Femme Fortress2: Meet the Engineer
In the resupply area at the Turbine map, a red haired Mississippi woman in engineer's overalls and hard hat pounds at a sentry. Satisfied that the machine is working, Engineer presses a button on the side of it and folds it back into its portable form.
With the sentry is working, Engineer walks towards a silver Volkswagen beetle and begins to tinker under the hood. While she works, she speaks to the camera. "I know what you're thinking; as an engineer, what kind of problems do I solve on the team."
She looks up and wipes some engine grease off her face, "Well, I solve practical problems. Like for example: how am I supposed to do my job when my teammates are a pack of stupid bitches that I normally wouldn't trust with a potato gun?"
Cut to the battle where Engie dodges bullets and hostile sniper fire while carrying a folded up dispenser.
A wave of Blue Soldiers all come running at Engine with bowie knives drawn, when Heavy appears behind a corner with her Gatling gun.
Laughing loudly, Heavy mows down the blue soldiers, nearly killing Engineer in the process; only by diving to the ground at the last second does Engie keep her head.
At the workshop, Engineer starts to work on a prosthetic hand. "I'm a divorced mother of two from the State that has the highest rate of murder, rape and unemployment in America; Mann Co was the best I could get."
In combat, Engineer grapples with an enemy spy, as they wrestle; the Spy's knife is only inches away from engineer's eye.
Scout suddenly appears and doesn't even notice Engie fighting for her life. "Awesome! A dispenser! I needed ammo." Scout shouts and runs off to leave Engineer to her fate.
As Engineer works on the car, she continues to grouse about her teammates. "Pretty much everybody here treats me like shit. Except for Soldier; but she's a registered sex offender."
Engineer walks into a walk in fridge only to spot Soldier with bloody bandages around her wrists and her face smeared with dried blood.
"What the fuck were you doing?" Engie asks in disbelief.
She regrets that she asked.
"I shit my pants," says Soldier happily.
Engie walks out of the walk in fridge.
Slamming the beetle's hood shut, Engine wipes her hands on a rag. "The only one around here I really am on good terms with is the Demo. The both of us are the only ones around here with a secondary education and she knows almost as much about mechanics as I do."
Cut to the team showers as Engineer and Demowoman are having hot shower sex. Everything is pixelated out but we can hear Demo pant over and over again, "Mommy, mommy—MOMMY!"
Likewise we can't see her or what the hell she's doing but Demowoman huskily says, "Squeal like a pig, Engineer-kun."
The camera pans out to show Scout standing next to the shower dressed in the one dress she owns. "And that's just the preview!" she shouts, not getting a peep from the ladies in the shower. "Just give your credit card or information to Scout-fuck Industries and you'll get an unlimited supply of hot and freaky girl on girl action!"
"But I'm not done yet!" Scout grins into the camera, adjusting the ribbon in her hair. "Order our deluxe membership and you'll see what it is that Soldier does when the lights go off!"
At last, Engie gets into the Volkswagen. In the back seat are two fine looking biracial children with dark complexions; a boy and a girl. Both of the kids look bored and want to get going.
"I've finally gotten my driver's license, so now I don't need a ride from Soldier," Engie says, "Now if you'll excuse me, I better get my ass moving before my kids are late for school."
The Volkswagen rumbles as though it has a semi-truck engine inside of it. From out the back of the vehicle a silver exhaust pipe extends while a jet engine pops up out of the hood.
Taking off the emergency break, the jet turbine starts to spin and fire shoots out of the exhaust port. The jet powered Volkswagen shoots forward so fast it looks like it teleported. Engineer maneuvers her car at speeds so high the cops will need a Harrier Jet to give her a speeding ticket.
In less than half a second, Engineer has put the Red Base behind her, setting half of it on fire with her jet engine in the process.
Femme Fortress 2
Inside Engie's jet car, her son suddenly shouts out, "Mom! I left my IPad at the base."