Blaine wakes the next morning in his bed with thoughts of the night before. Thank God for Carole. She had sat with him for quite a while holding him and soothing him before he said good night and climbed into bed. He had been incredibly tired but mainly he wanted to be tucked away safely in his room so that he didn't run into Kurt again. He knew he would have to see him eventually – probably even this morning – but he didn't have it in him to see him last night.
If Blaine is being honest, he's terrified - terrified to get out of bed and head downstairs because he knows Kurt will be there. He knows that they will have to talk and that Kurt will be staring at his broken face. Thank goodness he won't be able to see the scattered black bruising along his ribcage. Another part of him is excited. It is Kurt, after all – the man he loves beyond all measure. He's never for a second stopped loving him. Blaine knows that he will love him forever. But he's scared and worried and ashamed.
Kurt's head hurts, though, he will gladly take the pain of a hundred hangovers than what he's feeling in his heart at the moment. He's terrified. He's terrified for Blaine and for the state of their relationship; not that they even have a relationship - but what happened yesterday frightened him. He had yelled at Blaine and Blaine had been scared of him. How could Blaine be so fragile? What had happened … who had happened … to Blaine to make him scared of him? The truth is he didn't want to leave his bed. He didn't want to have to face Blaine and those heart-broken yet beautiful hazel eyes. Blaine's eyes. Kurt's heart lurched as he thought about how utterly in love he still was. He would love Blaine forever – even if Blaine pushed him away again – his love for this man would never ever fade.
Burt and Carole sat at their kitchen table eating their toast and drinking their coffee. After Kurt and Blaine had gone to bed last night they had filled each other in on what was going on with the two of them. Kurt had told his Dad everything – about the drinking, the money situation, and how he had to drop out of NYADA. Burt had been surprised. He knew Kurt was going through something but he never imagined that he would have dropped out of school. And the drinking, Kurt had rarely consumed any type of alcohol even at the height of his teenage years when all his friends were enthralled with it. Burt fell asleep huddled into Carole like a child. His heart was heavy for his son and for Blaine. He knew that in order to fix the mess Kurt and Blaine were going to have to talk – really talk. They were both going to have to let down their walls and join together the way only Kurt and Blaine can. But Burt also knew that was easier said than done.
"More coffee, honey?"
"Yeah, I need it today, thanks." Burt pushed his mug so that Carole could refill it. "And thank you also, by the way, thank you for keeping me sane last night. I was a wreck."
Carole patted his hand. "You're welcome honey. That's what I'm here for. They'll come around, don't worry. It'll be awkward but those two will be okay."
And awkward it was.
Kurt arrived first. He greeted Carole with a hug and a kiss to her cheek then hugged his Dad tight, murmuring "I love you," against the collar of his plaid shirt. He helped himself to coffee then sat down with his parents to wait for the inevitable.
"Can I make you some eggs, honey?" Carole stood from the table with her empty plate.
"No, no. I'll be fine. You guys have to work. I can fend for myself."
Burt eyed him.
"I can." He protested. "I really can."
"I know you can, son but you haven't been. Let Carole make you some eggs then we'll be on our way."
"Okay, but I'm making dinner." He went to take a sip of his coffee but stopped with the mug part way up to his lips as his eyes fell on Blaine who was standing hesitantly in the kitchen's entrance.
Carole broke the silence. "Would you like some eggs too, Blaine?"
Blaine tore his gaze from Kurt and forced himself to move into the kitchen and towards Carole. "That would be nice, thank you." He kissed her cheek and hugged Burt. Burt clung to him for a moment while he whispered in his ear. "Thank you for coming back last night." Blaine nodded and poured himself coffee before sitting at the table. He sat as far away from Kurt as he could but then looked up into Kurt's still gazing eyes. "Good morning," he mumbled.
Kurt sipped his coffee because he needed to do something with his hands. "Good morning."
The air was thick. The tension was high. Aside from the good mornings, Kurt and Blaine hadn't said anything to each other. They both poked at their eggs and toast and sipped coffee like it would be the last drink of their lives. Burt and Carole probed them both with polite conversation until Burt couldn't take it any longer. He stood up and placed his hands on the back of his chair and stared at the both of them. "Okay you two. I can't force you to be friends. I can't force you to be more than friends. But if you want to continue staying in my house and eating around my table I will force you to talk. Hash out whatever it is that you two need to say to each other so that we can maybe have a less stressful meal this evening. Now I'm going to work." He joined Carole in the hall to gather their things for their respective work days. He gave one final look into the kitchen and pointed at them. "And by hashing it out I do not mean rip each other's clothes off and fall into bed the second we're out the door."
A simultaneous "Daaadddd!" and "Buuurrrttt!" chimed out of the kitchen as Burt grinned smugly and opened the front door. "Love you both," Carole called out and let the door close behind her.
Blaine was terrified.
Kurt was terrified.
Blaine rose quickly from the table, gathered both their dishes and moved to the dishwasher. His voice was soft as he loaded the dishes in. "Look, I don't want to deal with a disappointed and angry Burt Hummel tonight so why don't we ummm… just talk about it. At least then we can tell him that we tried."
Kurt stood up and turned towards Blaine who still had his back to him. "Is that the only reason you want to talk to me? So that my Dad won't be disappointed in you?" His voice was gentle.
Blaine dried his hands on the tea towel as he looked down. He took a deep breath and turned to face Kurt - beautiful Kurt who still had the ability to make him stop in his tracks. Kurt - who was so stunning that it made his heart ache with want. Kurt – who was staring at him with those clear cobalt eyes. "No. That's not the reason at all, actually."
"Then what is the reason?" Kurt couldn't take his eyes off of him because even in his current state – all bruised and cut up – Blaine was beautiful. And Blaine was perfect for him. He had always been and would always be.
For Blaine, this was a moment. It had to be all or nothing. He couldn't afford to beat around the bush anymore. He simply had to be honest and forthcoming with Kurt. That would be the only way Kurt would truly respond. "The reason is that you need me and I need you. But that's not all," he hesitated. "I love you – I never stopped. And I know that you love me." He turned around suddenly to finish with the dishes. He couldn't bear to look at Kurt when the inevitable happened – when Kurt would tell him that in fact no, he didn't need him and he didn't love him. Not anymore.
He wasn't prepared to feel Kurt's unyielding arms circle his torso and hug him from behind. He wasn't prepared to feel the strength and warmth of Kurt's chest to his back. He wasn't prepared for Kurt's voice just inches from his ear whispering, "I need you now like I've never needed you before. And I love you more now than I ever have."
Tears filled Blaine's eyes.
Kurt continued his whisperings, "Blaine Anderson, please come talk with me. I have so much to say to you and I want to hear everything you have to say to me. Please."
Blaine could only nod as tears slid down his cheeks. "Come on then." He turned and grasped Kurt's hand and was led out to the living room.
"So who should go first?" Kurt asked quietly once he and Blaine were situated on the couch facing each other. Blaine leaned back against the arm of the couch with his legs crossed in front of him. His hazel orbs lucid and round as he gazed into Kurt. "Um, maybe you could go first? I'm quite nervous."
Kurt leaned forward, placed his elbows to his knees and met Blaine's eyes. "I'm nervous too but okay, I'll go first." He motioned to grasp Blaine's hand but thought better of it. "Blaine, it's just you and me. Let's stop being stubborn and nervous and elusive. We know so much about each other and in the past have been so comfortable with each other, there's no reason we can't be that now." He took a deep breath and watched Blaine smile.
"You're right. Okay. It's just you and me. Kurt and Blaine. I'm ready." Blaine said with a nod as he relaxed a little.
Kurt played gently with the fuzz on his skinny jeans, thinking about how he wanted to start. "Blaine … I'm really concerned about you."
"Wait, I thought you were going to go first."
"I am going first and my first concern is you. I'm angry and scared for you, Blaine. I want to know who did this to you and why you've let them."
Blaine looked down and let out a nervous laugh. "Okay. Then I'll go first." He began the story with when he applied to Berklee and his move to Boston. It was easy for him to talk about those things because they were positives. When he got to talking about Tyler though, he hesitated and Kurt did finally place his hand over his and urged him to continue. "It's just me. I won't judge you." And that was enough for Blaine to go on. "Kurt, I met someone." He breathed out. "At the time I didn't know it but now I know that it was just a rebound. I mean, yes I was into him but I was never ever into him like I am into you. How could I be? No one compares to you, Kurt. But I tried. I tried to make a go of it because being without you was so painful." He lowered his gaze before continuing, "but I guess I wasn't good enough. I didn't try hard enough because it all went downhill very, very quickly."
Kurt put his hand up. "I need to stop you right there."
Blaine lifted a brow.
"I'm sorry but I need for you to know that this is not your fault. You are good enough. You have always been good enough Blaine – at least for me you have."
Blaine tilted his head ever so slightly and blushed. "Kurt…"
"I know. I'm sorry…"
"No." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. "You don't know how much I needed for you to say those words." He blinked back tears. "I've felt so ashamed and so depressed for so long because I thought I wasn't good enough and that you deserved better…"
"No, no, no," Kurt whispered and placed his palm instinctively on Blaine's cheek. Blaine had the courage to continue, "I guess that is what made me get trapped in this hideous relationship – my own self-loathing and lack of confidence. Tyler turned violent. I don't know - he was like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute he was sweet and attentive the next he was punching my face and throwing me against walls." He paused as he noticed that Kurt had become visibly upset. His arms trembled as he tried to hold Blaine's hands with both of his. His breath quickened and his eyes turned dark and dangerous. "That son of a bitch."
"No, Kurt. I'm okay now. Your dad came to Boston to get me and I'm never going back."
"He hurt you, Blaine. He physically and emotionally wrecked you and I… I …" Kurt's inevitable sobs came forcefully. "I was too busy getting drunk to even know about it or to protect you." Kurt cried. He doubled over on himself and cried hard into his hands. Blaine had to scoot forward and rub circles on his back to try to calm him somewhat. "Shh. I'm okay now. I'm here with you and I'm never leaving again."
"I'm so sorry Blaine. I'm so sorry that I never took you back when you asked me. I'm sorry I ignored you for eight months. I'm just … so fucking sorry, Blaine, so sorry."
Blaine bent forward and placed a soft kiss into Kurt's hair. "You don't need to apologize," he paused. "But I forgive you." After a few moments of Blaine rubbing Kurt's back he spoke again, gently. "It's your turn. I'm worried about you too you know."
Kurt nodded and moved closer to Blaine. He let him hold him. Only when his back was pressed to Blaine's chest with Blaine's arms wrapped around him was he able to begin his side of the story. Blaine was quiet as he listened to Kurt talk. He learned about the drinking, the money, NYADA … everything hurt. His heart lurched in pain as Kurt told him about all the times Santana had to drag him back home.
"But through it all," Kurt said. "I just wanted you. Only you. I didn't want to face my life without you and the only way to seemingly make it better was to drown myself in alcohol. It's become a coping mechanism. Any time something goes even a little bit askew I run to the nearest bar. I need help Blaine. This isn't going to go away overnight. I … I … " He took a deep breath and clutched Blaine's hand against his chest, "I'm an alcoholic," he finished.
Blaine squeezed his arms tighter around Kurt as he felt his body shake from sobbing. "I'm so sorry Kurt. I'm sorry I was too selfish to be a friend to you. You needed me and I wasn't there." It was his turn to cry. He placed his cheek against the top of Kurt's head and let the tears flow. "We'll get you better, Kurt. I promise. I swear. If it's the last thing I do we are going to fix this - you, me, us." He placed a kiss to Kurt's temple and closed his eyes. Things were far from perfect but for the first time Blaine felt a little bit like his old self. He knew that he belonged here, with Kurt. And he knew that he would do everything in his power to make it right again.
That was it. That was the moment Kurt and Blaine pushed through the ugly stuff and were able to start with a clean slate. It was only up from there and they both dared to hope that they would make it. They dared to dream that they would become good friends again … and more.
As Kurt was telling Blaine that he felt stronger and felt like they could turn their relationship around, the kitchen table softly vibrated from Blaine's buzzing phone. A new text message from Tyler:
I waited for you but you never came so now you've made me angry. I'm going to find you and when I do you'll be coming home with me. And you'll end up in a world of hurt, I promise you.