Snowmelt Chapter 12 Part 4
Maia gasped, "What? You must be absolutely crazy. We haven't even been out on a real date yet."
"We've told each other secrets on the phone; gone through a lot of crap together and we're smokin' in bed. I know I am crude, cruel and critical, but, if we don't get married soon, the FBI will put you into the witness protection program and we won't see each other until the trial is over, which could be years. Is that what you want?" He watched as she shook her head. "The only way we'll get to see each other is if we're married."
"But what if we find we can't live with each other?"
"That's why God created divorce."
There was a long pause while Maia thought. The idea of being apart from him for months, a year, maybe years, was unbearable. They had spent this last year testing the waters, going through hell and now they were going to be separated. Maia knew it was crazy, but she ached to be with House.
House couldn't stand the silence so he leaned down and nuzzled her neck, then kissed her lips. He whispered, "What have you got to lose?"
She took in the smell of his Ferragamo cologne and the feel of his beard against her skin. It was so sensual, so sexy. Maia sighed, "We'll need a license and you'll need a prenup."
House smirked, "Prenup? I don't need a prenup."
Maia shook her head, "I have two words for you, Paul McCartney."
He rolled his eyes, "I still don't need a prenup; you're too worried about your reputation to take anything from me."
"No I'm not. I like that Fender you have on the wall."
"I'll give it to you."
Maia chuckled. What she didn't know was that House meant it. He'd give her his piano if she'd stay. He was almost fifty and figured that he wasn't going to get too many more opportunities to explore love. He didn't want to be alone, at least for now.
He searched her eyes and realized from the slow smile crossing her lips that she was saying yes. "I'll work on the license." House bent down again to give her a longer kiss. He leaned his forehead against hers and smiled. "No one is going to believe me."
"You're going to have to get a court to let me sign for the marriage license in the hospital. Then we have to wait three days. Do you think I'll still be in here?"
"Possibly, but they know where the bleeder is. They'll cauterize it laproscopically. But don't you worry about the wedding. I'll take care of the details."
"I never thought I'd get married in a hospital."
House heard the disappointment in her voice, "I never thought I'd get married."
She laughed, "You're going to shock everyone."
He winced, "Well, my plan means we probably won't be able to tell anyone for awhile. But when this is all over, we'll have a second wedding, if you want one."
House disappeared for the entire day causing Maia to believe that he had run screaming into the night. She wasn't allowed to eat after six, so she drank some water, watched Jeopardy and fell asleep. At nine that night, she felt a hand on her shoulder, nudging her to wake up. She lazily opened up one eye, sure that it was going to be a nurse with more medicine. She sat up when she saw House staring down at her. Behind him were Andy, Smithers, and two more men in suits.
House started singing:
"Hey little sister what have you done?Hey little sister who's the only one?Hey little sister who's your superman?Hey little sister who's the one you want?Hey little sister shotgun!It's a nice day to start again It's a nice day for a white weddingIt's a nice day to start again
Maia opened one eye and looked up, brow furred, eyes narrowed and lips pursed, "Are you okay?" She asked as House sang to her while strumming his air guitar.
He stopped mid-stroke, "We're getting married. Meet Smithers, you're new best girlfriend and maid of honor. Andy, my always a best man, never a groom, side kick. This is Friar Tuck, and this is …"House paused and looked at Andy with a quizzical look.
Andy volunteered, "Your photographer and usher."
"Right!" House nodded.
Maia saw the little cardboard camera in the man's hand and nodded. "Can you find me a comb or brush?"
House looked at Smithers, who opened her purse and found a small brush. Maia quickly brushed her matted hair and then pointed for House to hand her the mouthwash that came in her little hospital kit. She took a swig, rinsed her mouth and swallowed, not wanting to spit in front of everyone."
House was nervous, "Great, sign here." He handed her a form for a marriage license, which she signed, her hand slightly unsteady from all the drugs and stress.
"Okay, don't we have to wait three days?" Maia asked.
Andy spoke up, "No, Judge Randolph has waived the waiting period and the need for you to make a personal appearance for your license. You're good to go."
Maia turned white, realizing that they were really going to go through with it. She had wanted to do it that morning, but now she wasn't sure. Everything felt rushed.
Everyone in the room could see her panic. His own nervousness was quickly gone; House was now frustrated, worried she was going to back out in front of everyone. He cocked his head and was about to say something when Smithers intervened.
"Maia, you sure you want to go through with this?"
House grabbed Maia's hand as she looked from person to person, all waiting for her answer.
Andy stepped forward, "Let's give the two of them a moment."
Maia looked up into House's eyes and saw the hurt and disappointment. She knew that it wasn't her doubts she was worried about. She had been afraid that House was doing it as an impulse, something 'different' to make his life more exciting. But his slumped shoulders and sad eyes were the actions of a man who really had his heart set on marrying her.
"No, I want this. I really do want this. You guys just woke me up out of a sound sleep."
House swallowed and grinned. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.
Andy cleared his throat, "Well, we pulled Magistrate Tarkington out of a formal dinner to do this, so we should get started."
Maia and House both nodded. The Magistrate had apparently stopped by a computer, because he had a printout in his hand. Despite the fact that he was a short man, his voice was booming, "Great, I need to get back to my dinner. So let's get on with this."
House held Maia's hand as she sat up straight. The blinds were drawn and instructions had been given that no one was to enter the room for the next half hour. The Magistrate was about to begin when House held up a hand, "Wait!" He hobbled over to a boom box he had brought with him and pressed play. Pachelbel's Cannon in G major played and everyone giggled. House resumed his position next to Maia.
"Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the presence of God—"
House rolled his eyes.
"-- and these witnesses to celebrate the joining of this man and this woman in the unity of marriage. There are no obligations on earth sweeter or tender than those you are about to assume. There are no vows more solemn than those you are about to make.
Do you understand this? "
House and Maia both said, "Yes" in unison.
"Will you please look at each other and continue to hold hands?
Gregory John House, will you take this woman, whose hand you hold, choosing her alone to be your wedded wife? Will you live with her in the state of true matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, honor her at all times, and be faithful to her?"
The smile fell from House's mouth, he looked at Maia, who was sure he was going to say something flippant, and said, "I do."
Maia started crying.
"Maia Kathleen Connelly, will you take this man, whose hand you hold, choosing him alone to be your wedded husband? Will you live with him in the state of true matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, honor him at all times, and be faithful to him?"
The tears were now falling off of her chin and onto the bed. Smithers was crying too. She nodded and tried over her sobs to get out the, "I do." But everyone later admitted that it sounded more like, "I foo."
The Magistrate looked at House, who nodded that she had said yes, and continued, "As you take these vows I would have you remember:
To love is to come together from the pathways of our past and then move forward...Hand in hand, along the uncharted roads of our future, ready to risk, to dream, and to dare... And always believe that all things are possible with faith and love in God, and in each other.
Do you have a ring?"
House pulled out a small blue felt bag and grabbed the ring out of it. Maia was curios, but realized she'd have to wait until later to have a look at it.
"Will you repeat after me?
I, Gregory John House, with this ring, take you, Maia Kathleen Connelly, to be my wife, to love and cherish, from this day forward, and thereto pledge you my faith."
House repeated it and slipped the ring on her ring finger, where it twirled around, too big for her tiny finger.
"Maia, would you please repeat after me. I, Maia Kathleen Connelly, take you, Gregory John House, to be my husband, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, and thereto pledge you my faith."
Maia said her part without hesitation.
"In as much as you, Gregory John House , and you, Maia Kathleen Connelly, have consented together in the union of matrimony and you have pledged your faith each to the other in the presence of God and this company, now by the authority vested in me as a Magistrate, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife!
You may kiss!"
The flash of the cardboard camera went off.
The magistrate watched as House grabbed Maia and kissed her, tongue and all. Waiting patiently for them to separate, the Magistrate held out a hand to congratulate the couple.
"Congratulations, sorry to run, but I really do have to go. So please sign these papers and I'll get out of here."
They all signed the papers and posed for one photo with the Magistrate before he was out the door. Andy and Smithers congratulated the couple, as did the camera man, who continued to snap photos and then handed the camera to House. The police all left and House was left alone with Maia.
The room was quiet. Maia's heart rate and blood pressure increased as she realized she was married. She looked at House who apparently was having the same reaction.
He swallowed, "Why do I feel like my life just flashed in front of me and my Grandmother is calling, 'come into the light Greggie.'?"
They started laughing. Reaching around his waist as he stood, Maia said, "Greg, I think I'm happy. I'm laying here shot up, people trying to kill me and the FBI wants to hide me away and I think I'm happy!"
He chuckled, "You're not happy, you're just less miserable today." He rubbed her back, "So am I."
"It wasn't the way I expected it."
"Well, if you ever need an out, just claim you were on morphine and didn't know what you were doing." He nodded to the IV.
"You think that will work?"
"It worked on my last annulment." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.
"How did you make this work?"
"I told Andy I was on my way down to the public registrar to get a license to marry you…publically. Obviously, that throws a wrench into their ability to protect you so, after some negotiating, they made all the arrangements, I just had to go down for the hearing, say a few words to a judge and voila, we have a wedding license and a Magistrate for a clandestine wedding. Our registration will be private, no one will have access to the records so that the mob doesn't know that I am your one true love and you would throw yourself on the sword to keep me safe. I even have a gag order so that when I apply later for your health insurance the company will have to backdate it to today. They won't be able to claim that I should have notified them immediately."
"You really did think this through, didn't you?"
"It was this or for the next three years we wouldn't see each other."
Maia felt the ring turning around on her finger as she fiddled with it. She studied it for the first time, "It's…lovely, but rather big isn't it?" Maia meant it had big stones, making the ring look ostentatious on her finger. She took it off and started to read the inscription.
"It can be sized, but there's something I need to tell—" House stopped as he watched her mouth drop open and the flames shoot out of her eyes.
"Stacy-To Eternity and Beyond!"Maia clenched her teeth, "What? You gave me Stacy's…is this Stacy's engagement ring? Were you engaged?"
House winced and swallowed, "Well, it was too late to get you your own ring and I realized she had given it back to me when we broke up. It's a $19,000 ring; diamonds have all the right C's. I figure we could take the diamonds and transfer them into a ring for you."
She could hardly speak, but her blood pressure had shot up to 150/90, causing the alarm at the desk to go off. The nurses rushed in and House shooed the out, "It's under control, move along, nothing to see here, move along, mind the gap."
She shook her head and in a overly controlled voice said, "That was tacky, even for you. This ring was given to a woman that you told you would spend the rest of your life with. It's a ring that symbolizes eternity, infinity…that your love would survive anything. And you give me the relics of that? I want a divorce."
"Annulment…you want an annulment." He motioned with a finger through a circle formed by his thumb and index finger, "We haven't consummated the marriage yet."
She smiled wickedly, "Who says?"
"Well, it just happened and if I walk out…there are witnesses that I haven't been in all that long or at least long enough to do the deed…"
"Then come over here, climb in bed, consummate this marriage so I can divorce your ass."
"No! There's no telling what you'll do to me if I get in that bed. Give me the ring, you can't wear it during surgery tomorrow anyway. I'll get you a proper ring. It will be done before you come out of anesthesia tomorrow."
She sighed and glared. Removing the ring, she put it in his palm and closed his fist around it. "One more chance to get this right or you're the next Paul McCartney."
He smiled and nodded.
"Now get going, I need some sleep before my surgery."
He walked over to kiss her, but stopped when she reached out and grabbed his balls in her hand. Neither of them moved. He bent over and she reached up to return the kiss, dropping his balls as she did. He got the message.
He whispered, "You know, now that your hand knows where they are, you could maybe add a little wrist action and we could practice the ejaculation part of the wedding night."
"Get!"
He shrugged and started to leave.
"Greg."
He turned to face her, "I do like the emerald cut diamonds on the two sides. The big pear Marquis diamond does nothing for me. You can sell it. Hint, hint."
He gave her a funny face and bowed.
Maia wasn't impressed with her wedding night, but she was impressed with the man she married, he was resourceful.