A/N: Yeah. Working retail during the holidays is fun, I promise! Really! /lies through teeth

Anyway, here's some TROLL. I also apologize in advance for both the shortness of the chapter, and the pun below... otherwise, as usual, don't forget to read, review, and:
Enjoy!

Chap. 15 Reparations

Tenten, no family name, was a proud kunoichi of Konohagakure. That is not to say that she was excessively proud. Tenten was, in fact, rather humble about such things as her own achievements and skills.
But all the same, she was a kunoichi, and it grated on her that someone owed her (as she saw it) a debt of this magnitude. Even if, with the benefit of a few months' now of perspective (and hindsight), Tenten allowed herself to think (only to herself, of course) that maybe, just maybe, she might have made a teensy little bit of an overreaction, and maybe, just maybe, gone off the deep end a bit.

After all, Uzumaki Naruto was a teenaged boy. She was, in her humble opinion, a not-unattractive kunoichi, and therefore both fit and toned, and posessing a rather angelic (again, in her humble opinion) face, with exotic dress and style to match.

And what do teenaged boys do when confronted with bare female flesh?

Well, it was in their nature. Wasn't it?
So yes, it had probably been her fault (a little) for standing staring at the sunrise over the ruins of, as it turned out, Naruto's ancestral home. And she could probably have held herself back from destroying her own posessions.

Until the pranking had started in retaliation. Deserved, yes, maybe. But still retaliation.

That pride, which conflicted only rarely with her own (impressive, if she said so herself) humility would not allow her to lose. Not to Uzumaki Naruto, who had been just a geeky kid a few years ago, barely able to hold his own in a fight with just about anyone in their age group, much less someone more impressive.

Even if the rumors and stories she'd heard (many first-hand from the likes of Haruno Sakura, his team-mate) were true, Tenten had never been able to reconcile the derpy, socially-inept kid with the powerhouse who had brought down the likes of Yūki Haku, and more recently, freakin' Gaara of the Desert. Much less apparently having become friends with the boy who was now, somehow, the Kazekage of Sunagakure.

... That had, mostly, changed toward the end of the last mission her own team, Team Gai, had shared with the remains of Team Kakashi.

Something about knowing that, while she, Lee, Neji, and Gai had all literally fought versions of themselves that were exactly as strong as they were, with the same skill-set and ability, the same equipment (even sealed, which Tenten had previously thought impossible) who did not tire or show damage, that could only be defeated by growing stronger, somehow, in that exhausting battle...

Well, while Team Gai had been so occupied, apparently not only had Sakura and some old lady from Suna (a master puppeteer, according to Sakura) gone up against and killed the S-class Nukenin Sasori of the Red Sand, but Naruto and Kakashi had done the exact same in a moving battle that spanned nearly the length of the Land of Rivers, and culminated in a massive explosion that had lit up the noon sky for dozens of miles past the horizon in any direction... yet both he and Kakashi had come out largely unscathed.

Kakashi, sure, she could see that. He was, after all, a ninja nearly on Gai-sensei's level, and therefore truly epic in battle strength and experience. But... Naruto? Really?

Sure, he could spam Shadow Clones like no-one's business. Sure, he held the Nine-Tailed-Fox within himself. Sure, he even stopped Gaara once.

But... an S-class? Really?

Without significant injury?

But the wounds he did have were almost faded by the time they arrived home. So the proof, as they say, was in the pudding.

Then, of course, before she could confront him about her missing weapons stores, he and Kakashi had gone off on another long-term mission, this one almost across the entire continent, to Oni no Kuni.

Of course, she'd heard from Yamanaka Ino that Naruto was back in town, but she'd yet to track him down.

Tomorrow, though... tomorrow was a day off from training and missions. Surely then? After a month-plus mission, Naruto would have a week of mandatory down-time from anything more strenous than D-ranks. Probably even that, if she knew her hero and idol, the current Hokage, at all. Princess Tsunade, like her predecessor, seemed oddly protective of Naruto and his health, Jinchūriki status or no.

So, yes, tomorrow. Right now though, all she wanted was to rest. Training with Gai and Lee was always bad, but even Neji seemed to be a bit more vigorous than normal, today.

Was there something going on, there? Meh... she would figure it out later.

(O)(O)(O)

Uzumaki Naruto, on the other hand, was still wide-awake that night, the evening after he had returned from Oni. Not by choice, no. He wanted to be asleep, because he was, for the first time in living memory, well and truly exhausted. Beyond any fight he'd ever been in, beyond losing control of the Fox, beyond anything.

A total of six thousand (plus) Shadow Clones had been created by Naruto that day, in sets of five hundred a piece, give or take, and each had trained itself to dispersal alongside the real thing.
The reason?
Well, Tsunade had a solution to the issue that had cropped up when Kakashi-sensei and himself had attempted to train in Fūton jutsu on the way to Oni.

Yamato-sensei was a decent man, and apparently respected "Kakashi-taichō" a great deal, which helped Naruto get along with him immensely easier. The wood cage he had created out of the ground had also earned Naruto's own respect; having the same jutsu ability as the legendary First Hokage... well, Naruto was a sucker for all things Hokage, after all, and strength too, especially when combined with what seemed to be an honorable sort of shinobi.

But the leaf-cutting had been excessive. If Naruto had thought he'd hated the leaf-sticking excercise, it was nothing compared to how much he hated those stupid leaves now. Not a one of them, six thousand and more clones later, had so much as a tiny scratch. Tomorrow, more of the same, no doubt.
At least Sakura-chan had been nice enough to bring him a basket of specially-prepared Soldier Pills for him to feast on...

If only they hadn't been so awful.

Naruto was not really cognizant of it, but his crush on Sakura faded by more than 50% with that first bite of Sakura's 'special' soldier pill. Any girl that cooked worse than he did (and Naruto freely admitted all he could make well was ramen, and that only through sheer volume of practice) was not really someone he wanted to be with. Because he liked good food, damn it, and a girl who couldn't at least hold her own was... well, less important.

Fortunately, he had been able to throw up the pills mere minutes after she'd dropped them off, and both Yamato and Kakashi-senseis had been more sympathetic than mocking, especially after smelling the remains. Still, he had to admit, that on a chemical level Sakura really knew her stuff. Because even partially digested (and barely chewed), the pill had given him a significant rush of energy.

That, of course, only made him work himself into further exhaustion afterward, but hey. It'd been another two thousand clones beyond his old limit.

Maybe he should invest in some regular soldier pills, for emergencies?

But Naruto's sore muscles were not to be distracted.

And his real distraction was not to be denied due to general fatigue, either.

So Naruto groaned, and sat up in his bed, looking around blearily. It was nearly ten, and he'd been in bed for over an hour. He wanted to be asleep. He needed to be asleep.

There was just one problem...

He'd fallen asleep quickly at first, but then dreamed of her.

That night, now a week past.

Shion.

Naruto looked down at his lap, frowning. "Fine. Fine! Be that way! But not here, I'm not washing my sheets this late!"

So he got up and stripped for the shower.

Ten minutes later, with a grunt, he collapsed against the wall of his small shower and shut the water off after the remains had fled down the drain.

Unfortunately, while he did sleep after that, his mind still fed him several images of Shion, as she writhed beneath him, quivered under his hands, moaned into his mouth...

And that had only been the first of four hours he'd spent with her, that last night there.

Naruto had wondered, before that night, what good Jiraiya's writing would ever do him. Had wondered why the old man (and Kakashi, and Jiijii, the Third) had always seemed so engrossed by women.

Now, having passed through the majority of puberty, Naruto knew. Not just knew, but had experienced. And it was glorious.
Far beyond any physical sensation (which was incredible, he would freely admit to himself, at least), but the feeling of satisfaction in seeing his lover's eyes glazed and glassy, having her body literally quaking at his command...
That was power.

And it was a drug, one he knew he could live without, but knew that he didn't want to.

Only, he was a Jinchūriki, so his chances in the Village were slim to none: Ninja only, basically, and the girls his age were few. Ami hadn't made the cut, and he despised her as much as she, him. Sakura was... well, he knew how that was working out so far. Ino was probably equally a no-go, despite her looks, given her own crush on 'Sasuke-kun', the traitorous bastard. And she appeared to have fixated on the black-haired creeper, Sai, who had accompanied Sakura and the rest of them on a mission to find Sasuke. Successful, but it had failed at bringing him back. At least they'd learned more about Orochimaru, and no one had died, though a few of them had come back pretty banged up.

Hinata... well, he'd already let her down. He liked the girl, certainly, but he could not be with someone so... unsure of themselves.
That left, pretty much, Tenten. And he liked Tenten. And she was really pretty, but she hated his guts.
So... how many girls did he know outside the Village?
Temari, but she was Gaara's sister. Even if she was cute, Gaara would probably gut him for even thinking it... and older girls weren't his thing, right? Even two years was too much.

There was... um... Shion, of course. But thinking about her right now was...

Naruto groaned. Not again...
For the first time in his life, Naruto cursed both the Uzumaki vitality and the stamina the Fox had granted him.

"Fine... but just a sock, this time..."

(O)(O)(O)

In a chamber filled with darkness and the stench of stale water, a being snickered. It was not a particularly malicious sound, more the sound of satisfaction at a prank well-played. But the being was, indeed, amused. "One day, little Naruto-kun..."

(O)(O)(O)

Naruto groaned under the weight as the steel-wire basket in his arms dipped further. Tenten had just deposited her third set of fifty kunai into the basket with a cheerful smile. The basket itself was neatly organized to fit more in, and was full nearly to the brim. The fact that it was full of almost solid steel was the problem. Uzumaki Naruto was no slouch in the physique department. He knew that. While he was not Gai-sensei, or Lee, he could pick up and throw a man five times his size a good distance if he had to.

But this whole 'hold the huge weight steady while I shop' thing was starting to grate. For one, he couldn't effectively use chakra. He was okay at short bursts, but there was no way he, with the storm-tossed sea that was his normal chakra (not even counting the occasional flares of Kyuubi-related chakra that filtered through his system, according to Hinata), would be able to use it to steadily reinforce his strength. So it was all him, all muscle...

And those muscles ached.

The reason was simple. Since nine in the morning, when the Higurashi Armory's back door (not the front, Naruto had noted) opened up, Tenten and he had been waiting, at her insistence, and the older girl had dragged the Genin in immediately afterward, barely sparing a glance to the exasperated shop owner who had allowed this special arrangement.

But it was now past three in the afternoon, and Tenten (who was clearly not taking her time, given the fact that another set of weapons was being deposited every few seconds) had nearly cleaned out the entire stock of the store.

To hear the owner's complaints in the back room, this was the fourth time this month.

Not to mention the seven other baskets full of steel and wood lined up in front of the counter Naruto had held those while they were filled, too.

"Almost done!" Tenten cheerfully replied as she reached up two arms to gently take a full-size naginata from a high set of hangers on the wall. "Oh, but, uh... you should probably take that basket over. That's all the small things, the rest is long and won't fit anyway."

"Yes, ma'am," Naruto groaned again tiredly, before staggering to the counter about five meters away, past now-empty (or very nearly so) shelves and trying (unsuccessfully) to put down the basket gently. Instead, it dropped the last eight inches with a thud and a rattle, bringing him down to collapse on it as well.

"Quit slacking," Tenten chirped from behind him, before leaving the full naginata, and a nagamaki on the counter beside the four yari already waiting there before heading back.

Naruto let out a third, exhausted groan, which was returned with a sympathetic look from Higurashi-san while the boy staggered back to his feet.

Twenty minutes later, they were actually done, after Tenten had decided to just go ahead and get the last few scraps on the shelves, in an effort to 'make things easier for Higurashi-san to restock without rotating merchandise'.

So not counting the eight nearly overflowing baskets of shuriken, kunai, wire, explosive tags, and regular tags, there was also a massive collection of weapons on the counter or piled nearby.

The aforementioned naginata and nagamaki, of course, as well as two kusari-gama, three manrikigusari, six ono, four tetsubo, twelve dai-tsuchi, three pairs of tonfa, two bo staves each of wood and high-grade flexible steel, a tai-chi longsword, two curved broadswords, twenty yari, two yumi along with more than a dozen quivers of various types of arrows, a dai-kyu foot-bow, and...
Naruto stopped even looking. He didn't care.

All he knew was that any physical pain he'd felt was about to get worse.

But he'd agreed to it, and Naruto never, ever went back on his word.

Ever.

"You know," Higurashi-san said, looking over the stack in a despondent fashion, "I... I don't want to ring this in manually. I paid forty-thousand ryu for the shipment. Give me sixty and we're square... as long as I have your word you'll never clean out my inventory four times in a row again. Ever, ever."

Tenten blinked.

That was...

"Deal! No take-backs!"

Right then, the weapon-shop owner knew he'd miscalculated, because there was nothing about weaponry that Tenten was not an expert in, including costs. But he could not go back on his word, either... he'd lose his best customer.

"So... so I have to pay sixty...?" Naruto said, voice shaking.
Tenten looked over to see him pale with wide eyes.
"No, silly... you only have to pay thirty. The other half is what I would have normally bought this month. But after this, we're square too, and I won't harass you about ruining my stock any more."

Where, Naruto thought quietly to himself, was that blame a few days ago when you admitted it was your fault more than mine?

But thirty thousand was a lot more palatable. He could have afforded sixty, yes, but just barely... and he was a very frugal shoppert, with the pay from several B- and A- and even two S-rank missions under his belt. Thirty was still a huge dent in his savings, but... a deal was a deal.

"Fine," he muttered, pulling out the bank draft he would need. "We're square as soon as I hand this over, like you said..."

Only ten minutes later, when Tenten was trying to figure out how she would carry all of the inventory home, did she realize she had agreed to letting Naruto off the hook for that part.

She would have to watch her words around him, that was for sure. Sneaky bastard.

(O)(O)(O)

"Ma'am, the containment fields two through three have fallen as well, but four and up seem to be holding. It's definitely alive, whatever it is, but..."

The scientific and medical genius that was currently leading Konohagakure's primary research project frowned. "Obviously it's alive, Tenogachi-san, it's mold. My question is how intelligent is it? It reacts to light, sound, heat... but can it communicate? And more importantly, where the hell did it come from?"

"It was-"
"I know, I know," the hazmat-suited scientist and the only clearly-female member of the team currently in the observation room, waved her hand over her shoulder idly, "It was an anonymous donation that came out of somebody's fridge. I read the report. But most thallophytes can't digest steel. That fridge is gone, in case you hadn't noticed, and what we're looking at in that chamber is... whatever's left."

"A vaguely humanoid whatever," the other scientist said, shaking his head inside the hood, "but given how much it's sporing..."

"I agree, there's no way I'm sending a team into that room now that the field's holding. It eats fire, natural or chakra-induced, most herbicides only make it wilt for a few days... even that little sample we scraped off, the one that was almost a bud, is starting to leech chakra now. Raw chakra, almost like... like..."

"Like the report Hokage-sama gave us about her grandfather's Wood-release jutsu, how it could suppress or even consume Bijū chakra?"

The woman nodded, before reaching up to the clasps on her helmet. "As long as the field holds, we should be okay... and I hate breathing in these things."

The other scientist, perhaps wisely, waited until his team lead had exhaled normally a dozen times before reaching up to his own helmet and removing it. "So... what's the next step, ma'am?"

The graying brunette shrugged, still staring out the observation window at the seven-foot pile of green and purple fuzz that was, indeed, vaguely humanoid-shaped. "Not sure... obviously we don't have to worry about feeding it, the only things it hasn't broken down in there are the specific containment seals and the chakra powering them. But look, see the far corner on the left? It's already creeping up the seal, almost like it's kudzu going up a wall in time-lapse."

"Mm," the younger man nodded, "Kinda creepy... no pun intended."

She snorted, "Yeah, right. Been working with you too long to believe that. Anyway, like I said, since we don't need to feed it, let's find out how to kill it, next. Not that I plan to, now that it's contained. Besides, I heard a rumor... I need to speak to the Hokage. Take the sample we got. Feed it some fire to let it replicate a few times, give it maybe an hour. If I'm right, it'll triple in size from a Phoenix Fire Jutsu done by you personally... that'll give us three third-generation samples instead of one, and this new generation we'll leave as-is for now. Even if it fills the room, I don't think it'll get through the barrier. I'm going to talk to the Hokage and see if we can call in... well, another expert. Of a sort."

"An expert? Who's better at plant biology than us?"

"Well, I could always go to Kusagakure, or Takigakure, or something, but I heard a rumor about a man a little closer to home who might be able to help. But I'll definitely need the Hokage's permission to even contact the man, so..."

"Alright," the younger scientist nodded, "You're the boss. You coming back tonight?"
"Not sure," the woman shrugged again as she turned for the door, "not sure if I can even meet Hokage-sama this afternoon. So once you get the samples set for tomorrow, go ahead and send all but the watch and observation teams home. They can wait for their replacements."

"Yes, ma'am," he smiled. That was two hours earlier than their scheduled time off... and six hours earlier than they normally left. He could pretend to have a social life tonight!

(O)(O)(O)

Naruto sighed, and looked down. Through the steam and water, he could see a red, inflamed erection.

He'd rubbed himself raw last night... and the night before, and before that. Even as fast as he healed, this was getting ridiculous. Not to mention the lack of sleep.

He was a ninja, making stupid mistakes because he was tired could get him killed. Could get his team killed.

But as Naruto moved his hand from the wall of the shower he was leaning against with it, he was struck by a flash of inspiration, brought on by pain.

Some lubricant wouldn't hurt, and the water wouldn't cut it. Any lotion was long-gone, used up the day before. But there was more than one kind of lubricant...

But how to get some?

The blonde ninja was due for one more flash of inspiration that morning, it seemed.

With a soft poof, an equally-naked image of himself appeared just outside the shower curtain. A moment later, there was another poof, and the sultry voice of himself as a girl echoed through the small room. "What's up, boss?"

"Well, I, uh... you see, I..."

Whatever he was going to say was suddenly cut off by the enraged shriek of his female shadow-clone. "Fuck no! No way! No way in hell am I doing that!"

Naruto groaned, turning slowly to face the clone even as she ripped the curtain open, "Come on... look at this!" he gestured downward.

The clone, however, refused to so much as glance in that direction, resolutely keeping her (his?) fiery blue eyes on Naruto's own. "No, no, no, no, a thousand, a bagillion times, no!"

Naruto slumped downward, withdrawing somewhat into himself. "But... but why not?"

The clone took a single calming breath, and said one phrase: "Because even if I have these," he cupped and lifted both of those perfect, round breasts once before letting them fall (Naruto still watched them jiggle, which did not help his problem), "I'm still you, idiot! I'm still a guy, and I'm not doing it with a guy!"

The clone dispelled itself immediately after finishing speaking, and Naruto... shivered.
"Oh. That's... that's why... I can see... yeah... Well, at least that problem's solved for now!"

Despite the shudder of horror that wracked his body every few minutes as the memory of that short idea and subsequent conversation flashed through his mind, Naruto was considerably more chipper as he left the apartment. That mental image, the last sight of his female clone watching him from outside himself, standing there naked with a raging hard-on, was more than enough to calm him down.
For now.

And in his head, a certain fox laughed uproariously, though he could not hear it.

(O)(O)(O)

In the office of the Hokage, a woman who looked barely half her actual age was, at the insistence and urging of her part-time assistant and part-time caretaker (despite her general health and lack of need for either, she sometimes insisted, usually when drunk), was actually making decent progress through the stacks of paperwork her office filed on a regular basis.

That is, she had been until she reached the stapled-together pages, a list of what seemed like every major and minor village, plus a few of the more famous small bands that trained ninja in the current age.
"Shizune... is it that time already?"

Her brown-haired assistant looked up from her own small pile of paperwork, and asked, "What?"

"The Chunin exams... it's already been six months?"

Shizune's eyes narrowed slightly, then the younger woman nodded, "It's gone by pretty quickly, but yes. Is that the list of known applicants so far?"

Tsunade glanced at the title across the top of the report, then nodded, "Yeah... looks like a big list. Who's hosting? I don't think we're up yet..."

Before replying, Shizune put down the paper she was reading and dug around in one of the unfinished piles on her own temporary desk before pulling out another hand-written list. "Well, we- Konoha- hosted a couple weeks before we came back, that's the Exam where Rock Lee was injured."

Tsunade nodded, having remembered that part, and listened while her eyes continued to scan the list.

"And since they moved to a Great then Minor then Great rotation a year before, it was Taki, then Suna, then Kusa, Iwa, Yu, Ame subbed for Kiri since the new Mizukage still thought Mizu no Kuni was a bit unstable to take their place in line, and that means it's... well, that's unusual."

"Hmm?"

Shizune shrugged and set the paper aside, "We still have a year and a half before our next turn, but... the registered Hidden Village this time was supposed to be Otogakure, but it seems they've cancelled and elected not to send anyone to the exams at all. Instead, Yukigakure is petitioning to host."

"The Land of Snow? Or is it Spring?"

Shizune shrugged, "The message didn't say. I guess it'd be Snow this time around for the challenge, but... it could be spring if they want to host an Exam more like Konoha does."

Tsunade nodded, "Right... but somehow I doubt it. So that means Kumo is the next Great Village, then another minor, probably Ishi, then us?"

Shizune nodded, "Yes, it looks like probably Ishi. The lands of Forest and Bears and Stars would all like to be considered, as usual, but their Hidden Villages are all too small to even afford a stadium for the final round, so..."

After a few minutes of contemplative silence, the two kunoichi went back to work.

Both were, however, thinking about a certain Genin who would doubtless be about to try and sign up...

A/N2: More lemonish ness stuff coming up, but you'll have to live with this for now. Also, yes, that means I'm writing an original Chunin Exam... /shudder
But I think, in the spirit of TROLL, it's gonna be a fun one. Naruto might just be TROLLing a bit... but no spoilers. :D