Ghosts of a lost life
"Did that just happen?" squeaked Varric and even as shocked as he was, the dwarf still ran to catch Trevelyan who had been on his knees since the mist had dissipated. One hand on ground and the other grasping his hair, Trevelyan had the demeanour of a lost, hurting child but the eyes of a wild dragon. Varric actually had to step back once the Herald had lifted his gaze with a hint of murderous intent evident within them. "Calm down, now, Herald. It is going to be alright. Just answer this, how are you holding up? Still in pain?"
"No, I live " he replied with a broken voice and Varric wanted to kick whichever Goddess or mystical water had hurt his friend. "Dorian healed my anchor with Mythal's magic and I am most definitely bound to her, now. The ancient magic, wisdom or whatever the hell that was also calmed down and it's not actively trying to kill me now."
"So the poison is gone, too?" Cassandra asked "You will live?"
"Yeah, true" He replied without moving from his spot.
"That is good news, my friend."
"Of course" he parroted unconsciously. Varric was beyond worried by that time. Hurried footsteps approached them and Trevelyan closed his eyes, muttering something he couldn't quite hear. He shook the young mage and tried to get him to move but he was stunned far beyond comprehension.
"Seeker," he yelled "What's happening down there?" Cassandra had already taken a defensive position and Solas was standing by her side.
"There is a commotion in the courtyard. I cannot see the details because of the smoke!"
"Herald, I think it's a good time for you to lend us a hand. Whatever is coming may not be good" As soon as he finished talking a couple of figures came through the heavy smoke, climbing up the rocky pathway. Dorian and Lavellan had emerged with their weapons drawn and faces conflicted with fear. Varric's shoulders relaxed upon seeing them and the rest of the Inquisition following closely on their heels.
"I resent that, Varric. I am more than just good" Dorian retorted and Trevelyan cracked his eyes open as the young mage walked into the empty pool and put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright, Tsion?"
"I will be" He said but he didn't think he could ever be the same again. He clasped Dorian's hand with his own "We move forward, yeah?"
"Yes, we do." Dorian tightened his hold and lowered himself to properly look Trevelyan in the eye. He didn't like the broken and dispirited eyes he saw but there was little he can do in open ground, least of being an easy prey to their enemies "Come on now, Samson is defeated but we should leave while we still can."
Trevelyan nodded and stood up with great difficulty. Varric on one side and Dorian on the other, supported him until he gained his balance but Dorian wasn't convinced when Trevelyan waved them off and he threw the mage's arm around his shoulders anyway. He could feel the way Trevelyan slugged down towards him almost like a dead weight. Instead of asking for someone else, Dorian assumed that Trevelyan wouldn't want to accept any other help.
"Look out" someone warned; It was Blackwall and he was pointing at a balcony on the other side of the courtyard. Dorian's heart dropped to his stomach as Corypheus came into view. Before he can even think of walking, the dead weight on his side was removed. Trevelyan, now standing on his own -yet slightly crooked- feet, took two long strides in the direction of the Eluvian. A blue glow engulfed him and the elvhen marking shone as he lifted his hand and the Eluvian shone in response to him.
"Through here!" he yelled. Morrigan was the first to jump through the Eluvian, setting the rest of them in motion and guiding them. Lavellan also encouraged everyone as the Inquisitorial team disappeared into the blue shine, one by one.
Corypheus had already started to move and by the time he closed in on them, only Dorian, Trevelyan and Lavellan was left around. Lavellan, as quick as the rogue that she was, didn't lose any time following her friends and Trevelyan bodily pushed Dorian to get out of there. Once the young mage was safely back in Skyhold, greeted by the rest of team, a dread filled him.
For a long, frightful moment nobody moved and the Eluvian remained active. Dorian was certain that this was the end, that Trevelyan wouldn't come back with them to Skyhold and he would rather chose to be destroyed by the enemy in a place he was proposed to die; with a memory long lost and a future more bleak than he could ever imagine.
A couple of hands squeezed his biceps and only then he realized that he had been attempting to go back through the Eluvian. Cassandra, Cole and Varric all had a hand on both his arms and he swallowed nervously.
When the surface of the mirror finally crackled and Trevelyan appeared, the hands on him were lost and Dorian reached out to touch Trevelyan's face and assure himself of his existence. The mage smiled at him weakly and it was enough to convince Dorian that his beloved one was there with them.
The Eluvian's glimmer crackled again and faded. Trevelyan's fingers traced Dorian's forearm and with a small apology, prayed his hands off of his face. Dorian took an embarrassed step back without actually leaving Trevelyan's personal space. The man still looked ready to crush down at the first given chance.
"Corypheus?" inquired Lavellan.
"He almost made it to me but Myhtal appeared in her spirit form to stall his advance and give me some time to escape. I firmly believe that she broke the Eluvian in the temple and it is now unusable, so we don't need to worry about it."
"That's a relief" Blackwall stated with a gruff "Now we don't have to worry about an evil magister following us into our own stronghold."
"Yes, we have done good. Both the Eluvian and the Well of Sorrows are secured" Lavellan agreed "We will gather the war council as soon as rest of our troops arrive. Morrigan, Trevelyan, a moment?"
Dorian was about to interfere and insist on getting Trevelyan back to his bed but he knew there were bigger concerns than a few hours of missed sleep. Instead he reached into his bag and pulled out his last potion.
"Here, take this. It will help you" he said as he handed the potion to Trevelyan who drank it gratefully. Dorian wasn't certain what the potion would help with, after all there were no apparent wounds on the Herald's body but it seemed to have help since some colour returned to Trevelyan's cheeks.
"Thanks" Trevelyan whispered with a distant gaze and a small nod. Dorian tried not to take his coldness personally.
A large, curious crowd was gathered in the garden just outside of the room. Apparently, about ten of the Inquisitions best and finest, whom were supposed to be in Arbor Wilds, suddenly materializing in a room one size too small was enough cause for the commodity. As if that were the weirdest thing they had ever come across in Skyhold, the people in the garden led by Mother Giselle demanded to know what was going on.
Dorian, following Cole's example, melted into the shadows during Lavellan's crowd control speech. Morrigan on her side shook her head at the talk and Trevelyan stood one step behind unmoving, with his back straighter than Dorian has ever seen.
"Hey Sparkles, want to hit the tavern before Nightingale begins her interrogation cycle?" Dorian's head automatically bobbed up and down despite his eyes not leaving Trevelyan's rigid posture.
"Count me in" Blackwall replied somewhere from behind him "After this mess, I'll need more than just one drink to regain my senses." He and Varric started walking away with exhaling equally tired sighs. Dorian saw little reason not to join them. Lady Leliana's henchman would soon appear to get their reports and a nice, cold wine before that particular conversation might just be what he needs to get his head back into the game. As tired as he was, Dorian knew he couldn't be in a worse state than the rest of the Inquisition so if they had the strength to not to crash on the nearest horizontal surface, then so could he.
The tavern keeper, who was called Cobot or something along those lines, narrowed his eyes upon their entry. The tavern was especially hushed without the Bull or his Charge's occupying half of the area. Even the tavern bard was nowhere in sight, possibly busy writing the expected tragic ending to Trevelyan's story.
"I hadn't heard that the troops have returned" Cobot said suspiciously as they made themselves comfortable on the bar stools.
"And I thought you didn't care for much gossip" Dorian snapped "But if you must know; we transported ourselves through a magical mirror, all the way from the Arbor Wilds, through the Fade and into the tiniest room you could ever find in the whole lot of Skyhold."
"Bloody magic..." the keeper murmured and went to get their usual drinks while complaining.
"I concur with that sentiment" said Varric who had sat in the middle of two humans "This is like the beginning of a joke; A mage, a warrior, a rogue and a spirit walked into a tavern..." It was then Dorian realized that Cole was awkwardly standing by the bar, looking a bit uncertain as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt.
"Take a seat, Cole" Dorian offered and slid his stool to make room for another one but Cole averted his big eyes and hid his face behind the giant hat.
"The voices from beyond the time has withdrawn their help. They no longer exist in between the worlds or even in the Fade. Other voices occupy his mind now. Some are sad and angry, others less so. They don't all belong to him yet those that does, hurt him."
"I- I should go" Dorian stuttered but strong grips held him back a second time that day. He was starting to get annoyed with it immensely.
"And what? Are you going to drag the Herald away from Lavellan?" asked Varric.
"If need be! He is suffering, dwarf. I need to be there."
"Inquisitor called him to her side for a reason, Pavus" Blackwall interjected "She wouldn't have done that without a good cause."
"He is right, you know. Besides do you not want to hear about what happened at the well before you run off?"
Dorian shot Cole a questioning look, asking if the time was of essence or not. The spirit shook his head "To help him, first you must help yourself. With a heavy heart in your chest you would only hinder his healing."
"Very well" Dorian crushed down on his stool with a palm running through his hair. "Tell your story, Varric and make it a good one."
Well, shit! Dorian thought and sped up his walk towards the sleeping quarters. The night had fallen while Varric had shared the details of the well; how they had met their counterparts from Trevelyan's real timeline. The counterpart's trust in Trevelyan hadn't shocked the dwarf but he had especially emphasized the scariness of facing two Cassandra's and Solas' at the same time.
Dorian's other self had been there too, but much to his dismay he couldn't see that. He would have loved to meet another him and in another time, such an occurrence would have delighted him.
He really didn't have it in him to muse over that. As Varric's tale twisted and turned, both Blackwall and Dorian listened in awe about how before Abelas had poisoned the well, almost killing them and Trevelyan stepped in, accepting the deal from a goddess to give them a second chance. Even after he had drank from the well and Trevelyan's body was lost within a mist of arcane energy, Varric had heard Trevelyan's and his companion's farewells. The storyteller's voice had cracked while he spoke of that moment, and Dorian felt his own get stuck in his throat. No one could have come back from such an atrocious experience without ending up resenting the world and hating himself for it.
"The sun shines strong but no light reaches his eyes; A darkness festers within that I can't unravel. It is entangled with memories and pain but there is hope there as well. He clings to it lest it be the last thing he does."
Cole resigned to a darker corner by then and the way he avoided Dorian told the young mage that he was right; Trevelyan was suffering through the loss of all hope he ever had for returning back to his friends. Despite having acted like he was a part of their world, he must have kept a shred of light to get him by the night. Dorian didn't blame the man for it. It was the most simple reaction to have when faced with an inevitable predicament; to return to a world you helped create with your fellow friends or to start fresh in a world where you had never existed to be begin with.
A horn blew in the distance, letting the people know that a troop of soldiers had returned from their battle. He recognised the fancy cart that would be carrying Josephine and the selected few who had marched the battle alongside them. It would be soon that they would call out for them to explain the shit they have been through. He really hoped to catch Trevelyan before that.
In front of his chambers, Dorian knocked on the door lightly. There was no light coming from the gap below the wood but he heard soft shuffling. A groan replied and the door was creaked open to reveal Trevelyan with his hair tousled and eyes swollen. Dorian chose not to comment on it.
"Already done with drinking tonight?" Trevelyan asked carefully, the smile on his lips failing to reach his eyes.
"I figured magical transportation and fiendish wine served by cranky dwarves don't mix well. Then it was accompanied by embellished stories from another entitled dwarf, a Warden was suddenly elaborating his thoughts on immortality and it was very overwhelming to listen to so naturally I came to share the knowledge with you" Even Dorian was aware that he was just making up an excuse to be near Trevelyan and while talking nonsense wasn't his preferred method, the peculiar events had forced his hands.
"Your enthusiasm brightens my day" Trevelyan mused "Is there any chance we can postpone it though?"
The dismiss was hard to miss but Dorian didn't believe in backing down so he switched tactics. With all the leer he could conjure up, he leaned in until his nose was inches from Trevelyan's. "Not without a proper Thank-the-Maker-we-are-both-alive kiss. You have a penchant for ending up in almost certain death situations. Thankfully you are just as skilled to get out of them too."
A slight shift in Trevelyan's stance from a strong but tired leader to a broken hearted man was almost comically instant and Dorian bit the insides of his cheek. Still the marked hand found purchase on Dorian's collar, uncertainly moving up his neck to cup his face. The warm, tingling energy emanated from the anchor with a steady pulse unlike his heart which was beating anxiously.
"It must have been difficult for you" he whispered as an apology. Trevelyan simply nodded in response and Dorian closed the distance between them. He poured all his heart to the kiss but there wasn't the same ferocity as before. Trevelyan's touches were reserved, faltering in action and his lips were barely able to catch up to his. The Herald was trying but his mind was definitely someplace else. Dorian didn't want to learn where.
He pulled away slowly and Trevelyan sighed in return. "I am sorry, Dorian. I think I just need some time alone to think about it and swallow all that has happen and maybe even mourn. So sorry but-"
"No" Dorian deadpanned, rendering Trevelyan speechless for a change. Heat rose to his face as he recalled Cole's warning ...but there is hope there as well. He clings to it lest it be the last thing he does.
He didn't want to believe the implications of it but it was there and he feared leaving Tsion alone was the worst idea at that moment. He didn't want Trevelyan to cling to a memory and get lost in the damning world. He didn't deserve a cruel end, not when there was a way to avoid it and all Dorian had to do was to reach out. "No, because if you are left alone then you'll start over thinking it and get all morose and moody on us for days." he said light heartedly, hoping to surpass the obvious tremble in his voice. "What you need is to be among friends to keep your mind occupied and once enough time has passed then it won't be so hard to live with yourself. Now, you can cry your eyes out if it is going to make you feel better but don't expect me to leave you alone like this."
"Dorian" Trevelyan murmured with a crooked voice and the younger mage took it as an accepting gesture and dragged them both into Trevelyan's room. The Herald's posture remained ever so rigid and he wondered in the room purposelessly until he collapse on his chair by the desk. "I am so tired"
"I know, Tsion" Dorian said. His fingers caressed Trevelyan's messy hair and smoothed the stray strands. Feeling him lean into his touch made Dorian foolishly happy even if he couldn't understand why. He felt even more pleased with Trevelyan's hand sliding up his thigh and his head finding a comfortable position above his heart; his ear pressed on his chest listening the steady heartbeat.
"What can I do for you?" Dorian asked as he wrapped his arms around Trevelyan.
"Just this is enough. Hearing your heart beat and feeling your warm touch is enough."
"Good. Know that I am here for you. I am here and I exist."
"I know, love" Trevelyan sagged against him "and I appreciate it. Please, just don't stop touching me."
"I wouldn't dream of it. Let's get to the bed though. I know it is still early but it looks like your lordship could use a nap." A chuckle resonated through him as Trevelyan buried his face into his chest. Together, without untangling from each other, they flopped down on the already messy bed. Dorian was content simply to hold Trevelyan but the other man shifted on his back to accommodate the young mage on top of him.
After laying the blankets over them, Dorian slipped lower to rest his head on Trevelyan's chest and wrapped his limps around him, understanding the man's need to be ascertained of his existence. Releasing a contented noise, Trevelyan mirrored his actions with one hand tangling itself within Dorian's soft locks. The lack of the birthright amulet that once adorned the broad chest, didn't escape his attention. Like a memory lost, it had disappeared along with Trevelyan's final strand of hope.
The heart beat beneath his ear slowed down eventually and its sweet rhythm lulled Dorian to sleep soon after.