A/N: First, apologies for missing last week... and not having the promised OH this week. I woke up thinking about the chapter I'm about half-way done with, but everything I had in my head was gone by the time I was showered and fed. :P
I know the rough basics, but I'll have to re-think about much of it, which means it won't be done until late tonight or, since I have a long day tomorrow, Tuesday. Since that's the case, and I missed last week completely, I decided to at least give you guys this... and I'll get the OH chapter up as soon as it's back from my beta, Mouse, who always does good work... even if I ignore half his input. :)

Anyway, enough of my waffle: Enjoy!
(And see the A/N below for more on this story...)

Chap. 6 Hack-kneed Honesty

Naruto could not wipe the smile off his face the next day, even at ten o'clock in the morning, when he finally got around to dragging himself out of bed and over to the Ichiraku Ramen Stand for what he called the breakfast of champions, and what anyone else would call tasty garbage.

The cheerful, graying owner, Teuchi, smiled as he walked under the curtain, "Hey, Naruto! Good to see you bright and early, today! The ramen's not quite ready, but give me about five more minutes, okay? Ayame's got a bit of a cold, so I had to open up myself."

"Oh," Naruto frowned, "That sucks... is she doing okay? Should I take her some ramen later?"

The girl's father snorted, "Nah, I think she just wanted to rest for a while. She's been putting in a lot of hours here, and she got a part-time job as a courier, too, using the basic ninja skills she got before the dropped from the academy, so she's working even harder."

"Huh," the blonde said, surprised, "So, what's new around the village? What's up with you?"

The two continued to talk while Naruto ate and Teuchi cooked for three hours, and the lunch crowd came and went.

The sound of the academy bell ringing, a few streets away, signalled the onrush of another gout of customers, mostly only up to Naruto's waist, to the shop.

Naruto watched, amused, as the old man struggled to keep up, alone, with the demand of about fifteen kids and the few adults who had been convinced to come along.

A finally-full jinchuuriki was about to head out at around one in the afternoon, when he heard his name being called boisterously. "What's up, Lee? How are ya, Neji?"

"Yosh! Naruto-kun! I am doing fantastic! I-"

"We're looking for Tenten," the much-quieter Neji replied with a scowl toward his teammate, "She has not been showing up for practice for two days, ever since your victory against the Jonin. We thought she might be at her apartment, but no one answered, even though Lee knocked loudly enough to wake a drugged man. She has not been to the hospital, either, and has filed no requests for time off."

"Huh," Naruto said, his head cocked. It was true he didn't know the kunoichi on Team Gai all that well, but they'd been acquaintances for several years, now, and that just didn't sound like her. "Well... I haven't seen her. I'll keep my eyes open... I can send out some kage bunshin to look for her, if you want."

Neji shook his head, "That won't be necessary. Gai-sensei has told us not to worry, that she will doubtless turn up eventually. There were no signs of a struggle or forced entry at her apartment, so we don't suspect any wrong-doing, we just want to know what's going on."

"All right," Naruto shrugged, "If that's what you guys and Gai-sensei want. So... you guys have any good missions while I was gone?"

"Yes! Naruto-kun, my rival, we have! Let me tell you about the time-"

(O)(O)(O)

Naruto did not think anything about Tenten's mysterious absence, until he showed up to get a mission the next day. As she, like her predecessor, spent a single (rarely two) days per week in the mission request office to help her keep tabs on the ninja under the Hokage's command, Naruto proudly walked up to her desk. "So, Baa-chan! What great, amazing, awesome new mission do you have for me, now that I'm a Chunin?"

Several members of Konoha's ninja force looked up in surprise. Naruto was a Chunin? Since when? Sure, his performance the day before had been impressive, but... was it that good?

"I have the perfect mission for you, Naruto," Tsuande said with a small smile, hoping he wouldn't notice it was at his expense, "It's challenging, but right up your alley- in fact, it's something only you can do. I created this mission especially for you- it fits a Genin like yourself!"

"What is it?! What is it?! Is it a rescue mission? An escort of a beautiful- hey! I'm a Chunin!"

One of Tsunade's eyebrows quirked, "No you aren't. You're still a Genin... the last Genin of your class, actually. Konohamaru's the same rank as you... though you do have seniority, I suppose."

"What?" The blonde teens voice was flat and emotionless, but the Hokage knew full well he wasn't upset, just surprised as all get-out. "K- Konohamaru... Jiijii's brat of a grandson... is a Genin? The same rank as me? That's... that's not fair!"

"Oh, I think it's perfectly fair, Naruto," Tsunade said, her voice firm as she rose behind the desk, "because everyone else either got a field promotion or earned it in a Chunin exam. You have done neither... and so you are a Genin. Be happy I'm still giving you the chance for the field promotion, brat, or I'd make you wait for a Genin team with injuries to take the test!"

Normally, Naruto would have fought back against the Hokage's rising anger. Something she had said, though, caught his attention, "Wait, what? A field promotion? You're... so this mission is that? I do it, and I get promoted? That's awesome! This is gonna be way easier than a Chunin Exam!"

With a sigh, Tsunade sat back down, shaking her head. Her (much) younger cousin really needed to think before he spoke, "No, you idiot... the next few missions are a chance for that. This mission is something you need to do to prepare for those. So here you go, a D-rank mission, just for you! Isn't it great to be back?"

With a truly wicked grin, Tsunade handed the green-wrapped scroll to Naruto, "And you'll even be able to do it alone, without your team, since you have shadow clones! Aren't I nice?"

Naruto rolled his eyes while opening the scroll, "Sure, sure, Baa-chan... nice! That's you!"

He, through pure luck, ducked his head to read the scroll just enough that the paperweight holding down a stack of unfurled scrolls sailed through his hair rather than impacting his forehead. He didn't seem to notice.
"Um... are you sure you got the right scroll, Baa-chan? I mean... I heard Tenten was sick or something, but... a whole mission, just to find her and see what's going on?"

The Godaime Hokage nodded, "Yes... that's a mission you're well suited for, with your shadow clones. I could have had Team Kurenai do it, but they're out on a C-rank border patrol, and Konohamaru's team would likely get themselves killed if they wandered into her apartment uninvited or something... which he's prone to do. So you are going to take this mission, and you'll be thankful I'm giving you pay for something I could have made you do for free. You got that, brat?"

Naruto shrugged and stuffed the scroll into his pouch, "Yeah, yeah, ya old hag... don't need to be so grumpy all the time. You know that causes wrinkles, right?"

Again, Naruto's luck showed itself, though in a rather strange fashion. When he landed from the punch the Hokage had delivered for the dual insult, he was more than half-way through the village in the direction of the training ground where Team Gai usually met. That was the best place, he knew, to start tracking down the missing kunoichi of that team.

(O)(O)(O)

One hundred and thirty-three (he counted) shadow clones, and three exhausting hours later, he found the older kunoichi in the place he least expected- his own haunt on the top of the Hokage Monument. She wasn't sitting on Namikaze Minato's head, but on the newly-finished bust (not that one) of the Godaime Hokage, Senju Tsunade. "Hey, Tenten," Naruto called as he approached, not wanting to startle the girl... last time he'd done that, there had been more than a double-handful of weaponry heading his way within seconds.

She didn't look up, however. The brunette was sitting cross-legged in front of a wide, but not very long scroll, which was unrolled about four feet. She was hunched over as if reading it carefully. "Uh... Tenten?" he called again from a few feet away this time, ready to jump out of the path of any projectiles.

When she didn't respond again, the blonde cautiously crept around her, maintaining two meters or so of distance between them. Heh, she's asleep! Oh, this is great... I'm so gonna get her back for the shirt!

Now, it's a widely-held belief that one Uzumaki Naruto has no skill with Genjutsu. That is... mostly true. But not completely. While the heir of two powerful bloodlines (Namikaze, a descendent of the Senju, and the Uzumaki of the now-lost Village Hidden in the Whirlpool), and container of the most powerful of the Tailed Beasts did have some issues with lower-chakra jutsu- Genjutsu almost by definition- he did have a rather cunning and subtle mind, and learned quickly when he was given an illusion technique that grew more powerful the more chakra you put in.

The first time he'd tried it, he put Jiraiya, who'd taught him, into essentially a medical coma for three days until he'd gotten him to a medic-ninja that could break him out. The second time was much better, and he only killed a rabbit, essentially sedating it to death. Dinner was good that night, though, so Naruto couldn't complain.

The third and fourth times, he'd put Jiraiya into a deep slumber, and then been able to wake the Sannin by himself. The only time the Sage had actually been able to break the technique on his own, due to the massive chakra involved, Naruto had all-but sleep-cast it, he'd been so tired himself after a full day's sparring session against not just the older ninja, but about three hundred clones... all against him.

With a the foxy smile Naruto was known for when he was getting up to no good in his youth, the teenaged boy went through the necessary hand-signs slowly, carefully. Can't mess this up, or it'll ruin the prank...

"Genjutsu: Sleep of the Dead," he whispered. If Tenten had been faking, it wouldn't due for her to lash out when she heard the technique's name or beginning. Almost immediately, however, the tiny portion of his chakra he'd used- the smallest he'd ever actually done with it- washed over Tenten, and she slumped further still. Slowly, almost like a rotten tree cracking in a stiff breeze, she fell to the side and slumped to the stone, already snoring deeply. "Heh, heh! Perfect! Now... I've got to get her back for the peeing thing, too... so what can I do? I don't have any laxatives..."

The blonde began to pull three small scrolls, no wider than his longest fingers, from his supply pouch. They had been down at the bottom, and were the secret to his success as a prankster... at least, he hoped they were. In his youth, he'd had to carry around huge piles of things for every big trick he pulled.

Now? He carried around half his entire stock- which, laid out, filled his living room floor from wall to wall- on these three, finger-sized scrolls, each covered in tiny, painstakingly drawn seals. "Hm... I can make her vomit for three hours. I can turn her clothes inside-out. Nah, that's too tame... I do have that marker... that'd be good payback, although I'd have to up the ante. Calling me stupid and saying there's space for rent in my head... Ooh! I got it! Heh, heh, this'll be great!"

Five minutes later, Naruto looked over his handiwork. True, he'd ruined the girl's clothing, but it was good payback for what she'd done to him- both tricks. And, of course, it followed the creed of 'escalating effect'. If someone pranked you, you got them back... and then some. It created a vicious, but often highly entertaining, cycle. One Naruto was very fond of, himself.

Tenten's clothing was not damaged, ripped, torn, or scuffed... but it was discolored. It was now bright orange, the same color his old jumpsuit had been, both top and bottom. In fact, due to the seals on the outfit, it very strongly resembled said jumpsuit. There was a white turtle-neck, it had the Uzu spiral on the back... the only difference was that the blue he'd worn back then was now black, and it was sized for himself. It fit rather baggily on Tenten aside from across the chest, but Naruto could live with that. Heh... it looks like she raided my closet! Now, the finishing touches...

The smirk of victory stretching his face almost painfully, Naruto crouched low over the girl, made sure the seal which maintained the illusion was unbreakable without actually changing the seal itself- which was hidden by the same illusion to every eye but his own, or possibly Jiraiya's... and he wouldn't put it past Kurenai-sensei to be able to see through it anyway- and would not fade with the passing of time. Furthermore, Tenten would not see the alterations at all. Instead, she would only see what she expected to see, her own outfit. At least, for a couple of hours. That seal would fade quickly. Finally, he withdrew the marker he'd applied the seals with, a permanent one, of course, and went to work. First on the girl's back, which was curled away from him in her semi-fetal position, and wrote a few lines.
Then, gently, he stretched out Tenten's legs and body so that she would roll onto her back, which she did, with one arm draped over her stomach, head lolling to the side, and still snoring gently. "Nice! Okay... a few more lines... Sorry, Tenten, I'm not trying to grope you! Much..."

That did not, of course, stop the young man from enjoying the feel of her breasts under his hands while he wrote across the top of the shirt with the marker. He had to hold her steady, after all, because she was soft, and she jiggled. It also did not escape his notice that, today at least, Tenten had neither bound her breasts or worn a bra. Mm... more memories for later! Heh...

"All right!" he declared happily, standing up now and stowing his gear away, "Now, I gotta get her sitting back up... and walk away, then release it! The perfect prank!"

Wisely, Naruto double-checked his gear, because he'd left the cap for the marker sitting a little bit away, and would have missed it otherwise... and that might have told Tenten he'd done something. He was about twenty feet away when he released the jutsu. The girl didn't wake up immediately, though she stopped snoring. "Hey, Tenten!" he shouted, loud enough to wake... well, himself.

The girl stirred, and started listing to the opposite side she'd fallen to before, "Tenten, wake up!"

"Whuzair?" he murmured, but continued to drift slowly to the left.

"Damn it, Tenten, we're under attack!"

It was a bit cruel, perhaps, but any ninja knew that would get any other ninja up in a moment. And so it did. The girl jumped to her feet, tripped over her own scroll, and went sprawling backward.

Naruto started to laugh as he walked toward her, and only quieted when he saw her glare of anger. "Sorry," he said as innocently as he could, "I've been trying to wake you up for ten minutes- Gai sent Neji and Lee after you, and they asked for my help since I wasn't busy. Took me about three hours to find you, too."
She only reluctantly took his proffered hand to help her back up, and immediately tried shoving him down once she was upright. He, however, was the more experienced prankster and was ready enough for it that he barely budged. "Fine," she growled, "I'll go find them... why'd you have to yell that? My heart's racing, and it's perfectly quiet."

Again lying through his teeth, Naruto replied, "Well, like I said, you were dead asleep. I've been calling you for ten minutes. No way in hell was I gonna get close enough to poke you- I like my limbs attached, thanks. And throwing a rock at your back or something? You'd still kill me."

The attempt at flattery had at least most of the desired effect, because Tenten calmed down and started rolling up the large scroll she'd taken to carrying on her back. Once it was done, she slipped it back into the oversized holster and started heading for the path back into town.

"Ne, Tenten, what've you been doing for the last three days? Lee and Neji have been worried."

With a look that clearly said she didn't want to talk about it, she only replied, "Training."

"Training? I like training. What training were you doing? Training is good!"

Okay, so it was not Naruto's most sauve moment, but in his defense, he really did enjoy it.

"Ugh... it's a secret, Naruto... I'm working on a new jutsu. Something we came up with when we were talking out our test against the Jonin."

"Oh," he said, clapping a closed fist onto his open hand, "That equip-exchange thing? That was pretty cool. You're already pretty badass, but being able to switch your clothes, armor, and weapons like that mid-battle would make you even more awesome!"

Tenten blushed and watched her feet, ostensibly to navigate the path safely, "It's not that impressive..."

"Don't sell yourself short!" he said confidently from beside her, hands clasped behind his head as he stared at the late afternoon sky, "You were the one that took down Gai-sensei, and he's one of the strongest Jonin in the Village!"

"You," she replied quietly, "took down Kakashi-sensei... and he's just as strong. You aren't even as experienced. And I had to rely on trickery to do it, I didn't win fair and square."

Naruto's eyes rolled, "You don't call hiding a shadow clone as his book, so he'd hold it close and be totally vulnerable to the explosion, 'trickery'? 'Cause I do. That's what being a ninja is all about, right?"

"No," she shook her head, "You don't understand... you're expected to resort to tricks to win. You were regarded as the dead-last in your year, and everyone thought you were a fool. You're pretty good now, but people still expect you to be the unpredictable guy you were before. But me? I'm a no-nonsense fighter. I get in, kill my targets, and get out with the minimum of fuss and to-do. In my team, I am the long-range fighter, because the other two are terrible at it. I'm... not supposed to work like that."

"I see," he said solemnly, "so you think you stooped too low, huh? That dressing up like that is beneath you?"
"How did- No! That's not it!"

But Naruto was not fooled by the sudden change in response. He stopped walking and put a hand on her shoulder to stop he as well, then looked straight into her deep, brown eyes with his larger hands on her both her shoulders, "Tenten, you did not stoop too low. Your teammate and sensei might be a little weird, but I respect them more than almost any other ninja in this Village. In any Village. You should be honored to have worn their outfit, if only for a few days... besides, it looked good on you."

Her cheeks pinked again, but she only pushed his hands off her shoulders and kept walking, "Says you... you probably just wanted to see me naked again, pervert!"

"Heh, heh!" he laughed, easily falling into step beside her again. It helped that, even though she was the tallest kunoichi in their age group, he was now an inch taller still and had longer legs, "Well, you caught me... I'm just a pervert, that's my sole motivation for everything I do!"

Her elbow met his gut at high velocity, but he didn't wince too much. The muscle there was firm enough to minimize damage, "That wasn't nice... I was just saying you were right!"

She glared out of the corner of her yee. He hadn't known that was possible. "Admitting you're a pervert is not a good thing, Naruto... it's stupid. It'll get you hurt one of these days. What would Sakura do if you said that to her?"

"Meh, she'd hit me... but I'd survive. I've had worse beatings. From her, even."

"That's something I don't get. Why do you let her do that, anyway? I mean, I like Sakura, but... she's so violent. And you really don't deserve it... most of the time."

Naruto shrugged, "Well... I'm not sure how much of this she remembers. When we were little, like three or four, she was the first kid to ever play with me willingly. She didn't have any friends in school, this was before Ino took her under her wing, so... she played with me, and we were friends. It didn't last long, 'cause that made the girls who teased Sakura even worse, but... for three days, she made me feel human."

Tenten was silent for a long time. What did you say to something like that? "For what it's worth, Naruto, you've proved you were more than human to most of us a long time ago. Back during the Chunin Exams for most of us... me, too."

He shrugged, "I know. I'm over it, believe me, but that always stuck with me. She's a really kind person, but she's just... demanding, I guess. She holds me, all of us, to pretty high standards, and gets sad or upset when we can't live up."

Eyebrows raised, Tenten said, "That's pretty perceptive, Naruto... I've never looked at it that way. So she hits you because she wants you to stop acting like that... but it's so you can become a better person? At least in her eyes?"

Shrugging, Naruto replied, "I guess... I never really thought about it that much. But that's what I think. Anyway... you over the shame thing? 'Cause a ninja shouldn't have any anyway, Ero-sennin says. 'A ninja must be willing to stoop to any depths to accomplish their mission'. But then again, he always warned against doing things like that for personal reasons, too, or you turn into someone like Orochi-teme."

Tenten had to wonder if Naruto was always this scattered-brained. They kept leaping back and forth between serious topics and her own embarrassment for having to wear that travesty of an outfit. "I guess... It was a good plan, and it did work. There's no way we would have beaten Gai-sensei with five gates otherwise, so I can't complain at least."

"Right," Naruto said, "So... yeah, go find your team," they were now approaching the bottom of the trail, and he needed to be long gone before someone spotted her shirt and laughed, "I gotta go do some shopping before I head home... it's gonna be late as it is." In actuality, of course, he was planning on spending the night camping out, far, far away from his apartment... or Tenten's.

Retribution in a prank war was great. Retribution from hot-headed kunoichi who don't know they're part of a prank war (even though he'd told her flat-out, she seemed to forget it easily) tended to be lethal.

"All right, Naruto... see you when I see you."

(O)(O)(O)

Two hours later, after a meeting where she'd been forced to apologize several times for her unexplained absence over the last few days, during which Lee had been unable to look at her without blushing and in which Neji and Gai had both sniggered several times, Tenten stormed into her apartment and slammed the door. "Three days of not seeing me, and all they can do is laugh at me? Assholes!"

Throwing a pot of water on for tea, she stormed around her small apartment for a few minutes, preparing for a quiet (she hoped) evening. And then she stepped into the bathroom to start drawing a long, hot bath... and froze in horror.

That boy was so dead...

This was a thousand times worse than a green, body-hugging jumpsuit.

This was a hundred thousand times worse.

Orange?! There was no doubt in her mind who had done... this infamous, low-down... Tenten screamed in righteous fury and indignation. She did not know words enough to think in her own head how bad this was.

Because she was wearing one of Naruto's jumpsuits... like she'd slept over at his house, or something! Like some common tramp!

But when the shirt came off, she froze in further shock. Not only was she wearing... those, but he had written on them!
"Property of Uzumaki Naruto" was simple enough... even if the writing was not normally three inches high, and on the outside! Oh, she'd torture him slowly for this before ending his suffering!

But the front, when she checked it, was worse... far worse. Where he would have had to touch her chest to write, was the phrase, "I sold out my dignity and all I got was this lousy T-shirt".

No... death and torture were not good enough for Uzumaki Naruto. Not after what he'd said before... As the shame came rushing back full-force, and magnified a few times over, she screamed hard enough to make the windows shake, "Narutoooo! I'm going to torture you for days, before I cut off your balls and feed them to you through your nose!"

It may not have made much sense... but Tenten was, at that moment, a bit beyond what one could call 'rational'.

Oh, yes, she thought as she stripped the thankfully un-markered (yet strangely flattering, if she ignored the jacket she'd been wearing) pants and stepped into her shower, fully intent now not on a relaxing bath, but scrubbing away every inch of her skin, before beginning to plan her vengeance. Oh, oh, yes... it's so on, Naruto... you are the deadest ninja in Konoha, you just don't know it, yet...

(O)(O)(O)

While Tenten planned her revenge the next day, Naruto was summoned once again to the Hokage's office, to both report on his successful D-rank, and to get another mission- this time an A-rank. "Wait, wait... okay, I know I'm awesome," he said, shaking his head in wonder, "But an A-rank, and I have to do it alone? What's the catch?"

Tsunade dropped the cheerful smile she'd pasted on when he walked into her office five minutes ago and steepled her fingers. "Read it... and you'll understand. Of course, opening the scroll means you're accepting the mission... but trust me, this is another one I created myself, just for you. You are the only one in this entire Village besides me that could do it. Even Jiraiya can't accomplish this mission."

Naruto's eyes widened, "He- he can't? But I'm not as strong as him! Not yet, anyway."

Behind her steepled hands, Tsunade nodded, using her fingers to hide the faint smile she now sported, "That's right... on all points. Nonetheless, you and I are the only ones that could possibly do this mission, and I feel it's best if you do... for experience, of course. So open that damned scroll, Naruto, and read it... I'll order you if I have to."

"Yeah, yeah... geez! Didn't I say just yesterday being grumpy causes wrinkles?"

This time, her glare was sufficient to get him to open the scroll... of course, he'd been willing to do it anyway, but the gambler would take what she could get.
"Wait... it says here it's two parts. I have to gather all my friends... and... oh... oh, no... no, no, no, no, NO! No way! I'm not gonna! You can't make me!"

Knowing full well she could make him, if she wanted to lose her office and all the records in it, Tsunade elected for the calmer tactic, instead. "Naruto... don't you trust your friends?"

His growing rant fell silent... or mostly so. It was reduced to weak grumbling, at least, "But I don't wanna... they'll all..."

The older ninja shook her head, glad she'd sent the ANBU out of the office. She could reveal the secret, if it came up in the discussion and they didn't all know, somehow, but knowing they were there when her cousin-slash-son-or-grandson-or-whatever was about to have a nervous breakdown was the kindest thing she'd done all week, and that included saving a few lives. "They won't. I can promise you that," she said softly.

"But all of them, every single one, lost family to that... that..."

She nodded at his half-whispered words, "Yeah... and every one of them is also your friend, and knows the difference between the kunai and the scroll. Furthermore... do you really think Sakura and Shikamaru, as smart as they are, haven't figured it out already? Do you think Kiba doesn't know about animalistic birthmarks? Do you think Hinata and Neji, who from the records I have saw your use of the Fox's chakra during the Chunin Exams against Neji himself, are too stupid to put two and two together?"

"Well, no," he shook his head, "but-"

"That's almost half your friends already, Naruto. They haven't abandoned you, have they? And what about Iruka? He already knows... the gossip in the Academy would have told him that, even with the old fart's law. Do you think Teuchi and Ayame didn't figure it out, the way you were treated as a kid? And would Konohamaru really turn his back on you? Or would he just jump up and down like he was six again, and say that was the coolest thing ever, and you were destined to be the best Hokage ever... up until he smacked you down and took your place?"

Naruto chuckled, "Yeah... he so would..."

Then Tsunade smiled again and relaxed back into her chair, "So, since you aren't reading, I'll give you the short version. You have three days... and that's it. I've already arranged for everyone to be free on the final day, but you have the choice of telling every person on that list, either individually, in groups, or all at once... it's your choice, but I'll know if you skip even one. And yes, before you ask, this is part of the mission lineup I have selected for your Chunin promotion- a ninja has to be able to face their greatest fear and come through it alive and ready to continue on. Can you do that, Naruto? Or are you going to chicken out, like a... scaredy-cat?"

The teenager didn't know how she'd done it, but Tsunade had mimicked Sasuke's voice, his thirteen-year-old voice, from the mission to Wave, perfectly when she'd said that. "Hell, no! There's no way I'd chicken out! It's just..."

Reluctantly, the Hokage stood and walked around her desk, pulling Naruto into a hug. It was gentle, and if she was a bit taller might have suffocated him in her cleavage for fun, but he was now tall enough he'd have to bend over for that to work. It wasn't fair, how fast they grew up! "Naruto... I believe in you. Look what you did for me. For the Kazekage. For almost everyone you meet. You can do this one for yourself, right?"

The younger blonde frowned at the reminder that a boy a bit younger than himself (and proven weaker, though Naruto would be terrified to fight him again) had been named Kage already, but nodded against Tsunade's neck, "Yeah, yeah, Baa-chan... I accept. I'll do it... but I don't like it."

Tsunade shrugged and pulled away just enough to look into her relative's eyes, "I didn't think you would... but I think, for the last mission you have to do, they need to know before they accept, just in case. And sometimes we have to do hard things, things we hate. What would you do if you had to send ninja on a mission you knew was going to kill all of them, no matter how many you sent? Sometimes, a Kage has to do that. That's why you have to face your greatest fear now, so when it comes down to the wire, you won't break and make things worse by not being able to do what you have to do. Understand?"

He nodded, "Yeah... I gotcha. Three days... that's Saturday, right?"

"Yep... now, get out of my office, brat. I've got work to do... and every moment you delay that, I'm taking out of your pay."

But as the blondes separated, both were a little misty-eyed, both remembering (or imagining) what it might be like to have family.

That was why Naruto, in a fit of compassion beyond even his usual self, crossed four fingers in a T and created three shadow clones. "Set 'em to work, Baa-chan... I don't care if you have them sorting files or stamping stuff, even. Just take a load off, today. You might hafta be specific on instructions, though, they aren't as smart as me."

As the door closed beyond the real Naruto, the clones witnessed the Hokage chuckle, "No... they're as smart as you, Naruto, you just don't know it yet. All right... you on the left-"
"Our left, or your left, old hag?"

The middle clone disappeared before it hit the door, but the paperweight still put another crater in it. In the stairway to the ground floor, Naruto winced and complained about a sudden headache.

"My left," she clarified, pointing at the three-foot pile of papers on the left side of her desk, "into three piles based on importance. It's easy- just read the top three lines. If it has to do with ninja, or is a mission request, it's top priority. If it's a civilian matter that seems important, it's middle priority. If it looks like crap, toss it in the bin. Well... maybe you'd better let me check... nah. If it's important, the paper will come through again."

That clone, already complaining about the workload, got to work. "And you, you're gonna do the same thing with these over here. Except they either get my stamp of approval if it seems like a good idea- road improvements, housing development, things like that- or a stamp of denial if it's a terrible idea. Use your judgment, and don't forget to ask if you need help- that goes for both of you."

As the clones got to work, Tsunade took a page out of Naruto's book, though she didn't have the mastery to summon them the way he did, and created a single shadow clone. "All right," the original ordered, "You can relax all you want while these two do the work, but you gotta answer them if they have questions... and don't be a bitch about it."

The shadow clone glared at her original, but didn't dare refuse a direct order- she wasn't the one who could regenerate from endless strikes.

"And I'm gonna take a nap. Cover me if Shizune comes in, of course."

(O)(O)(O)

The first of Naruto's alloted 'three days' to perform his new 'mission' went by mostly in a stressed-out blur for the ninja. He rose, crusty-eyed, after tossing and turning all night. He got breakfast, cereal he hardly even tasted, then went out to training ground twelve, the one he favored when training alone for it's tough, varied terrain and wide open field.

There, he worked out until he was sweaty for a warm-up, then sparred against his shadow clones using the Frog style, cleaned up some of his forms with kata for another three hours, and then settled down to work on seal-practice.
That's where things had gone bad. The physical exercise he'd spent most of the day doing was the distraction he'd wanted... but the seals were not. Instead, it almost seemed as if his seal practice was distracting him from his real training... completing the A-rank mission Tsunade had assigned him.
"Damn it, this is no good," he groused, rolling up his scrolls and putting his brushes back into their case, "I need to actually relax if I'm gonna be able to do this... and think about how I'm gonna do it at all."

So Naruto did what most citizens of Konoha would do when they needed to have a relaxing evening, but didn't want to travel or spend a lot. They went to the public baths bordering the red-light district (the only ones Naruto could afford to go to on his Genin's salary).

Of course, about five minutes after he slipped into the steaming water on the men's side of the fence, his slowly-growing calm was shattered by three, no, four feminine voices that were all-too familiar.

"So," Sakura's voice was the clearest through the steam which filled the entire bath-house, "what are we going to talk about?"

Ino's chuckle was a given, though her answer made Naruto blush and sink further into the water, thankful that it was late and there was no other man in the bath, "Boys, of course!"

"A- Ano, I- I d-d-d-on't th-think w-w-we sh-should..."

Aww, crap, Naruto mused, Hinata too? This sucks...

"Don't be like that, Hinata!" Tenten's voice both surprised Naruto, and made him tremble slightly in fear. For some reason, any thought of peeking over the wall that night just didn't seem to get more than half-formed before memories of that horrid screeching that had echoed through the whole town filled his mind. "Anyone in particular caught your eye lately, Ino?"

There was a quiet series of splashes as the girls moved into the bath and across it to lean back against the stones on the far side, coincidentally quite near Naruto, who didn't dare move.

"Well, I have to admit... no. Sasuke-kun being gone is bad enough, but Shika's lazier than ever. Choji's gained some weight, and it's mostly muscle now like his dad, but... eww, no. Have you seen him eat? No one else has caught my eye lately. Except your favorite, Sakura... so spill!"

"Wh- What do you mean?"

Tenten answered for the blonde, "You know exactly what she meant! How's your other team-mate? The one who didn't turn traitor and run out on us? He's a lot taller than he used to be..."

"A- Ano..." Hinata mumbled, but the others ignored her.

Naruto himself had to fight the urge to sink into the water or flee. Unfortunately, either would be fatal, so he had to sit quietly and listen... or pretend he wasn't, anyway.

"Eh, he's all right," the medic answered, after sending a spray of water in Ino's direction which made her yelp in pain and suprrise, "but he's still got nothing on Sasuke-kun."

"A- Ano..."

Tenten spoke over Hinata this time, "Don't kid yourself, Sakura... I know he's a huge dork, but Naruto got hot over the last couple years! Hell, if I could stand him, even I'd think about dating him. You too, right Ino?"

"I guess," the other blonde replied a little unsurely, "He is a hunk now, I suppose, but there's still the way he eats! I mean... do you have any idea how hard it is to keep my figure like this?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, confident they wouldn't hear that, at least. Everyone knew that ninja's weight was controlled more by chakra and burn than by dieting.
"Still," Sakura said, glad for the change of subject, "I have to say I'm jealous... I'll probably never fill out as much as you three have. I mean, jeez, Hinata! Why are you holding them down like that, anyway?"

There was a quiet 'meep', and Naruto perked up slightly. Floating? How big do they have to be for that? I mean, Baa-chan's probably do, but... eww, purge, purge! I mean... yeah... No, I can't peek. That wouldn't... wouldn't be right. And I'm not a pervert. Not like Ero-sennin.

That debated lasted three seconds, total, then he was moving as only a ninja could to rise from the water, silently pushing himself out with chakra so as not to splash, and then up the rocks. He couldn't use chakra to cling to the wooden wall. That was not sturdy enough to hold him, and was likely warded against it by seals more complex than he was able to break without his kit.

But the rocks were just rocks, and while sheer, were climbable... if one was willing to take risks.

"Anyway," Tenten grumbled, "tell us your secret, Hinata! I mean, I'm still a foot taller and nearly a year older, and you still have at least two sizes on me! I barely fill out a b-cup completely, and you're at least looking at D's!"

"Yeah, spill," Ino added, "I'm a solid C, but I could use some improvement, too."

Sakura, though even more interested than the other two, more full-figured kunoichi, didn't bother expressing her want or need with mere words. Instead, she turned puppy-dog eyes on the lavender-eyed kunoichi.

It would have worked, too, if Hinata's eyes had been focused anywhere near her friends. Instead, the nearly-invisible pupils were slowly tracking (even without her Byakugan fully active) the heat-signature, just barely cooler than the surrounding water, moving up the rock face on the other side of the thin fence.

As a result, the indigo-haired teen didn't quite realize she was answering until it was too late, "A- Ano... I eat m-more Ichiraku R-r-ramen than N-Naruto-kun..."

Just as Naruto's head cleared the fence, Hinata began to speak.

The steam began to clear, just enough to make out more than their hair colors and positions, half-way through the sentence.

When she finished, Naruto was gifted with a sublime sight for any straight male: Four very beautiful, well-shaped (and in four very different shapes) teenaged girls, topless and in steaming water that only just covered every nipple.

And then Hinata's words hit Naruto, and he gasped in surprise.

Three pairs of female eyes instantly traced Hinata's gaze by following the sound.

Fortunately for the blonde boy, he had the mind of an expert prankster. Henge no jutsu!

By the time three pairs of the four eyes watching him landed, he was much taller, broader, older, and had white hair that stretched past his waist.

"Ero-sennin!" both Sakura and Tenten cried, debating whether to sink further into the water or destroy the male who dared...!

"N-N-"

That was, fortunately for the boy, as far as Hinata got before she passed out. Fortunate for two distinct, though related, reasons. One, she did not reveal his actual identity.

Two... her passing out and sinking under the water drew the other girl's attention, giving him a chance to escape.

And as any good tactician can tell you, a strategic withdrawl is not a retreat... it's living to fight again another day.

(O)(O)(O)

That night, four kunoichi fumed. They weren't the ones you might be expecting, however. Ino, Sakura, and Tenten certainly were... Hinata was not. Kurenai, her sensei, was livid on the shy girl's behalf, but Hinata hadn't woken up yet, so she could not be that upset.

(O)(O)(O)

At two in the morning, Naruto had given up on getting to sleep. It wasn't that he wasn't tired. Of course he was, after a full day's training, the stress (and fun) of the 'onsen incident', and not much sleep the night before.

It was just... he was thinking.

A lot.

It wasn't that unusual, of course, no ninja (no matter how 'dumb' they and others thought they might be) survived their first year by being truly stupid. No, it was what he was thinking about that was doing it. Like the previous night, much of his brain was devoted to figuring out a way to tell his friends about his 'secret guest' without making them hate him.
That would be bad enough.

There was, however, one more thing...

Sakura-chan.

Hinata-chan.

Ino-chan.

Tenten-ch- Tenten.

Okay, four things, but who's counting?

Sakura-chan sure is pretty... but she seems really set on Sasuke-teme. I guess I can't blame her, he 'is' the kind of guy girls like, I guess. But still... should I just give up?
I don't think she'll ever accept a date with me.

Ino's gorgeous, but she'd kill me if I ever told her, and no matter what she said, there's no way she'd actually go out with me, either. And it's not like I want to... I know the bimbo thing's mostly just her personality, but damn, girl... use your head once in a while!

And Hinata... wow. I never thought I'd live to see it, but she's stacked. It's just... this is Hinata. Sweet, quiet Hinata. She makes me feel better... but I couldn't be with someone who can't stand up for themselves, and she lets everyone push her around so much. It'd drive me crazy, having to stick up for her all the time. So... is that what people mean when they talk about the 'friendzone'? Is Hinata in my 'friendzone'? I like her, sure I do- I even like Ino a bit. But I wouldn't date her, would I? I don't think so.

So is Hinata 'friendzoned'?

... I think she is. At least, until she gets a backbone somehow. I know she can stand up for herself when she has to- that jutsu she saved me and Kiba and Shino with on the Bikochū hunt was amazing and proved that- but... I just couldn't do it.

Hell, I'd date Tenten first, and she's scary. Even scarier than Sakura! Nice, though... if you don't piss her off. Speaking of which, I need to be on guard, because she's gonna get me back hard-core after that last one. Heh, heh...

Naruto didn't even know he fell asleep, though he was glad for it when his alarm went off at ten in the morning.

A/N2: Yes. That's how Naruto feels. There will be no NaruHina action in this story at all... at least, not from his side. Yes, that will upset Hinata quite a bit, but she's a big girl, and stronger than she knows- she'll get over it. Also, Naruto is not the person she thinks he is. Mind, she's MOSTLY right... but she has constructed (at least in TROLL) a bit of a mile-high pedestal for the blonde kid, and well... he's not that guy. Not exactly, at any rate.
As well, him revealing things- even at the urging/orders of Tsunade- to his friends WILL have some major effects down the line. Some are predictable, some I know have been done before (but how I feel they would honestly react to the news), and as covered in-chapter... a lot of them already knew. Still, that's only part of the story, as you'll find out in chapters down the line a ways. :)

Till next time- Read and Review!