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constellations

(refuge)

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It takes Sakura half an hour to spill all the words she'd stored up in the hollows of her teeth, the slender line of her tongue.

She doesn't address or sign it. She doesn't need to.

–

We are different animals, you and I.

Me, waiting and longing, a girl who has only ever seen you. You, trying.

These days have been longer than I can explain. It is a strange thing because I have never stopped missing you. Not when you were here, part of this home and this makeshift family. Not when I was there, tucked in your arms in parts of the world I had never explored.

I don't know how to explain–you have always been so far from me. I am the shore, but no matter how hard you swim, your own currents pull you away.

You see, Sasuke-kun, you have always been my ocean.

I planted my roots in you, my trees, my shore, my land, so long ago.

I can admit this: I will always want you to be here. Here beneath these trees that slope down these hills near this river. Here under this sun where I first learned what it meant to fight.

Here in these arms where I can cradle the hurt you soothe like an ulcer in your mouth, here where I can touch the unarmored parts of you which are mine alone.

But what I want, more than that, is for you to be alive, whole.

I love you entire.

I ask only that you know this: You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Be free.

–

He writes before he gets her letter.

–

Sakura,

I went to the sea today.

The afternoon heat was bearable, even when the summer solstice was at its peak. A cool wind blew steadily on my sails, carrying me to the outskirts of the world, this archipelagos shores untouched, unfettered.

As I stood alone, following the lone track of footsteps…

I have thought of you.

I took great lengths to find my solace, my answer to this self-imposed road to redemption. I lay myself bare, took all efforts to divest myself of all things that shackle.

But even here, all I can see are your eyes mirroring the clear green waters, glimmering with sunlight. The white sands on the pale skin of your wrist, my lips following the frail bottle glass line of your vein. I can hear you in ever crest and fall of the ocean, in every hushed sigh of the waves.

I have been looking for answers, but it seems…

I have left them with you.

Enclosed is a string of pearls I've gathered, lined in different forms–in teardrops, in glossy marbles, in imperfect rings–your hair, whorls of silver roses against pale sheets bright with moonlight.

Know that I've spent nights thinking of you.

It is time to come home.

Be well,

Sasuke

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notes: *wipes tears* so close
thanks to mary oliver (poet), sincerelyjoanna (inspiration), tin (ethereal human), and miko (goddess among mortals whose letter I stole entirely for this) for everything