A/N- So I decided to post chapter eight today, hope you guys like it. Just to keep y'all updated I'm going to end the SR3 in chapter ten and start on SR4. Anywaysss, I'll jump into the thank you's now. ZorraVixen, thank you, I won't fail you. Darcy (x2) thanks for both of your reviews, they're really sweet and I hope whatever happened to your tooth is okay now. Ashley, I was hoping this idea would be familiar to most people who'd played SR2 :), Guest, I know I miss him so much ;-;, Anchorgurl, your upbeat words always make me smile. Remi, thank you it's a little hard to do but I'm glad to hear it's working! To finish this off I've decided to ask you guys a question just out of curiosity: what do y'all's bosses look like? I'd very much like to know!
Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Saints Row or any of its characters. The content of this story was not meant to insult anyone in any way, shape or form. Rated T for violence and coarse language.
Chapter Eight: Recreation
I lean out the open window, further and further trying to get a good look at the "surprise" awaiting me on the next street over. The Boss reels me back into the car with one surprisingly strong hand on the back of my Bleak Line Decker jacket and the other firmly gripping the steering wheel. The woman drives so terribly that I've screamed/begged for my life about fifteen times in the last five minutes, but to her credit she hasn't hit the curb or anyone on the sidewalk so far.
"It's supposed to be a surprise." she says, not even cracking a smile. I settle back in my seat without a single complaint purely because I believe she'd definitely crash the car yet again just to spite me.
"Surprises are great in theory, but if you're taking me on some sort of assassination mission you should know that I've never killed a man before. At least not in person."
She throws me a questioning look but decides not to comment, instead pulling into a parking lot in front of this very plain-looking concrete building. I readjust the blue tie around my neck and get out of the car. If this is some sort of execution I'd prefer to at least look good for it.
"It's nothing bad, you know," she's grinning as she says this, "I would tell you first if I was planning on killing you."
Knowing her as well as I've grown to, this is almost a romantic statement.
"That's the kindest thing you've ever said to me."
"Shut up before I change my mind about killing you."
"Yes m'am."
She grabs hold of my tie (I wish it was my hand more often) and drags me towards the gray double-door that I suppose must lead into the depths of this strange edifice.
"Before we go in there, take this," she's holding a small handgun out to me with her free hand. I take it, my head still bent towards her at an odd and uncomfortable angle, even though I've never been a big fan of guns myself. It seems that I've done a lot of things in these past few weeks that I never thought I'd do just because she'd asked me to.
As soon as we step into the small, 7 ft by 7 ft room I know what she's got planned.
"Is this…" I trail off, running a finger over the cartoonish cat on the second set of gray double-doors I've seen today. These, however, have no doorknobs.
"Professor Genki?" the Queen finishes for me, "Yup. He's an old friend."
How is it that she always knows the most arbitrary people?
"This isn't Professor Genki's S.E.R.C is it?" I whimper, my voice getting higher in pitch. The girl I love rolls her eyes at me and gives me a look that says very clearly 'Matt Miller stop being a fucking wuss.'
"If it makes you feel better, most of the furries are wearing bullet-proof armor."
"Most of-"
"AAAAND WELCOME TO PROFESSOR GENKI'S SUPER ETHICAL REALITY CLIMAX! TODAY WE HAVE WITH US A WOMAN I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL IMAGINED SLEEPING WITH AT SOME POINT-"
"I know I have, Zach."
"-THE QUEEN OF THE SAINTS! LET'S ALL GIVE HER A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR HER KILLING APTITUDE!"
An invisible audience cheers for the Queen as a seethe over "Zach's" lewd comment. Honestly, has no one in this country heard of a little something called tact?
"It looks like she's brought a little friend, Zach."
"RIGHT YOU ARE, BOBBY! HE'S SO INSIGNIFICANT IN COMPARISON THAT I NEARLY FORGOT!"
"Hey!" I protest, looking up at the ceiling because I'm not really sure where that voice is coming from.
"Ignore them," the Boss pats my hair down over my eyes, "Just focus on the game."
"APPARENTLY THIS KID'S THE FORMER LEADER OF THE DECKERS! YOU KNOW, BEFORE THEY GOT BRUTALLY DESTROYED BY THE SAINTS-"
"We did not-" I hiss before I'm interrupted.
"Matt, they're just trying to get a rise out of you!"
"I don't get it!" I yell, kicking at the still-closed doors in front of us, "Why are we even doing this, you know how much I hate being shot at!"
"Look, Matt, I'm not exactly a normal girl okay?" the Boss looks just as frustrated as I feel, "This is my version of freaking bonding time so please just play along!"
She said "please". She never says please, at least not to me. Somehow, this brutal parody of war is something that means a lot to her and she's decided to share it with me. Instead of answering her I nod just once and hold my handgun out in front of me. Here's hoping I don't die.
"WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET'S START THE GAME! REMEMBER PEOPLE, MURDER TIME IS FUN TIME."
"It's just 'murder time fun time', Zach."
"Ah. Right." there's a brief pause as the louder announcer processes this, "LET'S JUST MOVE ON TO OPENING THE DOORS!"
The metal doors finally slide open in front of us and the Boss sprints right through them without even a passing glance at me. As she bursts into the arena guns blazing, it becomes very clear that this isn't something she just does recreationally. I follow her, albeit much more slowly, pointing and shooting my gun whenever something moves too quickly for my liking. When I accidentally shoot a wooden board with the caricature of a panda on it, the invisible audience lets out an automated noise of disapproval.
"You're not supposed to shoot the fucking pandas!" the Queen calls out as she shoves me out of the trajectory of yet another bullet.
"How was I supposed to know?!"
"It's got the word UNETHICAL written right on it-"
"Looks like they're not getting along too well."
"MY WIFE AND I USED TO FIGHT LIKE THAT, BOBBY. YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE STOPPED TALKING."
"I don't think that's the sort of information you should share during a game show, Zach."
"I don't want us to be like that guy and his wife," I say bluntly. The Boss grins and points to a door more than halfway across the field.
"The door's over there, okay? Just stay close to me and try to only shoot at the weird mascot people."
"I think I can do that."
I try to keep up with her as she weaves her way through the maze that this expansive room encases, but I'm just not as graceful as she is. Upon realizing this she slows down a bit and begins to talk as she murders her way through the game.
"You seem a lot happier since I ripped that mask off Killbane," she remarks as she grabs my collar and pulls me behind a wall.
"I am happier," I admit, "Now I can actually walk down the street without jumping out of my skin every time some damn bush rustles."
"Hey, you cursed!...sort of."
She moves around the wall and literally tackles one of the mascots to the ground. I watch in awe as she throws the gigantic green dog across the room.
"I guess you're rubbing off on me." I mutter. She probably can't hear me but I really don't need her to.
"Speaking of Killbane, wasn't that a great Murderbrawl match last Sunday?"
"I'LL TELL YOU, BOBBY, NO ONE EXPECTED TO SEE ANGEL DE LA MUERTE THERE."
"In the end the Saints Capo was the real winner."
"I COMPLETELY AGREE. I'D HATE TO BE DOWN THERE IN THAT ARENA WITH HER RIGHT NOW."
Two minutes and over two hundred shots of my pistol later, the Queen and I have finally reached the door that marks the end of the competition. After watching her take down two "hunters" I have to admit that even I feel a little afraid of her in this moment.
"ANOTHER AMAZING PERFORMANCE BY THE SAINTS CAPO AND COMPANY."
"I don't get why they keep calling me the Saints' fucking Capo." she says in a tired sort of voice, "We're not a Mafia."
This room is just as small as the one we'd started off in, so I'm standing much closer to her than I was in the arena. Unfortunately, due to my present state of fear I can't quite enjoy her proximity.
"I'll take it up with Professor Genki," I joke. She turns to look at me and her eyes widen suddenly upon meeting mine.
"Your eyes are blue."
"I am aware of that."
"Sorry, I thought they were black." she glances away from me, "Must've seen them in bad lighting or something."
And just like that any fear I felt has dissipated. She's too lovely to be afraid of.
"Well they are dark blue so I don't blame you."
After two mascots appear and present us with a check for our winnings the Boss and I exit the plain building and walk back to her car. She drives us to a diner that I usually try to avoid, due to it's frighteningly high fat to meat ratio in the burger department.
"What?" she gets defensive when I question the unannounced stop, "I'm hungry!"
Once inside she takes a booth in a darkened corner of the dining area. I slide into the seat across from her and watch as she orders a cheeseburger and fries for both of us.
"You're not allergic to anything, are you?" she asks me as we wait for the food to arrive. Instead of commenting on how she should have thought of that before ordering my food I decide to just answer her question. This same decision will probably save my life many times over in the future.
"I have hay fever but I can eat any food."
"You have seasonal allergies?" her tone is mocking and she looks at me with a glint of condescension in her eyes.
"Yes. I'll have you know that it's quite common in the U.K.," I pause, wondering why she looks so smug, "Don't you have any allergies?"
"Of course not, it's a weakness. I don't have any weaknesses."
"Johnny Gat was a weakness." I blurt out before I can stop myself as I've always been just a little bit envious about how close he used to be to the Queen. Immediately after saying this I scrunch up in my seat, prepared for her fury and a few broken bones, but she barely reacts.
"That's a different type of weakness." she's as calm as ever, "A necessary one. I don't count those."
This is the most human thing I've ever heard from her, even counting what she'd said that night to the photo of Johnny Gat in her bedroom. It's so hard to see her as anything less than a ferocious leader, a merciless God that sometimes I forget she's just a human.
I'd expected that her eating habits would match those of a lion or a wolf, but when the food arrives she eats with as much grace as she uses when she points a gun. I can't cover up the startled expression on my face quickly enough and she notices it.
"What?" she questions, sipping on the soda that had come with her meal.
"You eat beautifully," I say before I can stop myself, "S-sorry, I just meant that you do most things beautifully and that comes as a surprise to me."
She doesn't respond to this the way she usually would, with a flirtatious quip or an exaggerated eye roll. Instead she sounds quite formal when she speaks to me, something that is entirely new to our (for want of a better term) relationship.
"Matt…" she begins, her gaze deliberately fixated on a point over my left shoulder, "Not that I'm one to judge, but don't you have a girlfriend?"
It shocks me that she can kill a man without batting an eye but still feels that infidelity is something that should be frowned upon. I put two and two together and figure out that Kensington probably revealed this little factoid to her at some point. No other Saint knows me as well as her, mostly due to the fact that she has access to all my files.
"No." I say firmly. The look on the Boss's face hardens.
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying!" I promise, my voice rising an octave in desperation. I don't know why it feels so important to me that she knows this, but it does.
"Kinzie told me about her. Tiffany Harris, twenty-one-thirty-two Ashwood Avenue in Burns Hill."
She memorized Tiff's address. I feel a strange warmth well up inside of me as it occurs to me that the annoyance on her face may be, in part, due to jealousy.
"We broke up." I explain, "The exact same day you gave me the Decker Headquarters back, I broke up with her."
She is silent but I can feel her desire to know why. Will the truth scare her away? I pick up a stray fry from the tray in between us, putting it in my mouth and chewing it slowly. Food never tastes like this back in England. It's definitely healthier but even that seems to have its costs in the flavor department.
"It seemed unfair to be dating one girl when I was so forcefully in love with another," I say quietly, "I needed to tell her that."
"You told her you were in love with me?" the Queen says incredulously, "What'd she do?"
"She kicked me in my manhood. Very painful but I prefer that to risking my face, honestly."
She laughs at this, a loud unguarded noise that captures the attention of everyone within a twenty foot radius.
"You took a kick in the nuts for me. That's impressive, Cybergod."
I blush involuntarily at this nickname but she doesn't seem bothered in the slightest. My heart soars as I realize that even Nyte Blayde has ever made me feel this happy. She is both graceful and uncouth; thoughtful and slightly idiotic all at the same time. The only thing she isn't is mine.