Chapter 10

"Harlyn! Move!"

She saw that car coming…she saw it heading straight her way, and yet as she watched it skid into her direction, fear took over and she couldn't bring herself to move.

What happened next though was something she wasn't expecting, the moment happening so quickly that it didn't quite process until she saw everything with her own eyes. One minute, she was standing alone, and the next, she was shoved to the side by a pair of arms, hitting the ground hard. By the time she looked back up, the deed had been done, and none of the fear she had ever experienced in the past compared to the fear she experienced at that very moment.

"Aubrey!"

"She's very lucky. The driver hit his breaks just in time so the impact wasn't as hard as it could have been. It was still a hard one, yes, but it could have been worst. She is going to be all right."

A teary eyed Chloe and a very concerned looking Beca sighed in relief when they heard the news.

"Thank god." Chloe said. "What are her injuries?"

"Well, she's got a broken wrist, several bruised ribs, a somewhat deep cut on her head, and several smaller cuts on her body. She also suffered a mild concussion, but there's no need to worry. She will make a full recovery. You can all actually go in to see her if you'd like."

"All right doctor." Beca replied. "Thank you very much."

When they parted ways, the two walked back to where their two little girls were sitting.

"Mommy?"

"Hey baby…" Chloe said softly as she sat down beside the six year old, pulling Riley into her lap right after.

"How is she?" Piper asked.

"She is going to be just fine." Beca answered. "She's a little beat up, but the doctor said she is going to make a full recovery."

"So Aubrey will be ok?" Riley asked.

"Mhm." Chloe said back. "With a little rest and relaxation she is going to be all right."

Piper let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god…I was so scared. It looked like it hit her hard and…"

"I know." Beca replied softly, sitting down next to the elder girl to comfort her. "I know, it was a scary thing to see, but everything is ok now, all right? She'll have to take it easy for a little while, but she's going to be fine."

Piper nodded her head, sinking into her mother's arms.

"I promise, it's all good. They said it's ok to go see her now. Would you girls like that?"

Both of them nodded their head. Piper then looked past Beca to another figure that sat farther down.

"Mom…"

Beca looked behind, her eyes falling to the younger brunette who sat with her head in her hands, her heart breaking at the sight. When the accident happened, they were petrified that both Harlyn and Aubrey had gotten hurt, but the girl had come out with nothing but a few scrapes from hitting the ground, and though some of them looked like they hurt, it was a whole different kind of pain that ran through the child right now.

"You guys wait here, okay?" Beca said. "I'll be right back."

Standing up, she walked down to where the younger brunette was placed, sitting down beside her.

"Hey you…" she said gently. "We spoke to the doctor. Aubrey is going to be just fine."

Harlyn said nothing, her face remaining buried in her hands. It was now reaching 6:00pm, and from the moment they arrived, the child had spoken but a few words, and the words she did speak were not good ones.

"This is all my fault…"

Beca let out a sigh, placing her arm around the young female in attempts to comfort her.

"Harlyn…it's not your fault."

"It is."

"No, it-"

"I should have moved myself."

"Honey, you-"

"It's my fault!"

She shrugged away from the woman's touch, her face still hidden. Beca's eyes glazed over from the reaction, but she wasn't going to give up and placed her hand on the child again.

"Harlyn, what happened today could have happened to anybody. None of it was your fault. If anything, the driver is to blame for going too fast."

"But I could have moved. If I hadn't frozen up the way I did, Aubrey would have never had to push me out of the way."

"Honey, you were scared-"

"I don't care!"

A few moments of silence passed after this nap. This wasn't the first time they had this conversation. Both her and Chloe tried to make her see she wasn't at fault, but she was listening to nothing, and they were running out of ideas on how to pull her back.

"Harlyn, I-"

"You lied…"

Beca's brows furrowed slightly when she heard this, having no clue where that had come from.

"What?"

Harlyn chose now to look at the other, her baby blue orbs full of tears and pain.

"You lied. You told me once that if I gave into everything, the hugging and the loving, that nothing bad was going to happen. You said that to me. You said if I let go everything was going to be ok…but you were wrong. I let go and now look what happened. I caused her to get hurt."

Beca remembered this conversation quite well and quickly shook her head. Harlyn was falling too far and she knew she had to pull her out of it before it got worst.

"Yes honey, I did say that, but no one could have seen this coming. And even if this never happened, you would have probably faced some bumps in the road at some point, but that's normal. You-"

"No….you said nothing bad would happen and you lied."

"But Harlyn, I-"

"No! Just go away."

"Just-"

"Go!"

Harlyn then turned away and looked down, little tear drops escaping her puffy eyes.

"Harlyn…"

Beca was at a loss. She didn't know what to do. They were all hurting like her but the girl was blaming herself for the accident and claiming she was a liar. Yes, she did say that to her, but she meant it in a different way. She meant that nothing bad would come from letting go and letting herself be loved on by Aubrey, not that bad things wouldn't happen in general. Unfortunately, rough times always happened in life, but with the right people, anyone could get through it. Just like now, Harlyn was surrounded by the right people, and the people who loved her just wanted to help her through this.

"Harlyn please…we don't have to talk if you don't want to, but you should come see her with us. The doctor said it's ok to go in…"

"I don't want to go…"

"But, she'd really love to know you're ok-"

"I said no! Just leave me alone!"

There was no getting through to her now, and in fear of pushing her too far, she decided to leave her be.

"Ok…ok. Um…we'll go in, and if you want to join after…please, she would love that…we'll be right back."

And with that, she took off, her and the rest of the gang heading into the other room. Piper looked like she wanted to fight to get Harlyn to come, but Beca just shook her head. Harlyn needed her space.

"I should have moved…I should have run…"

She couldn't believe that she was the reason why the one person who truly loved and cared for her got hurt, but not just her, all of them. They were all a little family, and by hurting Aubrey, she hurt them all.

"If I had just moved when she told me to, we would never even be in this mess." She told herself. The image of the woman lying on the ground in her place was embedded in her mind and she couldn't shake the thought. She had never been so scared in her life, and if she had just run…

"No, if I had just kept to myself and hated family like I was supposed to, then none of this would have happened. In fact…if I had never come here at all…"

The girl lifted her face, her eyes still full of tears. It was true, wasn't it? If she had never come here in the first place, then this event wouldn't have happened at all.

"I'm the problem…I'm always the problem…"

She wiped away the tears at the realization of this, sitting up a little bit straighter.

"This is really your fault. See what happens when you get attached? Things blow up in your face and you mess up and hurt people. For the first time in your life, you found people who really cared about you…you found someone who became your mother…and, just like all the other times, you messed it all up. You don't deserve this. You shouldn't even be here…"

It was then she noticed a pen and some paper on the nurses' desk not too far from her, and that's when the thought hit. Getting up, she walked to the desk, and seeing as no one was there at the moment, she took some paper and the pen and returned to her seat.

"You shouldn't even be here…"

These thoughts caused a deep pain in her heart. Whatever elated feeling she had from finding out about the adoption were gone…the warm and happy feelings of finally having a mother and a home no longer there.

"If I had just…"

She loved Aubrey. Even if she couldn't feel anything but pain right now, she loved the woman very much, but her darker thoughts had taken over. The whole event had messed with her mind, her emotions making no sense what so ever, and while there was a part of her that told her not to listen to her thoughts, the other part, the fears, the worries, and the blame, told her otherwise, and in the end…

Quietly, the four entered the hospital room. It was a little scary to see her in a cast and to see her all hooked up, but the two women kept telling themselves that she was going to be all right, sending along that comfort in the form of gentle squeezes and hugs to their daughters.

"Aubrey?"

At the sound of Chloe's voice, Aubrey opened her eyes, her gaze falling to the small group.

"Hey guys." She said to them. She looked a little tired, but there was a smile on her face. "It's good to see you."

"Hey honey…" Chloe said back, walking closer and taking her hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, I'm hurting a little, but I'm okay."

"You definitely had us scared there for a while."

"I know, I'm sorry you've been worried."

"Don't be sorry dork." Beca said back.

"Still…" Aubrey replied with a slight snicker. "I promise I will be just fine. The doctor said I would be."

"Will you really?" Little Riley asked with a look of worry.

"Yes little one, I will be. The doctors want to keep me here for a few days, but other than that…"

"Yeah, the doctor spoke to us, too." Chloe told her. "We were so relieved to hear you were ok."

"Oh yeah. I'm not leaving you guys or Harlyn any time soon. Speaking of…"

She looked around the room.

"Where is Harlyn? Is she all right? She didn't get hurt did she?"

"No, no, she's all right." Chloe replied. "She just got a few scrapes but…"

"But what?"

Both Beca and Chloe looked at each other with a worried expression.

"Well, she's taking it kind of hard." The brunette answered. "She's actually kind of blaming herself for this."

"Wait, she's what?"

"She's blaming herself." Beca said again. "She's been a mess, and every time Chloe or I try and comfort her, she argues and keeps placing the blame on herself, saying she should have moved. She's also kind of mad at me, too…saying I lied because a while back, I told her that in opening up to you, nothing bad would happen. She took that statement literally. I mean, it's fine…I'd rather have her mad at me than at herself but…"

"No, no, no." Aubrey said, her heart breaking a bit at the news. "You didn't do anything wrong and neither did she. This could have happened to anybody."

"I know, we tried to tell her, but she's not hearing it." Chloe replied.

"Where is she now?"

"Out in the hall." Beca answered. "I tried to get her to come but she wouldn't move. I'm sorry…"

Aubrey just shook her head.

"No, don't be. I know she saw everything that happened and it probably just scared the day lights out of her. Do you think you can try and get her in here again? I want us all to talk together. Maybe we all can help her."

"I'll go get her." Piper offered.

"All right, love." Chloe said with a smile, stroking her hair. "Thank you."

"Yes, thank you." Aubrey told her. "Tell her I really want her here. She's my baby."

"I will."

And with that, she left the room. As she turned into the hallway, she thought of exactly what she was going to say to her friend. She hated seeing her so down and she just had to convince her that she wasn't the blame for anything at all. However, when she walked down to where Harlyn was, she noticed from a distance that she wasn't there.

"Weird…maybe she is using the bathroom…"

She ran to check the stall, but she wasn't there as well.

"What the hell…where is she?"

It was then she noticed something small and white sitting on the chair Harlyn had been occupying. Getting closer, she noticed it was a folded up piece of paper.

"Oh no…"

Picking it up, she began to read, and within seconds, fear hit.

"No…no, no, no she couldn't have…"

Racing up to the nurses' desk, she tapped on the counter to get the woman's attention.

"Where did she go?"

"Who?" the nurse asked.

"The girl that was there! You know, the little brown haired blue eyed girl me and my parents came in with. You saw her!"

"Well I did, but you were all together when I ran to run an errand, and when I came back you were all gone. Isn't she with you?"

"No! She isn't!" she said panicking, showing the woman the note. "She never came in with us!"

The nurse scanned the note really quick, and upon discovering what it said, she instantly turned and picked up the phone.

"We have to find her!"

"We will, we will. I'm calling security."

Not waiting to hear anymore, she turned and tore back down the hall and into Aubrey's room, tears in her eyes.

"Piper, what's wrong?" Chloe asked.

Unable to speak, she handed the note to Chloe, the woman in turn holding it up for both Aubrey and Beca to see, and within seconds, each of their hearts literally dropped.

"Dear Aubrey,

I'm sorry for messing things up. If I had just moved out of the way then this would have never happened to you. You're hurt because of me. You gave me everything I ever wanted…you were even going to give me a home…a family, and as usual, I screwed everything up. I don't want to mess up your life anymore, so I think it's best I go. I don't want to love anyone and I don't want anyone to love me. I don't deserve it. All I do is make things worse. I'm sorry for everything.

Harlyn."

"I have to run…I have to just go…"

Having slipped out of the hospital and onto a bus, she made her way out of Powder Springs and back into Atlanta, the half hour journey seemingly taking an instant with how distracted she was. When she finally arrived at her stop, she stepped off and headed over to a nearby park, wanting to be away from everyone and everything.

"I hurt her…I stood there like an idiot and let her get hurt…"

Finding a bench, she laid herself down and curled up, pulling the sweatshirt she was wearing around her. Night was kicking in, the cool breeze hitting her tear stricken face.

"I don't deserve anything she was going to give me…I don't. I can't ever go back. I…I love her too much to hurt her again."

Oh yes, despite her actions, she still loved the woman very much, but now she was just scared, the scarring event still too fresh in her mind. The sight of Aubrey laying there, the sound of the rushing ambulance, the realization that she could have prevented that by just moving away…

"Aubrey…"

Her name came out in a whisper, more tears pouring out. She felt terrible for what she did, but missed the woman and wanted her at the same time.

"But I can't…I can't…I messed everything up…I…"

Curling up tighter, she shut her eyes and just continued to cry, and after a while, she fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

"She was found sleeping in a park a few days ago. The police took her in and brought her here."

Outside of the group home office door stood both Cassidy and Beca, the brunette sporting a deeply concerned look.

"She hasn't said much since she's returned, but she does ask how Aubrey is a lot."

Cassi, who was aware of the incident, had tried to get her to talk, but had no luck.

"How are you and everyone else holding up?"

"Um…we're all right. It's…hard right now for everyone, especially Aubrey. If she wasn't still in the hospital, she'd be here, but…yeah…so I came in her place. We really want her back."

"And I hope you can convince her. She belongs with Aubrey…with all of you, but I will warn you. She's been on the run emotionally and I am having trouble reaching her."

Cassi then opened the door and the two stepped inside. Harlyn, who had been sitting at a table randomly drawing didn't even bother to look up.

"Harlyn, look who drove all the way here to see you."

Walking closer, Beca took a seat next to the child, the eleven year olds' eyes still down in front of her.

"Hey Harlyn…" she said softly. When the girl did not answer, she just continued on. "Aubrey and everyone back at home send their love. She's still in the hospital, but she leaves there tomorrow. She's doing a whole lot better and she misses you a lot. We all do…"

Harlyn seemed to have a small reaction to the news about Aubrey, her doodling momentarily coming to a stop, but she quickly picked it up right after.

"Harlyn, please listen to me. No one blames you for this. It isn't your fault. Just because you froze does not mean you are the reason she got hurt. Anyone could have frozen. Hell, if it were me standing there I would probably freeze up, too. The driver is the one who is really at fault, not you…my god, this isn't your fault in the slightest."

Everyone loved her so damn much and Aubrey was completely heartbroken at her disappearance. She had never seen her friend so upset. Nobody blamed her at all for this and she needed to see that. She needed to come home.

"Harlyn…"

Reaching out, she grabbed the girls' hand.

"I know what happened the other day really scared you, and it was a really hard thing to see and go through, but honey, whatever tough time you are having, we can all help you through it, together. We are all a big family, and Aubrey…Aubrey's your mom. She wants to help you. She misses you so much and just wants you home. Please, Harlyn, please come back…"

For a moment, Harlyn picked her head up to face the other, Beca's glazed gaze meeting the girls'.

"Aubrey's your mom…"

Her heart clenched at the thought, but she didn't show it, her gaze cold an empty.

"You hurt her…you can't go back…"

"Harlyn?"

"No…"

Pulling her hand out of Beca's, she turned away and went back to her drawing.

"No…I think I'll stay here."

"Wait, Harlyn please…"

Nothing. The girl was done, and after a few more minutes, a defeated and hurt looking Beca stood up, wiping away a few stray tears before walking to the door.

"I'm sorry…" Cassi whispered.

Beca just shook her head.

"It's fine…it's fine. We'll just…give her some time. Maybe she'll change her mind…"

"Yeah…"

"All r-right. Thank you…I'll just…"

But before finishing her sentence, she walked out the door.

As Cassi shut the door, she looked back at the silent female. Now normally, she could understand Harlyn's issues with people. In being in and out of homes all the time, she always had it rough. But this…this was different. She was happy with Aubrey. She had a home. She knew she was loved. No, this wasn't right. This wasn't right at all.

Walking over, she pulled out a nearby chair and sat facing the girl.

"Harlyn Locklear…"

She said nothing back.

"You know, I have worked with you and known you for a very long time, and I will admit, you've dealt with a lot of crappy things early on. That's why I was so lenient with that attitude of yours. But what you did just now? That was wrong, and I'm very disappointed in you. Look at me, Harlyn…"

Although she really didn't want to, she looked up at the woman, Cassi clearly unhappy.

"I hate to be so blunt about this, but honey, you're a coward."

Harlyn felt heat run to her face when she heard this, her brows furrowing angrily as she looked back away again.

"I'm sorry, but it's true. Every time something goes wrong in a family, you run. I see you play it safe. I see you doing certain things and acting certain ways just to keep yourself from getting hurt, but Harlyn, who ever told you that families were supposed to be perfect?"

Harlyn's anger didn't ease up, but this time the anger wasn't at Cassi. It was at herself.

"Harlyn, you have to understand something. No family is perfect. Mistakes will always be made and family members hurt each other even if they don't mean to. That's part of what being a family is. Yes, rough things happen, but families get through it, and that's what makes them stronger, and at the end of the day, no matter what, they are always there to love and support you. You can't always run from things just because something goes wrong. You can't always run because you're scared of getting hurt. You can't just shut yourself off to keep the bad things out, because if you do that, you keep the good things out, too. Listen, you are way too young to be running away from things, and Harlyn, you don't even have anything to run away from. If anything, you have something to run to. You have a home. You have friends who care about you. Hell Harlyn, you have a mother."

The girl looked back again when she heard this word again, her heart clenching once more.

"That's right, you heard me. You have a mother, and your mother is worried sick and misses you like crazy right now. She loves you Harlyn…your mother loves you…think about that…."

And when she finished, Cassi stood up and left the room.

When she was finally alone, Harlyn pushed the paper away and flopped her head on the table, hiding her face in her arms. Cassi was right. She was very right. She was a coward and ran away from everything little thing, and now, she ran from the one place she was truly loved.

"But…I made the right choice, didn't I? I was to blame for the accident, right?"

She was told that a million times, but she just wasn't getting it. The only thought that stuck was the moment where Aubrey pushed her out of the way and got hit herself.

"That's right, you heard me. You have a mother."

The moment prior to the crash, the moment Aubrey said she wanted to keep her, now took over the bad memories for a moment. She had been so happy. They both were. Everything was perfect.

"Aubrey…mommy…"

She felt tears well up in her eyes again.

"I miss her, too. I miss her so much and love her. I love all of them. But I can't go back. If I do, something else bad might happen…she might get hurt again…I might mess things up even more…I…"

She hid her face a little deeper.

"What do I do?"