A/N: Thanks everyone! The support for this story has been tremendous.

Disclaimer: All the usual stuff. I don't own it and I make nothing from my efforts.

Chapter 3

This had become my nightly routine; get some takeout, sit on the couch, watch some sporting event, but not really seeing it, while I knocked back a couple of beers. Some nights I managed to forget the pain in my heart, or more exactly, I managed to drown it in alcohol, numbing all of my pain.

Most nights though, weren't like that. Most nights I just sat here until my beer got warm thinking about where I went wrong. If I had done something differently would Stephanie still be here with me?

The Islanders game had ended long ago and some annoying informercial was blaring from the television set. I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts of my Cupcake. When that failed I finished my beer and stood. After shutting off the set, the only light that remained was what filtered in through the curtains from the street light outside. I didn't bother to turn on any lights, I didn't need any to find my way upstairs.

"Come on Bob," I told the dog lying at my feet, "lets go to bed."

I moved towards the staircase and Bob slowly got to his feet and followed me. He wasn't as energetic or as happy-go-lucky anymore. It was obvious, Bob missed Steph too.

Making a quick stop in the bathroom, I brushed my teeth before taking a leak. I flushed the toilet and headed for my bedroom. As I walked into the room I stripped off my t-shirt and threw it on the floor with the rest of the dirty clothes. I sat down on the edge of the bed to remove my boots, tossing them into a corner of the room. Yanking off my socks, I blindly threw them across the room. Undoing the fly of my pants, I let them fall to the floor, leaving me in my blue boxer briefs.

I flopped back down on the bed. Lying on my back, my head was resting on my pillow, as I pulled the covers over me. I stared at the ceiling and tried to will myself to sleep. I didn't sleep well anymore, unless I managed to drink myself into a stupor and I passed out, but I hated doing that. Most nights, I just lay here and stared at the ceiling at the ceiling until sheer exhaustion claimed my body and I drifted into a restless sleep. If I was lucky I'd snatch a few hours sleep before I had to get up and go to work.

After an hour of counting the cracks in the ceiling, willing myself not to think about Stephanie, I determined tonight was not going to be a good night. I couldn't stop thinking about her. She haunted my nights.

I got up and walked back into the bathroom. Maybe a drink of water would help, anything to take my mind off my troubles. I turned on the tap and filled the glass next to the sink with water. Turning off the water, I took my glass and returned to the bedroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I took a long sip and another, before sitting the he half empty cup on the night stand. With a sigh I lay back down and tried to sleep.

It didn't take long to realize I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. As soon as my head hit the pillow my thoughts returned to Steph, to the fight that ended our romantic relationship for good.

Flashback:

I had hung a heavy bag in the basement of my home. It gave me a place to work off all the tension of the day without hurting myself or anyone else. It had the added benefit of keeping me from putting to many holes in my walls.

I had come home from a rough day at work and quickly changed into a pair of blue mesh athletic shorts and a pair of sneakers, before heading downstairs. I had managed to work up a good sweat, when I heard the front door open, which was odd since I locked the door. After a moment I heard the sounds of footsteps as someone entered my house. Then I heard Steph call out, "Joe."

'Shit.' I really don't want to talk to Stephanie yet. I had managed to avoid her for two weeks since "the incident," although it really wasn't all that hard. The first week she didn't even try to call me and I heard through the ever efficient Burg grapevine, that she never left Manoso's side, staying at his apartment to care for him. The second week Steph did try to call me but I refused to answer her, using my caller I.D. to screen my calls. I wasn't ready to talk to her and didn't know if I would ever be.

And now she was here. Maybe if I pretended not to be home, she'd just leave. She didn't know about the punching bag in the basement, hopefully she wouldn't think to look down here. Grabbing hold of the bag, I stood quietly as I leaned into it and listened to Steph walking around upstairs.

I could here her footsteps as she walked across the floor above my head. "Joe?" she called out again, as she walked closer to the basement door.

'Damn!' I cursed to myself, as I heard her open the door. I really didn't want to do this now. Maybe never.

"Joe?"

In a last ditch effort, I remained quiet hoping she wouldn't come down the stairs. I just shook my head when I heard her shoes on the steps. I should've known her natural curiosity wouldn't let her leave until she snooped down here.

As her foot hit the basement floor, she glanced around, searching for me. I heard her sharp intake of breath when she finally found me, still holding the heavy bag.

"Shit Joe!" Steph exclaimed, "You scared me."

I just shrugged my shoulder but didn't answer her. I really didn't care whether I startled her or not.

Stephanie moved closer and continued, "Why didn't you answer me?"

Angry with her or not, I couldn't help but notice that she was gorgeous today. She was wearing a simple pink V-neck sweater that did nothing to hide the fact that she was not wearing a bra. It seemed to cling to her cleavage, the nipples of her breasts pressing tautly against the fabric. Her blue jeans were tight and hugged all of her luscious curves. I could feel my body betraying me, as my cock responded to the sight of her. I was thankful for the bag in front of me or my erection would have been obvious through my thin athletic shorts. I tried to think of something to quash my desire for her.

Steph's cheeks were flushed and there was a twinkle in her eyes that I had never seen before. She seemed to glow with happiness and love. That thought was enough to reign in my rampaging urges. I didn't put that look on her face, Manoso did. She was in love with him! Feeling all of my anger rush back, I refused to acknowledge her; instead I just started punching the bag again.

"Joe, we needed to talk about this."

In response I just struck the bag harder. I could feel the sweat dripping into my eyes and roll down my back but I ignored it.

Finally she touched my shoulder and said, "Please, Joe."

I tensed and pulled my shoulder out of her grasp. "Don't touch me."

She pulled back her hand as if she were burned. She looked at me, surprise shining in her eyes, while I glared at her. Eventually, I turned away and started hitting the heavy bag again, ignoring her. Maybe she'd get the hint and leave.

I should have known better. After a few moments she said, "You weren't answering my phone calls."

Throwing another punch, I didn't bother to look at her when I answered, "Did you think maybe I didn't want to talk to you."

"Yes," she replied, "But we need to talk about us."

"What us?" I managed to snarl, through clenched teeth.

"We need to discuss our relationship."

I could feel the rage building inside me. I knew I wasn't ready to talk to Stephanie yet but she just had to force the situation, instead of leaving me alone to lick my wounds. To vent my anger, I struck the bag with a combination of punches that sent it flying. I felt satisfaction when I heard Steph suck in a startled breath. Grabbing the swinging punching bag, I steadied it, before leaning against it as I replied, "I figured any relationship between us was over when I found you in bed with Manoso."

"Nothing happened between us Joe."

I shook my head and answered, "It didn't look that way Steph."

Meeting my eyes, she said, "Honestly, we are just friends."

I couldn't help the bitter laugh before I answered, "Don't lie to me! I am not blind or stupid."

She flinched but stood her ground and didn't look away. "I'm not."

"This is the Burg, Cupcake," I spat the last word. "Do you really think I haven't heard but your encounters in the alley beside the bonds office?"

I saw a flash of guilt cross her face but she quickly masked it. "I can explain," she started but I cut her off.

"How about the bakery?" I asked.

"I..." she stuttered.

Still leaning against the bag, I questioned, "Where did you stay during the Slayer deal?"

I could see the tears in her eyes but I was having a hard time finding any sympathy for her within me. "Joe, I didn't mean to," she started but I stopped her again, closing my eyes and shaking my head.

"But you did," I accused, as tears started down her cheeks. "You may never have had sex with him," I was shocked to see the look of guilt on her face as she looked away. I felt like someone sucker punched me in the gut, knocking all the air out of my lungs. I couldn't believe it. She fucked him!

I turned my back on her. I couldn't stand the sight of her right now. The hurt felt like a stone was sitting on my chest and I could feel the rage building. To keep myself from doing something I'd possibly regret later, I started pounding on the heavy bag. I pictured Manoso's face as I tried to beat the stuffing out of the bag. I imagined my punches turning his smug face to a bloody pulp.

I kept hitting the bag over and over again, trying to release all the anger and hurt I felt. I could feel Stephanie's eyes on me and occasionally I'd hear her sniffle but I didn't stop. The sweat soaked my hair and beaded on my face. I could feel the droplets roll down my back and dampen the top of my shorts but still I didn't slow down. My hands ached but still I kept on. It wasn't until I worked my self to the point of utter physical exhaustion did I slow down. Just as I felt my legs start to give out, I slammed my fist into the heavy bag one last time. I stumbled backwards until I could feel the cool concrete wall behind me and slowly slid down it, until I sat on my butt with my back against the wall. I buried my face in my hands and tried to close out the world, to make everything go away.

After a few moments I looked up and managed to look at Stephanie. She was standing on the other side of the small basement, her arms crossed across her chest, tears staining her cheeks. "I never meant to hurt you Joe," I heard her say.

"You did a real good job of it."

"I am so sorry."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. A few long moments passed before I could look at her again, "Do you want to know what the ironic thing is?" I asked.

"What?"

"I never cheated on you."

"When we apart?" she questioned.

"Not even then," I told her. "I figured after Dickie, I'd have to earn your trust and love and if you caught me with someone else, even when we were apart, you'd never trust me again." I rubbed my eyes with my hands, "I just never realized you'd go behind my back and screw someone else."

"What about Terri?"

"I always kept my relationship with Terri completely professional," I informed her. "You were the only woman in my life."

"I'm sorry," I heard her whisper, as she hugged herself.

I snorted at that. Leaning my head back against the wall, I commented, "I should have known that night."

Confused, Stephanie asked, "Known what?"

"That there was something going on between you and Manoso."

Looking at her I could still see the puzzlement written there. "The night Manoso was shot. I should have known something was up."

"Why?"

"You never reacted like that when I was hurt," I said, "You never fell apart."

Stephanie took a step towards me, as if she were going to comfort me but with one look from me she stopped and moved back to the other wall. I could see her tears to start again. "I was always terrified your work would get you hurt."

I shook my head and snorted again, "The only time I got hurt was when I was helping you."

"It wasn't my fault."

"It never was," I replied, "But even after Con ran me down and I was lying in the street with a broken leg, you didn't fall apart. You always kept it together." I met her eyes, "Says something about our relationship, don't it?"

She had no comment for that and we sat quietly for a moment. Finally I asked her, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you tell me you loved me?"

"I did love you Joe," she insisted, from her place on the other side of the room, "But that night I figured out I loved Ranger too."

I closed my eyes until I could control my emotions. One word she said stood out. "Did Steph?"

She covered her mouth in shock and her tears started again. "I..." she started to explain.

I waved her off. "I don't wanna hear it Stephanie. Just get out."

"Please listen," Stephanie pleaded.

I looked up sharply, "I don't want to hear any excuses,"

I could hear her crying, "Joe..."

"No!" I shouted, "Go back to Manoso!"

With a sob, she turned and ran up the stairs. I leaned against the wall. After a moment I heard the front door slam shut and a few seconds later, I heard a car peel out and leave. 'Good riddance,' I thought, 'cheating whore!'

I sat there for what felt like hours, trying to figure what went wrong.

End Flashback

I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face in my pillow. It had been a month since that night and we still weren't talking. I was unsure if I ever wanted to talk to her again. She shattered my world and stomped it into tiny pieces. She didn't even seem to give a damn.

She's already moved on. It seemed the whole Burg had to tell me she was seeing Manoso. Like that was some big surprise.

I was left picking up the pieces, trying to put my life back together again. Ever since we were kids I figured we'd be together. I always thought she was the only one for me. I just had to wait for her to grow up. That dream was over. Dead and over.

I flopped onto back. Maybe some day I'd actually sleep without dreaming of her...someday...but it wouldn't be tonight.

TBC