Hi everyone! I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for all of the reviews and likes so far! I was really worried this would be boring, so I am really glad you are enjoying it! I hope you continue to enjoy the future chapters and I look forward to writing them!
Chapter Four
"She never slows down
She doesn't know why but she knows
That when she's all alone
Feels like it's all crashing down."
Music. One of the biggest reasons she was still here today. It was her main source of comfort. It was her safety net. It was the one thing that took her away from the real world when things got too tough, and with new move, she found herself getting lost in it more often than not. After all, she hated change.
"Harlyn?"
"She won't turn around
Her shadows are long and she fears
If she cries that first tear
Those tears will not stop raining down."
That was exactly why she was listening to her music at this very moment. Change. She went from living in a group home in Atlanta to living with a woman that drove her up the wall. It wasn't these changes, however, that prompted her to get lost in it the music. At this point in her young life, she was used to being thrown in and out of different homes. Oh no. The changes bothering her had nothing to do with the move at all. The changes bothering her actually took place in the one area she had shut off to the rest of the world: her heart.
"Hey, Harlyn?"
"She wants to be found
The only way out is through
Everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down."
Her heart…a place shielded with walls built from heartache. A place hidden so deep that no one else could touch it.
Well…at least that's what she always thought…
But then…then she came along. She , the woman with the patience of a saint, came waltzing into her hidden world and slowly caused her dormant heart to come back to life…she slowly caused it to feel again, awakening long hidden yearnings, hopes, and dreams she had all but forgotten. Were they strong enough to change how she thought about life and family? No, not yet. It was still too soon for her. Even so, a flame was lit, and no matter how much she denied it…no matter how much she pretended it wasn't there, it grew.
"Harlyn?"
Snapping her eyes open, she quickly sat up, her head phones falling out of her ears as she did. She had been sitting at the computer, her head on the desk while listening to some music. She had actually dozed off a little until a gentle shake of her shoulder woke her up. Looking up, she saw Aubrey standing beside her, an apologetic but warm look on her face.
"Aww, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
Rubbing her eyes, she let out a sigh, her grogginess leaving her grumpy.
"I wasn't scared. What do you want?"
"I was just coming to let you know that it will be time for us to leave soon."
"Leave?"
"Mhm. We're going on that picnic with Chloe, Beca, and the kids today at the park, remember?"
Harlyn grumbled and flopped her head back down on the desk, hiding her face in her arms when she heard this. She had forgotten all about the picnic.
"Do I have to go?"
"Yes." Aubrey replied, giggling a little at the girls' reaction. "We planned this last week silly. It will be fun."
"But there's people."
"People who wanna see you."
"They do not. You're just saying that as a way to convince me to go."
"What? I am not you goober."
She then knelt down next to her.
"Hey, look at me."
It took her a few seconds, but Harlyn eventually peeked out, finding a warm, blue gaze staring back at her.
"I would never just 'say something' to you just to get you to do something. Never, and I can promise you that. They really do wanna see you."
She stared at the woman for a few more moments before scoffing slightly and turning away.
"You're not giving me a choice, are you?"
"Well, no, not really." she replied, giggling lightly again. "And only because I know this because I know it will be good for you and I know you will have fun. I promise you will."
"Hmph. Whatever. I need a minute."
"That's perfectly fine." She said back. "I'll meet you downstairs, all right? See you in a few."
And with one final gentle squeeze to her arm, Aubrey stood up and left the room.
Once she was alone again, she sat back up and sighed.
"I don't even know anymore."
Placing her hand over her heart, she allowed herself to feel what was going on in there. When she said the words, "I don't even know", she meant them. She didn't know what was going on in that heart of hers. For the longest time, she was always stubborn and set in her ways when it came to how she felt about people and families, but whenever Aubrey came around, those feelings would start to change. She'd feel a funny little warmth in her chest that she had a hard time getting rid of. It wasn't anything huge, but it was there, and it would always start fighting against the part of herself that wanted to push it away.
"There's no way I enjoy being around Aubrey. It's too soon. Just because she is nice…and sweet…and patient…and welcoming…and…"
Oh yeah. Aubrey was so getting to the little girl.
"Oh for cripes sakes." She cursed, standing up now. "I'm not feeling anything. To hell with this."
She pushed the chair in and flicked her computer off. She was done thinking about it.
"Let's just get this damn picnic done and over with."
And with that, she walked out.
Not long after their little moment, the two of them were in the car and off to the park. Harlyn tried to keep to herself, but, just like every other car trip she had been dragged into, Aubrey liked to talk away.
"The weather is perfect for a picnic today. It's not scorching hot, so being outside will be nice."
Harlyn just shrugged in reply, keeping her eyes staring out the window.
"Oh, hey. Can you believe it's been three weeks already? It feels like only yesterday that you came to stay with me."
She couldn't believe it had been three weeks already either. By this point, she usually had her placements pulling their hair out, but Aubrey was nowhere near that stage. Harlyn would often be tough and stubborn around the other, but it didn't phase the woman in the slightest. In fact, if Harlyn was ever stubborn, Aubrey would counter back with her own stubbornness, hers being kinder and sweet. Her being dragged on this trip against her will was a perfect example of her guardian's stubborn nature. Any adult in the past would just let her be if she said no, but not Aubrey. She was always trying to make her feel wanted and always tried to include her in even the simplest activities.
"I've never seen an adult do that." She thought. "At least not this quickly. She's pushing me to do things even when I don't want to because she thinks I'll have fun, like this picnic. But why? No one has ever wanted me this included before."
"Time is going by so quickly. I think we should celebrate tonight. How about you? I could cook a special little dinner and maybe we could watch a movie or something after.
Harlyn tore her gaze away from the window, her brows furrowed as she looked at the other.
"Celebrate? For only being here three weeks? Why would you want to celebrate that?"
"Well, why not? I think you being here that long is worth celebrating. You have no idea how happy I've been since you came. I want to do a little something for you."
Harlyn's gaze lightened a bit, the girl shuffling uncomfortably in her seat. Her being in a new home for three weeks had never been something to celebrate before. Hell, being in a new home for three months wasn't even a big deal, so why was it for Aubrey?
"We're here!"
Harlyn glanced around the area as they pulled into the parking lot. When they came to a stop, Aubrey shot her a little wink with a smile.
"Come on you. Help me carry some stuff over?"
Sighing, she got out of the car and followed the woman to the back.
"Here, I'll take the cooler if you want to grab the bag full of paper plates and stuff."
The girl did as she was asked, and once they had everything, the two walked along the grass to their destination.
"She was right. It isn't terribly hot out…" she thought as a cool breeze hit her face. She was thankful for that. She couldn't stand another overly hot day.
"Oh, there they are. Hey guys!"
Chloe looked up to see them, the woman smiling and waving back. It was little Riley that came to greet them though, the young red head running towards them with a look of excitement on her face.
"Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey!"
"Hey you!" Aubrey said back, her free hand gently hugging the girl. "Aww, I love your outfit!"
"Thank you." She said cutely, twirling around in her little white sundress. "Hi Harlyn!"
"Hey…" she said back lowly, placing the stuff on the picnic table once they got there.
"Hey guys!" Chloe called, putting her stuff down to hug Aubrey real quick. Beca followed suit.
"Hey nerd." The brunette greeted. "How goes it?"
"Good, good." Aubrey replied. "Definitely ready to eat. I'm starving."
Harlyn rolled her eyes at all of the hugging she saw and went to walk away. However, before she could, she found Beca blocking her path to freedom.
"Don't even-"
"Oh shut it, you're getting one." The woman told her before she could finish her sentence, hugging the girl tight.
"Good to see you chickie."
"Will you…get...off…"
She pushed herself back and out of the hug only to find herself in another one from Chloe from behind.
"Hey Harlyn! I'm so glad to see you!"
"Hey! That doesn't mean you hug, too!"
She pushed herself out of that hug as well.
"What is it with you people and touching?"
"Well, we're just happy you're here." Chloe said back with a smile.
"Doesn't mean you can hug me."
"What was that?" Beca asked. "Did you just say hug me?"
She shot a death glare at the woman when she heard this, Beca smirking and sticking her tongue out in return.
"Well, regardless, we're glad to see you." Chloe said again, squeezing the girl's arm gently. "It's great you could come along."
"Right…"
"Harlyn, Harlyn!"
Riley came running up to the ten year old, hopping with excitement.
"Um…we already said hi."
"No, no, you have to come see!"
"See what?"
"You have to come!"
"But what am I- ok, ok, ok!"
Before the girl could finish, Riley had grabbed her by the wrist and took off running.
"Holy jeeze…"
At the sight of this, Chloe couldn't help but laugh.
"Riley's really taken a liking to her. All she talks about is wanting to play with Harlyn. How is she doing with you?"
"She's all right." Aubrey replied, smiling at the sight as well.
"Still being stubborn about things?" Beca asked.
"She is, yeah, but it's not bothersome. I know it's going to take some time for her to get used to everything. You sure I'm doing a good thing by making her come along to places, like today, even if she doesn't want to?"
"Positive." Beca said back. "I think making her feel included is a great thing. Maybe she will ease up a little when she realizes she doesn't always have to be alone."
"Yeah…I hope she realizes that it's ok to have a little fun. She's just a kid. She needs it."
"She'll realize it." Chloe replied with an encouraging smile.
"She so will." Beca added. "Trust me, if she wasn't already having some fun and hated everything like she says she does, I am pretty sure she wouldn't have let herself be taken by a six year old."
Aubrey giggled at the comment.
"Very true. Well, no matter how stubborn she gets, I'm still gonna love on her anyways. She deserves it."
"I very much agree." Chloe said back. See, you're going to be a great mom."
"I sure hope so. You think it's too early to love on her?"
"Hell no." Beca answered. "It's never too early to love on a kid."
"Well, yeah…I do know that. I guess I am just worried. What if she doesn't want to stay with me?"
"Oh please, she will." Beca replied. "From what you've been telling us, she could be a lot worse, but she's not. I give her two more months before she cracks and starts clinging and hanging all over you. She's gonna want to stay in the end, you'll see."
Aubrey smiled at the thought.
"I hope. I really hope."
Not long after they arrived, the picnic began. Once Harlyn returned from looking at the little frog Piper caught, (the event that little Riley was so terribly excited about), she was finally able to sit and relax, the girl placed between Beca and Aubrey.
"Finally, food." Beca said, passing out the plates. "I've been starving all morning."
"Me, too." Piper replied.
"What are you talking about, punk?" Beca asked her. "Every time I turned around, you were stealing pieces of cheese off my sandwiches. You even stole a sandwich at one point."
Piper snickered, half hiding her face behind the plate.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Uh huh, you booger."
"I'm just glad we could all get together." Chloe said, opening a juice box for Riley. "We've been so busy getting the girl's ready for school that I was worried we wouldn't be able to do this. We needed a good little family day."
"Family…" Harlyn thought, her mind catching that word. "But…this couldn't be called a family day. I'm not part of the family…"
She shuffled a little in her seat. She had already been dealing with mixed feelings in regards to the motherly warmth Aubrey gave her. She didn't need to get more mixed feelings here, too.
"That's right!" Aubrey said. "School is right around the corner. You girls excited?"
"Yes!" Riley replied. "I'll be in the first grade."
"Yes you will be my big girl!" Chloe said back. "And little Ms. Piper and Harlyn are going to be in the sixth grade. I even hear you two will be in the same class."
Piper nodded her head in reply, Harlyn remaining silent.
"You guys seriously need to stop growing. "Beca told them.
"Tell me about it." Chloe agreed. "You excited to be starting, Harlyn?"
The girl merely shrugged in reply.
"I guess…"
In all honesty, she wasn't sure how to feel. She had been to many different schools in her life, never staying in one for more than a year. This left her to never make any friends. She figured she wouldn't last long in this school either, so she knew it would be lame and pointless to get all excited about it.
"But then…why do I get the feeling this one will be different?"
"It will be great!" Aubrey told her with an encouraging smile. "Did you know that I used to go there, too? Chloe and I were in class together."
"And I went elsewhere." Beca told her. "I didn't know these nerds until college…and then I married one."
"And you sound so thrilled about that." Chloe said sarcastically.
"Well….it's been all right…"
"Hey!"
Beca giggled at her wife's reaction.
"Oh I love you and you know that. You're the best and definitely the better half."
"You got that right." Chloe replied playfully, sticking her tongue out at the other. It was then the read head noticed that Harlyn wasn't eating.
"You all right there, Harlyn?"
"Uh…yeah…"
"Ok, well, feel free to grab whatever food you see."
"That's right." Aubrey told her. "You're family here, so don't be shy."
Family. There was that word again.
"And she even said that I was family here." She thought, furrowing her brows. "Me…Aubrey said it…but that doesn't make any sense. I'm not family here."
Her heart was all over the place again. She wasn't family there and she knew that.
"But they don't treat me any different. They don't treat me like an outsider…and Aubrey…Aubrey especially has been really accepting of me…but I…I just don't get it. That doesn't make any sense at all. No one can be that accepting…"
It just wasn't possible.
"Harlyn?"
The girl looked up to find a slightly concerned Aubrey looking back.
"Are you all right?"
"Yeah…yeah I'm fine."
"You sure?"
Harlyn didn't answer back this time. Instead, she just placed her plate down and stood up.
"Harlyn?"
"I'm not hungry."
"What? But-"
"I'm just gonna go sit somewhere else."
"Why? Is something wrong?"
"No...just…please…leave me alone."
And without saying anything else, she walked away, Aubrey feeling sad and slightly confused as she watched the girl take a seat on a small wooden bridge that over looked a river.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"No, not that I heard." Chloe answered, concerned as well. "I wonder what's bothering her.
"Is Harlyn ok, mommy?" Riley asked.
"I'm not sure boo." Chloe replied.
"Maybe one of us should go talk to her." Beca said.
"I will…" Aubrey replied. "Though…I don't know…she might get mad if I do. It's probably my fault she took off…"
"No." Chloe told her. "It really wasn't. You said and did nothing that would make her do that."
"Can I go?"
All eyes turned to the young brunette.
"Piper? You want to go?" Chloe asked.
The girl nodded, looking up at Aubrey for permission.
"Um...well, if you'd like, by all mean go ahead."
She nodded again, standing up.
"I'll be right back."
"Ok." Beca replied with a small but warm smile. "Thank you, love."
"Yes, thank you." Aubrey told her, a small sigh escaping her. "I just really, really hope it wasn't me."
Back on the bridge, Harlyn sat looking down at the water, her legs dangling off the edge.
"I'm not family there…I'm not…" she kept saying, the confusion and warmth she had tried so hard to keep at bay attacking her. "It just isn't true."
She let out a sigh.
"Holy jeeze…three weeks in and I'm already feeling funny. Get a grip."
"Harlyn?"
The girl looked up to find Piper at her side, someone she wasn't expecting.
"Can I sit with you?"
Harlyn looked away again, her eyes back down on the water. Piper took that as a yes and sat down beside her, her eyes on the water, too.
"Is there anything you want to talk about?"
Harlyn said nothing, not wanting to, but that wasn't going to stop the eleven year old.
"You can talk to me about anything. I promise."
Still nothing.
"…It's because she said family…wasn't it."
This caused Harlyn to shift in place.
"My mom said the world family, too. I saw the look on your face both times when it was mentioned."
Harlyn looked up again when she heard this, a slightly annoyed look on her face due to the fact that this girl had picked that up.
"I notice things." She said simply. "Anyways, she meant it you know…Aubrey, when she said you were family here. She was telling the truth."
Now Harlyn spoke, the girl snickering at the others words.
"No she wasn't. I'm not family, so she wasn't telling the truth. I am just some orphan kid staying with a woman who could care less about my existence."
"No, you're actually just a normal kid who is staying with a woman who really cares about you quite a lot."
"Oh please. I have only been here three weeks. She couldn't possibly associate the word 'family' and 'me' together in that short amount of time or care about me."
"But she does."
"She doesn't. It doesn't make sense."
"It does to me. I don't know where you've been, but here, we're all very close knit."
"Oh really? So close knit that you just accept anyone into that little family of yours?"
"Pretty much, yes. You have no idea how excited she was when she knew she was taking you in. And when you came, she was even happier."
"Well, she's not anymore."
"No, she is."
"No way. I've been nothing but trouble."
"Not in her eyes."
"And you know this how?"
"I overheard her and my mom's talking on the phone…and I see the looks she gives you. She really is happy."
Harlyn just shook her head, still not believing those too good to be true words.
"Whatever. It doesn't even matter. I won't be here long anyways."
"What if you are?"
"I won't be."
"Do you not want to be?"
Harlyn opened her mouth to speak, but as she did, she found nothing to say, her words locking up. In the very beginning, she told people no. She fought Cassidy about it during the interview and she even dreaded the day she had to leave for this place, but now, little changes had taken place in her, the little changes she had fought to push away and ignore.
"It's not bad if you wanna be here."
The girl just shook her head again, a little mad at herself for the delayed answer.
"I never said I wanted to. Look, I don't believe in this family crap. I mean, come on. No one is ever that accepting. No one just freely opens their arms to some new kid like 'Hey, you've been here three weeks! Family!' Hell no Aubrey doesn't feel like that. I'm not stupid, and anyone who believes that bull is stupid. Adults are only out there to hurt you."
At these words, Piper's face fell a little, the elder brunette looking back down at the water. This actually made Harlyn feel a little bad.
"I didn't mean you were stupid." She said, her tone a little less angered. "It's just…forget it. You don't understand. You have a family. You have people who have loved you since birth. You don't know what it's like to be a foster kid."
The two were silent for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts.
"You're right…I don't understand…" Piper finally said. "But…maybe you can help me to."
Harlyn looked up at her, her blue gaze softer now. The girls' persistence was getting to her.
"I mean it. They really are that accepting. They just want you to be happy."
The younger girl just sighed.
"I just don't believe in that stuff, ok? I don't trust adults."
"Well, then can you trust me? I'm not an adult."
Harlyn softened up again, not expecting that reply.
"Just here me out." Piper said, scooting closer. "You don't trust adults…ok, but you could trust me. I'm a kid just like you who has grown up with that family. I have known Aubrey my entire life. I can safely say that she doesn't want to hurt you and that she does care about you. If you give it a chance, you'll know it, too."
"But how could she care about me that quickly though? If I was her real kid, that would be understandable, but I'm not."
"Just because you're not her kid by blood doesn't mean she won't care about you right off the bat. Blood is the least of what makes someone a family. To her, caring about you just comes naturally. Trust me. You'll be ok with her."
"And if you're wrong?"
"I'm not. I can promise you I'm right.
Harlyn let out another sigh, eyeing the girl questioningly.
"You seem confident about this."
"I am.
"Well, then answer me this. Why are you soon keen on helping me understand this all?"
"Why not? I can see what they see, and trust me, they see a lot more than you think."
Harlyn felt her heart flutter a little. Did they really see something in her?
After a few more minutes of silence, Piper stood up, brushing off her cargo shorts.
"Will you come back?"
"I don't know. They probably don't want me there now cause I randomly walked away."
"Oh don't be silly. They want you over there. They're not upset or anything like that. A little worried, yes, but not upset. Aubrey is actually worried that she is the reason why you walked off. She thinks she did something wrong."
Hearing this, a guilt feeling suddenly filled her chest. She hid that fact of course, but it was there.
"What? She didn't even do anything."
"Well she doesn't seem to know that. Come on."
Piper held out her hand, a warm smile on her face.
"Let's go back, I promise it will be all right."
Harlyn looked from the girl to her hand, unsure of what to do. After a few moments, however, she took it, standing up now with her. Piper's smile few, and for some reason, seeing that warmed her up just a little more.
"Come on. They're waiting."
And hand in hand, they took off.
After that, she returned to the picnic. She was still worried they'd be upset or something, but they weren't, just like Piper said. If anything, they were happy she was back, Aubrey especially, and once she settled in, she actually had a bit of fun. It wasn't until a few hours later did they say their good byes, both parties going their separate ways. She was actually a little sad it ended, but kept that thought quiet. She herself went on and stayed quiet the whole way home as well, not saying a word until the two were back in the house.
"Well, that was a nice little gathering." Aubrey said, putting her purse on the table. "Did you have fun?"
Harlyn shrugged.
"Sure."
"Were you still up for that little celebration dinner and movie tonight that I mentioned earlier?"
"Wait…you mean, you still want to do that?"
She actually thought that after today's events, she wouldn't want to.
"Of course, silly. I'd really love to."
"Uh…yeah…it's fine…"
"Ok!" she said happily. "If you wanna go ahead and get changed, I'll go on and see what I can whip up a little later."
"Ok…"
She walked out after that, planning to head up to her room, but she stopped herself before she could, something else still nagging at her.
"Aubrey's worried that she is the reason you walked off. She thinks she did something wrong."
If Aubrey had felt that way, she didn't show it, all smiles the moment she returned. The thought still bothered her though, a lot more than she intended, and before she knew it…
"Aubrey?"
The woman turned to find the ten year old standing back at the kitchen entrance.
"Yes?"
"Stop your needless worrying…okay? It's lame. You didn't do anything wrong."
It wasn't the most heartfelt way of saying what she wanted to, but she was new to it and didn't want to sound like a mush ball.
"Wait, what?" Aubrey asked, a little confused.
"Today…you didn't do anything wrong. I just had a lot on my mind and had to walk off, but just…it wasn't your fault, ok?"
Aubrey's confused gaze suddenly softened, her heart doing little flips. Part of her had still been worried about that, and was touched that Harlyn, despite her stubbornness, would go out of her way to ease her like that.
"Yeah…" she said softly. "Promise?"
"Duh…"
The woman snickered. She herself was a big pile of melted warmth now and did not hesitate to show it.
"Aww…sweetie…"
"Oh god…"
Before she had a chance to escape, Aubrey wrapped her up in a tight hug.
"You are such a good kid…definitely the sweetest little thing I have ever met."
"Wh-what? I am not!" She pushed herself away. "Stay back! Just because I said that to you didn't mean you could hug me!"
"I can't help but hug you though. You're so huggable!"
"I am not! Good gosh, you're crazy!"
"Am I?"
"Yes!"
"Well, if me being crazy means I get to hug you, I'll go ahead and be considered the family loon."
That actually caused Harlyn to slip a smile, the girl not expecting that come back. When she caught herself doing that though, she quickly hid it, wiping it off of her face. It was too late, however, for Aubrey had caught it, the woman's face lighting up like a Christmas tree upon witnessing the one thing she had yet to see.
"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh you smiled!"
"No! No I did not!"
"I saw it!" I made you smile!"
"No you didn't!"
"I did! I did, I did and it was beautiful!"
"You didn't! You're…just…old! You're seeing things!"
Aubrey broke out into laughter when she heard that comment.
"Oh no, that was definitely a smile. Can I see it again?"
"No!"
Now Harlyn turned and walked away, but that didn't stop Aubrey from continuing.
"Harlyyyyyyyn. I wanna see another smile!" she said teasingly, following the girl.
"I didn't smile!"
"But Harlyyyyn!"
"No!"
The girl had reached the stairs now, walking up the in a quick pace.
"Smile again! It was so pretty!"
"Go away!"
"Please?"
"Good bye!"
Finally reaching her room, she slammed the door shut, leaning back against it once she did.
"What is her problem?" she muttered, all worked up from the event. "I mean…she just…"
Leaning her head back against the door, she sighed, and then, quite unexpectedly even to herself, she smiled lightly again. Although she didn't admit it, she had found the whole event to be quite amusing and touching at the same time. No one had ever gotten that excited to see her smile.
"She really is a nut…" she thought, placing her hand over her heart. Her chest was full on warm now, and no amount of fighting was pushing it back.
"This is so weird. I'm not supposed to be happy here?"
She was never happy anywhere.
"But…I can't help it. It's just…happening. If I'm not supposed to be happy, why am I feeling this way?"
She thought back to the conversation her and Piper had.
"She meant it you know, when she said you were family here. Just because you're not her kid by blood doesn't mean she won't care about you right off the bat. Blood is the least of what makes someone a family. To her, caring about you just comes naturally."
Was that true? Did Aubrey really care about her? She wasn't sure. In her mind, it was just too good to b true.
"She couldn't…there is just no way…but then…"
Her heart gave another little flutter.
"Why do I feel like she's telling the truth…could I really, for once, just be…happy?"