Red vs Blue and its characters are the creation of the crew at Rooster Teeth. It is itself inspired by Halo, owned by Bungie and Microsoft.
Spoilers solely for the after-credit scene at the end of RvB12.
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The gold helmet clattered to the floor, smoke wisping as the circuits gave way.
"I told you I'd get us out of there! Now remember what we agreed. No psychopathic takeovers or I zap you with my super-Alpha powers. I'm looking at you Sigma. Now let's see who let us..."
The projection's arms sank toward his sides as he looked around the room. Carolina and Wash were frozen mid-boost, the reds were still holding the display case, and...
"...out?"
"Carolina?" asked one of the AI.
"Agent Texas?"
"Guys?"
"Not these idiots again," growled Omega.
"Wait, Alpha?" asked Tucker. "Were you in there the whole time?"
"No, the iceberg gave us two weeks' vacation every year of course we've been here the whole time. Last couple months have been dicey, though. We had to hide out in the data compressor until those douchebags cut enough holes in the system for us to escape. And quit that 'Alpha' bullshit. My name's Church!"
A blue-gray hologram appeared over Carolina's shoulder. "Somebody call me? I got our escape route mapped out, but it's not gonna stay open forever. Did you meatsacks manage to get your hands on Maine's old..."
All nine AI looked at Epsilon.
Epsilon looked back.
"Well this is awkward."
"I'm gonna ...go check on Caboose," said Grif.
"Okay, what the hell?" asked Alpha.
Wash and Tucker exchanged a glance.
"We ...kind of call the new guy Church?" said Wash.
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"I can't believe you jerks just replaced me," seethed Alpha.
"Hey this isn't a picnic for me either!" snapped Epsilon. "I just got hit with five years of memories in like two seconds." He turned to Texas. "You beat him up without a body? I'm impressed."
"It wasn't that hard. I just have to use code instead of my boot up his ass."
"Hey!"
"All right!" Wash held up his arms. "I'm sure the fact that there are two Churches poses difficulties for each of us, but right now, we need to complete the mission and get out of here."
"Agreed," said Carolina. "As far as I'm concerned, having Delta and the others back is an asset. We're all adults and we can get past it."
"Have you met us?" asked Tucker. "They're just going to be assholes in stereo."
"I fucking hate you, Tucker," said Alpha.
"How do you think I feel?" asked Washington. "You've both been in my head and I nearly died both times."
"You know, it's possible that the way I've developed since I got released has caused me to deviate from the original Alpha personality," offered Epsilon.
"Fuck you, like my experiences don't count. But other than that, what he said. We're totally not the same dude," said Alpha. "I developed a strong and supportive working relationship with Agent Texas. We're totally almost back together."
Texas mimed a brawler's punch and Alpha's projection blitzed. "Ow! Honey, don't embarrass me."
"Well Tex can go with you if she wants because I got over her." Epsilon looked up, "But if you wanna get together just to catch up or something—"
Tex mimed a whapping motion and Epsilon glitched. "Ow!"
"I've been a great leader these past five years."
"Yeah well I've learned how to run Freelancer equipment and be a better person."
"I got to know my brother AI."
"I got to know Carolina."
"I helped us fight rampancy."
"I helped save Chorus."
"I learned to never give up."
"I learned to let things go!"
"See?" said Alpha. "This is not going to be an issue because even though we share a past, we're not the same guy any more. We don't react the same to anything."
A figure in regulation blue walked into the room. "Hey Carolina, I thought I heard people talking without me and then I—"
He looked left. Then he looked right.
"Oh MY GOD! TWO BEST FRIENDS!"
"Shut up Caboose," said Alpha.
"Now we can play three-card monty together. And we shall go to the fair!"
"Shut up, Caboose!" said Epsilon.
"We are going to solve so many crimes. And I can introduce you to Freckles..."
"Shut up, Caboose!"
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Originally posted as Darkfrog24 under the title "Limitations of Individual Experience."
drf24 at columbia dot edu