Disclaimer: Not. Ours.
A/N: Wow, it's been a long time since Buggy and I actually got one of these up...anyways, we had a blast planning this one, but give Buggy all the credit for the majority of the hilarity - she was the one who wrote it.
Like any other normal day in Tortall, when they weren't fighting a war, or battling immortals, or even destroying evil mages bent on world domination, Alanna was making her way to Jon's office. And, just like any other day in Tortall, the sole purpose was to yell at him until he broke down in tears, or made George take her away.
"Jon, why did you give me another squire that I don't want, when I have made it very clear there will be no more survivors? Did I not mess Neal up enough for you to leave me alone?" In his normal Kingly daze he stared up at his Queen's portrait. With a contented sigh he replied, "Thayet." Now, most people don't know this, but in his old age King Jon contracted a deadly and incurable disease, the LISP (Or Lithp in his case)!!!!!
So Alanna merely thought that he was saying say it. "Say what, Jon?" Still paying no attention to his very angry champion, the King replied, "Thayet."
"Jon, if you don't stop saying that there will be consequences." Still mooning over his Queen, the King made a fatal mistake by repeating his answer to a very irate champion.
In her fury, Alanna grabbed the King, her sword, and a trunk of her clothing. Anyone who got in her way was harassed with her sword for a few short minutes. George, the only one who could calm her, was away on a mission, leaving everyone helpless. You may ask what of Numair? Well, he was dead at this point, and Daine was off somewhere in the woods playing with the chipmunks and squirrels (this was before Raoul died, the relationship between Wildmage and squirrel became estranged after that incident).
So the people of Tortall were left with a furious Lioness, and no one to save them. Making her way to the Lower City and into the Dancing Dove, Alanna forced Jon into one of her dresses. Let us hesitate for a moment and reflect on the sight of King Jonathan in a too small dress (bouts of hysterical laughter). Now back to the story, still using her sword, she forced him near the river.
In order to insure this never happened again, Alanna made him skip close to the edge so all the sailors and dock people could see him as they worked. Unknown to both of them, tragedy was about to strike. Jon slipped on an unseen rock in high heels and fell over the side of the bridge he had been skipping on. Falling into the water, he was smushed into a pancake by one of the oncoming boats.
Alanna watched in horror as the disaster occurred. Falling to her knees, she let out a scream of agony, and burst into tears. "That was George's favorite dress!" And so, the Great King Jonathan, wearer of dresses and a man of many lithpth, perished the death of an idiot.
A/N: Review, please!