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constellations

(atonement)

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Sasuke-kun,

You only just left the village, and I'm already writing you a letter. I keep saying to myself that you've been gone for almost four years now—what's a few more?

I have never been patient like I am for you.

Springtime has finally come to Konoha, and I couldn't be more grateful. Ino's much less cranky now that her blooms are budding and the flower shop can stop losing revenue from the weather. Naruto's still slaving after Kakashi, and in a few months they'll finally unveil his face on the mountainside.

I am as I always am.

Today at the hospital, I was doing back to back surgeries, and as I was stroking the skin around a tumor, I was struck by the fact that as time goes on, I have begun to forget what you feel like—your hands on my hips, your breath on my cheek. Still, the strangest things have begun to remind me of you—the whistle of the kettle which brings back the one morning we had tea in bed, and the gentle lapping of water which resurfaces the oceans that have been placed between us.

I miss you.

I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope you haven't forgotten that you will always have a home here. Reply soon.

Sakura

—

Sakura,

I'm currently at an inn in Sound. There's something about this place that's an echo of what it used to be, or maybe as time has passed my perspective has changed with it. The people here are aimless and stuck under the thumb of their de facto leader.

There's not enough money around for shelters, and all the remnants of the hideouts as long gone, only small hovels with vaguely familiar phantoms of the past in the midst.

They look at me in apprehension, and I'm once again reminded of the debts I carry. I have offered my help with rebuilding a few things in the area, and I'm meeting with the only greengrocer and a woman that everyone refers to as being the wisest tomorrow to discuss their plans.

I hope they will allow me to begin my amends. I'm retracing my steps, though, and I will do what I can before they will make me leave.

I think of you every night, and the quiet mornings and crooning cicadas and rumpled bed sheets from sleepless nights don't compare.

I know I said that my sins were my own, but I have also begun to process that some things are better with teams than they are alone. Pass on to Naruto that, if possible, that Sound could use some aid in picking themselves up and beginning anew.

Change can be hard.

Sasuke

—

Sasuke-kun,

You'll think I'm an annoying idiot when I tell you I cried over your letter, but I did. I'm happy that you have found something meaningful to put your time towards.

All these years chasing after you, trying to get you to stay were hard, but watching you leave again was harder still. I know you said you'd return, but I had worried that your wanderings around the world would make you less at peace and more restless.

I am so glad that is not the case.

Naruto sent some emissaries to survey the area before deciding what a good course of action would be, but there are talks about transferring some of our green genin teams to begin to make a difference there. The rest of the village is still occupied with healing ourselves, but our young must learn early that in each of us, no matter what walk of life we're from, there are similarities worth remembering.

We are all, after all, people.

The squeaky chair in my house finally gave out yesterday, and I bought a new plant to replace the one that died last time. I have high hopes for this little bud, and Ino promised she would watch over me watching over it.

Sai…has decided he wants to "court" Ino, and a couple days ago, Hinata asked Naruto out. Can you believe it? He was the one who passed out this time. Don't tell him I told you; he'll wage a small war against me.

Sometimes, I think about the future, and I can never figure out what I'm hoping for, but I always see you.

Sakura

—

Sakura,

I helped build a city. I don't know if it will ever be enough penance for using the people there for my own gain, but by the time I left, a woman with green eyes just like yours asked me to give a blessing for her son. She said I was proof that there is good in everyone, and it gives her hope that she can bring her child into a world where that's true.

I discovered darkness in Sound, and I hope that I brought it light.

I left this afternoon, and it's almost evening so I settled in a border town by Rain, my next destination. I don't know what I'll find there, but I know Itachi had spent a lot of his time there.

I'm eating ramen for dinner, and I think somewhere, the idiot is dancing in this victory.

The sky is clear—the last clear sky I'll see in weeks since the monsoons are almost here. The air is warm and thick, and here, in the middle of nowhere, the sky is as full of stars as it was when I taught you the constellations.

Fuck, Sakura. I haven't been stationary, settled in almost half a decade, and somehow I still miss it. I don't where home is, but even though it feels like I just left Konoha, I think it was beside you. There are parts of me that have never felt more at peace, but there is something in the grooves of my fingers that feels like longing.

Sasuke

—

Sasuke-kun,

Everything aches. I don't know how many acres or moons separate us, and I know the sky above me is the same as the one above you, but it does not help. There is a homesickness that has taken me, and I haven't left the borders of the village in two months.

I'm yearning for something like love, but you've whisked it away to the wilderness, and I can't find it in myself to blame you for it. I want nothing more than your happiness, and I can wait, but it feels like I have loved you for a thousand years.

I trained today for the majority of the day in order to prepare for the upcoming jounin exams, but it feels wrong to be taking these things without you. I can't stop my life. It moves with or without me. You have been my cardinal north for years, but my magnet has broken and now I'm spinning, directionless.

You are here, and you're not here. There are missions I could take, but I refrain. I am stagnant and ceaseless in motion all at once, and I can do nothing but occupy my time with learning to live for me.

The grass stains on my clothes and the daylight on my skin feel like being truly alive. I decided to take up painting, and I'm learning from Sai. Tsunade tells me to find something I love and do it every day, but my passions lie around healing and fighting, and in peacetime, neither of those are abundant. I think, perhaps, I could bring color to my life.

I hope Rain is treating you well. Write me soon.

Sakura

—

Sakura,

There is a garden in Rain that only blooms when it is pouring, and it reminds me of you. There is something about the constant showers that brings life. I've never seen a land more in bloom. Children dance in the rain here—something I was expressly forbidden to do when I was younger for fear of catching a cold—and life goes on.

I have found nothing here to pinpoint as the wisps of Itachi's life left behind, forgotten, but there is still something that has given me peace here. There are burn marks on the buildings from a conflict long forgotten, but there is also chatter and laughter.

They are not the most established nation, and the people do not have much, but they are happy.

I'm going to Snow, and from what Naruto's told me, that's where the jounin exams are taking place this year.

I'll see you there.

Sasuke

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notes: this is a semester of change, for me. I think that's a good thing.