The question is: was I mad before I donned the hood?
Don't ask me, I can't be trusted. I remember it a thousand different ways. There are nights - long, cold, lonely nights in Arkham - when I think about my past. I have flashbacks to my youth, and I see myself as a Lord of the English Houses with a deformed smile. I remember an explosion leaving me with nerve damage that trapped my face in a permanent smile. Sometimes, I'm an animated mobster or a nihilistic mastermind; others, a failed comedian or a fired technician working with chemicals. I've even dreamt that I was an actor with a poorly hidden moustache.
But does it really matter? Half the time, I don't even think I'm real. None of it is. It's just one big cosmic gag, and we're the butt of the joke. When will you see that it's better not to worry? Just keep smiling. Be happy. Look on the bright-side of life. And death.
Who cares what I was? It's who I am now that matters. After all, it's not the build-up but the punchline that makes the show. Let's face it, it's not like this is high-brow. Slapstick violence is the order of the day, and you can't make omelettes without breaking a few Robin eggs.
Just forget about my real identity, love me for who I am! Plain old imperfect me, whacky humour, homicidal rage and all. But, I suppose, if it matters that much, I'll tell you what I can. If it's important to you, it's important to me. We can flick through family albums, take a trip down memory lane. You can be the Homecoming Queen. Ooh hahaha!
No, stop. It hurts when I laugh. Or is that the other way around? Come on now, tall, dark and brooding. What's the plan? You do have a plan, don't you? I imagine you've already run fingerprints, DNA analysis, facial recognition, voice recognition, blood and teeth. Knowing you, you've even used my cute little ears. Ha! And not a thing.
It's starting to look like I don't exist. Maybe, I'm in your head. Maybe you're in mine! The whole actor angle is looking pretty good right about now, don't you think?
So tell me, Batsy, can you see the hairs on my top lip?
Here, have a closer look. I'll take it off. I'll take the whole face off. Hahahahaha!