… that's the whole point. I don't think I… love it the same way you love it."

"Okay, I guess I get it," she said. She didn't need competition from people as talented as Kurt and Blaine anyway. She couldn't imagine wanting to move to a drastically different career path, but clearly they both could. "But pre-med isn't a major at most schools," Rachel then said knowingly. "Did you apply with a different major in mind?"

Blaine seemed impressed. "Yeah, actually… I'm going to be a Math major."

Rachel did a double take and tried to imagine Blaine in nerd glasses and a wrinkled, stained, too-big-for-his-body shirt, the way she'd spent her entire life imagining all Math-majors.

Kurt chimed in at this point. "Blaine will be able to take some Music Theory related classes, and things like The Physics of Music, if he does a Math major. Besides, Ohio State recommends it as a good choice for pre-med students."

Rachel couldn't believe it. She took a few moments to try to absorb all of this new information. Her eyes flitted back to Blaine. "Why are you leaving New York?" she asked, a shred of vulnerability showing through. She was beginning to feel like everyone was abandoning her unexpectedly. First Finn, but now Blaine, and then who would it be?

"Rachel," he said gently, clearly having heard all of her unspoken thoughts. "I… it's just Ohio State is such a good school, and I can get in-state tuition and save my parents a lot of money, and besides, long term, Kurt and I were thinking it'd be good to live near our folks, I mean, you know how much Burt and Carole miss us…"

"Okay, okay," she said. "Let Kurt get back to writing his play," she demanded, it coming out a little more harshly than she'd intended. She reached back into the pile of mail. "I have a new issue of Aesthetica to read anyway," she told them, pulling the bi-monthly British magazine out and proceeding to carry it into her bedroom. She pulled her curtain closed, and then plopped down on top of the bedspread. Too much was changing too quickly for her, but at least she could find comfort in the subscription her dads had gotten her.

Later that evening, after Santana had been informed of the news and all of the roommates had enjoyed their leftover casserole from the night prior, Rachel looked over and saw Blaine sitting on the couch, the television on in front of him. He wasn't watching it, though. He was staring, intently, at his acceptance letter, and he didn't look as excited as he had a few hours earlier. Kurt was on a roll with his script and had gone to find a coffeehouse that was open late for some privacy and also hopefully inspiration. With Kurt and his laptop gone, and Santana busy on a web-call with Brittany behind her own curtain, Rachel approached Blaine, taking a spot on the open cushion next to him.

"What's going through your mind?" she probed.

He looked up at her. "Oh, nothing."

She didn't buy that at all. "Come on, tell me."

He looked up toward Santana's curtain, nervously, like he didn't want to be overheard. "Can you… promise not to tell Kurt?" he asked.

Rachel's eyebrows rose about an inch. "You actually keep secrets from Kurt?" This couple was certainly throwing her for a loop lately.

"Shh!" he quickly whispered, his eyes glancing back toward where Santana was busy, clearly not wanting that roommate of theirs to overhear.

"Sorry," she said quietly. "Sure, I won't tell him."

Blaine broke his eye contact with her and started fiddling with the engagement ring on his finger, clearly trying to figure out how to begin. "Okay, well… the thing is… I wish I was asexual, like Kurt is."

Whatever Rachel had been expecting him to say, that wasn't it. She blinked a few times, realizing he was probably thinking about being long-distance from Kurt for the next two years, and before she could say anything, he was continuing.

"I mean, I… I just… I feel so…"

"Horny?" Rachel supplied, trying to be helpful.

Blaine burst into a small laugh. But then his face turned serious again and he said, "Well, actually… yeah."

Rachel's thoughts suddenly turned to worry. "You weren't going to ask me to-"

"What? No! Of course not!" Blaine hurriedly stopped her. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. She knew that years ago the two of them had been somewhat attracted to each other, but she was pretty sure they had moved past that. Besides, she was still in a "monogamous for Finn" headspace, even if he was gone. And more importantly, she would never condone Blaine cheating on Kurt. Kurt was her best friend. Even closer of a friend to her than her other roommates were. Speaking of cheating…

"Blaine?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Have you been considering being… unfaithful to Kurt, though? I mean maybe not with me, but… in general?"

Blaine looked back into her eyes, guilt emanating from his entire being. He looked practically on the verge of tears. He didn't need to answer.

"But you haven't actually cheated, right?" she said.

He shook his head vigorously.

"Good." At least Blaine had been able, so far, to resist his urge to cheat. "Look," she said, going into advice mode. "What I'd recommend you consider is the option of polyamory."

"The option of polyamory?" Blaine echoed.

"Mm-hmm," she affirmed in a hum. "I'm probably too insecure of a person for it to ever be a reasonable option for myself," she stated matter-of-factly. She tried not to think about how, even with Finn, when he had been dating her and only her, she still had gotten jealous super-easily. "But a growing number of people, especially college-aged people like you, are trying out open relationships."

"That's just an excuse to cheat," he said dismissively.

"No, it's not," she informed him. "You should check out AVEN's online forums," she said.

"AVEN? That site for asexual people?" Blaine said hesitantly, like he was unsure of if he was remembering correctly where he'd heard of that website before.

"Yeah," she said. "It's got a spot for mixed ace with allo relationships."

"Did you say ace with ally?"

She smiled. "No, allo, with an 'o'. It's a term they often use to mean non-ace. But yeah, allies, like you, of aces, who are dating aces. There are a bunch of people there talking about it."

"Oh." Blaine sounded like he never considered that people might talk about that on a forum.

"And not everyone there, but a surprisingly large number, have found polyamory to be a good option for their relationship. It's better than breaking up."

"Why have you been reading those forums?" Blaine asked.

"Curiosity," she answered unapologetically with a shrug.

He chuckled at her. He looked back down at his envelope, and said, "Polyamory, huh."

"Why are we talking about polyamory?" Santana said, emerging from behind her curtain, apparently done with her call.

Rachel looked worriedly at Blaine. He hadn't wanted Santana to hear this conversation! But now that she had joined them, he seemed comfortable enough with Santana's presence – relaxed and not upset at all.

"Rachel was just telling me that maybe polyamory is not… just an excuse to cheat," he clarified.

Santana looked at Rachel. "Dani knows a lot of polyamorous lesbians if you were looking to hook up," she said.

Rachel laughed. "I'm not, but thanks."

"However, in all seriousness," Santana said, "I probably should've considered the polyamory option for me and Britt." She came over to the couch and then stood there, silently waiting for Blaine and Rachel to scoot so that she had a place to sit.

"Oh, sorry," Blaine apologized before making room for her.

After they were all situated, Santana continued. "I mean, I kind of tricked her into cheating on Artie with me, which wasn't cool; I know that now," she admitted. "And when she loved both of us, I was in such a… monogamous mindset that I didn't realize how… naturally poly she kind of was. And then I broke us up last year, stupidly, when I was so afraid I was gonna be tempted to cheat. I'd never wanna hurt Britt though, you know? I think I was just… curious for more experiences, and maybe if we had tried going poly, we would've been happier."

"Are you thinking of… trying it now?" Blaine asked, sincerely interested.

"Me and Brittany? Nah, I think that ship has sailed. We're pretty happy being monogamous right now. We've had our chance to test the waters… her with Sam of all guys," she said, her voice dripping sarcastically with only partially-fake vitriol, "And me with Dani of course."

"Oh. Right." Blaine sounded disappointed. Like he needed Santana to be considering it, or else he couldn't consider it for himself.

"Bring it up with Kurt," Rachel told him. "Discuss it. What makes Santana and Brittany happy has nothing to do with what might work for you guys."

"You're right," he said with a soft smile. "I'll… talk to him." He looked back down at the packet of materials from Ohio State.

Rachel found herself hoping the two of them would give polyamory a shot. She'd never considered Kurt to be an overly jealous type of guy. The more she thought about it, the more she felt convinced that if they came to a mutual agreement beforehand, Kurt might be totally okay letting Blaine sleep with someone else – someone who was way more into sex than Kurt himself had ever been.

She just hoped this wouldn't start too soon. She wasn't ready to have to deal with Blaine needing the apartment for that type of activity on any sort of regular basis.