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constellations
(blue caravan)
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Izumo says: She walks different, now. You know, years of guard duty kind of let you in on cues from people, and Sakura's walk isn't the same anymore. It's…like she's lugging around rocks now.
Can't be good for her posture, really.
–
Sakura walks through the gates at mid-morning on a generally unremarkable day. The clovers have just begun to bloom on the crests of the hills. She's clean and uninjured and wears a smile on her lips as she passes the guard station, kind greetings set in place.
Izumo waves jovially, and she stops to chat for a while before continuing on her journey to check in to the Hokage tower. Her reinstatement as a citizen of Konoha, she says, is going to take a few weeks to process in paperwork, and the earlier she files it, the better.
Kotetsu elbows Izumo when he opens his mouth to voice concern, and she waves goodbye.
Her footsteps recede in the distance, rubber soles grazing the concrete.
She is unchanged in most things—maybe a little older; the months have taken some of her for their own. Maybe a little mellower; the distance has scattered some of her brilliance along the winding roads.
She does not have Sasuke in tow with her. Among all things—the way the moon was awake while the sun was, the additional trinkets rustling in her backpack, the slightly puffy eyes—this is the one fact that stands out.
Sakura Haruno comes home empty handed.
–
Kakashi says: Sakura…she's fine. She's working herself to the bone as usual, and she's opted to do some of my paperwork, so I can't complain. The new pups like to spend their time at her apartment, though, and they never tell me anything about their time there. I think she's bribing them with kibble to keep silent. Wily of her.
She's…she's changed, a bit, from her travels. Something a little worldlier about her. It's…actually, now that I'm thinking about it, it reminds me of me a long time ago.
–
Kakashi watches as she crouches on the floor of his office, wide smile on her lips as she fawns over the new puppies wiggling on the blanket. Pakkun had finally found a lady friend, and the small, squirming wrinkly fluff balls on the floor and in her arms were his litter.
"I can't believe I missed this," she breathes in wonder. "I'm…Kakashi-sensei, tell Pakkun congratulations for me."
He nods and after a few more minutes of cooing, she wrenches herself away and stands back up, approaching his desk. "I'd like to refile for citizenship."
Kakashi glances at the drooping bags framing her lackluster gaze, but makes no comment either way. "Yeah, I'll get started on that. In the meanwhile," he says smoothly, retrieving her headband from his desk, "this belongs to you."
She nods, accepting the hitai-ate without comment. Her hand tightens around the red cloth, knuckles whitening. "If it's all right with you, I'll come back to fill out the paperwork later. I'd just really love a shower. It's been a long journey."
He nods again, slowly, and she's turning and walking away when he calls her. She stops in her step, muscles in her shoulders bunching in tension, and he walks from behind his desk to face her. He's not a man of affection, but hugging her takes nothing out of him. Her fingers curl in the stiff material of his ever present flak jacket, and she shudders a breath. He pretends he can't feel her swallowing back words.
"Welcome home," he pats her back encouragingly before pulling away, and her smile is watery when she looks up.
"Thank you."
–
Sai says: Ugly quit painting lessons. I read up a bit on severing bonds, since this reminds me a bit of that, and I have come to the conclusion that Ugly no longer wants to be friends. She no longer trains with the team as much, she doesn't paint, and she looks…not quite dead, but empty sometimes. Blank like a canvas.
In conclusion, I have to say that Ugly no longer wants to be around people.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad.
–
He shows up in her apartment two days later with Naruto in tow. "Training's at the same time it's always been," Naruto chirps, bounding into the kitchen to lean against the counter.
Sakura is sitting at the wooden table, hair mussed from sleep. Her face is sallow, more shadowed than it used to be. She's reading the paper and nursing a cup of lukewarm tea, and all in all, it seems like little has changed. She smiles as she looks up, toes wriggling the way they always have whenever she's pleased about something.
"I know, Naruto," she replies calmly, not perturbed about their barging in unannounced. "Hi, Sai," she turns to greet him from where he is lingering, unsure, at the threshold. He takes a few steps forward, and even though he has been in her apartment many times before, it has been a while, and something is different.
She is living out of her travel pack, he realizes, when he sees the scattered clothes on the couch, the blankets pooled on the floor as if she'd tossed them down there after getting up. The bedroom door is closed. The window is open.
"Sakura," he greets, closing the door behind him. "You look hung-over," he points out.
Something that might have resembled irritation almost surfaces but not before it's quelled by resignation. "I am a bit, actually. I had a little too much last night."
It doesn't take a lot to notice that there, almost hidden by the blankets on the floor, is a cup and a few empty bottles.
Naruto frowns. "That's not like you."
She gets up slowly, walking to the sink. The cup clatters noisily against the metal basin. Her back is to them when she finally responds, and the words are stilted, a forced joke as she turns the faucet on. "What, a girl can't have fun?"
–
Lee says: Radiant Sakura is no longer radiant and full of youth. It is quite sad, and is apparent she is suffering from some kind of life imbalance. I told her to join me for 300 laps around Konoha in the mornings and afternoon meditation, but she declined.
How terrible it is to have a heart slowly consumed before your eyes.
–
She splits her time between the mechanics of training and the nuances of genetic engineering. When she's not trying to regain the physique she'd had at the time of her exam months ago, she's laying in the sun of the field, flat on her stomach, intently reading through textbooks.
Lee watches her as she is single-minded in her intentions. She is well enough, he thinks as she hums while reading, scribbling notes in the margins and highlighting words, but she is not happy.
He can't tell how he knows, because for all intents and purposes, she's much the same. She's cheery and benevolent, purposeful and smart. But something is different.
Sakura stops while reading all of a sudden, exhaling in a shudder, and presses her forehead to the pages, closing her eyes.
Lee swallows and turns away.
–
Shikamaru says: I don't involve myself in these kinds of things. Sakura's a good friend, she's smart, she's still doing her work, and she's doing well. It's not my business to speculate further.
What do you mean that's not good enough? God, Ino, who gives a—
Fine. Fine. If you ask me, she looks lonely.
–
She goes to the flower shop to pick up her plants when Ino is away. Shikamaru is slumped behind the counter, apron tied around his waist, and despite everything, it brings a smile to her face. "You look nice," she teases, and he scowls.
"Ino forces me into it whenever she has—"
"Torture and interrogation rotations to do, I know. Or head of clan business, I imagine, as well."
"Yeah," he nods, and then frowns. "She's going to be pissed that you finally came by while she wasn't here."
She bites her lip, staring at the clock on the shelf intently. "It was the only day I had free. Hospital's got a slow day today, and I'm waiting for lab samples before I move further on my research."
He nods, staring at her speculatively, and she shifts uncomfortably, fingering a rose petal. "So…my plants?"
"Right," he confirms, getting up and shuffling to the back room. He sees out of the corner of his eye that as she turns away, she sighs, rubbing her arms self-consciously. Handling the pots with care, he returns with the cactus and the four small glass jars of herbs Ino had set on the back counter shelf. "Here you go," he hands them off to her in a box for easy carrying, and she smiles.
"They've grown," she notes in surprise, peering at the taller stalks of cilantro.
"Plants tend to do that," he drawls. "You've been gone for a while, so…changes happen."
She averts her eyes. "Right. Well, tell Ino I said hi, I suppose. And thank you. I should leave more often," she makes an attempt at a joke, "because my plants are always so much better off in her care." He raises his eyebrows, and she sighs. "Well, see you around," she manages after a moment of awkwardness and turns on her heel, quickly walking out.
He stares at her as she shoulders through the afternoon crowd outside, receding into the throng.
"Right."
–
Naruto says: Don't even get me started. I'm so…I'm so fucking pissed at Sakura-chan, of all people. I'm not even angry at Sasuke.
Okay yes I am. But I'm so…so…infuriated by the fact that she's trying to pretend like everything's okay, and like things are great, and that being back in Konoha is great, and this food is great, and the weather is great, and I love her, y'know? She's one of the best people I know.
But she's got to stop trying to lie to me. She should know that she doesn't need to do that.
–
"Naruto, I promise everything is okay. I told you this already." Sakura pats his back as he shows up, for the sixteenth day in a row at her apartment, demanding an explanation.
He snarls, ripping himself away from her touch as he stands abruptly. The chair he was sitting is knocked over at the force of his movements. "Bullshit." His words are brittle. He glares at her, and she in turn sighs, rubbing her face tiredly.
"I don't know what you want from me," she say almost hollowly.
"I just want you to be fucking real with me," he yells, knocking over a cup on the table, and it shatters as it hits the floor. She flinches.
"I liked that cup," she mumbles towards the porcelain, and his hands slam down on the table.
"Fuck the cup. I just…" he leans forward, and suddenly he looks unbearably sad, and Sakura cannot look at him anymore. She stares at her folded hands, fighting the burning in her lungs, the itching to scream back. But it is too much effort, and she doesn't have the capacity, and exhaustion is easier. "I just don't understand. I just…you're family, Sakura-chan," he says quietly, and the whispers cut deeper than his yells ever could.
Her lips tremble, eyes prickling with tears.
"Why don't you trust me?"
"I do," she implores, finally meeting his gaze again. "I do trust you. More than anyone. I'm just…" she bites her lip, and he slowly picks up the chair, sitting back down, waiting. She's ten seconds from telling him the truth, but then she stares at the glass, and she squeezes her eyes shut.
"I'm fine," she says. "Really."
He walks out the door, but the tears spill over even before the latch clicks shut. In the empty space of her apartment, Sakura cries.
–
Ino says: She's gone away somewhere, and if it takes interrogating everyone in this damned town, I'll do it. I'll do it all to find her.
I just…I just miss my Sakura.
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notes: so I finally figured out what was going to happen next chapter. I know what happens two chapters from now, but there used to be this black hole in between that I couldn't figure out what to do with...and I figured it out! so in celebration I thought I'd post this chapter on here. we'll see if I can find the time to write it. happy april!