Fickle

Old Fiat

Currently Listening: "Don't Let Me Down" by Idina Menzel from her album, I Stand.

Yay! Another chapter! We're getting still closer…

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Chapter 12: Heat

Gabriella's arms wrapped around Ryan's neck and his hands gently touched her waist, slowly pulling her closer to him. His pale fingers were soon in her thick dark hair. They had stopped dancing and were just standing—both with their eyes shut, using their hands to see.

I nearly dropped my cup of punch, but instead chose to hurl the plastic container at Ryan.

He and Gabriella broke apart as the red liquid was absorbed into the fabric of his shirt. I knew one of them said something, but I had turned away and was already pushing through the people, most of who were staring at me.

At least, I think they were. I don't know for sure. I was trying too hard to get away, too frantic to really be able to see anything. I felt hot though, and I don't mean attractive. I mean sweaty, sticky, cloudy warmth. It filled my head and made it difficult to hear or understand anything I saw. I could hear my heart, beating hard and fast against my chest, and I could still see Gabriella with her arms around him, their lips pressed together.

I ran out of the auditorium, my whole body growing hotter and hotter. Though it's strange, the first place I went was the bathroom. I guess I thought there wouldn't be many people in there and I was right. There was nobody in the long tiled room.

I quickly went over to one of the sinks and drank some of the frigid cold water. The burning feeling behind my eyes wouldn't cease. My whole body shook as I leaned against one of the stall doors. I couldn't get my thoughts straight. Random memories, formulas and pointless facts kept coming up in my memory and then disappearing a nanosecond later. The image of Ryan and Gabriella in the center of the dance floor was the most frequent visitor.

And suddenly, the heat pounding throughout my head faded a little as something wet fell down my cheek.

I was crying.

I haven't cried in a bazillion years so for a moment my body was frozen, my racing thoughts still whirling around my head. Then I burst into thick, heaving sobs and my whole body began to burn and shake as I fell to the cool, white floor. Suddenly, my mind began to question everything as the images continued to flash in the sticky fog.

Gabriella gave me a relieved smile as we promised to be friends.

Was she lying?

Ryan dancing with me at Chad's birthday.

Had he started making the moves on Gabriella before we broke up?

Chad's diary.

Was he really sorry?

My dad telling me he supported me, no matter what.

Did he mean it?

My tears splashed against the tiles as I gasped for air. It was too hot. My head would surely explode. But would anyone care? No, because they were all fickle—stupid fickle people who pretended to be friends and then stabbed you in the back. They'd rush to me again if I did anything famous or important or… stuff. It was getting harder and harder to think.

The sobs racking my body began to slow as I lay my head against the tile, in the pool of tears. I shut my eyes and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. That it was still August twentieth and I still had the whole student body on my side. Or maybe, better yet, that it was still July third and I still loved Gabriella more than anything in the universe.

How could Gabriella have done this? She said she was my friend. I thought she… That she'd help me or something. She was totally ready to! She'd tried to ask Ryan out for me, but I…

I didn't want to think. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to lie on the tile for the rest of my life and not talk to anyone ever again.

But of course, then someone came into the bathroom.

I sat up, unsure of whether it was so-called "friend" or some jerk, but it was Ryan (who, at this point, went under the latter).

"What do you want?" I asked. I felt totally stupid. I sounded stupid too, like some little kid who had just thrown a tantrum when no one was around to hear it.

Which is sort of what I'd done, actually.

Ryan looked down at my tear stained, tomato red face. He looked like he was… like he was pitying me.

"If you aren't going to say anything then you can go away." Actually, I didn't say 'go away'. Well, I did, but in far ruder terms.

He sat down next to me. I saw, with a tiny glint of satisfaction, that the collar and a good portion of the front of his shirt had been stained pink.

"Cold water will get that out, you know," I said after a while, gesturing to his shirt.

"I tried that," he said softly. "It didn't work."

"Oh."

We just sat there, side by side. Neither one of us wanted to speak. I just counted the ticks of my watch as we didn't move.

"Troy," Ryan finally said, his voice a little rough. "I hope you aren't blaming Gabriella for that."

"Of course not," I said, trying to keep track of the number of seconds passing as I spoke. "I blame both of you."

He laughed lightly and I sort of wanted to walk off, but my face was still scarlet, so I stayed sitting.

"That's the way to do it," he said and smiled.

I don't know why he did it, but I blinked and suddenly his face was right in front of mine. I could feel his breath on my nose and cheeks. I could smell the cologne he bought just for this night. It was almost intoxicating.

"Listen, Troy," he said, his eyes staring straight into mine. "I can give you what you want, but I don't think you'll be happier for it."

"What do you mean?" I asked, being a complete moron.

"I mean, what have you been wanting me to do ever since you first noticed me in 'that way'?"

I felt like I was choking. I couldn't even say anything. In fact, I just ended up nodding, whatever that meant in this situation. I mean, it wasn't a yes-or-nor question or anything.

Ryan pressed his mouth against mine. It was amazing. It was fabulous. I pictured fireworks were going off in my mind as I kissed him back, all my emotions flooding into the action.

And yet, I didn't like it.

I couldn't work out why at first as I pulled him closer to me. It was just what I'd wanted. No—just what I'd needed. But it still felt… cold. I wanted to flush with warmth the way I had done when I used kiss Gabriella, yet it was just a kiss. The fireworks weren't going off of their own accord. I had to forcibly make them appear. I wanted it to be amazing. I wanted it to be fabulous. But I wanted Ryan to think it was amazing and fabulous too.

That was it, I realized as we broke apart, his lips pink from the kiss. I looked at him. His eyes were blank; none of the joy I'd seen in them when he danced with Gabriella remained.

He doesn't want this, that dumb voice in my head whispered. And you don't want to force him.

I wanted to argue (mentally) back that I did so want that. I wanted to think that I couldn't have been happier during that kiss, that'd I'd never been happier ever before. But it wasn't true. I didn't want to force Ryan into anything. It wouldn't be… yeah…

Ryan stood up. "I didn't think it would." He looked down at me as I stared at the wall across from me. After a while, I heard the door close and turned back towards where he'd been standing.

He'd left.

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I thought I'd post this today since I'm working on chapter thirteen right now. Hope you guys liked it! Please give me feedback and shtuff. :)

-OFsI