Disclaimer: Neither Buggy nor I own anything even remotely related to Tortall. We just borrow the characters to play with.
A/N: I just got this from Buggy...it's hillarious...poor Raoul...
Buri looked down at her 53 year-old dead husband. With his skin so pale and lifleless he seemed like another person. It was ironic that everyone seemed cursed to die ridiculous deaths. Numair and his bookcase, George was mugged and now Raoul fell out of a tree.
It had been a fine, snowy day in Winter when Jon came forward with the news. A surprise attack was what had killed him. After many inappropriate jokes that shall not be mentioned he insulted the fiercest of all animals…The Squirrel by calling it "stupider than a chicken". Apparently while riding through the woods a squirrel had dropped a nut on his head. Once was fine, but when it happened 10 times something had to be done. So like a commander of the Own he dismounted and ran after the little bugger. Even though it was his fault for insulting such cute, furry animals.
By this time he was getting too old to be under such physical strain. What he knew was that all his men were laughing at him. That's all that mattered. With much effort and nasty sound effects he a hawk on a limb near the one he had climbed. Panicking he watched as the hawk was eaten by a Griffin. Now Griffins could be nasty creatures. Especially if they were having a bad hair day, mostly because they couldn't reach the lion part of their body, which this was having a really bad hair day. Hair stuck out every way imaginable. Sideways, snozzways, triangleways, and even diagonalways.
To say that it was pissed would be the understatement of the century. As if the situation could not get any worse, he was standing right next to it's nest. That was the second top number one rule. The first was be careful what you said to Alanna. You may wake up with no hair and a large sign plastered on your forehead reading "You got burned". Now back to the present situation. Carefully Raoul walked away from the nest. The bird/lion/thing stalked it's prey. In one easy swoop it pounced onto…Raoul's horse.
The Own had dispersed, the cowards that they were. In horror Raoul felt his feet slip, he grabbed the trunk of the tree and held on with all he had. Slowly the Squirrel (aka Buddy as we shall now call him for purposes of protecting his identity) descended from the branch he had hidden on.
Picking up his last missile he aimed, drew back and released. HIT! Right in the eye, a horrendous injury for a soldier in the King's Own. Raoul grabbed his eye and fell to his death.
Buri looked down once again at her husband and smiled. He should have known all those squirrel jokes would catch up to him one day.