CHAPTER 23

"Lee, I can't afford a new carpet so would you please sit down and stop pacing. How about a beer? Dr. Anderson said a couple drinks would be okay this weekend."

"Sounds great, I'll get it." It was nice to have something to do to keep his mind off the forthcoming visit. He grabbed two longnecks from the refrigerator and sat down at the kitchen table. "Sure there's nothing I can help with?"

"Nope, ribs are on the grill, corn is ready to boil and coleslaw is in the fridge. After you finish your beer you can set the table on the patio if it will make you happy."

"Sorry, just anxious." His relationship with Admiral Nelson was complicated; he can only hope it was possible to return to the same level of friendship. It would be difficult and painful but he could survive without Seaview but not without his adopted father in his life. He took several peanuts out of a dish and lined them up on the table, unable to look at his friend as he asked the question. "Has the admiral said anything about me coming back?" Lee patted himself on the back; he had gotten his query out without his voice shaking.

"For Pete's sake Lee, take it easy. As soon as Dr. Anderson gives the word, I'm handing over the keys to you. I told you before; I'm just the temporary captain."

"What about the Navy? They've demanded input into Nelson's decisions in the past." He pushed the peanuts in a circle as he anxiously awaited Chip's answer.

"The Navy can go to blazes," the booming voice came from the French doors. "I chose my captain and you are it. Don't ever doubt that for a second, lad."

Startled, Lee sprang to his feet, knocking over his chair. "Admiral, sir, what are you doing here? Sir, I didn't mean it that way, it's just-"

Nelson chuckled at Lee being so flustered. "At ease. I couldn't stay away any longer. Hope you don't mind I came early." He raised the paper bag and smiled. "I brought a little something for later to celebrate with."

Lee still hadn't said anything else, busy keeping a close eye on Nelson. Chip reached down and picked up the chair. "No problem, Admiral. Care for a beer?"

"Thanks, Chip, one would taste good right now. The ribs smell fantastic. My mouth is watering already." He accepted the bottle and sat down facing the still standing dark-haired officer. In a gentle voice, full of compassion he spoke to him.

"Sit down, Lee."

Chip grabbed the tray with the table settings and quietly walked into the kitchen. The two of them had lots to talk about and didn't need a third party hanging around.

"Lee, please sit and finish your beer."

Obeying the admiral, Lee slumped down on the chair. Taking a few halfhearted sips, he put the bottle back on the table.

"Is it that hard for you to talk to me?"

"No, sir." Too embarrassed to look at the man, Lee resumed playing with the nuts. Shame over his behavior was keeping him tongue-tied.

Nelson smiled at his friend. "I'm sure there's more you want to say then 'yes sir, no sir.' Chip told me he had been talking up a storm with you. Think you could spare a couple words for me?"

"Sorry, sir." Real smooth Crane, you're here to plead for your command back and you can't say more than two words at a time.

"For God's sake, dropped the sirs. What happened to Harry or - Dad?"

With this simple question, the tension was broken. Now it was Lee's turn to smile. "Only for when I'm asking for the car keys." They both laughed, recalling the time two years ago when Lee found out Nelson had been his anonymous guardian since the sixth grade and had watched over him after his biological father deserted the family and his mother needed to be repeatedly institutionalized.

"That's better. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Lee answered automatically.

That familiar answer caused renewed laughter from Nelson, followed by Lee when he realized what he had said.

"I really do feel fine. Physically I'm 98%, still having a little problem with the wrist and fingers but another couple weeks and I'll be 100%." Lee did his unconscious trick of ducking his head and looking through his thick eyelashes. Chip had called it the puppy dog look.

"That's great to hear. Dr. Anderson said you're doing very well in therapy."

"I know it sounds cliché, but I don't think I would be here if it hadn't been for her." Lee swallowed and said quietly, "Admiral, on Seaview … I said and did a lot of terrible things. I'm sorry, can you forgive me?"

Nelson's lips quivered, and he fought down the emotion. Shakily, he said, "Lad, there is absolutely nothing to apologize for. You were wounded; the injury just couldn't show up on an x-ray like your hands or ribs."

"Dr. Anderson keeps reminding me of that," Lee admitted with a sheepish smile.

"Listen to me very closely. If you ever want to talk about what you went through at Decker's hands I'm here to listen. I never want you to apologize to me again for what you did while under his influence."

"Yes, sir, understood." Lee straightened up in his chair, and pushed the peanuts away. There'd be no more awkward moments between the two men. The twinkle was back in his eyes.

Harry finished his beer while silently debating with himself. Quickly he came to a conclusion.

"I wasn't going to bring this up until I visited you next week at the Clinic but I'm sure you would like things settled. I meant it earlier when I said you were Seaview's captain. Now, we leave on another month-long project in two weeks. I think that because of your ongoing physical therapy you're not quite ready for the upcoming mission, so Chip can drive the boat for a bit longer. However, once that's completed, we've got a week in port and then we're heading out again for a three-week assignment for UCLA."

"The Jonas grant concerning whales, if I'm remembering correctly."

"That's right. I think that would be the perfect cruise for you to resume your command. Provided Dr. Anderson signs off on you."

Nelson got two more beers out of the refrigerator when they both heard Chip's unnecessarily loud voice greeting Jamie. The blonde officer had gone into protective mode, warning the two inside of the arriving interruption to their conversation.

"Think Chip is ready for another one. I'll keep him company while Jamie fusses over you. You can't believe how worried that man was about you. I had to keep stopping by to hold his hand and reassure him."

"That was awfully nice of you, sir. I bet it made a dent in your scotch supply." Lee had a grin on his face, which grew bigger at Nelson's harrumph!

The two older men greeted each other, Jamie managing a quick look at Nelson's face. He was rewarded with a smile and a wink. The doctor was carrying a cake box topped with a plateful of chocolate chip and Snickerdoodle cookies. Lee carried the plate into the kitchen.

"I didn't want you kids fighting so I made both Chip's and your favorites, Lee."

Lee chuckled at the doctor's words, for all his military bearing his friend could become a bit juvenile over his sweets.

"What's in the box, Jamie?"

"You see before you a true labor of love from one Francis Sharkey, bakery chef extraordinaire. There are four layers alternating dark and milk chocolate cake with a fudge filling and decorated with chocolate curls and white chocolate chunks, destined to put us all into a diabetic coma."

Lee's eyes grew bigger and bigger while Jamie pointed out the details of the masterpiece in front of them. Cookie was a fantastic chef and baker, but when the chief got the urge, no one could touch him.

Safely depositing the treasure on the countertop, the doctor faced his friend and always-stubborn patient.

"Let me check out your hands, I want to make sure no one messed up my work."

Lee's reaction was what Jamie was hoping for. "I'm fine, doctor. I thought this was a social, not professional visit." Nevertheless, he held out his arms and with no more protests went through the ordered exercises, testing his dexterity and range of motion.

"Not bad, I'd say you're at 97% of your-"

"Ninety eight percent, Dr. Jamieson," he was rapidly corrected by the stern-faced man, who then spoiled the effect by drawing Jamie into a brief hug.

"Thanks, Jamie. Dr. Anderson told me the way you handled me coming home made a huge difference in my recovery."

Embarrassed, the doctor tried to minimize his work. "That's what Nelson pays me for. Besides, you're the one who did all the hard work. Seriously, how do you feel?" His voice went down to a whisper, and he looked toward the living room before asking, "I take it things went okay with Harry?"

At first Lee was going to toss another joke, his normal response when questioned about his well-being. Nevertheless, he knew this was too important to slough off. Moreover, even though Jamie was a close friend, he was a doctor who could accept what was revealed in an objective manner.

"I was climbing the walls, and if Chip hadn't been with me, no telling what I would've done. The trip coming home was a nightmare. I had no control, I can't remember everything, just an overwhelming sense of fear. I was scared about everything and everyone. Hell, I was afraid of being afraid. Don't you dare repeat this, but if he hadn't been there holding me up, carrying me all this time I could never have made it."

Lee's voice was becoming shaky as he picked up a beer and took a long drink, taking time to regain control. Dr. Anderson had cautioned his feelings would be easily exposed; for a while Lee would be on an emotional roller coaster. She teased it wasn't PC to say, but 'welcome to the world of PMS.'

"Just remember it was the drugs and brainwashing that caused the reactions. That person wasn't the real Lee Crane."

"I know. Still, all the fears I experienced, I couldn't believe I was capable of having them."

"Hell, everyone has his fears. The difference is a coward lets the fears control him, and a brave man controls the fears."

Lee ran his hand through his now closely cut hair absorbing Jamie's words, knowing his friend was correct. There was still a little work left to be done with Dr. Anderson and he was grateful for the gracious way the admiral had presented the situation, using his hands as the excuse that prevented his return at present.

"Thanks, Jamie, just keep reminding me over the next couple weeks. You're a good friend, and not too bad of a doctor."

"You've got plenty of friends, I'm glad I'm one of them. You also have a father and brother on the patio, waiting for us. Grab a couple cold ones and let's go join them."

With their stomachs filled the four men watch the spectacular sunset while sipping their drinks. The conversation over dinner had brought Lee up-to-date regarding Seaview and the upcoming projects. Chip and Jamie contributed stories of a couple of escapades by the crew, bringing forth several laughs from the men. Riley still had not managed to pull off a prank that didn't backfire on him, much to the delight of Ski and Pat. Those two still have the bragging rights among the rates.

"Just be careful what you say around him when you resume command. Don't give him any ideas. He worships your legend of Master of the practical jokes," Nelson warned.

"Excuse me, sir, no disrespect but I believe I'm the prank master. I took the title away last summer when I-"

Lee jumped in shouting and laughing at the same time, trying to prevent the recounting of a humiliating outcome.

"I'll relinquish the title temporarily, Chip. However, remember I've had a lot of spare time to think of my revenge. So you better sleep with one eye open when I return."

They all toasted that challenge, content that their group dynamics were well on the way to being back.

Nelson and Chip exchanged glances that Lee picked up.

"What's going on between the two of you? Is there a problem you're keeping from me? It's not a good idea to be whispering in front of a man who's been diagnosed as paranoid."

"Oh great, now he'll keep bringing up, 'I went wacko, you got to do my way or I'll have to go back to the loony bin.' I figured it would be bad enough using the broken hands excuse to get the heavy work."

Jamie had just taken a sip and choked hearing Chip's words. Nelson and he closely watched Lee for his reaction. It was quick to come. His mouth was drawn tight as he stared at Chip.

"Just what do you think you're doing using words like wacko and loony bin, mister? Don't you know the proper term is bonkers and funny farm?"

The young officers burst out laughing, swiftly followed by a relieved admiral. Dr. Jamieson poured another shot for Chip and Nelson then took the bottle inside with him to get the coffee. Asking if anyone wanted more cake, Chip followed to help, the two men talking and laughing as they entered the kitchen.

"Good to see Chip relaxing. These past months have been hard on him, and I don't mean being in command." Nelson was watching Lee closely, concerned Lee would see some implied criticism about his situation in his comment. He wanted to say so many things about his feelings towards the young man, but it wasn't in his nature to speak up.

"Chip's been bailing me out of messes since we were plebs. Now that I am well again, I can appreciate what he did for me. He's one of a thousand." Lee cleared his throat, building up the courage to continue. "And so are you, sir." He leaned forward, with an intensely serious look on his face. "Admiral, in the kitchen you said I was Seaview's captain. I can't tell you how much your faith in me means. I don't want to cause problems for the Institute. News of my breakdown is bound to get around and you could lose contracts and grants."

"First of all, I've told you before to drop the 'admiral' and 'sir.' Harry is fine when we're in private. I think we're past the 'father' stage, but I do reserve the right to ground you."

That got a chuckle out of Lee. Nelson was procrastinating, he was a person used to emphatically expressing his opinions, however when dealing with his personal life he became reticent.

"It's great to see you so at ease around us. You had me scared, I - I thought I lost you, and that was not acceptable. I can bully Chip, but you - you have a remarkable ability to tell me you where I can go, especially of course, when I become fixated on a project. We're a good mix professionally… and personally. I hope you know what our relationship means to me.

"As for your 'breakdown', bilge water! Guess we need to drill this into your thick skull, you were injured. Decker attacked your brain, only instead of using an iron pipe he chose drugs and words."

With unspoken agreement, the subject was dropped and the festive evening continued.

Nelson settled back in his chair lighting a cigarette. "Will can't complain too much, it's my first one of the evening." He cast an eye over Lee who seemed peaceful sitting with his long legs stretched out in front and hands folded over his stomach. "How much you want to bet Chip comes back with another slice of cake?"

"Sucker bet! Did you see when he cut it; his piece was double the size of ours." Lee shook his head snorting, "Then so self-righteously informed us he wasn't taking seconds. Where does he put it all?"

The admiral shrugged his shoulders, unable to answer. He took a long drag on his cigarette and slowly let the smoke out.

"Are you anxious about tomorrow? If it's too much you can delay for a while. The crew wants to see you again, Lee, but nobody wants to hurry anything."

"No, I'm fine." Lee stopped and answered again, this time truthfully. "Maybe a little nervous. I've been looking at their photos and reading everything they wrote. I need to see them face-to-face and hear their voices to put the nightmare behind me. If I can get past Kowalski, the rest will be a piece of cake," he said, grinning at the cliché.

Chip and Jamie had taken notice of the body language of the two men on the deck. They puttered around the kitchen putting away food and cleaning the dishes, allowing the private conversation to continue. When Chip saw Nelson light up a cigarette and smile at Lee, he figured it was time to return. Chip walked out carrying a tray of mugs, spoons and napkins followed by Jamie handling the coffee. Both the seated men took notice of the generous slice of cake. When everyone settled down, Lee brought up an earlier point not answered.

"Admiral, I asked you a question, earlier, and never got an answer. Is there anything wrong with the boat? The way you and Chip were looking at each other, I wondered."

"No, no, Seaview is in A-1 condition. I didn't want to spoil your good mood by bringing up a touchy subject."

Lee jumped in, fearing the worst. "The Navy is giving you a hard time about my reinstatement, aren't they? They're threatening to withhold contracts if I'm in command."

"Stop right there, mister! Did I or did I not say you are the captain of Seaview? Are you calling me a liar?"

"No sir, sorry sir, no excuse, sir," came back the standard military response. A mischievous twinkle appeared in Lee's eyes. "You see, sir, I went bonkers and have been spending time at the funny farm …."

This time Chip choked on his drink. After a good chortle, the admiral became serious. "I - we -wanted to talk about your future with ONI. I know they had their people at Dreyfus last week debriefing you, their shrink came at you pretty hard."

"He definitely didn't have Dr. Anderson's bedside manner." Lee couldn't keep the frown off his face recalling the experience. "Glad I was one of the good guys, hate to see what they do to the enemy."

Nelson finished his scotch and absentmindedly lit another cigarette unmindful of the doctor's glare. "Admiral Johnson called me two days ago. The report said you are fit to resume accepting assignments. They kindly suggested waiting for a couple weeks till your hands completely heal." The disgust he felt was evident in his voice.

Chip was unable to keep silent any longer. "We want to know your plans. Personally, I like to tell them where they can stick their missions."

Lee stirred his coffee, watching the spoon go around and around, always coming back to the same starting point. Looking up he saw three concerned faces waiting for his answer. He put the cup down untasted.

"Dr. Anderson said I was very lucky this time. Decker messed up concerning Chip, and never manipulated any lies for him. I had someone I trust with my life to keep me anchored. He didn't realize Chip would come after me so fast and that caused him to cut the conditioning short by several days. I probably won't be so lucky the next time.

"Thanks to some very special people in my life I was raised to believe that we all have a duty to our country. I've also come to realize there are full-time agents who are just as qualified, maybe even more so. My answer to Admiral Johnson will be to be very, very sure I'm the last hope. However, I won't say no when I'm needed. That's all I can promise you, hopefully it's enough to ease your minds."

All was quiet as the others processed his answer. They knew Lee's make up and would have been surprised at any other response. They finished the coffee and began to make noises about leaving. With the doctor's practiced eye, he decided it would be wiser to drive the admiral to his bungalow on the Institute grounds. Lee was steady on his feet having only two beers and one small scotch and Chip seemed sober enough to get them both off to bed.

Sometime during the night the phone ringing awakened Chip. It was Security reporting on an unauthorized presence on the dock. They were keeping an eye on him until receiving further orders. Chip grabbed his clothes, putting them on while firing off questions. "Do you have a good description of him? Are you sure he's alone? How close is he to Seaview? Can you see if he carrying any weapons?" Finally, he paused for breath, allowing the security officer a chance to answer.

"Sir, he is standing in the shadows looking at the boat. I don't think he means to do any harm, seeing that it's Commander Crane. We're just not sure how to approach him, well, considering his condition and all."

Chip thought quickly trying to figure out if he should have the guard challenge Lee. "Keep an eye on him, but don't let him see you. I'm leaving the house now. And as to his 'condition,' Chip growled, "he's only homesick." Chip disconnected and ran for the car.

He had figured out his plan before reaching the docking area. Making no secret of his presence, Chip whistled as he walked down the ramp. Spying Lee standing off to the side, half hidden by some crates, he stopped within hearing distance.

"It's a lovely night for a walk and what better sight to behold then Seaview. There's only a skeleton crew on board, wouldn't be too difficult to slip on her undetected. I've heard that's been done before."

Lee came out of the shadows. "That better not be the case, Mr. Morton, or I'll be up the watch section's six."

Chick turned casually, as if surprised to see Lee. "Oh, hi, Skipper, couldn't sleep and went out for a stroll?"

Lee's voice quivered a bit as he answered, "I had to see her, Chip. I needed to check out my gray lady."

"Can't blame you, she's quite a sight in the moonlight. It's getting late. Ready to head back?"

"Yeah, let's go." He stood unmoving for a moment more, his eyes on the majestic submarine.