Hey-yo bros! This is 'Red and Blue', chapter two, comin' through, from ZakuroU! (I'm such a good rapper.)
Alright so, remember when I said I was gonna show where the Parental!Fluff went? Well, here's the explanation!
And I thought you might like to know - my most recent poll results (as to being a homunculus or an alchemist) were 28/3 to alchemist. I have a new poll up about deviantART now.
SO FMA belongs to the awesomesaucenessness that is Hiromu Arakawa, General Yu to Strix 4 (unless I'm mistaken) and the word awesomesaucenessness to me. Possibly.
Enjoy~!
It was a nightmare.
It had to be.
Roy sighed, deeply and from the bottom of his heart. "Yeah…" he breathed. "A nightmare."
"'Fraid not, Boss," Havoc called out from his desk, having caught the barely audible remark. "You're wide awake. And five thousand cens of your next pay-check belongs to yours truly!"
With a laugh, he turned to the rest of the office. "Keep up the lousy wagers you lot! I'm going to treat Charlisse to a date so nice, she's sure to stay with me forever!"
"Charlisse?" Roy's frustrations soared once more as he scanned the stacks of paperwork he faced. Annoyed, he bit out, "The girl from the pub down Channers? She likes classical plays, and isn't very fond of karaoke. So if you're planning on taking her out again, you might want to reconsider the type of place you take her. She isn't keen on your taste in music."
Havoc made a noise like a dog running into a brick wall and Breda gave him a snickering pat on the back.
It was then that the door flew open again. Roy jumped forward and smashed his arms down on top of his papers in order to stop them blowing away in the sudden gust. Working in the outer office was often a pain.
He wasn't sure which of the duo that came barging in had kicked open the door, since the odds were so high on either of them. And the two of them tended to be the only ones who never failed to throw open the doors with each entry.
"Found 'im!" Hughes hollered from one end of the office. "He just got here, straight from Hakuro's jurisdiction!"
"Yeah, how's it going Colonel Headcase?" Edward called, sounding not so much angry as vaguely bored. "You called?"
"I did," replied Roy with a sigh, sitting back in his seat. He set down his pen. "Fuhrer's given us another job."
"So you told me," said Edward, glancing backwards as his brother appeared in the doorway. "So, for what ridiculous reason am I stuck playing charades as your son again?"
"Troop morale, apparently," Roy told him. "The Fuhrer's organised a meet-up for military father-son teams from each region of Amestris and a couple of our allied nations to 'bond' in a series of competitions spanning a couple of weeks or so. The aim is for a little friendly rivalry to help strengthen the ties between not only the Amestrian jurisdictions, but our allies as well. As this is the case, teams are likely to be sent from here, the North, the West, the South, Grand Central, a team from Orato, a team from Kambei and a team from Avonum, a far western nation we recently formed an alliance with. Thankfully for us, no Aerugo. So no friendly interactions with our good friend Prince Claudio."
"Orato?" Edward echoed. "Does that mean Tyrell will be there?" His heart lightened a little at the thought of seeing the teen again. Granted, Tyrell was a bit of an eccentric and had been part of an Aerugonian scheme to invade Amestris, but the Oratoan prince was still Edward's friend.
"Not sure," answered Roy. "It seems unlikely, as that would mean the king of Orato would have to come along too. It'll probably just be a couple of men from their army."
"Okay." A little disappointed, Edward spun around to face his own brother who'd just walked up to the desk. Roy pounced on his documents again to keep them from spraying with the breeze of the boy's cloak. "Right. So, that's the background painted, but…why are we involved? We aren't even related."
Meanwhile, Hughes dug a hand into the breast pocket of his uniform and pulled out a stack of photos. He began to arrange them, apparently deciding which to show Edward immediately and which could wait.
"That's the thing. The Eastern branch of the State doesn't have a father and son in the military," explained Roy, breathing out a sigh and sitting back from his sheets "So the Fuhrer found the next closest thing. Us."
"I'm a little insulted."
"The feeling is mutual. But orders are orders."
"I guess," Edward said with a heavy sigh. "So when do we leave? And who are all the other teams?"
"I'm awaiting further information as to dates and such, and these guys are compiling information on the other participants." Roy gestured at the other people in the room.
Falman raised a hand. "The son on the team from the south is just three years older than you, Major Elric. Maybe you'll get along?"
"Eighteen, huh?" Edward pondered, a hand on his chin. "Seems like a stretch…and he's pretty young for a soldier, huh?"
"Like you can talk, chief," Breda put in pointedly.
"Fair 'nough."
"Hey, Colonel." Hughes stepped forward, and Roy snatched a stack of papers and clutched it to his chest as the man made himself comfortable on the colonel's desk. "I was called down to Grumman's office just a while ago and I've got a little more info. Shall I take over?"
"Go ahead," Roy said with a grunt as he set his papers down somewhere safer.
"Great!" Hughes grinned widely. Edward flinched as he whipped out a fist. "First, take a look at this picture of my wife! It's her birthday soon, and let me tell ya - she ages well! Not that I'm saying she's old or anything. She's the perfect age! Haha, forget it! There is no age, she's just perfect all the time!"
"Hughes." Roy picked up his pen and continued working. "The assignment."
"Oh. Right." Hughes nodded. "The event is planned to be staged here, in East City at first, before moving all around Amestris. The Fuhrer is here to welcome the other teams and scope out the Eastern troops, see if they're up to the job of watching over a bunch of important people. From what I've heard so far, he likes the standards of you lot. You two are going to be taken off normal duties. I'll be filling in for Roy here whilst this plays out."
"I'm not undercover this time, then?" Edward asked.
"No. Most of the other teams should know you two aren't really related anyway. Look at this – Elysia's gotten so big! You really ought to pay us a visit sometime soon!"
"Hughes." Roy slid another stack out of the way of his friend's flailing arms, grimacing. If someone messed this paperwork up, there would be hell to pay.
"Right, right." Hughes flailed his arm again, Roy barely managing to evade it. "You'll be situated in one of the nearby military hostels for the duration of the exercise, free to mingle with the others. Edward, your brother will have to remain here. He can stay in the dorms on base, where we can all keep him company in your absence."
Alphonse laughed nervously and gave the impression he was flushing, despite his metal face. "Well, thanks."
"Anytime, Alphonse," came Fuery's timid voice. "We love to have you around base."
"Yup! A right ray of sunshine! Just like my little Elysia! I mean, look at this picture—"
"Hughes."
"Yup, okay. We'll be looking after Alphonse for a bit."
Edward cast a glance at Lieutenant Hawkeye, who sat quietly at her desk a little way away. She glanced up from her work and met Edward's gaze. In that instant, the promise they had made on Roy and Edward's last joint assignment passed between them once again.
"Take care of him,"
"Only if you'll do the same."
"And don't you 'Hughes' me," the lieutenant colonel said, giving a strangely accurate impression of his friend. "That's all I know so far. Therefore…"
He grabbed Edward and Alphonse by their wrists and pulled them right up to the desk he was sitting on, where both they and Roy could see his pictures. The colonel barely snatched his papers out of the way in time.
"So, which do you think? Does Elysia look cuter in this dress or the yellow one? And which do you think compliments Gracia's better? Hm? Hm?"
"Well, uh… I wouldn't know anything about that…" Edward replied sheepishly. Grumpily, he added, "According to various sources, my sense of style isn't to everyone's liking."
"Your sense of style is a mythical creature only visible to those as clueless and lacking in finesse as yourself, Fullmetal," Roy put in.
To Hughes, Alphonse murmured, "I think the yellow one works best with Mrs Gracia's dress."
Edward whirled around, one arm out as if to push a stack of paperwork off the desk he stood before.
Roy had his glove on and aimed for Edward faster than the young alchemist could lock on to any foolish sod unfortunate enough to utter the word 'short' in his presence.
"If you so much as lay a finger on this paperwork, barbequed shrimp will be the next thing on the Mess Hall's menu," he growled.
"Touchy, touchy," remarked Edward, baring his teeth and burning with resentment. He reached out one finger and placed it heavily atop a stack of papers. "Touch."
Roy snapped his own fingers, triggering a tiny zap of flame not strong enough to do any real damage, but strong enough to burn through the fabric of Edward's glove and expose his auto-mail hand.
"I said paws off, Fullmetal!" the man snarled.
"Getting a little trigger happy, are we, Colonel Pyro?" Edward shot back, equally as irked.
"Okay, that's quite enough of that," Alphonse said, figuratively sweating a little.
"I second that," Hawkeye called from her desk. She cast a subtle glance at her sidearm currently acting as a paperweight, serving to remind the two bickering State alchemists that no matter how far they were towards the ends of their leashes, she wouldn't hesitate to tug them back into line.
"Very well," Roy replied, sounding a little disgruntled. "Fullmetal, you're dismissed. Go do as you please, so long as you stay out of trouble. Your pranks are usually severely unappreciated, and now even more so as the Fuhrer is within our midst."
"Right. Whatever. I'll get going."
He whirled around and stalked off, raising one hand and beckoning. "C'mon, Al. Let's find us a place to stay."
"Right. Coming!" Alphonse jogged off a few steps before turning, giving a little bow and saying, "Mr Hughes, Colonel. Thanks."
"See ya later, Al!" Hughes responded with a whistle as he leant back, attempting to shove a picture in Roy's face.
"Mm," added the Flame Alchemist, not looking up from his work as he used one hand to push Hughes' photo away.
After the Elrics left and Hughes had accepted that Roy was in even less of a mood for viewing photos than normal, the room had fallen moderately silent.
Everyone was hard at work with whatever they were doing, be it dutifully looking through military personnel records or hanging about aimlessly and tossing the occasional photograph at another person.
Roy was gradually lulled into a trance-like state of reading papers and signing his name over and over. These papers didn't require much thought, but that might be what made them so boring.
All was peaceful until…
Slam!
"Enter the Fuhrer!"
Roy jumped out of his skin.
Well, it seemed like his skin inside his mind, but it was really just his chair. In doing so, he smacked his legs into his desk, knocking it forward a little and sending the meticulously stacked sheets of paper flying across the floor.
Roy's turn came to give a dismayed yelp as he stared at the mess with a mix of horror and hollow grief.
He glanced up towards the door, to where Hughes was sweating and twiddling the door handle.
"Oopsie?" he said nervously and with a tense shrug. "I got bored…"
"Oh, you've done it now, man," Breda said, his expression matching that of a schoolchild who was watching one of his classmates get caught on the receiving end of the teacher's wrath.
Fuery sighed, offering a weak smile. "I'd try to get as much of a head start as I could, if I were you."
Hughes pointed at him and nodded. "Good idea."
With those two words still hovering in the air, he turned and sprinted from the room at a speed rarely achieved by man.
Roy stared at his papers for a moment longer, making a noise like a deflating balloon with a pinched nozzle. The trauma of the incoming headache of re-reading, sorting, rearranging, stacking and filing this copious amount of paperwork was imminent in his wide eyes and dropped jaw.
"And we have fireworks in five…" Havoc began a countdown.
"Four." Breda began to grin.
"Three?" Falman continued hesitantly.
"Two," Fuery put in.
Hawkeye gave a heavy sigh. "One."
"LIEUTENANT COLONEL HUGHES, YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS RIGHT BACK IN THIS OFFICE OR SO HELP ME, I WILL BURN IT RIGHT OFF AND FORCE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!"
"Kaaaaaah…"
Edward gave a gargantuan sigh, spinning on one toe and tossing his suitcase onto the bed.
"Alright there, brother?" Alphonse asked, his eyes tailing the older Elric's meandering path over to the bed he flopped heavily down upon.
"Just typical that I'd be caught on a joint mission with the colonel now…"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I got in an argument with him before that last trip down to South," Edward explained. "We're not exactly on good terms now."
"I should have known," said Alphonse with a light-hearted sigh. "After a screaming match like that in the phone booth…and you were in a bad mood for the whole mission."
"Damn colonel keeps trying to boss me around! You'd think he'd know by now that I'm not another one of his loyal cronies…"
"And remember, Fullmetal," Roy said. His voice crackled in and out through the faulty line. "Hakuro isn't the type of guy who'll take the kind of back-talk you give me. So I'd hold my tongue if I were you."
"Psssh, whatever," Edward replied with a flick of his wrist. He was standing in a phone booth on a main road in a small southern town, with Alphonse and their trunk waiting outside. "You're just jealous 'cause I always have the better retort."
"I'm being serious here, Fullmetal!" Roy insisted. "Hakuro is not a man to mess with! He might give you a bit of leeway as thanks for the whole train incident, but I wouldn't risk it. You need to be on your best behaviour."
"Geez, stop talking to me like I'm freaking three years old! I can handle myself!"
"No, you're terrible. And I am not treating you as a child here, I'm treating you as an Amestrian soldier under my direct command. Do not let this assignment reflect badly on me, and do not get yourself on the general's bad side. He's a nice enough guy, but managing the Aerugonain border is tough work, and I wouldn't blame him if he gave you a court martial for the stunts you pull."
"…" Edward rubbed his eye, watching a man walk past with some wooden planks over one shoulder. He'd been up late doing research in the ancient library of this town (one of the oldest in the country, in fact) and was tired to the bone. Hence, he was in no mood for the colonel's words.
"Fullmetal, are you listening?"
"Yeah, sure." A yawn punctuated these words. "Yada yada Amestris, military military blah, do not this, do not that, court martial, Aerugo, military, blah."
"Elric! I am trying to help you here!"
"No, you're trying to keep your obedient suck-up military attack dog image good in the mind of some other general. And I really don't care."
"Well you should! I control your missions, so you're the one who should be worried about keeping up his image! Because I can have your leash pulled right in close to the military whenever I damn well feel like it, so no more roaming for you!"
Edward guts twinged and his face settled into an angry frown. He was definitely not in the mood for this kind of talk.
"And the only thing you'll get from then on out is mountains of godforsaken paperwork as far as the eye can see! Maybe then you'll start to appreciate what I've done for you thus far!" From what Edward could derive, Roy was swamped with work. But for the teen in this exhausted state, even just the threat of restriction on the free reign the military gave him over his travels – the travels that permitted himself and Alphonse to search for the Philosopher's Stone – set him on edge.
"What you've done for us thus far is the same thing any moral human would do for another without prompting! I know it might be a stretch for you to understand, Mustang, but some people have this thing inside them where they actually help people without an ulterior motive! Do you get that? Or did you lose—"
He'd been about to say, 'Or did you lose whatever sense of compassion you ever had back in Ishbal?', but the boy had cut himself off, knowing better than to bring Roy's sore point into the argument.
After seeing how raw that nerve still was for the colonel back on their last mission, he was reluctant to bring it into even the most heated arguments they shared.
"Or…did you lose it in that black hole you call a heart?!" Edward finished, quickly changing his wording.
"You know what, go ahead," Roy said, his voice quiet but thunderous. "Go flying into Southern Headquarters with your guns blazing and find out what happens. See if I care. Throwing the phone away."
There was a thud from the other end that Edward assumed was the phone hitting the floor.
After a couple of moments, Hawkeye's voice sounded. "Sorry about that, Edward. General Yu – the one you described as 'possibly the one guy who's both more of a bastard than Mustang and hates him more than I do' – is about base again, so the colonel is more than a little worked up. He may need to take a small break, or might just end up finding the coffee machine out of order due to irreversible damage caused by the bullet of a well-aimed Model 1911."
"He's giving me his papers," came Roy's muffled voice. "His damn papers, mixed in with mine."
"Hn. Whatever." Edward closed one eye and leant to the side. "We done here?"
"I believe so. Travel safe, both you and your brother."
"Right, thanks. Tell the colonel I said 'Stay stupid-ass, you giant buttkiss'."
Hawkeye sighed. "I'll tell him you said 'bye'."
"Tell him I said 'Maybe next time you'll grow some damned brains'," came Roy's muffled angry retort. "'Or a few centimetres taller than my skirting boards'."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT, YOU SMUG ZIP-FOR-BRAINS ASS-HAT?!"
"Goodbye, Edward."
The line disconnected.
"And that's why we're not frolicking and getting along like the happy, joyful pair of best friends we normally are," Edward finished with a flourish towards the bottom of the top bunk.
"Oh, gee whiz," Alphonse said. "You two had better sort this out soon, or your assignment is going to be hell."
You knew it was bad if even Al was using words like 'hell'.
"What do you mean it's moved up?" Edward complained, throwing his arms out in front of him.
"What do you think I mean?" Roy asked, shifting the stack of papers in his arms. "The Fuhrer isn't a patient man, Fullmetal; he moved the competition forward."
It was the colonel's lunch break and he was on his way to eat now, but he still had work to do. He had called Edward in a while ago, but the boy had purposefully wasted time making his way over. Alphonse and Hawkeye followed the pair a metre or so behind, chatting.
"How has work been treating you, Lieutenant?"
"We have been very busy lately, but we're managing. Well…" She paused and cast a weary glance forward. "Most of us are managing."
"Shut up, shut up!" Roy barked, waving a hand at Edward. "I've had just about enough of you!"
"Then you're going to love the next couple of weeks!"
Hawkeye and Alphonse skidded to a halt as Roy whirled around viciously and their partners shot into a fiery face off.
"What's wrong, Colonel?" Edward growled, his golden eyes burning into Roy's. "Don't think you can put up with a brat like me?"
"The contrary, Elric," Roy replied, his teeth flashing. "I was wondering how long that metal arm of yours would withstand two thousand degree flames."
"Big talk from a small man! Like your gloves could ever reach that temperature!"
"The pot calling the kettle black, Fullmetal! What are you, thirty centimetres?!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT, YA PYROMANIC JERKASS?! Y'KNOW, SPEAKIN' OF POTS AND KETTLES, YA AIN'T MUCH BETTER YOURSELF!" Edward was close to snorting steam out his nose as he jabbed a finger at Roy's arms. "And ya can't even keep up with your own damn paperwork!"
Roy glowered down at Edward for a moment longer. "General Yu's paperwork," he said firmly and Edward flinched a little. He knew how big a grudge the general had against the colonel, always giving him the worst assignments and poking him where it hurt. Roy could do nothing about it if he valued his rank or his wellbeing.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go enjoy my spinach quiche—" The colonel shrugged the papers in his arm. "—Scratch that, I'm going to speed eat the damn quiche and get back to the work I shouldn't be doing in the first place."
With that, he turned on his heel and strode off.
"Hawkeye."
"Yes, sir." The lieutenant followed him quickly.
"Love me some spinach quiche."
"Yipe!" The two Elrics jumped in unison and turned.
"L-Lieutenant Colonel Hughes!" Alphonse exclaimed. "You snuck up on us!"
Hughes had his arms folded, standing behind the two and watching Roy and Hawkeye walking toward the Mess Hall.
"Guilty as charged," the man said, throwing his hands behind his head. "Guilty as charged…"
"Somethin' wrong, Colonel?" Edward asked.
"Ah, nothin'." Hughes gave a lopsided grin. "Here, hold onto this for me?"
He sprinted down the hall, a photo of Elysia reaching for the camera floating towards the pair behind him. The Fullmetal Alchemist plucked it from the air and smiled at Elysia's grinning face.
Edward and Alphonse watched as Hughes jumped Roy from behind, throwing an arm around his shoulders.
From this distance, it was impossible to make out what they were saying, but it seemed like Roy was shouting and Hughes was laughing.
Although he was yelling, Roy didn't seem especially angry. Well, not as angry as he had when he'd been arguing with Edward, that was for sure.
"Geez, how is it that Hughes can annoy the life outta Mustang and then they get along so well?" Edward said disbelievingly. "I just don't get it!"
"You're the same, brother," Alphonse murmured. "But your pride gets in the way of it. You and the colonel were working together so well in Kambei…"
"An alliance born of necessity," responded Edward, though doubt made his claim flimsy. "Let's go. We don't have much time to prep."
His cloak and braid flourished as he turned and stalked off the other way, and Alphonse cast one last glance back at the trio disappearing into the Mess.
"I hope I get to see you two like that again," he whispered.
Al ships it. XD
Okay, so, there's a little bit of stuff to get through before we get to the fun part, but...we get to meet all the other teams next chapter! Yay!
I'm quite proud of the character development on a couple of the teams, so I'm looking forward to introducing them! And I did a lot of studying up on (more like testing the credibility of) a specific kind of alchemy, so you can probably expect something interesting!
I get the feeling there was something else I meant to say, though I can't remember what...
Well, thanks everyone for reviewing, favouriting and following! Your support means a lot!
ZAKURO AWAAAAAAY! *to French class!*