"So is everyone present?" Steve Rodgers asked as he walked into the Avengers meeting area.
"Spider-man isn't." Carol Danvers responded.
"Is anyone surprised?" Clint asked.
"Does anyone know where he might be and when he might arrive?" Captain America asked of the group. No one came forward with any information.
"Have you checked with the Future Foundation?" Tony Stark asked.
"I'm here, aren't I? And he ain't part of the team anymore with Johnny back." The Thing responded.
"Is this urgent, Cap?" Natasha inquired.
"No, we can wait."
Wolverine chose that moment to turn on the TV so he could tune everyone out and was surprised, although not astoundingly so, to see the web-crawler on the screen.
"Here we are, live outside of a bank in midtown where the spectacular spider-man is in a fierce battle with the super-villain shocker." The television blared.
Everyone turned to either Logan or the TV in astonishment.
"I didn't know, but it was only likely." The x-man grunted.
"We can report that Spider-man has gotten the twelve hostages to safety and has engaged the criminal. Police have set up a perimeter so as to prevent more civilians coming in the way of danger. Thankfully though we can report that there have been no casualties or injuries so far."
As the news reporter said this Spider-man could be seen in the background crashing into a building.
"Do you think we should go help him?" Carol asked.
"Or just get the meeting started, Spider-man is clearly busy." Hawkeye suggested. Carol glared at him but he seemed oblivious.
"Well that's a great way to treat a fellow Avenger." Carol seethed.
"He has ways of contacting us." Tony Stark said diplomatically. "If he needed help he would have asked. Plus it's someone he's dealt with many times before."
"When was the last time, or even the first, that Spider-man actually asked us for help rather than the other way around?"
No one answered, which in itself was answer enough.
"Guys, this is a pointless argument." Luke Cage interjected, pointing to the television.
It seemed the fight was over; Spider-man was standing close to the cameras above a clearly beaten Shocker, whose costume was in tatters, and was now applying webbing to hold the villain down. Then spider-man visibly seemed to notice the cameras for the first time and struck a heroic pose.
"And stay out of New York!" He declared in his best heroic voice.
The Avengers in the tower all groaned.
"Spider-man, a few words for channel 4 news?"
"Well, since you said please." Spider-man acquiesced.
"Now he's doing an interview? Doesn't he know we're waiting?" Mockingbird raged.
"So d'you want a Captain America? I was just doing my duty and am glad nobody got hurt." Spider-man said in his best impression. "Or maybe Iron Man? Yes it was extremely heroic of me and yes I always have time to give out autographs, but first what say you to dinner tonight at 8, beautiful?"
The avengers looked to the two who had been poked fun of while trying to stifle laughter. Captain America had his usual look of calm stoicism while Tony wore a mask of mock-outrage. All were shocked when Captain Marvel let loose a small giggle.
"Spider-man," the reporter said, unaffected by his jokes, "you've been gaining popularity again recently, any plans to go back to television?"
"No. But that's actually an interesting question with a complex reasoning, you see…"
"Spider-man," A policeman said, coming into frame. "We were hoping to get your statement at the precinct."
"This old song and dance. You won't take my statement unless I take off the mask, so it ain't happening. I just remembered I'm running late for an Avengers meeting," Spider-man said as though making up an excuse, "and you know, duty calls and such. But we're still on for tomorrow at that grocery store hold-up? Excellent." He said before swinging away from the scene.
The TV suddenly went blank and everyone turned to Logan with the remote in his hand.
"5 minutes starting now." Wolverine growled and scribbled down the time to the second.
"What?"
"My bet, for how long he'll be."
"10 minutes," Ben said. "He's bound to run into some other crime on his way. We saying 10 bucks each?"
"Sounds good," Clint said, "I'll go 8 minutes."
"With the distance from there to here, factoring in the delay for a live feed and accelerating time, 1 minute 14 seconds, and make it twenty." Tony Stark said.
"You're mad, that's like the best time, but this is Spider-Man we're talking, I'll say another 15 minutes." Luke Cage put in.
"3 and a half minutes." Carol said.
"Carol?" Jess asked; it wasn't like her to join in with this stuff.
"What, I always win when I bet on Spider-man." Carol responded mistaking the question being about the chances of winning the bet as opposed to her doing something out of character.
"Anyone else?" Clint asked.
"I'd've gone for 5, don't want to lose money so I'm good." Jess said.
No one else responded so everyone looked to the clock.
"What was the starting time?" Jessica Jones asked.
"6 minutes past exactly." Wolverine answered.
"Unlucky, Stark." Clint mocked.
"Technically I've got until 8 minutes and 22 seconds past before Carol takes it." Tony responded.
"So has anyone seen the new Batman film yet?" Spider-woman asked.
"Can't we just enjoy the time Spider-man isn't here by not having this kind of conversation?" Clint joked.
"So you have seen it and don't want to talk about how much you enjoyed it?" Jessica teased.
"As if. It's all a pile of…"
"Hey guys, sorry I'm late, I was at the cinema, and you know the rules, no phones or Avengers calling cards allowed." Spider-man said as he crawled through the open window.
"What's the time?" Tony asked.
"8 minutes and 24 seconds at time of arrival." Wolverine said with his tone flecked with laughter.
A collective groan went around a few members at the table, none larger than Tony Stark's, as five of them handed twenty dollars to Carol.
"Did I miss something?" Spider-man asked.
"You just won me a hundred bucks." Captain Marvel announced smugly.
"Excellent, do I get a cut?"
"I suppose," she said, offering him 10 dollars, "go buy yourself something pretty."
"I know you're only offering that to me as a joke, but I'm strapped for cash so thank you." Spider-man said, reaching out for the money before Carol quickly withdrew her hand.
"Well if that's how you want to act about my charity maybe I'll just keep it."
"Please, I'll be good."
"You know we know you weren't at the movies, we saw you fighting shocker on TV." Bobbi said, interrupting the infatuated heroes.
"Sorry. Next time I won't be late because I'm saving hostages, only if it's something as important as watching Batman punch Bane in the jaw… wait, you saw it, interview included?"
"Yep." Tony said simply.
"Well I'm sure you managed to get through the meeting without me. And Santa's little helper here," Spider-man placed his hand on Wolverines head who growled angrily causing Peter to hastily retreat his hand, "can fill me in on it later."
"Spider-man." Captain America said as Spider-man reached the window he had just entered, his voice betraying nothing but a desire to commence the meeting. "Sit."
Spider-man obeyed almost immediately.
"So I gathered you all here today because I think we need to make some changes to the way the Avengers currently operate." Cap started. "I know the two teams system has worked alright but I don't think it can last and I think there are better methods. I want you all to be part of the same team."
"Cap, I thought we had a deal." Luke spoke up.
"Just listen. It makes more sense because then we can customise the team to the situation. Obviously if you want to set up a team yourself you'll be able to contact any one of the Avengers. I think it goes without saying that either Luke or Tony would be in command of the teams, or whoever best suits the mission if they are unavailable."
"That would be perfect for me, this whole two teams thing is killing me," Peter said.
"Weren't you on three teams, two shouldn't be too bad?"
"Yeah, and I need a break. Please Luke, say yes."
"It sounds reasonable, you've kept good on your word so far, I'll give it a shot. But I still don't like the idea of the government calling the shots." Luke said.
"With the Avengers it never feels like the shots are being called, the government might just alert us to possible end of the world threats before we discover them." Tony offered.
"Besides, you're allowed to turn down missions if you like, none of this is compulsory. But obviously your pay-checks will reflect that." Cap said.
"Hey has the rule changed about being allowed both a secret identity and a pay-check?" Spidey queried.
"Unfortunately not." Cap responded.
"It's only because they know you'll never turn a job down." Ben said
"What can I say, I'm just a glutton for saving the world."
"So everyone's agreed?" Cap asked. There were no voices of dissent. "Excellent. I assume some of you will eventually be able to get the word to Hulk, Thor, Iron Fist and Daredevil. So shall we each give an update, you start Spider-man, given you were late."
"Aye aye, Cap." Peter said as he gave a salute. "Let me set the scene." He said and jumped up onto his chair and began gesturing with his hands. "It is a period of civil war." Carol started giggling. "Rebel spaceships, fighting from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil galactic empire. During the battle, rebel spies…"
"Wait is that Star Wars?" Clint asked.
There were a few face-palms around the table, as those who had known instantly couldn't believe it had taken this long while others now wore faces of recognition.
"Spider-man, be serious." Cap urged.
"What? The highlight of my week was watching Star Wars with my new girlfriend." Few noticed Carol blush as he said this. That was her highlight too, but it was nice to hear.
"But no one cares about your personal life, bub."
"Oh, Spike, you wound me." Spider-man said as he clutched his heart and collapsed back into his seat.
"Spider-man." Cap said. He seemed to also say that it would be the last warning, but he didn't need to speak it aloud to get the point across.
"Fine, there was some FF stuff, but Rocky would be better to ask, and I'm off the team now, some New Avengers stuff, and some old, but Luke and ferrous-head can get to those. Apart from that I went to space to save John Jameson with flame-breath, but I think Cap knows about that. Oh and there was a Sandman thing with the human flashlight too. There was almost a disaster at Horizon that destroyed New York, but this time Peter Parker saved the day, not Spider-man, I already detailed tin-man on that one. Teamed up with Daredevil and Black Cat, Matt can say more about that. The sinister six global-warming plot was foiled, but I guess you guys know about that, it was quite public. And, um, this week there were 5 bank robberies, 3 car chases, 12 muggings, 2 gang fights, 9 hold ups, 6 burning buildings and 5 cats in trees." The last part was sung in the style of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
As always silence followed Peter's update.
"Oh and Shocker, but you guys saw that on TV."
"Wait you're not joking, are you?" Clint asked.
"I'm always serious about crime."
"Says the guy who started singing the theme tune to underdog during a fight against HYDRA." Ben laughed.
"But it's also Wolverine's theme song, he can't go into battle without it." Carol laughed at this, as did a few others.
"You've heard Spider-man's updates before," Cap stated.
"Yeah, Hawkeye, is this really such a shock?" Carol asked.
"Well yeah, but I always thought he was joking. I mean he's always on the news but I figured that's cause the media loved him."
"Yeah, it's like a hug every time I read about myself in the paper." Peter joked.
"I meant loved writing about you. But it's just because you're everywhere."
"Did it take you this long to realise?" Cap asked.
"Wait so everything he says in updates is true?" Jessica Jones asked, finally realising that if Cap thought them true, they probably were.
"Pretty much." Peter said.
"Wow."
"I mean it isn't that difficult. I often prevent a couple crimes to and from work, or wherever I'm going."
"So that's why you're always late." Clint said as if in understanding.
"Seriously, guys, how long have I been on this team?"
"Well yeah, but I can never tell if you're being serious." Mockingbird said.
"So you really do all that stuff in a week?"
"Depends on the week."
"And you're in three superhero teams?"
"Only one actually, as of 5 minutes ago, but there was a time when I was on three."
"And you work at Horizon labs?"
"I actually invented those headphones that Tony likes."
"There's no way you're seeing someone, there isn't time."
"Ah, you got me, that was a joke." Carol looked down at this. But she had been the one to suggest keeping it a secret.
"Still though, Jesus Christ."
"The messiah? Yeah I guess I am sorta like the Son of God. But like a spidery God with eight limbs and a penchant for bad luck."
"OK, who wants to go next?" Cap asked. Nobody volunteered.
"Come on Bobbi, you're usually raring to divulge." Tony said.
"Yeah, but I'd rather not follow the Paul McCartney of Avengers updates."
"I'd be perfectly happy to say something stupid if it would put you at ease." Pete suggested.
"Fine, I'll go, if only to shut you up for a bit."
After the meeting Jessica Drew instantly pulled Carol into her room.
"OK, what the hell was that?" Jess asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on, how long have you been dating Spider-man, and why the hell haven't you told your best friend?"
"We wanted to keep it a secret, or I wanted to. I just thought it would be difficult if everyone found out. Only Logan knew."
"LOGAN! I'm your best friend."
"Yeah, but Pete apparently asked Logan for some advice before we started dating."
"He asked Logan for advice?"
"Apparently it was good advice but he wouldn't tell me it, something about not wanting Snoopy to shove an adamantium claw up his ass."
"So how long has this been going on?"
"Almost a month."
"A MONTH! Oh it's all starting to make sense. Wow, have you gone all the way?"
"We're adults, Jess."
"Of course. I don't believe it. Spider-man? What's he like on a date? Spider-man? I can't imagine him being romantic, is he romantic? Spider-man? I mean I knew you had a thing for him a while back but lately you hadn't had the same sexual tension. Well duh, you were both getting some with each other, tension broken. Spider-man? Do you like him?" Jess seemed to ask all this in one breath. Carol gave her a wide smile, one she was unaccustomed to giving.
"Jess, I think I'm falling for him."