Her face scrunched up in concentration as she flipped page after page of the large tome in her lap. She sat on the battlements, our spot, her leg swinging back and forth in a playful manner. He smiled, watching her, holding the scolding tea he knew she loved. She didn't look when he approached, though he knew she could hear the thudding of his boots on the stone. He sat next to her patiently waiting until she came to a stopping point. Her index finger followed the hastily scribbled words and her brow was furrowed as her eyes ran rapidly over the text.
He wondered briefly what it was that had captured her attention so intently. He tried to make out the words, but from his perch on the battlement it was near impossible. After sometime, a frustrated huff passed through her lips, and she shook her head before looking up to him with a smile, the smile that had stolen his heart the moment he met her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching for the tea and holding it between her hands tightly for warmth. "The trainers Leliana found me have me studying various spells and techniques. It's like the Circle all over again. Well, except for the over bearing templars." She almost growled out, before her eyes widened in shock, looking at Cullen in almost a pleading manner. "I'm sorry! I didn't… Not you, just… you know." She looked down to her hands holding the cup and a flustered blush crept up her pale cheeks.
He smiled sadly at her, not offended by the comment but it pained him to know his brothers in arms caused her such hate and rage, such distrust. It still amazed him that she could be with him…
"It's quite alright," He whispered, running his knuckles softly against her cheek, tucking strands of soft brown hair behind her ear. She looked unconvinced, shaking her head in silent disagreement. He sighed, a sound of exhaustion and shame. "It's just… I trusted in the Order, their causes, and even my less honorable brothers. I use to be just like them." He looked out onto the vast landscape that was the Frostback mountains, remembering his darker days in Ferelden and Kirkwall.
Soft fingers cupped his cheek, brushing the stubble, and turning his head back to deep violet eyes. Juliana smiled lightly at him, her eyes filled with understanding and compassion. "But you're not any longer, and some of them…" She took a shaky breath. "Some of their actions cannot be so easily forgiven." He noticed the pain in her eyes, the horrid memories that haunted her of past templars, just as his haunted him of past mages.
She was different than any mage he had ever met, even that of Solona Amell, the Hero of Ferelden. Juliana Trevelyan, leader of the Inquisition and Herald of Andraste was a woman of unshakable faith, strength and light. He felt empowered in her presence, and most everyone else did as well. She restored his faith and helped him whenever he faltered. This woman was nothing like the dark mages, lusting after their own power, and that helped him past all his memories, but also enabled his guilt.
He had done horrible things to mages after the Ferelden Circle, never trusting any mage to their own devices and always the first to exercise the Rite of Tranquility. He shuddered, thinking about the mages he held down, listening to their pleads for death or freedom, branding the mark upon their foreheads.
He looked back to his lovers eyes, seeing the life and joy in them, the happiness they brought others and himself. How could he have done what he did? What if it had been her? He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her onto his lap and resting his forehead on her shoulder, breathing in the scent of lavender and rose that was distinctly Juliana. "Cullen?" She whispered, threading her fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp gently and sending shivers down his spine.
"These dark thoughts never leave, Julie." He whispered, holding her tight. "What I've done… How can you love a broken man?" His voice cracked, and the unshed tears burned behind his eyes. Her arm rested on his shoulders, gripping the furs attached to his armor tightly. "You're not broken, Cullen. You're a man who fought for justice, and protection. You only did what you thought best." Her voice was gentle, and soft, a soothing song in the midst of a battle.
He pulled back, to look at her, to see the truth in her eyes. "You don't know what I have done."
"The past is the past, dwelling on it now will not change it. No matter how much we might want to. Here, now? You're the man I love, and who you are now is not the man you use to be." He stared deep into violet pools, searching for deceit and dishonesty, the qualities he use to associate with mages alike, but only found understanding and the depth of her words. He could see that she loved him, and she was right. The only thing to do now was to be a better man, for her.
"And I love you." He smiled, kissing her deeply, tasting the hint of mint tea on her lips. She smiled, biting her lip as she pulled away.
"Commander…" Her voice was soft, teasing almost. She leaned in, her lips brushing his ear, causing the hair on his arm to stand on end. "I think we have some… Things to discuss back in your office." She nibbled at his earlobe before jumping off the battlements and racing towards the door. He grinned from ear to ear. She is something else, he thought to himself before chasing after her.