A/N: Well, I knocked out two OH chapters before this one... that's good. Then I started working nights (not by choice, mind) which means no sleep for me. No sleep = no brainpower, no brainpower = no writing... and now my family's in town from Kentucky (I live in Utah) with more coming in from Nevada for the next week. So my writing time will, again, be a minimum... but at least I won't be working nights for a while now. I 'should' have the time and energy to write.
Still, as I'm sure my recent activity proves, there's no guarantee.

For those who get the reference(s) in this chapter: They are both intentional and, I hope, enjoyed. Especially the most obvious one. The only thing I might have done better was switch the target to Voldemort from HP- because "Orochimort" is something both Voldy and the Snake-teme have in common, given their 'back from the dead' way of 'life'. :)

And Moegi is evil. That is all. :)

Chap. 8 The Plot Sickens

Naruto stretched and yawned, before idly scratching his belly. He'd woken up just a few seconds earlier, and was staring, bleary-eyed, out the dingy window of his apartment over Konoha. He'd only been back for a few days, busy ones at that, and hadn't had time to clean anything.

...Not that he was particularly motivated to clean, anyway, but at least he wasn't a total slob anymore.
The reason for his tiredness was, if one spent any amount of time in his living room, completely obvious. He had been up late, planning. Sketching traps, writing down notes, and even coming up with likely scenarios, including ways in which those plans could go wrong... and how to take advantage of them if they did.

In fact, if Nara Shikamaru had wandered into said room, he might have thought Naruto's living room resembled nothing so much as his dad's study... full of plans, war-time procedures, and so on. As Konoha's ranking shinobi commander, directly below the Hokage herself, it was up to Shikaku to plan... well, everything, both offense and defense, both tactics and strategy, should things of that nature be required.

One Uzumaki Naruto?
Well... he wasn't a commander. At least, not like that. He wasn't even a particularly good planner, as he would freely admit.
What he was, was good at revenge.

And oh, how he wanted it. Needed it.

"I can almost taste it..." he muttered, half-awake, "Tastes like... Ramen. Mm... I wonder if the Old Man can whip me up some Revenge-flavored Ramen... that'd be sweet..."

(O)(O)(O)

While Naruto was just waking up, others in Konoha were already alert, and to use an old phrase, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. So to speak, anyway... It probably wouldn't be wise to comment on how hairy or not hairy any of the 'tails' mentioned in this scene are. At least, not if one desires to avoid a most grisly death. It would especially not be wise, if one were male, to comment on the color of said hair.

The 'tails'?
Well, a group of kunoichi, planning further revenge of their own. Because they knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Naruto had not given up. He idolized the Fourth Hokage, and their insult at the end of the prank practically guaranteed there would be retaliation. Retaliation even beyond what he'd already done.
So the girls hoped to be ready... at least, three of them. Ino, Tenten, and Sakura were awake and at the Ameguriyama, the dango stand across the street and one building down from Ichiraku's Ramen, but the last member of their little planning session had yet to wake up. Or at least, to arrive.

And considering that Hyūga Hinata was the earliest riser, and the most morning-person-like among them, that was saying something. Especially as the hour was swiftly approaching ten.

"Where is she?" Ino groused for the fifth time, "It's not like her to be late. Do you think she had a mission?"

Sakura shook her head for the third time, "No, Ino. Like I already said, I've been by Tsunade-hime's office, she didn't have a mission. Speaking of which... she warned us off this. Something about not making it worse, and being the 'better man'."

Her best friend scowled, "You aren't chickening out now, are you?"

The medic-ninja sent the taller girl a glare, "Of course not! I'm just letting you know. She didn't outright order it, but it was a suggestion... so if we get in trouble, you get the same blame I do, that's all."

The two continued to gripe and natter at each other for twenty more minutes before Hinata finally showed up. Tenten, who had been silently 'reading' until then, gave a sigh of relief. Study was difficult with two teenage girls having a 'friendly argument' on either side of you.
"I- I'm s-s-sorry I'm l-late... what the hell?!" Hinata said softly by way of greeting, her tone changing to one of outright shock at what she saw..

The others, all three of them, scowled as they looked up, then gasped in return.

Gone was Hinata's long, silky-black, almost indigo hair. Instead, it was the same cute, yet half-sophisticated pixie cut she'd worn years ago, with only the bangs showing how long it had once been.

Ino, perhaps predictably, was the most vocal in her shock. "Hinata! What- your hair! What did you do?!"

The Hyūga brushed that question off, "Me?! Wh-what happened to y-you?!"

Scowls at Hinata's tardiness swiftly changed to dark looks promising pain.

"Naruto," Sakura hissed.
Tenten, sensing that her younger friends were either going to fume uselessly or rant uncontrollably, took over the explanation, her own voice controlled, but with a certain air of tension in it all the same, "As near as I can tell, they both had a set of Seals on their doorways this morning. Seals specifically keyed to their chakra signatures, which when they passed through... well, you can see. We've tried Genjutsu Release, but it hasn't done any good. Sakura even tried using medical jutsu to restore it. It switched, but went right back a minute later, and she hasn't been able to get it to go back since, like the seals adapted or something."

Hinata frowned. That wasn't possible, was it? Self-adapting seals? No... there had to be something else going on.

"Anyway," Tenten continued, "I have to admit, I'm curious. What happened to you? Was it Naruto?"

The casual nonchalance of the older kunoichi's tone didn't hide, at least from Hyūga eyes, the stiffness in her body, the elevated heartrate, the way Tenten's milk-chocolate eyes darted about every few seconds, as if on watch for an attack. Even here, in the heart of Konoha... and near the one place Naruto probably considered sacred ground, outside the realm of attack. After all, pranks could misfire, and he wouldn't want to risk harm to his ramen supply, would he?

But Hinata only shook her head, "N- No, I c-cut it last night. Why, d-did I do a b-bad job? I thought it l-looked alright..."

Sakura and Ino both seemed, despite the switched hair colors, relieved that Hinata's hair hadn't been altered by the current target of their anger. Tenten, on the other hand, seemed to feel only the slightest bit of relief. "Damn," she muttered, "It's just a matter of time... I gotta stay on my toes. Watch for seals everywhere..."

Across the street and down two buildings, three from Ichiraku's, a Shadow Clone dissipated from the roof, with a single phrase echoing softly into the air. "Mission Complete."

(O)(O)(O)

Further down the street, a trio of Genin smirked. The tallest of the group, who wore a long blue scarf that, even wrapped around his neck twice, still trailed several feet behind him on both tails, said, "Man, it's good to have the Boss back! It's been too slow, but now we can get all the pointers we want! Look at 'em squirm!"

The lone kunoichi, who seemed more than a bit miffed at her own unusual orange hair color at the moment, sniffed in mild annoyance, "How come he can't do a Seal like that for me?"

The enjoyment swiftly fled from the last member of the trio's face, "Maybe Naruto-nii doesn't have time for us anymore? He did brush us off the other day..."

But Konohamaru was not convinced, and wouldn't let the others lose faith. "Nah, Boss isn't like that! He just had to pee or something, probably. You know how he is. Anyway, now that we're Genin, we don't have to 'play ninja' anymore... now we can really train together! We just gotta track him down. And I know just the place to start!"

A month later, when Jiraiya found out that Naruto had, indeed, been 'helping' Ebisu train his Genin team, he was both appalled at the very idea of Naruto passing along his secrets- because it was Naruto- and amazed at how quickly a group of snot-nosed (literally, in one case) brats could master such advanced jutsu.

I mean... Naruto was one thing, the kid was a freak. But the old man's grandson, mastering even an incomplete, weaker form of the Rasengan so quickly? And the genius the other two, Moegi and Udon, showed in picking up the basics of sealing? Something Naruto certainly wasn't qualified to teach? Sure, the most advanced thing they'd done was make the girl's hair more red and less orange, but... still!

Little did he know that the one simple act Naruto spending a few days with his younger friends would change the course of Konoha's history.

At least, as far as pranks went.

(O)(O)(O)

And so the days passed, and before Naruto knew it, a week and a half had gone by since his return. There had been a celebration of sorts, he and all his friends (sans Sasuke, of course, the prick) of every generation, which made Tenten jealous of the easy friendship, almost family-like relationship he had with her idol, Tsunade, and which made the others almost wish he'd stayed gone.

Not the pranks... those, in fact, were next-to-nonexistent.
It was the noise.

And the hugs.

Manly ones, between friends, those were all right, though Neji, Kiba, Shikamaru, and even Choji would've rathered he didn't.
Lee, well, he just tried to crush Naruto's ribs in response... and the blonde heard several cracks as he did so.

The girls?
Well... true, Naruto was what, sixteen, now? But still... did he have to be so obvious about why he didn't want to let go?

Still, at least the pranks had mostly died down.

Until Uzumaki Naruto woke up one day, and the entire Hidden Village was filled with the most gut-wrenching sound of terror ever.

Most of them, ninja or civilian, immediately reached for implements of protection. A few, battle-hardened elites, reached for several or vanished in a quick Substitution- just in case. Those included one Hatake Kakashi, the Hokage herself, and so on.

But two young men and one young woman, each twelve to thirteen, snickered. "Best Genjutsu ever, Moegi-chan!" their leader forced through his laughter as their idol recoiled in horror from the nightmare he'd woken from.

"It can't be! That's not true! It's impossible!"

Each of the three, being the only others aside from Naruto himself privy to what the blonde was seeing and hearing, heard through the window, "It is true, Naruto... I am your father. Join me, and together, we will rule the world as father and son. Together, we can destroy all the ramen, and bring udon noodles back to prominence!"

"No! I'll never join you! Destroy the ramen?! Are you crazy?!"

The dark-haired, pale-faced figure, shrouded in shadows, only sneered, "Crazy? Ramen isn't healthy, young man, and as your father, your eating habits are my responsibility! You will never, ever have Ramen again!"

Five seconds later, Naruto's apartment exploded.
Not just parts of it... the whole thing.

Boom.

The upshot, for him, was that he soon discovered that the whole thing had been a Genjutsu-inspired dream, layered with a Genjutsu itself. That Orochimaru was not his father... and that he had not already destroyed all the ramen in Konoha. After all, chakra can disrupt a Genjutsu, and thick waves of it will disrupt one easily.

The downside? Well... he was kind of out of a place to live. The entire building, by noon that day, had been declared uninhabitable.

The culprits? They were never caught... though Naruto had his suspicions. After all, who knew enough about him to combine his hatred of Orochimaru and his deepest, darkest fear?

Okay, honestly, everyone knows that, but does he know they know? Of course not.
So he assumed Sakura would never do such a thing, that Kakashi was above such mindless pranks, that it was beyond his 'students', and so on.
But it had to be someone!
"And I'll find out, one day," he snarled as he loaded the one suitcase with of damaged possessions he'd been able to rescue from the Rasengan-flattened building, "And I'll get 'em!

But that vengeance would have to wait.

"Naruto-san?"

He looked up from the menial task to see a bear-masked ANBU standing a few feet away in a relaxed posture. The ANBU was male, tall, with a shock of untidy black hair, but all other features were, as was the whole point of the uniform, masked. "Yeah? What's up?"

Naruto could feel the man's eyes roving the ruins of his apartment while he spoke, "Hokage-sama requests your immediate presence."

With a scowl, Naruto threw the cracked frame of the Team Seven photograph into the suitcase, "Can't it wait? I'm kind of busy."

The ANBU shook his head, "I'm afraid not, Naruto-san. I will clear any personal effects and store them at the Hokage's office for you. I believe she has a mission of utmost urgency for you to perform."

"A mission?!" Naruto's blue eyes perked up immediately, "Why didn't you say so? All right, thanks, Bear-san! I'm counting on you!"

While the orange-and-gold blur streaked away, the bear-masked man chuckled, then bent low to examine the picture, "So, that's one of your students, Taicho? Seems a lot like one of your old teammates, the one that... well, whatever. I've got work of my own to do, I guess."

And, true to his word, the ANBU began picking, along with several clones, to pick through the rubble looking for personal effects.
In the end, seven sturdy wooden crates, five steel ones, slightly dented from beneath Naruto's bed, and the suitcase itself had been delivered to the Hokage's office by sundown that day.

Naruto, though, wasn't in Konoha to see it.

(O)(O)(O)

"He's what?!"

Had one Uzumaki Naruto not been yelling at the Hokage of Konohagakure herself, the target of his ire might have been slightly worried. As it was, however, the blonde woman merely blinked, stuck her fingers in her ears to mitigate the volume of the shout, then glared, idly pushing Naruto's hands, which he had planted on her desk with a thwack to begin his question, and replied quietly, "He's been kidnapped."

"I heard you, Granny! What I want to know is how?"

This made Sakura, Tenten, Lee, Kakashi, Gai, and Neji- yes, even Lee and Gai- flinch at the volume, and most of those actually leaned back, further away from Naruto.

Senju Tsunade steepled her fingers together, peering over them at Naruto for a few more seconds before explaining, "We don't know... but I have my suspicions. There's only one group I know of that would try something so reckless, taking even the One-Tailed Jinchuuriki from his own home turf. Much less of actually pulling it off."

The next word, whisper-quiet, nonetheless shook the fibre of every person in the room to their core.
"Akatsuki."

Tsunade nodded, "Yes, that's right. The carrier hawk we got was the fastest one Suna had. The message wasn't even encrypted... it took two days to get here, which means that, at the earliest, Akatsuki could be half-way through ripping Shukaku and Gaara's soul from his body. At the latest... they might be a week away. But even I wouldn't take that bet."

Naruto nodded, "Okay, sign the papers so I can go already!"

Sakura's left eyebrow twitched at the exact moment Tsunade's did. "Who said you were going? They've already taken one Jinchuuriki from his own turf, Naruto. Why would I risk you? The report said one of them took Gaara down... in single combat. There's eight others, at least, probably just as powerful."

"But," and even Neji was surprised at the cool logic Naruto displayed with his next argument, "Someone else beat Gaara, too. Me. I'm... I'm stronger than he is. And he's my friend. He needs me... and I'm going."

Tsunade sighed, "Yes, yes you are... whether I allow it or not, aren't you?" She leaned back in her chair, not needing to watch Naruto's determined nod to know the answer. "Fine... Both teams are going. The tracks leading from Suna were heading straight into the desert, and toward northern River. Team Gai, you will be heading on an intercept course. We don't have enough to triangulate their destination, but by heading near Henbuki Village in River, you should at least get close. Lots of Jiraiya's spies report black and red-cloaked men and women around that area, too, so it seems a good place to start. Team Kakashi, you're heading for Suna to get better intel, and will be following their trail with assistance from Suna."

Naruto nodded and headed for the door at once, but was interrupted by Gai's low voice, "Excuse me, Lady Tsunade, I don't mean to question your judgment, but shouldn't my team be the one to go toward Suna? My team is probably the fastest overland in Konoha."

Tsunade nodded, "Yes, but your team doesn't have the one ninja the Kazekage's sister asked to have on this mission... which is why Naruto is going, whether he likes it or not."

A mere fifteen minutes later- an eternity to Naruto- Gai and Kakashi idly waved to each other, though even Naruto, distracted as he was, noted the obvious tension the rivals felt about the mission. He could relate... he was both terrified for his friend, afraid for himself (and his comrades from the Leaf too, of course), and extremely anxious to kick some bad-guy butt.

The problem was... how do you beat nine guys that can defeat the desert itself single-handedly?

A/N2: I should probably also mention that yes, this is a shorter chapter... it might have taken another week to do the next scene, and wouldn't have added much. The Rescue Gaara Arc will happen pretty much entirely as canon. Anything different will (most likely) be mentioned as an afterthought or flashback type scene in the next chapter or two, but again, those changes will be minor- mostly on the part of Naruto and Tenten's thoughts and feelings as things progress. So don't expect me to re-hash the (admittedly awesome) fight between Sakura and Chiyo against Sasori, or the (much less spectacular) Naruto and Kakashi vs Deidara fight. They've been done enough anyway.
But that means we're moving more toward the 'actual' plot of TROLL, one tiny centimeter at a time. Lol

Finally, I've been most pleased by the reviews I've been getting for TROLL. Keep it up, it does indeed make me want to write more, so faster and better chapters for everyone. Oh... and thanks again to my beta, Mouse, without whom there would be... oh, at least a dozen typos in this chapter alone. And a word correction that I did deliberately but that his simple correction convinced me not to. ;)