A/N: Word of warning, this chapter is a bit weird. I got to thinking about Gaius and why he remains loyal to Uther and suddenly I had this whole huge back story that I didn't even know was coming. It also let me explore Uther as a character and tie in Nimueh among other things. Bare with me, Arthur and Merlin will be back next chapter.
Disclaimer: Obviously not mine.
Ch. 13-And Now, a Word from Gaius
Just what have I wandered into, Gaius wondered as Merlin joined Arthur in slumber.
Gaius knew that not many understood him, could not fathom why a man who practiced magic supported a king like Uther. It was not an easy story to explain.
As the physician had related to Merlin, before Uther had claimed Camelot from the Duke of Cornwall and conquered the surrounding area, the land had been falling into chaos. Magic was being used for the wrong ends at that point in time and Gaius himself had been one to suffer for it. As a young boy, just thirteen, he had been recognized for his gift and sent from his family to be trained, leaving his only sibling Hunith behind. However, along the way his party had been captured and he forced into slavery.
And so began a long five years. He had bounced from master to master, sold more times than he cared to think of. Some of the worst moments had been at the hands of other sorcerers who had known that he had the gift, untrained though he was and used him as the source for their spells. Gaius hoped that Merlin never, ever had to experience having the magic literally drained from his body, sucked through his veins like water being pumped from a well.
It was an agony with no compare.
That nightmarish hell came to an end thanks to Uther Pendragon.
He had been the second son of a lord then, thrust into the position of heir when his elder brother had been killed in combat. Being second in line had never stopped Uther whose ambition covered all of Albion (or at least a portion of it). It was during his own bid to expand his land holdings that he had come across Gaius, trapped in the lowest dungeon of the lord who had just sworn allegiance to Uther. Gaius had been starved, badly beaten and more dead than alive. Considering the state of some of the others in those dungeons, Gaius had gotten off lucky. Uther had freed Gaius and the others after killing the lord and installing the son in his place.
It had left an impression—certainly not easily forgotten. Uther was the first face the young sorcerer had seen in weeks besides the guards up to that point and their visits had always left much to be desired. He had unlocked Gaius's shackles himself and helped him from the cell. It was while he was being treated, caught in the delirium brought on by fever that the young sorcerer had sworn his life to Uther both aloud and to himself. He promised that he would follow this man to the bitter end, protecting him in any way he could.
Gaius could not fully comprehend the true ramifications of that promise at the time. He wasn't sure they could be fully understood now.
As deplorable as his condition was, he did not allow Uther to leave without him, though a great deal of sneaking had been involved. It was the second week of the return campaign that he had been caught (by Uther himself no less), his magic having finally given out on keeping him on his feet. Instead of leaving him behind, the young lord had placed him in the charge of the head physician of his household who had been travelling with the campaign. William had taken to Gaius immediately and Gaius to him (in such a way that it was so much like Merlin and himself it hurt to think about it) that as soon as the young sorcerer was well enough, he had declared his intentions to train him as his apprentice. When William had voiced his plans to Uther, the new king (crowned only the week before) agreed. Camelot was still unstable and Uther young and though a battle-tested warrior, many still attempted to oust the one they considered undeserving of such a position. Having another physician on hand would be beneficial.
And so began Gaius's life in Camelot. When he was well enough he had written his family in Ealdor to inform them of his continued existence. He grieved that he could not see them on a more regular basis (he did visit at the first opportunity he was allowed) and cursed that they lay outside of Camelot's (and Uther's) protection. Returning permanently never seemed to be an option for him, that part of his life now over for now he had a new king to serve and a new purpose in life.
That purpose was put to the test during an attempt on Uther's life.
Uther had been overseeing the training of potential knights and Gaius had been collecting herbs for William when it happened. A man, disguised as a servant, had slipped close to the new king. Gaius had passed close as well and seen the glint of the knife (and really, what had the man been thinking? Right there in front of all the knights? Surely he had known that he would not get away) and shouted the first spell he could think of, blasting the two apart. Uther had landed on Gaius, who crumpled under the added weight because Uther was a solid wall of muscle at the time, and the would-be assassin had sailed much farther, ending up impaled on a row of training pikes.
Everything became a bit fuzzy after that for when Uther landed on him, he had broken three of Gaius's ribs. What he remembered next was waking to William's relieved face and a blistering lecture on performing magic when he had no formal training.
Oh, the irony. He had learned more than the art of science from William. Who do you think he picked up his raised eyebrow expression from?
As soon as he was certain that his apprentice would not keel over if he breathed wrong, William had set out to find a tutor for Gaius (he had not been willing to give up his apprentice) and plopped a book in the young sorcerer's lap to keep him occupied.
The very same book that he had given Merlin.
It had kept him occupied and compliant because for all the evil that magic had visited upon him, he still found it a wondrous thing. He knew that it could be used for good just as it was used for evil and he was determined that he would be a force for good. It was while he was still confined to bed, but keeping himself busy with studying (magic and medicine both) that Uther came to visit him. It caught him by surprise; he had saved the man's life, but in his mind he was only keeping to the oath that he had made to himself. He had seen for himself that Uther was a good, if somewhat harsh king (given the continually challenges it was understandable), but one that kept himself separate from many around him. He even kept those he would call friends among the nobles at arm's length. Men had laid down their lives for him before, so why visit Gaius?
Turns out, Uther didn't really know himself.
It had been awkward, the first real meeting since the young lord-turned-king had saved the equally young slave. Neither had known what to say to the other. Uther had been appreciative, but wary, towards Gaius for saving his life. It was understandable as Gaius was a sorcerer and while Uther did not yet possess the rabid hatred for magic as he would later in life, he was certainly cautious about it. Considering some of what he had seen and experienced at the hands of magic and how others had allowed the power (just like any power) to corrupt them, the wariness was justifiable. When he had offered to reward Gaius, the king had been downright shocked at the other's refusal to accept.
"What you have done…I am offering you gold, land, anything you wish. Why will you not take it?" Uther had demanded.
"But I don't want that," Gaius insisted, "I have everything I need already. I'm grateful that I was able to be of some service to you."
Uther had taken his leave after that, angrily puzzled over the whole ordeal and Gaius felt somewhat guilty about that. What must it be like to feel as though you cannot trust the good intentions of your fellow man? For all that Gaius had been mistreated as a slave, he was lucky in his early life to have a loving family and home and he had begun to think that he had found that again in Camelot. He had his mother, father, Hunith and now William. He was making friends here.
But who could Uther claim as a friend?
He did not see his king again during the rest of his recovery and though Gaius tried not to be disappointed, he couldn't help the small sliver of it that lodged in his stomach. He had other matters on which to turn his focus for William had found him a tutor.
A High Priestess by the name of Nimeuh.
Uther had invited her to court to discuss the continual problems with rogue sorcerers who were clearly abusing their gifts. It was while they were discussing how to diffuse potential upstarts that the court physician had approached Nimeuh about Gaius. While it was obvious that his apprentice had the gift, it was untested and William, who was versed in the ways of sorcerers, had detected signs that caused him great concern. The High Priestess had been moved by that concern and promised to check after his apprentice.
Gaius still believes she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
As High Priestess it was difficult to determine her actual age and Gaius knew that she could easily enchant the eye, but he hadn't cared. She was beautiful. He'd told her as much when she'd come to check him over and she had laughed.
It had been full of good humor then.
Once Nimeuh had finished her own examination, she had concurred with William's earlier assessment. Gaius might have the gift, but it was a damaged one. The torture he had suffered at the hands of the other sorcerers had badly damaged the natural pathways that his magic would flow. Many of those pathways had been completely blocked due to 'scarring' from his time as a slave. Because of that, the High Priestess had informed him, he would never reach his full potential.
Gaius…Gaius had been disappointed. Not completely surprised, mind you, but disappointed. Magic had been the reason he had left his home in the first place, left all he had known behind. To find that he might never even be able to use it properly…He had done his best to be philosophical about what life had sent his way, knowing that to rail against a situation that could not be changed would do nothing but waste energy. Instead of raging over what those men and women had done to him, he had focused the energy of that anger toward his recovery.
Nimeuh had promised to work with him to clear his pathways as much as possible so that he might access what little magic still available to him and he gratefully accepted whatever help she had been able to offer. It was much like terrible scarring of a muscle. The muscle had to be worked in order for the scarred tissue to be loosened and use returned to it. It had been a trial for both Gaius and Nimeuh to right what had been so badly wronged, but over the next five years, under her tutelage, the young sorcerer's magic had flourished.
And so, strangely enough, had his relationship with Uther.
It seemed unfathomable now, how the two of them had stumbled into a friendship.
Uther had hosted a tournament (much like the one that would be coming up shortly) where visiting knights tested their mettle against the best in the realm. Uther, king for over six years by this time, should have merely observed the tournament. But no, the bloody idiot had to enter himself in it! Gaius had ranted to an amused William (who had placed more and more of his responsibilities on his apprentice) about the absurdity of such a move. What if Uther was killed? It did happen occasionally in such events and Camelot would be left with no one to rule it!
William had informed, after listening to him complain for well over an hour, that if he was so worried, he could personally supervise the tournament.
Gaius had taken up the challenge and done just that. It had been somewhat disconcerting to be giving orders to William instead of the other way around, but the man had taken it in stride and after a few awkward stumbles, Gaius had found his rhythm. The tournament was just as bloody as the young sorcerer had feared. Many of the knights had taken a keen interest in the fact that Uther had entered himself.
Again, no heir. There had been much grumbling at court over the matter but Uther had sneered at their fussing, claiming he would not marry until he was damn well ready and they could learn to live with that fact. And wasn't it just Fate playing the irony fiddle that such an issue would be both a cause for concern, but resolved at the very same tournament?
The knight that Uther had faced in the final round had been fierce and favored black as an overall color scheme.
His name was Tristan duBois.
Tristan was the eldest and practically the current lord of his household considering the state of his father. He had been running the estate for over five years, and had been suffering from cabin fever. Hence why he had entered himself in the tournament.
And brought his sister along.
Ygraine was only a year younger than Tristan (who was the same age as Uther) and had bullied her brother into bringing her along. Agravaine, the youngest, had been left to manage the estate in their stead. In truth, Ygraine had just as much a hand in taking care of their land as Tristan and experienced the exact same cabin fever as her elder brother. So when Tristan had expressed the want to enter the tournament, Ygraine informed him she would be going with him.
Tristan had known better than to argue.
The battle between these two warriors was one that was talked about for years to come. Neither would give an inch to the other, all weaknesses staunchly protected. Uther was not willing to lose a tournament that he hosted, inviting others to believe there was a weakness that could be exploited. It felt as though Camelot had finally settled down (the assassins, at least, had become somewhat infrequent), the last thing the kingdom needed was more strife.
Turned out, he had another, nearly as strong motivation on not losing that just the state of Camelot.
Each of the knights (and any entourage they might have dragged with them) had been introduced to Uther before the tournament began. Ygraine had been among such an entourage. The young king had been instantly captivated (though he had hid it very well) and vowed, if only to himself, that he would win the tournament so that he might impress the beautiful maiden. His intentions, and wandering eyes, had not gone completely unnoticed.
Tristan was nothing if not observant.
As all older brothers (the very good ones in any case) are want to believe, no one was good enough for Ygraine, least of all this upstart king who didn't know which end of the sword to hold (Tristan's words). So he had made it his mission to beat the upstart king and prove his assumptions right.
Which lead to the battle they were presently engaged in.
Gaius held his breath entirely too long during the fight (he had been in danger of passing out at one point). It seemed it would go on forever. Both men were tiring and their movements were beginning to show it. Tristan swung, too much force behind it and stumbled. Uther pounced like the predator he was, relieving the other knight of his sword and pointing his own at Tristan's throat.
"Do you yield?"
Tristan had had no choice.
Camelot had been jubilant over their king's victory if the roar of the crowd was any testament. Uther had taken a moment to bask in their elation before leaving the grounds. He had made it three steps past Gaius before stumbling and the physician had rushed to him.
"I'm fine!" Uther had insisted, wheezing painfully, clutching painfully to Gaius's arm.
"Of course, sire, if you will just allow me to confirm that," the sorcerer had returned, dragging his king to his chambers.
Uther hadn't been fine, obviously, having taken a rather deep cut along his side were Tristan's sword had found its way under his chainmail. The king had badgered Gaius into fixing it quickly so that he might be present at the feast that night. The physician had patiently explained that he was going as fast as was advisable, if the king would only wait a moment, to which Uther had replied that he had waited long enough and tried to leave without letting Gaius finish his work, causing Gaius to snap and threaten to drug the king into oblivion so that he might work in peace and his highness would then miss the feast anyway.
Uther had been shocked into silence (William had been silently chortling in the background the entire time) long enough for the sorcerer to finish bandaging the man's side. As Gaius had cleaned up, he had instructed the king to take it easy and any dancing (food, wine, etc.) that he might indulge in be kept to a minimum until his side had healed more. Uther had given him a narrowed-eyed look before stomping out. William had released his chortles completely then, laughter rising to the rafters. Gaius had puzzled only momentarily over what could tickle the man so when he suddenly realized who he had just berated like an errant child.
Oops.
Apparently along with regaining his magic, he had regained his confidence. Or perhaps William had finally succeeded in impressing upon him the importance of "royal wrangling" and the proper techniques of such a skill.
"He's going to need to trust you when it comes to medical matters, Gaius," William had explained, "And you must be able to stand up to him when it is necessary otherwise he likely get himself killed."
Well, if standing up to his king would keep said king alive and well, then Gaius would do just that.
Uther survived the feast (obviously) and managed to catch the eye of Ygraine who, personally, Gaius thought was much too good for his king. The young sorcerer had gotten the measure of his king over the years and while Uther might have done a great deal for him, he had his faults. He was short-tempered, held grudges, tended to punish in excess, and sometimes did not understand his fellow man despite being one himself. Not to say he didn't have good qualities, because he did. His entire being was devoted to Camelot and often times failed to look before he leapt if it meant keeping his kingdom safe. And while he failed at many things, Gaius felt he could call him a good man.
Ygraine was wonderful.
The young sorcerer had, of course, met the young Lady in passing, but already her thoughtfulness had left an impression. When a young servant had dropped freshly washed linens, Ygraine had stopped to help her retrieve them. Most young courtiers would have ignored the young girl's plight, but Ygraine had stopped what she was doing in order to help. That was only one instance of kindness that Gaius had been fortunate enough to witness first-hand, but he had heard many more in the days to come. Many of the servants went out of their way to serve her, grateful to have such a Lady present and each and everyone had been graced with wonderful smile in thanks. (At the time, he hadn't realized just how much of her personality would be in Arthur.)
Behind all of that graciousness was a backbone of steel and she made Uther work for her hand, harder perhaps than Tristan did. It was during the beginnings of their courtship that Uther began to visit him. Gaius hadn't known what to make of it at first when he'd returned from a house call to find his king pacing around his chambers.
"Sire, how may I help you? Are you feeling ill in any way?" he'd asked.
Uther had paused in his pacing, sending the young physician a squinty scowl, before marching past without saying anything.
Odd. Gaius had shrugged it off, deciding that he would check in on the king later and went about his business.
This happened three more times before the king finally found the words to voice why he was there. He wanted to consult with Gaius on the proper way to woo a woman. And while, yes, Gaius had pursued women during his time in Camelot, he'd never properly courted one (that certain one just hadn't caught his eye yet).
"But you've talked with women before?" Uther had asked.
"Well, yes. I talk to a great many in my line of work," Gaius admitted.
"What do they like?" It was that question, phrased so honestly, that finally shed some light on the situation. The longer that the physician thought about, the more that it made sense. Uther (who's mother had died when the king was just a boy) rarely dealt with women of the court. As far as Gaius was aware (he would have to consult with Geoffery to be certain) there were only two women in current sole control of their estates. The rest were run by men. Uther knew how to deal with men. Women were a whole different beast altogether. The king often regarded them with suspicion. Gaius had often compared it (in his head only because he knew better) as the behavior similar to a maiden guarding her virtue against roguish men.
Well…on second thought, considering some of the women he had encountered in his lifetime, perhaps that wasn't such a bad attitude to have especially considering that Uther had so much to lose in the deal.
"Perhaps I could ask some of the servants if they have noticed any particular favorites of hers?" Gaius offered. "Observing would be a good idea as well, sire, for it can tell you much."
Low and behold, the king had taken his advice to heart. He'd even managed to learn what her favorite flowers were (lilies) by observing as Gaius had suggested. The young sorcerer followed up on his promise to make inquires and passed on what learned.
And just like he had when he'd set his sights on creating Camelot, Uther had eventually prevailed and the two were wed the following spring. It was a joyous time for all as it seemed, finally, that the kingdoms future was secure.
Or was it?
Many waited with baited breath on the announcement that their new queen was expected the Camelot's heir. As first one year and then another passed murmurs of concern turned to outright gossip and Uther visited Gaius more and more frequently. Finally, between the two of them (and Nimeuh who had come for a visit) they had to conclude the sad verdict.
Ygraine was barren.
The two royals had been devastated. They had badly wanted children, craved them in Ygraine's case. Uther had been looking forward to quelling the talk of heirs and while he wanted children in that respect, Gaius hadn't been certain if the man would know what to do with them once they were born. He hadn't been too worried, not with Ygraine to guide the way. The sorcerer knew she would teach him how to interact better with others, especially their children. It seemed almost cruel of Fate to gift Uther with the one person in the world that he valued above all others, but fashion her in such a way as that she could not provide security for their kingdom.
Gaius remembered how Uther had challenged and killed a noble from the court for daring to suggest that he cast Ygraine aside for another. The message was received loud and clear: Ygraine was queen and would remain as such. Even if that problem was solved, the question of an heir was not and since science could not provide an answer, it was to magic that they turned. Gaius remembered spending hours upon hours for days on end whenever he had a free moment trying to find anything that might help them. If Ygraine had been of dragonlord descent, it would have been an easy fix as even two males or two females could create a child between them with the proper ritual, but she was not. The only other solution that he could find was trading a life for a life. Both as a physician and a sorcerer he had found that answer to be a chilling one. Who knew which life would be taken in return for the one given?
Best not to chance it.
But as the years stretched on and the tenth year of Uther's reign dawned, nothing had been found. So Nimeuh brought it up.
A life for a life.
She carefully explained to the king, queen, and Gaius (William had passed the year before), exactly what was involved in the ritual spell. It wasn't overly complicated but took a great deal of power to accomplish. A life would be taken, she warned, for the life that would be created and they needed to be aware of the price that would be paid. It would not be her choice (if she did the ritual spell) who died in the place of the heir. That would be magic's choice. Nothing could be done to direct that.
Dread curled up the physician's spine as she continued her explanation. This would not end well, he knew it, but he held his tongue when he saw the hope that blossomed over the royals' faces. Best to wait before making his opinion on the matter known. He was allowed his chance to voice his concerns when Uther came to visit him the next night to discuss the topic.
"Camelot needs an heir," the king argued.
"It does, that cannot be argued, but is this the best way?" Gaius wondered.
"Ygraine wants children."
"At what cost?"
In the end, Ygraine and Uther decided that the rewards outweighed the risks and allowed Nimeuh to perform the ritual spell. The results were practically immediate; Ygraine fell pregnant. Camelot rejoiced. Ygraine glowed with life; being pregnant suited her. Uther was happy and doted on her at every turn. Gaius was happy for both of his friends (for he felt as though he could call them that now), even if the back of his mind and the pit of his stomach, his worry lived on, churning with uncertainty.
Nine months passed quickly and with every day that passed, the entire kingdom seemed to hold its breath a little bit more in anticipation. Gaius was sure that Uther was going to have a nervous breakdown, while Ygraine was in no way worried. As her pregnancy progressed she seemed to take on an inner glow. Despite the extra weight she floated when she walked, buoyed by the utter joy that radiated from within. The physician had more than once caught her speaking to the child that resided in her, explaining about her day, complaining about the nobles of the court, or telling stories of her family. She had even talked Uther into doing it (though he was decidedly awkward about it at first) and Gaius had witnessed him telling an epic story about Camelot's knights on a quest. Ygraine had bemoaned good-naturedly more than once that indoctrinate their son (she had always insisted, even from the very beginning, that it would be a boy) into the life of a knight even before he was born.
Uther hadn't denied it.
The expected day finally arrived. Nothing went as expected. Ygraine's labor was long, as it was for most first time mothers, and arduous. Gaius had been patient, Nimeuh had been encouraging, Uther had been a nervous wreck. The king hated to see his wife suffer so, even if it was to bring their Arthur (they had finally decided on a name) into the world. Still, as the labor dragged on and nerves thinned, Ygraine out of all of them remained positive. It was what Gaius remembers most above all other things about her. Despite being exhausted and in a great deal of pain, her spirits never flagged.
Even as she drew her last breath when Arthur drew his first, she never stopped smiling.
Gaius worked frantically to try and save the queen, but he could find nothing that ailed her. She did not bleed, nor was she torn as far as he could tell. He only stopped when he finally caught a glimpse of Nimeuh, who held Arthur close. It was the resigned look that reminded him just how Arthur had came to be in the first place.
Magic had taken its price. A life for a life.
Eventually he had taken the cooing child (Arthur had only let out that very first cry before quieting) to the king after he'd thoroughly examined him. Uther had not yet to take his eyes from his wife's body, frozen in disbelief and denial. Even his new child, who quickly grew fussy, did not draw him from his attention away. Gaius eventually retrieved the child and withdrew, leaving the high priestess and king behind.
To this day he does not know what was said between the high priestess, his teacher, and the king, his savior. Arthur remained with him that night (after settling down with a bottle of goat's milk) and every night for the following week. The news of the queen's passing spread swiftly and Camelot mourned their beloved queen. Uther, what little Gaius saw of him, seemed to be carved from same stone as the castle itself. The funeral for Ygraine was fit for the queen she was and it seemed that the entire kingdom came to pay their respects. It was at the close of the funeral that Uther made the announcement.
Magic was evil.
It was magic that had stolen their honored queen, magic that had promised life, but taken it instead. Those who practiced knew only deception and hate. Sorcerers sought to destroy all that was good and precious in the world and if anyone had any doubts, they need only remember what happened to their queen. Its use would not be tolerated. The practice of magic would be henceforth banned upon penalty of death.
So began the Great Purge.
The citizens were shocked by the announcement and many of them were in denial of what had been said. Under Uther's reign, those who had used magic to harm not help had been severely punished and slowly the natural order had been restored. Gaius himself had benefited from it. And while no one wanted to see the return of those times, the absolute lack of magic seemed incomprehensible.
Until the burnings began.
Uther allowed those who practiced magic one day to get beyond Camelot's borders or suffer the wrath of the crown. No one seemed certain on how to react because surely their king could not be serious? But no, Uther was as good as his word and the first pyres were lit the following morning.
Many began running. Gaius was not among them.
Where would he go? Camelot was his home and had been so for the last decade. His magic had never fully recovered as Nimeuh had predicted and he had turned his energies to a more useful pursuit: science. It was something that was fully under his control magic or not. He did not abandon his magic entirely, but rather focused on the understanding of all its aspects much as he did in the scientific realm. Because of his continual pursuit of knowledge he became the liaison for magical situations. It had made him happy to be useful, but now it might very well be his downfall. Leaving Camelot, and those he cared for, seemed beyond his abilities even though he could very well be inviting death by staying.
And if he did leave, who would take care of Arthur?
Gaius kept his head down and tended to his prince, who was growing at a good pace under his care, nerves stretched to the breaking point. Every sound became the guards coming to take him away, every pop of the fire became the sound of his own pyre burning. It was maddening! His dreams were invaded by the screams of those who burned to death, his own joining them.
Sleep became a foreign concept and he was very grateful to the infant who woke hungry often in the night. Arthur's soft cries seemed to be the only thing that could rouse him from his nightmares. The smell of burning flesh lingered almost continually in the air, dissipating only when the king changed things up and beheaded the captured sorcerers instead. Each death cut through Gaius. While performing spells had not been his forte, he could sense magic very easily. It had aided in his practice as a physician so it was the one skill he had practiced and employed on a regular basis. With each death, the snap of magical backlash tore through the physician sometimes making him physically ill. It was similar to a string on a musical instrument snapping and injuring the one who played it.
And still no one came for him.
After a month of this the fires began to dwindle as the supply of sorcerers became scarce. Gaius was resting in his rocking chair (brought up by sympathetic servants) feeding a hungry princeling. It was astonishingly easy to become attached to the blond-haired, blue-eyed bundle of royalty. Arthur was a happy child and the young sorcerer found it easy to dote upon him. He knew that he should have a found a nanny for him by now but found himself strangely incapable of parting with the child. He also, oddly, had the belief that if anyone but himself tended to the child, something would happen. Despite the new illegalness, Gaius had woven many a protection charm over the child. Arthur had been fascinated by the display, very focused for one his age, laughing and cooing in turn. Gaius had laughed more than once at the display, grateful for the happiness he could bring (and the happiness it brought him). The charms were the best and strongest he could manage (stronger than anything he had ever managed before but that was likely because of Arthur) and he could only hope that they would linger long after he was gone.
And when the door flew open, emitting Uther, that might be sooner than he'd hoped.
The king paused in the middle of the room and Gaius did not bother to rise though he did still the chair and kept on feeding Arthur. He seized the opportunity to observe his king for the first time up close since Arthur's birth. It was frankly appalling. Uther appeared as though he had aged ten years in the last five weeks. Dark bags shadowed his bloodshot eyes and though he was dressed plainly his clothing was much looser than it should have been. He bore no crown upon his head and his hair stuck up on every direction as though he had just woken. The perpetual frown that had taken up residence upon his face, however, softened at the sight of Gaius tending to Arthur. It was some improvement on his stone-like appearance.
"Has he been here with you the whole time?" Uther's voice was pitched low, in deference to the time of night, or the babe just drifting off to sleep the other couldn't be certain.
"Yes, sire, I did not trust another with his care." Indeed he hadn't. He had limited his duties because of the desire to keep Arthur close. Though, facing the outside world, and the reality of the burnings, at the moment seemed just as tough. Uther hesitated briefly before coming closer and Gaius could not deny the heightening tension in the room. If the king noticed his increased show of protection, he did not voice it.
"How is he?" And just like that, Gaius was angry. No-angry did not even begin to describe the absolute fire coursing though his veins. He knew, he knew that Uther had been grieving for Ygraine (the Great Purge as it was already being termed made that very obvious). He knew and he understood just what that kind of grief could do to a person (he could smell the evidence every other day), but that was no excuse for what Uther had done with Arthur. The man had basically abandoned him, refusing to even acknowledge that he had been born since he was far too focused on the results of said birth. Yes, Ygraine was gone and nothing on this earth would bring her back, but her son was alive. And he needed his father.
"He is doing well, as you should very well know," Gaius hissed, unable to contain his fury.
Uther stepped back as though he'd been struck.
"What?"
"Where have you been, sire? Arthur has need of his father who has been absent up until this very moment." Said prince murmured in distress that mirrored the physician's own and Gaius took several breaths, forcing himself to remain calm. Arthur was unusually sensitive to moods and would react negatively to his caretaker's anger. "Why," he tried again, "has it taken you so long to come?"
Uther, who was rarely spoken to in such a manner (Ygraine had been one of the few brave enough) opened his mouth to reply but found that no words poured forth. He shut it, shook his head, the turned to sink down at one of Gaius's work benches. For a long time, silence reigned in the physician's chambers as the king failed at words and Gaius failed at being patient. Just as he was ready to wash his hands of the entire situation in disgust, the other found his voice.
"Ygraine is dead." Clear as mud the king was with his explanations.
"Yes, sire, I know. I was there." It couldn't hurt to remind him.
"She was stolen from me by magic," Uther continued.
Gaius stilled. His heart rate picked up, the organ threatening to beat its way out his chest. He would have to choose his words very, very carefully.
"A life for a life, sire, just as you were told. No one knew who's life would be taken though, in all rationality, it should have been obvious."
Uther's head whipped around, eyes narrowing.
"And just what," he demanded and, magic or not, Gaius swore ice was coating the room, "do you mean by that?"
"Women die in childbirth quite often. It is not that uncommon. Yet none of us entertained the notion that the same would happen to the queen."
"She should not have died!" the king hissed and pounded his hand upon the table. The rattling sound woke Arthur who gave a short, fussy cry. Uther froze as Gaius began to rock the chair once more, humming under his breath (which sounded far too loud in the silent room). Arthur whimpered in distress and the physician had to wonder just what he was sensing. Due to the circumstances of his birth (and potential through Ygraine's line) Arthur did possess some magic, though not in the traditional sense. Born magic was rare. The child had not yet shown any manifestation of his power (indeed he might never) but the physician had to wonder, if it did develop, just what strengths would it display? His actual power level would be difficult to measure until such time, but if the feelings he got were any indication, it would be strong.
And Gaius was never going to tell Uther that.
Perhaps one day, when the grief had passed, Gaius would be able to share this tidbit of (monumentally) important information and the king would be able to accept…
…No. Somehow Gaius knew that this would never be an option that was open to him. He might not even be able to tell Arthur. The magic inside the princeling would likely atrophy if not used (much like Gaius's had) and he would be better off (safer) for it.
"You're good with him," Uther whispered quietly, tugging the other from his thoughts.
Gaius peered down at the peaceful face and felt a smile form of its own accord. "I have a younger sister and was able to tend to her quite often. It was a useful skill in my line of work."
"Was?" And trust Uther, half dead with raging grief (quieted though it was) to pick up on that turn of phrase.
"I assume you are here to retrieve Arthur and have me escorted to the pyre," the physician pinned the king with steady gaze, "I am a sorcerer after all."
Uther blinked at this announcement (surely he remembered?) as uncomprehending as if Gaius had spoken gibberish. The young sorcerer kept his eyes upon the king and worked very, very hard to keep his emotion in check. It wouldn't do to wake Arthur again.
"I—I know," Uther admitted, casting his eyes down to look at Arthur. "I know," he repeated.
"Then shall I prepare for a dawn appointment?"
"Are you so determined to die?" Uther snapped quietly.
"If my king decrees it," Gaius pushed, "My very existence is illegal now." He tilted his head. "So I suppose I must die."
"Camelot needs its court physician."
"There are other healers who I am sure could do well enough," Gaius said.
" 'Well enough' is not acceptable," Uther insisted. "We need you."
"I am a sorcerer."
"Then why didn't you run?" The king cried. "If you are so sure that you are going to die, why didn't you run?"
"Arthur needs me," Gaius stated simply.
It was that simple. Gaius had only given brief thoughts to his own safety (and lack thereof) when the burnings began. Perhaps if his little prince had not been present or immediately swept off to a nanny, the situation might have been different. None of that had occurred and the notion of leaving Arthur here alone was not one to be contemplated. In the short (agonizingly long) five weeks, Arthur had wrapped the physician around his chubby little fingers and Gaius did not doubt for one second that he would lay down his life for the little blond royal.
It was frankly alarming, but his growing loyalty to Arthur was fast outstripping that which he felt for Uther. He wasn't exactly certain what to do with that.
"You could have handed him over to others, made your escape," Uther argued, though he stated it slowly, unsure of where this argument was going.
"And fear for his safety? Under my eyes, I knew he was well."
"He's not even your son!"
"No, he isn't. He's yours."
Uther stared blankly at Gaius, blinking rapidly and the sorcerer felt a single stab of sympathy for his king. Uther was not an easy man to get along with, Gaius had learned that almost from the beginning. He had a fierce sense of pride, great ambition, a stubborn streak greater than the size of his kingdom and a temper that rivaled most dragons. Despite being king, he had a hard time dealing with his fellow man and to find someone who not only understood but accepted him for who he was, was an honest miracle. Ygraine had been a gift from above, Uther's guiding light, and to have her snatched away in such a fashion was crippling the man. Gaius had seen lesser men pine away with grief too large for their body to contain. Instead of collapsing (despite how he looked), Uther had turned his grief outward, twisting it into rage. When something goes wrong, naturally what we wish to do is find someone (or something) to blame.
Uther had chosen magic.
From one aspect, the king was correct. Magic was the reason that Ygraine was dead. It was also the reason that Arthur was alive. But the magic had to be performed, the decision had to be made, it did not happen spontaneously. A choice. Ygraine and Uther could have chosen not to use the magic and Ygraine would still be alive-but Arthur would not be. It all came down to choice and who made it. Uther was just as much responsible for the decision as his wife, but like many stricken in such a fashion, he did not want to take responsibility. He might never. So magic, Uther had decided, was at fault.
What this meant for the future (he had already seen what it had done in the present), Gaius didn't know and it was very likely he would not be around long enough to find out.
"Why do you care so much?" Uther demanded and the other's ears it sounded like a plea.
"He is just a child and he needs someone who cares." Here Gaius paused, unsure of how his next statement would be taken but choosing to forge ahead anyway. "So does his father."
It was a calculated risk, admitting that he cared for the man. Uther was often unpredictable when it came to certain sentiments and emotions, but Gaius had had more luck than most when it came to his king (as he had far more patience than most) and he could only pray that his luck held out.
"Why?" There was no denying the plea in his voice now.
Why indeed? Any other sane person (what did that say about him) would have done just what Uther had mentioned early. At the first sign of the burnings, Gaius should have done what all the other sorcerers had done and flown the coop. Perhaps he wasn't very smart (or sane), but the physician couldn't make himself take that step out his door. He knew that once he did, he would never be able to come back and who would protect Arthur? Look after him?
Who would protect and look after Uther?
It was a fine line he was walking, but he couldn't keep from walking it. Arthur needed him, yes, as all babies would, but Uther needed him too. The man had rescued him from the most horrible time of his life and, inadvertently, helping him to find normal again. He'd sworn himself to the service of Uther Pendragon that day and be damned if he would give up on the man just yet.
"You have me, sire. I will not abandon you to suffer alone. I am here to help, but I only can if you let me," Gaius answered finally.
And, strangely, that left the king speechless. Gaius had come to the conclusion some time ago that people made lives complicated unnecessarily. His friend had suffered a grievous loss at what should have been his happiest moment. Did it not stand to reason that he should remain behind to support and console him? Help him with his newborn son? Others would say no, especially with their own lives in danger, but not Gaius.
His friend needed him, therefore he would stay and try. The rest was up to Uther.
For a long time that continued to simmer in that silence, that absence of sound stretching achingly between them. Uther did appear to be thinking which Gaius took to be a good sign. Hopefully rash decisions (like the Great Purge) would not prevail. At one point the king released a great sigh and pillowed his head on his arms, hiding his face from the other. Let him think, thought Gaius.
Finally, when the physician thought he could stand it no more, the king rose and padded carefully over to them. Uther filled his gaze with his son and the conflicting expression in his eyes warned Gaius right then and there that any relationship these two had would be fraught with difficulty. What sort of battlefield lay before them there, the physician could only guess. A shaking hand reached out, cupping the fragile skull of the infant.
"Please stay," the king whispered, "I need you, my friend."
Weight lifted from his chest and felt as though he would float away with relief. "As you wish, sire," he murmured happily, offering the man a tiny smile.
They stayed like that for a moment, something settling between them before Uther, after stroking Arthur's cheek, took a step back.
"Has taking care of him interfered greatly with your duties?" he asked.
Gaius shook his head. "He is an easy baby and offered little trouble."
Uther nodded. "Then I would like for him to remain with you for now. I will provide you with an assistant. I will begin searching for a nanny."
"As you wish, sire, I will be happy to keep him," he replied sincerely. And he would. Having Arthur around was fulfilling a need that he didn't even know he had. He had not been able to fully enjoy that feeling until now, too worried about what lay beyond his rooms. While Arthur would not be remaining with him permanently, he would enjoy whatever time was given to him. The smile he wore, as well as the relief behind it, had not left his face despite the king's continued stare.
Eventually, Uther had reached some sort of decision and nodded to himself, turning to leave the room. Just as he was about to open the door, he looked back.
"Gaius?"
"Yes, sire?"
"Swear to me that you will no longer practice magic. I will not have you corrupted by its evil as well."
And just like that, the weight returned. It was like a cloud rolling in covering the sun, a forecast of what was to come. Gaius knew, right then, that Uther would never change his opinion on the subject of magic. In some ways, the king was a simple man. Magic had taken the most precious person in the world from him, therefore it was evil. It was just that simple.
It was never that simple.
"As you wish, sire," he muttered, desperately trying to maintain eye contact. It was surprisingly hard to lie to the man's face. Oh, he would cease to perform most of his spells, but to keep Arthur (and Uther) safe, he would use whatever lay at his disposal. Including magic. He'd just have to be sneaky about it.
The king nodded a final time and slipped out the door, closing it softly behind him. Gaius stared at it for a bit, unsure, before looking down at the sleeping babe.
"Just what have we wandered into, young one?"
End Ch. 13
A/N: So this might seem a little weird since it sort of just interjects itself but I found myself wondering why Gaius would remain loyal to Uther and this was what came out. In the end, that loyalty was transferred from Uther to little Arthur. I hate to say that they next gap between updates will be longer. I have done my very best to stay on an every Wednesday schedule, but I want to put more get more ahead in my writing and this chapter took forever so I am going to take an extra week! Let me know what you think as always! Thank you to everyone who reviewed and continues to do so. You guys make this all worthwhile!