A home for the damned
"Congratulations are in order, Lord Trevelyan" The singing tone of Josephine's voice brought Tsion's attention back to the matter at hand. Sitting in front of the fireplace in Josephine's study room, Tsion took the extended letter. "I have just received word that Lord and Lady Trevelyan has agreed to let you use your family name. Even more so, they are very eager to meet you in person as soon as you are able to take a break from your busy work."
"How on earth, did you convince them to do that?" He asked. "How can anyone explain my situation and get a positive remark out of it?"
"I could say I am a miracle worker but that title belongs to our Inquisitor. So let us assume this was one of the leftover miracles that we used." Trevelyan raised an eyebrow at that.
"You got Inquisitor Lavellan to make an official request, didn't you? For the benefit of the Inquisition and future of all Thedas" The sweet, overly innocent smile was all the confirmation he needed. "You trained me well Lady Montilyet. I can see right through you."
"Very good. I also offered them a chance to write their names into history books. Right now, a second herald of Andraste appears as more of a sham than an actual thing but soon you will start going out and earn a reputation for yourself."
"Don't you think that the existence of two 'chosen one's sound less divine and more human made. It might diminish people's faith in the Maker. Not that I would complain about it but you have got a lot riding on that faith, don't you?"
"I am impressed with your vision, Lord Trevelyan. I can see what you are saying but the thing is, a person who has been saved from certain doom would not think to doubt his saviour. A second herald in just words will be unbelievable at first but that is exactly why you will need to work twice as hard to increase your reputation and when enough people believe in you, the world will forget that you weren't even there at the beginning."
"Funny how I actually was there. Just not here, there if you get what I mean." Trevelyan murmured.
"This is getting confusing. Instead shall we focus on the work you can do while we wait for the others to gather?"
"Sure" he replied and took a sizeable amount of the paper and letters which has been scattered on Josephine's table. Going quickly over the main outline, he came to realize that he had done all of this work while he was in his own timeline. That was a very good thing in his opinion since he remembered what most of his decisions resulted in.
"I guess I can help more people this time around" he admitted to his smiling Lady Ambassador, who has been waiting for him to catch up to her line of thought "You had already expected that from me."
"Yes. Shall we begin?"
The clouds had dispersed and the sun was finally making an appearance. Warming his bones under a rare sun bath, Trevelyan ignored half of the remaining work load which Josephine was currently fussing over. As the advisors and the Inquisitor rolled in one by one he was almost grateful for the distraction. During the war room meeting, with specific tactics and names provided by Trevelyan, the ambassador had announced that he had deserved to go out into the wilderness once again. Cullen was unsure about it and Lavellan looked sceptical but they both agreed to consider it at the end of the meeting. After providing the detailed and elaborate events of the upcoming ball in Orlais, Leliana had no complaints about Trevelyan but actually sending him out on his own was still mulled over.
The plans were considered and strategies were made. It felt odd. Not leading the inquisition was a truth he accepted fairly quickly but in close quarters with his three advisors across from him and not leading the planning was a fact that he had to remind himself. To refrain from reaching out and moving the pawns, he ended up crossing his arms over his chest and taking half a step back from the table. This was Lavellan's trial now. He had to let her do it.
When the subject slid to the Imperial Ball, Leliana summarised all of her knowledge she obtained from him. With players out in the open and no secrets hidden, the whole nobility of the Empire smelled of rotten eggs. Lavellan was as displeased with them as Trevelyan once had been which made him like her more. Whomever Lavellan has chosen to support at the end of the ball depended on her and he only explained why he had chosen to leave the Empress on the throne. Lavellan wasn't entirely convinced of his choice but to make a real decision she had to be there and judge the people by herself.
When they were finally done he stretched his back and hearing it crack was a sign of hard work which pleased him. Leliana nodded her thanks to him as she passed him by and Lavellan gave him a curt thanks. Cullen actually stopped to chat for a minute or two. Falling back to old habits, Trevelyan was able joke around good heartedly and he was invited to play a game of chess with the Commander.
He retired back to his room which has been designated somewhere where rest of his friends had stayed. It was small but clean room with a single window looking over to the mountains and a desk for him to do more work on. The bed was mediocre at best. If it was his own quarters, he would have sent it away and order one of those Orlais style master beds but the harsh reality was that he had nothing to pay it for. Now he had a name, even if it has been extorted from his parents, it was still a good name. He really wanted to meet them though and see the shocked faces when they noticed how much his face looked like his father's and how his hair was the exact colour and shape of his mother's. Even if they wished to deny any relation to him later on, nobody would have believed them.
Amused at his own thoughts, Trevelyan spent the better half of the afternoon resting and trying to remember about his missions as much as possible. He had been provided with ink and paper to record any important detail that he would need to inform the advisors about. He had been lost in memories and was very close to get swept away in melancholy when a gentle knock on the door disturbed him.
He got up grumbling and pushed the door open to face his favourite dwarf. "How do you do, herald? Got some time to come down to the piss hole and get shit faced? Or are you too busy brooding?"
"How did you- Did Cole sent you?"
"The kid was worried. He didn't want to smother you with his hat so he sent me instead. What do you say you want to share the rest of your infamous story with us then?"
"Boy, I can use a drink actually. I have been locked up so long that I forgot that I actually drink."
"Brooding does that to a person" Varric explained as he closed his door "Next you will start writing manifestos and without anyone realizing it you'll end up blowing a chantry or two!"
"I won't blow up anything, I promise. Well, maybe just Corypheus' head but I think people are expecting that anyway."
"The taste of thiiss shittt doesn't change, I'll tell you thaat much" Trevelyan slurred as he downed his third drink. "Where is Bull? The chargers are there in their usual corner and I can hear Sera giggling from all the way up there. She is up to a mischief, mark me words. Shouldn't the Bull be heere too?" Varric shook his head in disbelief. Three drinks was all it took to make Trevelyan lose his shit.
"Forget Tiny. Tell me about you. I need some juicy details. Anyone you left behind back in your time or whatever?" He sipped loudly trying to ignore the sudden solemn look clouding Trevelyan's eyes. "Sorry if you don't want to talk, I understand"
"But you don't, do you? Not really..." Trevelyan said with a heavy, tired voice. He put down his drink and averted his gaze. "Nobody can understand it. It's alright though, I get it and I am not wishing it upon anyone because you know what? It hurts like a freaking nightmare. Solas calls it a different timeline but I know what he is really thinking; he thinks that my timeline has been erased or I was erased."
"You are still here, Herald. You didn't get erased." Varric made a really good point with that.
"Then it is worse. Because it means that everything and everyone I ever cared about got erased; my life, my family, my inquisition, my Dorian..." He took a deep, shuddering breath, missing out the sharp intake from his side "And don't tell me that you are still here. It doesn't count. You don't remember it. I never had much in life, Varric. But what I had I was proud of. I was proud of being a mage and of having my family even though they practically left my crib at the circle doorsteps. I was terrified of the Inquisition and tried to run away a couple of times. You lot convinced me to stay and lead. After coming to terms with my inevitable role in the inquisition I made sure to turn it into a place I could be proud of, too! And now look at it, it's gone like all my life and everyone I loved and loved me in return. That's what pride gets you. A literal nothing"
"Slow it down with the drink, Herald." Varric put his hand on his almost finished mug "It might have been erased from our minds but it doesn't have to be lost, Tsion. Talk to me and we'll make it into an immortal story, what do you say?"
"You used my name. You are serious."
"Of course I am. Why do you think I write?"
"For fame and glory and money!" Trevelyan replied with a smirk. Varric patted him on the back while returning his smile.
"Those too but I write to immortalized great heroes with tragic pasts and infinite hope in their belts."
"Do you think I am a hero, Varric?"
"You fit all the criteria, Herald and I doubt it gets more tragic than losing everything. Don't pout and look on the bright side; at least you were given a second chance to live the rest of your life."
"Yeah, alright" he said enthusiastically and gulped down the rest of his beer after rescuing it from Varric's clutches "But I got a condition"
"Name it"
"We are gonna add lots of sex to it. Because the sex was amazing. It would be a bloody shame to leave it out. Okay?"
"Agreed. I believe I even know whom you are talking about; A certain moustache man, right?"
"You are a smart man, Varric! Let's drink to you."
"A dwarf, but thanks anyway."
By the end of the night Trevelyan was a whining heap of curses. Varric could never have guessed that the young man had a mouth like an Antivan sailor yet the Herald was more than happy to prove him wrong. Thankfully most of his insults were hidden behind his slurry speech and they avoided getting into a fight. What shocked the dwarf more was Trevelyan's story, it was almost the same as his Inquisitor's with minor differences here and there; A few judgemental calls were unlike each other and of course their choices in partners had been vastly different. He really shouldn't have been so surprised to hear Sparkler's name roll out of Trevelyan mouth every two minutes. The boy was smitten beyond repair. He had to actually stop him before he became too explicit in describing their bedroom adventures and by the stone, was that worthy of having a whole dirty novel dedicated to it.
Besides his light weightiness in drinking, Varric feared for Trevelyan's mental health. He was a proper mess. He kept his composure during the day well enough but a bit of drink brought out all the nasty things which has been festering inside him. No wonder Cole often had an urge to reach out to him.
All in all this had been a good night for both of them. Trevelyan had poured his heart out and although he might wake up with a nightmarish headache in the morning, at least his shoulders and chest won't feel as heavy.
Speaking of heavy... "Hey, Tsion, Herald. Wake up! You need your beauty sleep and a dwarf needs his solid eight hours if we want to wake up for the lunch in time."
"You listened real good, Varric. Thank you. Now answer one little question and I'll get up."
"Shoot"
"Is Dorian happy?" That wasn't a question he wanted to answer.
"Why don't you ask him? Sparkler loves to talk about him"
"Because he would just lie or cover it up. He doesn't like asking for help from others and he would definitely shoot me down."
"Kid, look. I don't know what to tell you. He seems happy. He is always smiling and bragging about himself. He is a good guy too. I am sure he is doing fine."
"Yeah, but is he happy?" Trevelyan asked again. He lifted his head off of the counter and for a second Varric could swear that he had sobered up just like that. He lifted his marked hand "I have the divine bad luck. But if this anchor has brought one good person to life, besides my favourite dwarf of course, that would be Dorian. I loved him with all my heart. As cheesy as it sounds, it is the truth and then I lost my Dorian. The one here is the same but we haven't shared the same experiences so we don't really know each other. Of course I still know his favourite dish, or the way his sides tickles with the ghost of my breath or how sensitive he gets after sex."
"Keep to the point, Herald" Varric said with effectively cutting him off.
"Right, the point is; the last time I saw him he wasn't happy. He had his charade mask on and he pretended to be happy. Something was bothering him and I swear he was in physical pain too but he didn't complain at all. And this is Dorian, he complains about the sun rising or rain raining."
"I really didn't want to tell you this, Tsion but I guess you are going to learn it eventually."
"What?" Trevelyan turned to him and he was most certainly sober now.
"He was here drinking before I went to fetch you. And so was the Iron Bull. They both had been drinking a lot and well,"
"Just say it" Trevelyen whispered already looking at the ground and wishing for it to swallow him up.
"They left together, and my guess is that they ended up in one of their beds"
...
Trevelyan woke up to a grinding headache and burning sensation in his right hand which was surprising since it was usually the mark that hurt. Upon examining his hand, he found an ugly swelling and minor gushes across its back. The reality of his actions came back to his mind in a seconds noticed and he recalled how he trashed the tavern with his bare hands after hearing about Dorian and the Bull. He hadn't even used magic to trash the place. He was a damned mage not a barbarian!
He covered his face with the pillow under his arm and muffled a scream. Maker, he was a mess. A hopeless, pathetic and lonely mess. He threw the harmless pillow across the room. Suddenly buzzed with energy, he sat up. He needed a target to shoot lighting at. Or maybe he would just punch them. Apparently he was a barbarian now so no use in denying his nature. But firstly he had to go down the tavern and assess the damage he had done, apologise to the keeper and clean his mess up. He was going to be a responsible barbarian.
It took him great effort and a few bottles of potions to make him representable to the world again. As the sun hit peak, and noon bells started ringing Trevelyan gently entered the tavern which to his dismay, looked clean and in place. Had he dream about trashing the tavern? Why was his hand hurting then? Unsure of how to direct the question, he approached the dwarf behind the counter.
"Sorry, by any chance was there any lasting damage done here?"
"Damage? What damage? Wait, you are that new human with glowy hand. I recall seeing you drink and then you flipped out."
"Oh, yes did I break anything? Please accept my apologies. I have been called a hot head before" The keeper started laughing at his face, took a deep breath and then laughed some more. "Glad to make you happy"
"Break anything? No you didn't break anything. You just screamed, tried to lift one of the tables for some reason and then dropped it on your hand. The rest of it, you don't want to hear, trust me."
"No, I don't."
"It was the funniest drunk stunt I had seen in years. Come back tonight and I'll get you a drink on the house." The dwarf went back to his chores, still snickering beneath the beard and Trevelyan chose to ignore him for his own sake.
"At least I am not a barbarian"
"I would like to meet the man brave enough to claim that you were" came a loud reply. Trevelyan covered his ears in agony "Hangovers does that to a person. Headaches and stomach aches and all around heart aches."
"Dorian" he said with his heart at his throat. He gulped down nervously, avoiding the young man's attentive gaze. He already had a killer headache and looking at Dorian just made it worse.
"Trevelyan"
"Please, don't yell. What are you doing here at this hour?" It was a weak attempt at a normal conversation and Trevelyan did everything in his power to not to imagine Dorian's night and to act normal. It was more difficult than he imagined it to be; The knowledge still too fresh and a red mark still apparent on Dorian's neck.
"Just catching up to some alcohol I had missed last night. Then I'll continue my search for Corypheus' name in the library. Do not worry, I am not slacking off, not too much."
"I wasn't worried about that." Trevelyan said, finally lifting his head up "I am not the Inquisitor anymore so you don't have to answer to me about what you do in your free time or whom... Anyway, nice chat. I should go."
"Fair enough"
The speed with which Trevelyan has run out of the room made his head spin. His stomach lurched and his legs became shaky. It has to be the drinks, he told himself, the hangover was making him ill. That's all. He stumbled back to his room and splashed his face with the cold water from a large bowl which has been left by the Skyhold servants. Unsatisfied, he resorted to dunk his entire face to feel the coldness and lift some of the pain from his head. Cheeks numb and lips turned purple, he cleaned his face and sat at his desk.
He had to clear his mind of this Dorian. He wasn't his. They weren't together, they hadn't done the things he and his Dorian did. They didn't share any real memories and to him Trevelyan was but a stranger he flirted once or twice. Varric, could be right. If Dorian was with Bull and he was content to be with the Qunari, then he had no right to force himself between them. He didn't even belong there. He had no right to away Dorian's and Bull's happiness.
He had to get back in the game. Maybe visit the temple and look for real answers as to why he was really there. The well could shed some light on his troubles and unlike Solas' best guesses', it would be nice to have solid answers for a change. As much as he appreciate Josie's help and Inquisition's hospitality, enough was enough. It was time to bring out his hard shell and the hidden Inquisitor's persona back into the game.
Now that he was free to roam Thedas, the first place he would visit was bound to be the temple of Mythal. Determined, he made his way to Josephine's office.
"This sounds like a dangerous step to take." said Leliana as she considered his request to visit the temple.
"With Samson running around in it and the Sentinels on my back, yes it had been dangerous." started Trevelyan as he leaned on the table, one finger pointing to the temple's location on the map "But now it should be empty and as long as we follow the Elven rituals, Abelas was willing to help out. It is worth a visit. We need that Eluvian and the Well of Sorrows is too dangerous to let fall into Corypheus' hands."
"You make a sound argument, Lord Trevelyan. Perhaps we can afford to visit the temple and secure it before Corypheus attempts to take over it." The input made by Josephine was welcome but neither Leliana nor Cullen seemed satisfied with him. It was Cullen who countered her opinion.
"The Imperial Ball is in a week's time. We cannot afford to divide our attention. If we launch an attack in the Arbor Wilds without a proper back up, we may not survive it."
"The Sentinels and the Keepers of the temple are a formidable lot." Trevelyan's finger circled around the temple's location on the map "Last time we were chasing Samson to the temple and needed all our forces to reach it. We found him deep in the temple and beat him senseless with the help of the Sentinels."
"Then you know we cannot just march into the woods." Trevelyan knew he wasn't helping himself with explaining the dangers but sending the troops in unprepared was the same as sacrificing them. He didn't have the heart to do that. "Tsion, it's better to wait it out and follow your version. If you had captured Samson there at the exact given date, then we have one up on him. We can use your experience to trap him and this time we will be ready for him and Corypheus both."
"I agree with the Commander" Leliana said "Your vision or rather your familiarity of our close future is what gives us an edge. With your help we have been gaining allies twice as fast and Corypheus will soon be cornered. We still have time to deal with the temple so our priority lies with stopping the assassination attempt of Empress Celine."
"What then, you expect me to wait here, until you find a use for me?" snapped Trevelyan. He felt like his opinions didn't matter in the slightest, that he was just an irrelevant messenger boy. "I need to visit that temple to understand why the fuck I have been sent to this place, or have my timeline erased or whatever has happened. I can't do that while sitting on my ass in Skyhold. I'll just take a small team of four with me and infiltrate the temple. Learn what I can and secure the Well of Sorrows."
"Would you risk having Abelas destroy the well?" Trevelyan squeezed his eyes shut as Solas' disapproving comment ringed through the war room. He let out a low growl, making Josephine to take half a step back.
"I had convinced him to leave it alone before, I can do it again."
"As I understand the situation and from what I observed in your dreams, I don't think that would be possible. The major reason for Abelas to listen to you was because of his rush response to the immediate danger. Without the assault from a common enemy I find it hard to believe that Abelas would take your word of world peace to heart."
"Maker, it was a mistake to bring this subject to you. I should have just left on my own."
"You are far too good for that, Lord Trevelyan" Leliana's unexpected, kind words served to calm him down but didn't stop him from restlessly fidgeting with the chain around his neck. "You have grown in ways our Inquisitor has not. Any other man would have left but you chose to stay because you knew the risks involving such a gamble."
"Well, it doesn't really help me out though, does it?" he whispered "Fine, I'll wait until after the Ball and-" As if struck by lightning, Trevelyan straightened up and his shoulders shook with the force of a rage he hadn't felt in a long while. "Wait. Solas, did you just mention observing my dreams? Have you been poking around in my head while I was sleeping?"
"It was a necessary precaution." answered Leliana as Trevelyan's head snapped towards her. The calm demeanour only pissed him off more "We had to make sure the information you have been feeding us was real. Surely you can't blame us for being cautious in a delicate time such as this."
"Oh, so the spies you keep at my shadow aren't good enough for you, Sister Leliana? You see a mage and the first idea that pops into your sweet little head is to mess with his dreams. Well done, Lady Nightingale." Still fuming, Trevelyan pointed at the remaining advisors accusingly "Were the two of you aware of this controversy?"
"Yes, Lord Trevelyan. We had all agreed to ensure both your safety of the mind and ours. The risk of taking in a comp-"
"Stuff it, Josephine" he yelled and stomped off towards the door, brushing past the frowning elf. "At least have the gall to admit your true intentions to my face instead of insulting me with this bullshit"
With the final sentence directed at the guilty faces behind him, he left for the tavern, again.