At the edge of reality
The pissing rain did wonders to Trevelyan's quickly diminishing mood. Each drop was drilling into his head and the salty sea breeze only served to aggravate the motions of his twitching eye. Consequently his sarcasm peaked in parallel to his discomfort and the blunt of it hit Solas and the accompanying scouts. Varric, the smart dwarf that he was, had been following them a few steps behind the group and had dragged the Iron Bull to his side. Trevelyan didn't know what Varric imagined him doing to the Bull, after all their 'first' meeting in Skyhold had gone relatively well.
There had been brief introductions and when a summary of his circumstances was told, it had caused Bull to raise his intact eyebrow before directing a single question at him. "Had you been covering my back?"
"Yes" Trevelyan had answered honestly "Yours and the Charges' both"
"Then keep it up and we'll both survive this!"
Probably due to Varric's interference, other than that brief exchange they've had little interaction. Despite his earlier enthusiasm, Trevelyan could sense Iron Bull's watchful gaze on his back. His doubt was nothing surprising to Trevelyan; suspicion and mistrust had all he had faced since he opened his eyes in Lavellan's world. He may have been a bit unfair with that thought, but he was in a bad mood.
With gathering his inner strength, he fall back towards the end of the group. Varric sent him an questioning look but he angled his horse so that he would ride between the duo.
"Oh joy..." he heard the dwarf complain before switching to a happier tune "So what brings you to the end of the line, Herald?"
"I thought you were going to start referring me as the Oracle? Did you change your mind already?"
"I'll consider it as soon as I hear back from Bianca."
"Fair enough but I am here to make another premonition. An important one."
"I am giddy with excitement" said Bull and casted a side way glance at Trevelyan who had assumed an uncomfortable position with his shoulders tense and brows knitted together.
"Excitement is not the word I would use." he muttered with a serious tone "Listen, Bull. Soon you will receive a word from Ben-Hassrath regarding a dreadnaught." He explained the mission they had set out with the Charge's to acquire the dreadnaught and how it went downhill two minutes after they had met with Gat; The Venatori pressuring the Charge's and having to make a choice between them and the dreadnaught. At first the Bull didn't believe that his men had been cornered by a couple of Vints but Trevelyan's scolding face and the stern warning was enough to make him consider the tale to be the truth.
"I am going to double their training sessions" he growled when Trevelyan finished talking "Then we'll see who pressures who..."
"Or rather, take a troop with you when you go to visit this Gat person" Varric's input, as usual was spot on.
"Nah, I'll get them to beat those sorry asses"
"Bull" exclaimed Trevelyan in his Inquisitor voice which startled the Qunari with more surprise than fear. "Do not risk it, this is about their lives. I'll convince to advisors to send more men with you if need be but don't take this lightly."
"Alright" the Bull responded but Trevelyan couldn't tell if he had agreed for real or mouthed the response just to shut him up. He would have to keep an eye on him.
He shook his head and shared a sort of meaningful glance with Varric. As they approached a clearing with large rocks covering it on three sides he yelled to the group and got of his horse. "Right, this place is good enough to camp" When there was no movement in his peripheral vision he turned around to find hesitant faces, looking at each other with dumbfounded expressions. It took him a second to realize that he, as the new comer, had neither the title nor the status to order them around.
"He is right" chimed in Solas and copied his actions. Upon the confirmation of their designated leader, the scouts began building the tents and avoiding his gaze.
"This is going to be torturous." he complained to no one in particular.
"Old habits, Herald?" asked Varric while mounting Bianca across his back. Trevelyan nodded and adjusted his gloves. The green warm light beneath his left one was shining brightly. A rather nervous looking scout approached him. She looked so transfixed with the dim glow that Trevelyan couldn't help but remove the glove and flex his palm, making the anchor glimmer under the slow rain.
"It is pretty" she commented lightly and he could swear that he heard Solas snort disappointedly beside him. "My apologies, uh... Lord Trevelyan, Ser. Here is your staff, Ser. Commander Cullen had tasked me to lend this to you upon our arrival to the Storm Coast"
"We have been within the boundaries of the Storm Coast for the past half day and now you think to give a staff to me?" She fidgeted in her place, a clear fear reflected with her rigid posture.
"Leave the poor woman be, you bully" said Varric with a half hearted glare and an amused smile "She was tasked with guarding your stick until we reached Long River which is just up ahead. So mission accomplished."
"Oh, sorry. I guess it was pure luck that we didn't run into a demon that wanted to eat us! Thanks for that!" He grabbed the weak staff with more force than necessary. It was a sad and basic staff in his opinion with a wooden grip and an unbalanced hold. It was almost like Cullen had picked it up from a random dead apostate and gifted it to him. "It's not like I require this to protect myself but a tiny bit of trust and respect wouldn't hurt anyone"
"What a charming fellow you are. Must have been a hit with the ladies" said Iron Bull as he laughed at him. "Just observe how hastily she is backing away from you and convince me that you haven't been trying to charm her"
"I am feeling under the weather. Leave it be"
"We noticed, Herald. Perhaps you should work out that tension with more pleasurable pursuits and save some face" Trevelyan openly growled at that. Varric's comment hit closer to home then he liked. The dwarf must have noticed it too because he was both smiling and giving him an apologetic bow.
"I can help with that" Iron Bull added and winked at him. He didn't even have any nerve to comment on that. What he did was to turn towards Solas, who was pouting with a displeased scowl.
"I bet you are now wishing to be in the Imperial Ball, right Solas?"
"I am exactly where I need to be" he replied coolly, with a dash of impatience and Trevelyan's mood improved greatly. "The night is falling, we should rest while we can and continue our journey at first light"
The scouts doubled their effort with the tents and despite having fresh supplies, Trevelyan volunteered to hunt for dinner. He needed to busy his nervous hands and clear his mind. To his surprise Varric armed Bianca and joined him in his hiking path.
"Short height and long range makes for the perfect hunter" he commented cheekily "Besides I spent enough time with Hawke to perfect the art of hiding in the shadows and killing stuff from behind."
"That sounds like a handy talent. My traits are usually limited to shooting lightning at stuff and crisping or freezing them in various degrees."
"You don't do moderations, do you? Any hobbies?"
"Why do you ask that? Are you trying to hook me up with someone?" Varric only shrugged as he climbed up a large rock "Other than killing, I used to enjoy teasing Dorian in my free time. Do you think you can find me a match with these qualities?"
"Let's see. So far, you have shown to be a pyromaniac, an obsessive sweetheart with mood swings matching to that of a morose cat and a sarcastic ass. You can be the next hero in my upcoming novel but I doubt I can convince anyone to fall for you."
"That cut deep, dwarf." Trevelyan feigned having a hurt heart and twirled the staff between his fingers. He could hear the river splashing up ahead "You do have a point though"
"If you agree then start being more sensible and stop scaring the scouts away" The mage was about to retort but Iron Bull's voice cut through the silence like a sharp blade.
"Still haven't gotten anything? Perhaps you should focus on hunting instead of chattering away like mid-wives."
"Sorry" Trevelyan apologised with a reddened face, the small reply was for both Varric and the Bull.
"Quick to flare, quicker to recoil..." Varric whispered. "We can follow the river up. Come on"
The three of them moved in silence and with a strong willed concentration. The river bunk was mostly empty and the few tiny animals they came across scattered upon sensing them. The thin rain kept up and they found themselves moving further away from the camp. Just as he was about to suggest heading back, the Iron Bull called out to him.
"So you and Dorian, hm?" Trevelyan turned around and made a double take back at the sentence he just heard. Or had he been the one to voice it? No, despite his temper, he had more tact than openly direct a question at his fellow friends. Had he imagined it? That was unlikely since Varric, like him, was staring at the Bull with an honest scandalized expression.
"Why and how?" asked Trevelyan , very cleverly.
"Grim had seen you sucking the soul out of that poor Vint and people think its Tevinter who has all the evil rituals"
"Please don't mock this." Trevelyan replied while hiding his face behind his hands. He had dreaded this kind of a confrontation but the Bull had started it and it was now or never to make some of it right. "I am sorry, alright. I didn't mean to suck his soul out. I knew he was with you yet I went after him anyway. So I apologise."
"Look, Trevelyan. I am telling you to make us even. You seem like a decent man but you are also a dumb shit. Do you really think if Dorian didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be able to stop you from advancing?"
"No, maybe... I felt like I was forcing him to be with me in a moment of his weakness" Trevelyan admitted with a heavy heart and felt Varric's pitying eyes on him.
"That's why I am calling you dumb. With Dorian we shared a good amounts of drinks, a few laughs and more than once, amazing sex. "
"Please stop talking" Trevelyan was close to begging.
"For most of it we had been wasted but Dorian is no innocent damsel. He was with me because he wanted to be with me. I didn't force him. I couldn't have forced him. He made a choice and we had good few runs. So trust me, you didn't take advantage of him. If anything, it could be the other way around"
"It wasn't" Trevelyan finally looked at Iron Bull's steady gaze and saw how the Qunari has been observing his reactions and small ticks as he spoke. Suddenly feeling stripped naked, Trevelyan blinked and looked away as his hands found the comforting chain around his neck. "I care about him"
As if waiting for him to say it, the soft confession made the Bull relax his shoulders and smile gently "So do I."
"How do we solve this then?" Trevelyan asked but he didn't have enough confidence to take him head on. Without a past or anything to offer to Dorian, he felt powerless and undeserving.
"We don't" replied the Qunari with a final certainty "You tell Dorian how you feel. I tell Dorian what I think and we wait for him to make a decision. It is his choice. We don't get to fight nor choose a winner in his place."
If earth could swallow him up and perish his soul, it wouldn't be enough of a punishment. He had been such an ignorant, blighted fool. "You are a better man than all of us combined, Bull."
"Speak for yourself, Herald"
"Right," was all he could say and the Bull's lips stretched into a smug smile as if to dare him to do better. He readily accepted the challenge with a small nod and fierce resolve burning in his soul.
"Now that that's settled" began Varric "Let's try inside that cave. There may be animals hiding from the rain. Actually you know, we don't really need to hunt anything. Shall we return? This place looks like its harbouring giant bears and poisonous spiders"
"Well then I'll shoot at them and then we return" Trevelyan said with a newfound determination but it was short lived as his anchor flared with a force he never felt prior to this and the mark on his hand felt like it was burning its way through his palm. The mage fall on his knees as the anchor lifted his arm towards a green veil which was located deep within the cave and he had to forcefully lift himself up before a searing red claw embedded itself into the earth he had been standing on.
"Shit, shit" swore Varric and mirrored Trevelyan's exact thoughts. He struggled to get up as his back hit the wet soil. It had been so long since he had a proper exercise. Although the counter attacks came out of reflex and he had both Varric and the Bull covering his back, Trevelyan still staggered as the pain in his left hand spread towards his arm.
He gripped his staff and channelled his ice magic. A strong but short lived blizzard hit two rage demons and froze them on their spot long enough for the Bull to shatter them to small pieces. A wisp of an arrow flew by his ear and connected with the terror demon who had been approaching him. Finding an opening thanks to Varric's second attack, Trevelyan jumped out of the way and send a fireball at the enemy. The staff was responding well to him. It wasn't extraordinarily strengthening his attacks but it helped focus his energy quick enough during active combat. Perhaps Cullen hadn't chosen the staff as randomly as he had thought.
Still it could have been a better one. As he waved the staff above his head and gathered arcane energy, he recalled his own staff which he had with him as he entered the Well of Sorrows. It had been a thing of beauty, with veridium steel covered handle and goddess tip, it had been his strongest weapon to date. It was a shame womeone in the Inquisition had claimed and disappeared with it when he was locked up. A bolt of lightning fell on the heads of the demons who stood outside the cave and a rogue bolt landed at the tip of his boot. He really should be more careful with using this spell while it insistently rained on them.
Another rage demon and two wraiths fell and Trevelyan was feeling his senses to return to him. He froze a pathway between him and a terror demon and as it lost its balance, Trevelyan was quick to hit it with a fire attack sending it flying backwards. An amused laugh escaped his lips. He loved the most basic magic spells; the ones everyone knew and feared equally. He loved showing the world that yes, he was able to do as they had expected and much more than could ever imagine. He wasn't a scholar like Dorian and he failed to picture himself doing hours of research locked up in a library. It wasn't in his blood to sit tight and be kind.
He craved the excitement and missed the way a fire spell would leave ashes in its wake with a smoky scent or the way ice would linger on his fingertips after crafting icicles. He was most definitely a battlemage, through and through. If he hadn't been born a mage, he would probably take on swords or something similar, like his siblings had but he couldn't imagine being without his magic. Magic complemented his speed and determination. He would have enough range between the enemies to allow keeping an eye on the whole battle scene without excluding himself from the raging fights as well as helping him protect his party members with rapidly cast barrier spells. All in all, magic was a part of him, he held onto it very dearly.
As the last enemy fell and the rift reformed itself to let out new set of demons, Trevelyan casted a dispel magic on one of them and cancelled its transmission. As he readied his staff, an Arcane horror appeared and he cursed their luck. He should have dispelled that bastard but it was too late.
He angled his staff and tried to freeze the demon but it just shrugged it off as if it was cleaning a thin snow layer from its shoulder. He shouted at the Bull to distract it while Varric warded off the smaller demons and Trevelyan took position behind the Arcane horror. Warning Bull not to keep to close to the demon he focused his energy to his anchor and called upon the power of the rift. A scream tore through the cave and as a giant green orb of pure energy fed on the demons killing most of them and weakening the Arcane Horror. Iron Bull took this opportunity to swing his giant axe onto its skull and combined with Varric's arrows hitting his spine, the demon stood no chance against their combined power.
When the only noise left was the crackling of the destabilized rift, Trevelyan noticed that he was kneeling on the rough earth. The tingling on his left hand had numbed most of his arm and the simple act of lifting it felt too much.
It's not supposed to hurt this much, he thought to himself. The mark occasionally hurt and the breach had worsened it for a time but since he had closed the breach it hadn't acted up. Not like this. Varric's voice echoed from far away and his closed eyes slowly opened to meet his companions'. They looked so scared. Fear and worry mixed within their gazes and Trevelyan found himself being supported by Bull's strong grip on his chest.
His vision was clouded and the cave got darker by the minute but it didn't stop him from moving his shoulder and angling his arm in the general vicinity of the rift.
Varric was still talking, Trevelyan wasn't sure about what. It didn't matter. He had a job and it included this bloody rift. Another scream echoed in the cave and he vaguely recognised his own agonised voice. The crackling noise was lost and the world went mute. As his anchor connected with the rift, his body burned with an energy so foreign and intense that all he managed to do was to grit his teeth and concentrate on the only remaining glow of green which went dark as well as his vision.
...
He was back in Haven, Trevelyan noticed. A white blanket of snow covered their poorly guarded and open fortress. The breach glimmered in the distant with a taunting swirl while he squinted his eyes at it. He tried to shield his eyes but his body felt like it had been crushed by a rock. It was then he realized that he was laying down on the ground in front of the main gate.
He took this as a chance to relax, no worry or fear crossed his mind and the blissful dreamland became an escape from his nightmare of a world. The reality was a distant memory; a trouble he didn't had to deal with while he slept. The sounds returned while he laid there and listened. The bird chirped and people's gossip pick up. His senses returned to him one by one. His vision healed and his hearing cleared while blood returned to his fingers. He wiggled his toes and scraped his nails on the rocky floor. A wetness cleaned his sweaty forehead and he felt refreshed as his lost energy returned back to his body, warming his insides.
Gentle touches prodded him from the other world but he refused to wake up. In this dream there were no responsibilities, no demons as far as he could see and most importantly there was no pain. He felt at ease and free of burdens. He was finally free.
The breach goaded him but he was aware that it had been sealed long ago. This was nothing but an image, a projection of better, dare he say, easier times. Be a good mage, follow the orders, attend the Conclave, survive, close the rifts, save the people, hunt for meat, seal the breach...
No.
He didn't need to do those, he had already finished them. He had done as he was asked and he went as far as he could go. He saved the Wardens and the Empress, he recruited anyone who was worth having, he lead the Inquisition, stopped Samson and then... then he failed. He failed his mission. All those people trusted him and he let them down because of his pride. He should have let Morrigan go forth, should have listened Dorian's pleading. He hadn't and now they were gone and he was alone.
The ground beneath him grew cold and a tear escaped his eye. How could he had done this? How could he have left them to disappear... A grey smoke gathered around him and all he could think was how badly he deserved to drown in it. He closed his eyes and waited for his own descend into despair.
It never came. Instead a flash of blue energy swept across him and the screeching sounds of a demon jolted his body. His eyes flew open. Solas stood a feet away from him. His back was turned on him but Trevelyan could feel the raw anger and disappointment rolling off of his shaking shoulders. The elf didn't face him but he didn't have to either. The dying despair demon was all he needed to see to understand his almost mistake.
"Wake up" hissed Solas and Trevelyan found himself startling awake.
"The fuck was that?" Trevelyan screamed and tried to get up but his body resisted him, both by hurting and being held down. Iron Bull came into his vision first and then Varric's worried slightly further away face became less blurred. He bit back a agonizing gasp and regretted holding it in almost instantly. His spine arched with the force of his own muscles contracting and the soles of his naked feet pressed down on the blanket he was lying on.
"Relax" was the order he received from Solas as he appeared above his head. Trevelyan was glad to see him calm and collected once again. He tried to follow the simple instruction but his body was acting like it wasn't connected to his mind. The tremor in his torso scared him shitless but he was unable to stop it. It was only thanks to the grounding feeling he got with Bull holding his chest and Varric grabbing his legs that he didn't lose all control and sense. It hurt everywhere but he was still alive so that was something.
"Do not hold him too tight, Tiny, he needs to breathe too" As the pressure on his chest eased and his body calmed down, he took in shaky, short breaths. His heart was racing. "No, no don't do that, Herald"
"The dwarf is right, Trevelyan" said Solas, agreeing with Varric without a moment's hesitation and surprising him "Take a breath, hold it four seconds. Good, now let go slowly, calmly. Do it again. Give your body a chance to catch up and settle down" He repeated the action far longer than he noticed and finally he gathered enough air in his lungs to question his friends.
Three sets of eyes glanced between each other; a total of five eyes, he grimly noted. "It's better that you don't recall all of it, Tsion" replied Varric "To summarize, we stopped the demons, you screamed and started glowing with blue weird signs on your head. Then you screamed some more, closed the rift, the blue glows turned red, like you were bleeding and then promptly passed out which was better for all our sakes."
"And? how long was I out?"
"Oh, you weren't just out of it" said Iron Bull as he backed away and made some more room for Trevelyan to breath easily "You weren't moving or even twitching. You barely had a pulse when we brought you back to the camp."
"Sorry about that" he replied weakly as he noticed that he was indeed inside a warm and dry tent. Bull snorted with amusement but Trevelyan could feel the relief behind it too. "That's not all of it though, is it?"
"No, it isn't" It was Solas' turn to explain the situation "You went in a coma of sorts. From what I have seen of your red markings all across your body, it was clear that the Elven wisdom you acquired from the Well of Sorrows had reacted badly with your attempt to close the rift. It is a resonance of your first time interacting with the Well. Possibly, like the Well had attempted to erase the anchor and you along with it when you first assumed it into your body, now the elven magic residing within you is trying to protect you from the excessive Fade energy."
"So I did succeed in taking the Well's wisdom. " Trevelyan said with a surprised expression. He could hear distractive whispers from beyond the tent and had the urge to yell at them to shut up but he held his tongue "So, first my anchor tried to protect me from the elven magic but despite reacting badly they still combined together and now the elven magic is trying to protect me from the Fade? Why? I thought the anchor was of elven origin too, why is it harming me?"
"The orb and its power, the anchor has been corrupted by Corypheus. The Well's ancient magic is trying to purify you but the anchor is permanently attached to your body."
"How come I didn't notice this before?" Trevelyan felt so very tired and the people outside couldn't just shut up. He let out a growl in agony.
"That's simply because you hadn't come across any ancient elven writings or artefacts and the magic laid dormant within you." Solas explained. He was unfazed by Trevelyan's outburst "I believe now the magic has awakened and after this you will begin to feel its power. Whether it consumes you or helps you in your journey, I cannot say but I am certain that should you face another rift and attempt to close it, you will die."
"As charming as ever" Trevelyan mouthed at the grim news, drained of all energy. "Now, not even Leliana can object my wish to visit the temple. Or maybe she still would. They don't need to be bothered with helping the replacement for the anchor after all; not when they got the original one"
"Explain to me again, how Dorian ever found this weak ass mage attractive?" asked Bull with an edge to his voice. Disappointment, it said to Trevelyan.
"Thank you for helping me with the despair demon, Solas. You appeared at an excellent time to fry its ass off"
"I am sorry but I do not follow" Solas replied with a scowl of his brows. Trevelyan narrowed his eyes but the elf was honestly confused. Even Varric lifted an eyebrow at him.
"You mean... it wasn't you who appeared in my dream to fend off the demon? Who was it then?"
"Perhaps, you give your willpower too little credit" Solas said with a mused tone "I never went to sleep while you were unconscious but I am pleased to hear that you had enough inner strength to deal with a danger by yourself."
"You are a dilemma, alright" he heard Iron Bull say but "Right" was all he could muster as a form of reply. He felt tired beyond words and with the immediate danger passed, Trevelyan found himself drifting further away from reality.
"Drink this" Solas commanded as a warm liquid was pressed to his lips. He couldn't even taste the drink but it smelled bitter and Trevelyan made a face with the remaining functioning muscles of his face. "Sleep" was the last thing he heard before he lost all consciousness.