Chapter 17

Later that night Dr. Anderson wrote in Lee's file detailing the breakthrough he had accomplished. She was very encouraged when informed about the second trip down the hallway. Lee's reaction to Dr. Carter was much better than expected. He had not reacted at all when Nelson name had been mentioned. The doctor planned to drop a name or two into the conversation tomorrow to see what effect it had on her patient.

The most frustrating part of the session had been when Lee seemed on the verge of revealing something, and then he would demand they stop. Knowing the risk of losing what little trust Lee had in her, she hadn't pressed the point. That would come when he regained his voice. She needed to push forward but not too aggressively when he wanted to dodge something painful.

Having a double handicap of loss of speech and almost useless hands was making their sessions difficult. Often, a manner of speech or a slight inflection of tone would reveal more than the actual spoken words. Now she was relying on facial expression and body language. Regrettably, as a naval officer and trained ONI operative, Lee was accomplished at controlling both. Even in his distressed state, he was amazingly able to exhibit that control most of the time. It was only when approaching a critical point thefacadecracked, but damn the man, he would use their deal of NEXT, forcing the doctor to change the subject.

Dr. Anderson was a long way from finding out what actually happened in Germany, but the patient seemed to be slowly responding to the therapy. His acceptance of Dr. Carter without fear proved she was progressing in the right way. With a little push from K.C., Lee should be making his debut appearance in the dining room within the next 48 hours.

The doctor stood up and stretched her tired body. A glance at the clock revealed it was almost Midnight. It was too late to drive home, and one of her newly admitted patients was at a critical stage, so she took advantage of one of the clinic's guest rooms. Resisting the urge to check in on Lee, she consulted with the night nurse for one last update on the new patient. Thankfully, all was calm and the doctor gratefully went to bed.

Breakfast the next morning was a lonely time for Lee. He had grown used to Chip's constant presence by his side. As he chewed on a piece of raisin cinnamon toast, he realized for the first time, other than when he was sleeping, he was being left alone for a considerable period. Taking advantage of the solitude, Lee attempted a bit of self-analyzing.

First, he didn't want to be here, or any hospital, but that was to be expected. The sooner he could affect his escape, the better.

Second, he hated being dependent upon others to wash, dress and at times, feed him. Again, that was a normal feeling. He was a grown man, but as much as he despised it, the help was necessary until the casts came off. For another four weeks, he would have to endure that indignity.

Third, and this is where he started to worry, was his inability at first to let Chip out of sight. Even now, after repeatedly being told the clinic was safe and secure, he craved his friend's presence for protection. In the past, even as a young man, Lee was able to stand up and face whatever terror was thrown at him. Now he was afraid of everything. Lee was repeatedly told this was from the drugs in his system, but what if he was being lied to? Dr. Carter was the first person he had met without Chip first scrutinizing her. How could he go through life needing to hold Chip's hand like a little child? Maybe he was damaged beyond repair.

The fourth and final was Lee evaluating life after Seaview. He accepted the fact the crew hated and wanted to kill him. He might never find the reason for the animosity, although he'd be safe if he stayed out of their gun sights. But how many unknown enemies were there lurking around, how could he guard against that? The thought of losing his gray lady was devastating; however, to remain aboard would surely cost him his life.

He stood looking out of his window surveying the lawn. Close by was a tall tree with a sturdy branch which brought a flash of happy memories of the tree swing on his grandparents' farm. That image changed to the rope swing over the pond that he had played with each summer he visited. Suddenly the scene morphed to a hanging noose. He jerked and stumbled backwards.

Where the hell did that come from?

Shaking, Lee looked around his hospital room for any signs of danger. Finding none, he gave an embarrassed laugh trying to reassure himself. My imagination is working overtime. I have to relax. Dr. Anderson is due any minute. It wouldn't do to look upset. Lee took a deep calming breath and sat down at the desk to wait for his doctor.

"Good morning, Lee."

At the sound of Dr. Anderson's voice, Lee stood up to greet her, turning the chair to face the loveseat for her with a fake smile on his lips.

"I see Rick has set up the laptop, so let's start."

The doctor glanced at the updated board, now exhibiting Madison's photo. On the backside she had posted the group photo Lee had reacted to doing last session plus the picture of Kowalski. He followed her eyes towards the whiteboard, wondering where she was heading during the morning meeting.

"I was admiring the group of men you call friends."

NOT TOO BAD LOOKING

"From what I've read about each, you all do the uniform proud."

THANKS

"How did you do this morning without Chip? Your progress has been excellent so far, we don't want you to backslide."

LITTLE SHAKY AT FIRST

"It will become easier. Think of it like the first time you went off to school. You made it through and your mom was waiting for you at home."

DINNER WITH CHIP

"That's right. As you grow stronger. You will depend less and less upon him," the doctor encouraged.

DON'T FEEL RIGHT

"Blame it on the drugs and Decker. He's messed with your mind, making you question yourself. Until you can tell me for sure what happened during your captivity I'm making an educated guess. The chemical properties of the drugs in your blood and your behavior has led me to surmise some of what he was trying," Dr. Anderson patiently explained.

Lee started to fidget, ready to reach towards the keyboard when the doctor stopped him.

"Don't worry, I'm not pressing you about Decker. In all probability, you're not even aware of everything he did to you. It's locked away deep in your subconscious. We'll get it out in the open, but it will take time and hard work on your part.

"But now, let's focus our attention on you socializing and speaking. I want you to be honest in your answers. There is no wrong or right, no one is judging. All right?

GIVE IT MY BEST

"It's all I am asking of you. Now, since Chip is only visiting in the evenings do you still feel secure enough to take a walk in the corridor?"

Lee thought for a moment, almost like testing the air.

YES

"Okay to pay a visit to K. C.?"

YES

"Splendid, how about to the reception area? It's about double the distance you did yesterday. There'll be a few people about, maybe a patient or two and employees."

He pondered the situation. Lee wanted to say yes, but something held him back, some unreasonable fear.

NOT SURE

"Mmmm, what if someone accompanied you?"

RICK

"If he is the one that makes you feel the most comfortable, the most secure, that's fine."

Lee nodded then typed RIGHT BACK TO ROOM

"Just like the trip to the fire door. Try to smile if you meet someone. I promise, they won't bite."

TRY AFTER LUNCH

"I'll hold you to that. If you start to tense up, go somewhere you feel happy and safe. I strongly believe this will be a big step forward when you start to mingle."

Not really warming to the idea, Lee simply jerked his head up and down.

"I understand you're not ready to relate to me everything that happened in Germany. However, I do need to know some things right now."

With trepidation, Lee looked at the doctor, waiting.

"Can you remember most of your time with Decker, meaning you were not experiencing periods of blackouts?"

I REMEMBER

Dr. Anderson mentally crossed her fingers. He had actually answered a question about Decker. Now she needed to pull out a little more information.

"One last question, then we'll change the subject. Answer me if you're able. You pantomimed to Chip you lost your voice screaming. Why caused you to do that? Were you experiencing severe pain? Were you in terrible danger? Perhaps Decker was threatening you with a terrifying means of death. Alternatively, perhaps it was something very different. If you can tell me, even a little bit, what happened we can work on the reason your psyche is telling you to stop speaking."

Lee stared at Dr. Anderson, not really seeing her. He didn't want to talk about this.

Decker said I must believe him, not to pay any attention if someone tries to tell me anything different. But she wants to know what happened that last day, those last few hours. It would prove Decker was correct - the crew wanted to kill me.

Lee was struggling within himself. He needed to obey Decker's orders, not to do so would bring unbearable pain again. However, was the doctor asking him to disregard Decker? Could he take a chance? He was tapping the table, his eyes darting around the room as if the German would appear and give him the answer to his predicament.

Dr. Anderson watched her patient closely studying his body language. Perhaps she was demanding too much, too fast. She continued to sit quietly while the internal struggle was going on. The doctor was hesitant to say another word, afraid if she did, it would increase whatever torment Lee was experiencing. So far, he had not said no or NEXT; he had not dismissed the question. By the look on his face, it was obvious Lee was in distress. Without more information, she was handicapped to help in his recovery. However, it was obvious he was growing more agitated. They would revisit the question again in a couple days. Urging him to relive something so painful when he wasn't ready could cause a psychotic break.

"Lee, look at me, that's right, just let it go. You can relax, we'll discuss this much later. Listen to my voice. You're in your room, safe from harm. Sit back, close your eyes and take a deep breath."

She could see he had finally heard. His eyes lost the haunted look as he leaned back against the couch. His hands now lay still on his lap as he closed his eyes.

"That's good." Lee's chest visibly rose and fell. "Just you and me in your room. No one else is around."

She would spend the remainder of the session reassuring her patient, trying to get him to concentrate on less stressful times; perhaps a story or two that Chip had told her.

"Feeling better?"

He nodded, appearing not to have the strength to open his eyes quite yet. Just then, Dr. Anderson's phone vibrated. Cursing the interruption, she pulled the cell off her waist and then let out a soft "damn." The screen read "911 room 214 west." That was the new patient's room.

"Lee, I have an emergency page. Will you be all right alone?"

Looking out half opened eyes he nodded, this time with a little more energy.

"You need me to send someone to stay with you?" After a shake of his head she left, but not before a squeeze to his shoulder and a quiet "we'll work through this, I promise."

As the doctor made her way from the south to the west wing, she felt uneasy leaving her patient unsupervised after the unsettling session. Using her cell, she punched the extension for the south nursing station and requested that Dr. Harrison check in on Lee. That taken care of, she shifted her thoughts to her other patient.

Lee remained seated on the couch after Dr. Anderson left. Reaching forward, he slammed the laptop lid down. That damn thing is useless. How can I explain what's going on in my head?He was becoming agitated again, but this time it was from anger.

Lee remembered his life and all the dangerous times in ONI, and on Seaview. He had no trouble making decisions or fighting off the enemy. Why was he so immobilized by fear now? He was ashamed of his behavior. The four photographs on the board seem to be looking at him, judging him, asking him, what kind of officer was he? The great Lee Crane was a fraud, nothing but a coward. Lee paced fiercely back-and-forth growing more and more upset.

No, it's not my fault. I'm trying to understand what happened to me. Chip, please help me.

Lee turned his back on the board and walked towards the window, but it didn't help. He could almost hear their voices laughing at him. He spun around. Those faces were mocking him, condemning him.

Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!

With three rapid steps, Lee reached the whiteboard and lashed out at it, striking the metal frame on the side, causing the stand to spin around. There was a shooting pain in his hand. The face of a burly man stroking his luxurious mustache, smirking as he surveyed his footwork as Lee lay on the earthen floor withering in pain, flashed into Lee's head.

Frederick! Frederick was here!

Lee held the throbbing arm to his chest, looking straight ahead, trying to clear his head of those disturbing images. His eyes locked on Kowalski, Patterson and 18 other men in the photo, staring at him, men who had sworn to kill him. Lee repeatedly shook his head, his whole body trembling.

There was a knock on the door and Dr. Harrison walked in.

"Mr. Crane, Dr. Anderson asked-"

That was as far as the man got. All Lee perceived was a large man with a mustache coming towards him, wanting to hurt him. With all his might, Lee pushed the stand at the doctor, causing him to stumble slightly and sending the board crashing into the end table. Lee looked around for an escape route. Dr. Harrison was blocking the only way out. Staggering backwards, Lee darted into the bathroom, heaving his body against the door, hoping to stop his enemies from entering. Wildly he searched for some way to protect myself.

Rick was in the corridor after leaving Dr. Carter when he heard the noise from Lee's room. Standing in the doorway, he saw Dr. Harrison kick the fallen white board away and call out to Lee as he walked towards the closed door.

"Mr. Crane, please come out. I'm Dr. Harrison. Dr. Anderson asked me to look in on you," the muscular doctor tried to explain through the door. "I'm just here to talk to you. There is nothing to be afraid of."

Rick entered the room, stood up the board and joined the doctor. "Commander, it's Rick. Everything is okay, sir. Dr. Harrison isn't as good-looking as Dr. Anderson, but he's an okay guy. Why don't you come out, sir? I'll stay with you if you wish."

Their pleas were met with silence.

"Come on, sir. I promise everything is all right. No one will hurt you." Nothing. Rick rapidly filled in Dr. Harrison on what he knew about Lee's condition.

"He's not suicidal?"

"No, sir. Maybe a little paranoid at times. He can't talk, he's suffering from aphonia."

"Do you know if he taking anything?"

"Only some antibiotics."

The doctor tugged on one side of his thick mustache, pondering the situation. "Good. Let's get some help in here. Since he knows you, follow right behind me. I'll try and calm him down. If I fail, you try. I don't want to drag him out or sedate him if it can be helped."

When the male nurse showed up, all three pushed at the door. All the while, the doctor talked, trying to reach out to Lee. Even with all three pushing, it was a few minutes before they got the door completely opened. As they worked, it opened a crack and then suddenly, there was no more resistance. They were in. Still speaking in a reassuring tone, the doctor slowly advanced followed by Rick and then the nurse. Lee's back pressed tightly against the opposite wall; his face was a mask of terror as he saw the doctor. Lee's mouth moved, but only a sound like a wounded animal came out.

Your crewmates will soon be here... Can't you hear them coming? It's time for us to leave you to your fate. May your God have mercy on you, I'm sure your 'friends' won't.

My hands... I won't be able to fight them. You know what they plan to do to me, you can't leave me behind!

Lee fell on his knees, hysterical with fear. Sounds of angry voices engulfed him ... Lee scrambled to hide, pulling his knees up to his chest, screaming at Decker to save him. Kowalski's voice crowded into his head.

Come on man, this is the place. Break down the doors if we have to, but get Crane! I want to put a rope around his neck and lynch him from the tree out here. Why bother dragging that sorry piece of crap back to the boat?

I can't let Frederick get to me - who knows what he'll do this time.

As the men reached him, Lee's eyes rolled back into his head and his body slid down the wall.