Two is company, three is a crowd
The night smelled of elfroots as Trevelyan's feet dragged his body to the inner gardens. He passed by a couple of pots containing the elfroot plant and an elderly Chantry mother who was busy harvesting them. He spared a quick look and a small nod to the Chantry mother as he walked deeper into the unattended inner sanctum. Simple fire within the lanterns enlightened the gazebo where a set of chairs were set in front of a chess table.
He recalled why Cullen preferred to spend his free time in this spot. Even under the darkness of this ungodly hour and despite the overgrown weeds, the garden was an inspirational location to behold with its many flowers growing all over it. He rested his feet on the opposite chair and stretched his back. The night was calm and peaceful enough to take his mind off of the images of leaving a bewildered Dorian behind in his room. His fingers found the Pavus birthright amulet below his tunic. Absentmindedly he swirled it in his hand, grateful that Dorian had not seen it during their sort of tumbling or whatever the hell it was. Trevelyan didn't wish to think about the what-could-have-been's had he stayed with the young mage. He wasn't wrong about his way of thinking, even though it had been Trevelyan who initiated the kiss to begin with, he at least had sense enough to halt his advances before he regretted any of it.
But, by the Maker, it had felt so good! To taste those wine stained sweet lips, to feel the ticklish moustache on his skin, to be the sole object with Dorian's full attention on him... The soft breeze cooled his heat, but Trevelyan still felt the heat pooling deep in his gut.
Hoping that it would draw his attention from his primal needs, he assembled the stone pawns on the gaming board. It took him a while to correctly place all of the parts, he had always confused which square the Queen and the King were meant to stand on. He moved a pawn forwards from the white set and retaliated with a counter move from the black side. As his game moved forward between his current self and a ghost of what he once had been, Trevelyan refused to fall asleep for as long as he could.
"It looks like you have cornered yourself into an impossible position" The simple commentary startled Trevelyan out of his slumber. Cullen's unyielding demeanour casted a strong shadow on him as the man smirked down at him.
"You could say that for a lot of aspects in my life right now."
"May I join?" Cullen asked as he referred to the unfinished game. With a sigh Trevelyan removed his feet from the second chair and motioned for the Commander to take a seat. Moving a piece on the board, Cullen didn't waste a second before he dived directly into the uncomfortable subject that hang heavy between them. "I want to apologise for deceiving you, Tsion- uhm, Trevelyan. We should have informed you that we had been supervising you instead of going behind your back. It was an uncalled act especially after you so readily offered to assist the Inquisition."
"Or you could have just trusted me" he bit back "It's not like I have anything to gain from lying to you. This place is all I have and you are the only people who would have trusted me enough to not kill me"
They played a couple of moves in the awkward silence that followed. Cullen broke it as he saved his Queen from a dangerously close knight's hit. "Were we friends, in your old timeline?"
"Yes, I'd like to believe that we had been friends" was the honest reply "Why do you ask?"
"The way you hold yourself in the war room meetings and the determination in your posture convinces me that you are a decent man and a strong leader, Trevelyan, like someone I could respect and follow. I just wanted to make sure that my first intuition on you was not completely off base."
"It wasn't, Cullen. You are a capable commander and a good friend. Your virtues remain the same regardless of the timelines. It was thanks to my dear advisors that I was able to grow and became the person you see during the meetings. I have learned a lot from all of you and that's why it bothers me to be the butt of your ruthlessness"
"I am sorry, Trevelyan" repeated Cullen and the sincerity of that sentence was enough to make Trevelyan forgive them.
"I just wish that you trusted me as I trust you. I am aware that I haven't done anything to earn that trust but it is not exactly possible to do so if I am holed up in Skyhold. Even if the Arbor Wilds is out of question, at least let me go to Hinterlands or the Storm Coast and watch me close some rifts. It is much easier to gather my wits and keep my cool if I can direct my anger, along with some lightning bolts, at the enemies."
Cullen smiled at his eagerness to work and observed his anxious company as he moved another piece on the board. The Commander felt that there was a secondary game was afoot and that Trevelyan showed great potential at playing it.
"You have a fine way with words, Trevelyan."
"So I have been told. Before I start screeching at someone's face, I try to charm them first. Force of habits."
The silence that they shared was more comfortable this time around. "What does that necklace symbolise anyway?" Trevelyan jumped back at the sudden question and his hands fumbled with grabbing the birthright quickly. He had completely forgotten to put it away and out of everyone's views.
"It's, uh, a gift from someone very dear to me. Well, more like a good luck charm that utterly failed at its job. I had received it while we were travelling to the Temple of Mythal"
"I see. It was a nice gesture. Too bad it didn't work"
"Yeah" he agreed "but it is still with me. A final reminder from that timeline so maybe it was only ever meant to accompany and protect me."
"That is a fine sentiment to hold on to." Trevelyan fidgeted in his seat, suddenly remembering his dreams in great detail.
"Solas disagrees with you on that one, Cullen. Last night, just before you woke me, I met him in my dream. He had the audacity to show his face instead of lurking in the shadows after our dispute yesterday. I think the advice he gave me was this; 'to accept the end of something is the only way to begin building something new'. He wasn't entirely wrong but I am not ready to give up. We are yet to investigate the temple and as everything still remains a mystery, I will hold on to this amulet with all my strength."
"Do you think you'll ever go back?" the Commander asked with the innocence of a child. Trevelyan knew better that the real question was whether there was a place for him to go back to.
"I don't know. That's why I have to go to the temple. If there is an answer to this mess, it is there."
"We will get there, Trevelyan. Together. We will not risk losing you too. So promise me that the moment you leave Skyhold, you will not run off to Arbor Wilds; that you will wait for us." The mage took a deep breath and focused on the chess board. He noticed that Cullen's pawns had cornered his Queen and his King was left all alone. It was a sad yet accurate summary of his condition.
"I give you my word that I'll try not to run off. That's the best I can offer."
"That is good enough. I faith in you that you'll do the right thing when the time comes." If Trevelyan had blushed it was certainly because of the morning sun falling on his neck. "By the way, after your dramatic leave, we have discussed what to do next. As all of the advisors and Inquisitor Lavellan will be leaving for the Imperial Ball in a few days, we figured that you might also gather a small team and go exploring. If you are still willing to do so."
"Seriously?" Not that Trevelyan could ever assume that Cullen would joke about this subject but he really had to ask.
"Of course. We have had reports from Hissing waters and Exalted Marches requesting urgent help with the rifts. You think you are up for it?"
"You waited to hear my promise to tell me this? Well, Cullen, keep this up and I think you may win at the Great Game all by yourself."
"I'll leave that to the experienced ladies. So what do you say?" Trevelyan smirked with delight and shook his head in disbelief. Josephine was effectively influencing Cullen too. Not that it was a bad development but Trevelyan would be grateful if his skills weren't all tested on him.
"Join me for some ale this evening, Commander and we'll discuss the best next course of action."
"So Vivienne and Sera are definitely accompanying us to the Ball" said Cullen and watched suspiciously as Varric dealt a set of cards for their next hand of Wicked Grace. "You will have to choose someone else. The dwarf seems to have a lot of time on his hands so feel free to take him along."
"Are you proposing this to keep me out of trouble or Trevelyan?" asked Varric and took the last deck of cards from the table. "Not that the poor kid's done any damage other than snapping at just about everyone and dropping a table on his hand"
"That wasn't my brightest moment. Can we forget it ever happened?"
"Not going to happen, Herald. I wasn't nearly drunk enough to forget a word you said. You should have seen him, Curly, he had the rage of a thousand burning suns but the strength of a new born puppy. The tavern keeper had good laugh though so it wasn't all that bad"
Trevelyan sipped his ale with great distaste and pursed his lips "Keep shuffling, Varric. You are steadily going down on my favourites list. You are about to pass Solas' position"
"Have you not forgiven him, Trevelyan?" asked Cullen. The grip on his cards tightened and Trevelyan knew he couldn't resist the calf eyes the Commander was presently adorning.
"I am not really mad at him but I do need to direct my anger at someone or I'll just end up yelling at everyone else."
"Try Leliana" suggested Varric and Trevelyan's insides twisted with pain just at the thought of it. He had seen Leliana kill an armed man with her feet while she was bound and hanging and dying. He might be hot headed but he wasn't suicidal.
"I rather not yell at anyone" he replied as calm as he could. "Anyway, Cullen, who else are you taking with you?"
"Uhm, Dorian seems like a good choice, Lavellan will probably ask him to come with us as well" he answered with a hint of hesitation. Trevelyan tried not to flinch too much. The memories of Dorian from the previous night threatened to overflow him for a minute but he surpassed the urge to throw his mug across the tavern for the sake of the innocent bystanders.
The tavern was working at almost full capacity. He focused on their happy and relaxed chatter. The charges were singing a random song without a tune and Sera was teaching Cole how to cheat at Wicked Grace without using his abilities. Scout Harding was sitting by the corner while observing Krem very closely without the young man noticing it, that is until she caught Trevelyan's gaze and his knowing smirk. Cullen followed his line of sight but Harding was already packing up to leave.
Feeling more confident with his voice he turned his attention back to the confused Commander "That is a good idea. During my time, Dorian had mentioned that the Ball had reminded him of his homeland even though the other attendants weren't half as happy to see a Tevinter Altus among them. So it's best to ask him first."
"Any tips on how to convince him?"
"I had used my Inquisitorial charm. I am sure Lavellan will succeed as well"
"If you say so..."
Growing tired of the business talk Varric interrupted their talk "Alright, you bundle of sunshine. Let the man breath a little and enjoy his ale, it's not like he takes breaks every other day. Here, place your bets"
"I appreciate it, Varric but we need to reach a conclusion before they leave" Trevelyan responded, fully aware that he was walking into Varric's trap.
"I had meant Curly but sure, you can take a break from taking breaks"
"Rude! I am doing work. The other day I finished half of their total work in one sitting."
"Geez, does it help to have lived through it once? I should change your nickname from Herald to Oracle"
"I don't mind. Oracle sounds very intriguing." he said giggling "Oh, and fair warning, be on the lookout for Bianca. She might turn up one of these days"
"His crossbow?"
"You did not just say that! What has she done now?"
"Nothing yet" Trevelyan responded "Warn her to stay away from Valammar. That place is filled with red lyrium and don't panic, Cullen, I have already left instruction with Josephine to investigate the area."
"Well, shit! I am not sure if she'll listen but thanks for the heads up, Herald." Varric said and quickly stood up "Why don't you boys continue? It turns out I have got some more letters to write." With that he left the tavern in a blaze.
"Red lyrium? Why didn't you inform me of this before?" Trevelyan didn't take offense as Commander growled at him. "Maker, what else is out there that we don't know about?"
"You would be surprised. At any rate we should focus on our priority mission. I am taking Varric with me. Blackwall should come too and maybe Cole or Cassandra, assuming that she doesn't want to kill me anymore?"
"That won't be possible, Trevelyan" He shot the Commander a dirty look. Cullen rubbed his neck suspiciously and continued with his explanation "I mean, since you revealed that there are in fact three sides to the assassination plot, we will require their help."
"Is this your subtle way of ordering me to stay put in Skyhold?"
"No, of course not. Might I suggest Solas and the Iron Bull?"
"Cullen..."
"I don't like forcing this on you either but it is for all our benefits. Apparently, we have to show the nobles that you can be apprehended if need be." Trevelyan considered this carefully. He wasn't in the mood to argue with the Commander and there was reason behind this suggestion but he also had lots of details to sort out. He had hoped to escape from the reality of this absurd situation with doing what he did best. Away from Dorian and Skyhold, he could have rested his mind and just kill demons to relieve his stress. Maybe he would have spent some time collecting herbs and socializing with Blackwall and the rest.
It turns out the advisors had different plans for them. Lucky him... With Solas present there was no way he could relax in his dreams. So sleepless nights awaited him. He was surprised to realize that he didn't mind having the Iron Bull around. Their friendship in his timeline went deeper than had noticed before. The whole issue with the dreadnaught and almost losing the Charger's had a strong impact on their association and although he wasn't regretting saving the Charger's, Trevelyan had feared that the Bull might one day end up being killed by his own countrymen.
No more of that fear, he figured as he heard Dalish's loud exclamations of not being a mage. Besides the Druffalo in the room, he had no issue with Bull's presence in his party.
"The Iron Bull is strong enough handle me on his own, I suppose and Solas can keep an eye on my dreams..." he replied with a defeated tone "Not that I need babysitting but if it's going to put your minds to ease then fine. At least I'll have the chance to curse at you from outside of Skyhold walls."
"Feel free to do so" Cullen smiled sincerely and finished his drink "I should get back to my reports. I have much more to sort out yet the time to leave for the Ball approaches fast. Enjoy your drink."
"Too bad we couldn't finish playing Wicked Grace. Next time?"
"Of course, Trevelyan. Sleep well"
Alone once more with a drink in his hand, Trevelyan wondered if he were ever going to end up as a snivelling alcoholic. It was possible. The circle of life had claimed many victims and blessed a few of them; King's could fall from grace, once upon a heroes could become drunkards and common people could rise to power at any given point in their lives... It was all written right there, in the stories of the extremely unlucky people and those few blissful ones.
Once he had been one of them, one with a promising future as the leader of this elite community and now all that remained was... ah, he didn't want to worry about it anymore. Yes, he hadn't appreciated what he had until he lost it all. So what? Life always had been and would be cruel. He couldn't change the past now. He had to learn to live it which meant that maybe Solas hadn't been so out of line with his presumptuous advices in the Fade.
He didn't want to admit that. He wanted to believe that he had a way out and that his soul was still salvageable. There had to be a future beyond the bottom of this dirty mug. A future where he could learn to trust and care again.
There was still time and reason to hope. Trevelyan didn't find it in his heart to give up on his future nor on the Inquisition. Even if he was stuck there for years to come and had no one but his own sorry self, he would relentlessly fight for them and try to find his happiness. By the end of his fourth glass he simply wished that there was a future for them to have.